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Author Topic: Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column  (Read 58101 times) Average Rating: 3
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Justin Kissel
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« Reply #1620 on: September 21, 2013, 07:33:06 PM »

Best accents by location:

1. Australia
2. Scotland
3. Ireland
4. New Zealand
5. Britain
6. France
...
...
...
2176. New Jersey
« Last Edit: September 21, 2013, 07:33:24 PM by Asteriktos » Logged
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« Reply #1621 on: September 23, 2013, 08:48:37 AM »

I liked this thread before Trisagion and Co. got a hold of it. Now it's just really bizarre.
I take this as the ultimate compliment.  Kiss

Am I employed by Trisagion & Co., LLP?  I need to see your liability certificates.  Besides, I haven't seen a paycheck yet.

The work is pro bono.  The reward is in the work.  Here's your bonus:

http://youtu.be/EPrSVkTRb24
In the ever-memorable words of sainted John of the Paychecks:  "Take This Job and Shove It!
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« Reply #1622 on: September 23, 2013, 08:52:05 AM »

I wish to hear more of Asteriktos' latest romantic conquests, mishaps, and efforts.  Lets get on this!
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« Reply #1623 on: September 23, 2013, 09:01:50 AM »

I wish to hear more of Asteriktos' latest romantic conquests, mishaps, and efforts.  Lets get on this!

Why?  Are you suffering from terminal boredom?
« Last Edit: September 23, 2013, 09:02:25 AM by J Michael » Logged

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« Reply #1624 on: September 23, 2013, 09:18:30 AM »

I wish to hear more of Asteriktos' latest romantic conquests, mishaps, and efforts.  Lets get on this!

Why?  Are you suffering from terminal boredom?
Asteriktos is nothing if not an excellent story teller.  A modern bard if you will. A Shakespeare of our time.
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« Reply #1625 on: September 23, 2013, 09:54:28 AM »

I wish to hear more of Asteriktos' latest romantic conquests, mishaps, and efforts.  Lets get on this!

Why?  Are you suffering from terminal boredom?
Asteriktos is nothing if not an excellent story teller.  A modern bard if you will. A Shakespeare of our time.

Well...I guess that settles it then.  His version of "Taming of the Shrew"  should be quite, well...."interesting".  Hopefully he will keep it short, put it into sonnet form, and write it in Esperanto.
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« Reply #1626 on: September 23, 2013, 10:34:09 AM »

I wish to hear more of Asteriktos' latest romantic conquests, mishaps, and efforts.  Lets get on this!

Why?  Are you suffering from terminal boredom?
Asteriktos is nothing if not an excellent story teller.  A modern bard if you will. A Shakespeare of our time.

Well...I guess that settles it then.  His version of "Taming of the Shrew"  should be quite, well...."interesting".  Hopefully he will keep it short, put it into sonnet form, and write it in Esperanto.

And replace the main characters with horses that partake of earwax.
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« Reply #1627 on: September 23, 2013, 01:20:22 PM »

I wish to hear more of Asteriktos' latest romantic conquests, mishaps, and efforts.  Lets get on this!

Why?  Are you suffering from terminal boredom?
Asteriktos is nothing if not an excellent story teller.  A modern bard if you will. A Shakespeare of our time.

Well...I guess that settles it then.  His version of "Taming of the Shrew"  should be quite, well...."interesting".  Hopefully he will keep it short, put it into sonnet form, and write it in Esperanto.

And replace the main characters with horses that partake of earwax.
ROFL I love inside baseball...
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« Reply #1628 on: September 23, 2013, 02:33:52 PM »

I wish to hear more of Asteriktos' latest romantic conquests, mishaps, and efforts.  Lets get on this!

Why?  Are you suffering from terminal boredom?
Asteriktos is nothing if not an excellent story teller.  A modern bard if you will. A Shakespeare of our time.

Well...I guess that settles it then.  His version of "Taming of the Shrew"  should be quite, well...."interesting".  Hopefully he will keep it short, put it into sonnet form, and write it in Esperanto.

And replace the main characters with horses that partake of earwax.
ROFL I love inside baseball...

Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Another aficionado of that sublime sport!  I just KNEW, in spite of your repeated moderatorial spats, that you were alright, Achronos!
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« Reply #1629 on: September 23, 2013, 04:23:02 PM »

Hey, so I know that since I broke up with Moni I haven't really talked about what is going on with me as far as dating, but that's because I decided to take a break for a bit. Sometimes you just need to simplify your life and get some perspective on what it's all about, ya know? Anyway, so a few weeks ago I met someone new, and we went out on our first date last night. Her name is Sophie, and I have to say that she has really surprised me with how wonderful she is.

When I first met her I really didn't have any thoughts about dating her. On my school website they were advertising that another local school, the University of Greensburg, was looking for research volunteers. Usually I don't go in for that sort of thing, but it was part of some neuroscience study, which is an area that I think will be making really huge breakthroughs pretty soon, and have a hugely positive impact on humanity, so I decided to sign up.

Sophie was running the study. She is not only a professor at UG, but also the chair of the Cognitive and Neuroscientifical Research department. Her main area of research is intergender relations and how various neuropsychological factors play into them. I guess she has sort of broadened her interests since graduate school, but she did her doctoral dissertation on how the scents in various sexual acts in sub-zero temperatures differs from the scents in those same sex acts in tropical climates, and how that impacts our perception of the other person not only as a lover, but also in how it has a profound impact on how we relate to them when it comes to gender. Fascinating stuff.

Anyway, so I went in a couple times a week and they would do tests. Sometimes they'd do visual tests, other times question and answer ones. Like they would ask you something like: "Suppose you had a 12 year old child who told you that they were gender fluid. What color would you suggest they paint their room?" (I answered mauve, fwiw) The visual tests were things like showing you (mostly scantily clad) pictures of all sorts of people, across the continuum of gender identities and preferences, with lots of people sort of in the middle (androgynous or whatever). Interestingly they specifically avoided using terms like "gender possibilities" because, as they said, we don't yet know how many genders there might possibly be.  So they took both self reports about attraction to the people, and also kept track of certain physical reactions, including sexual stimulation. I was fairly nervous, but Sophie was very comforting and reassuring, which helped.

So the last day came and I was in her office and Sophie told me about some of the preliminary findings they had come to, how the data collection was going, etc. I was stunned when she said that I was the least sexist person that they had tested, and as far as she knew that anyone in the study had tested (the study is apparently taking place jointly across 100 universities, with about 8,000 total volunteers). I said that couldn't be accurate, but she assured me that the data never lies. She said that while neuroscience wasn't infallible, it was nonetheless what she liked to call unfallible. Anyway, since Sophie was rather impressed, and since I thought she was totally hot, I asked her out, and she accepted.

The date was something pretty special. Her being an educated professor and all, I figured I better step up my game, so I made reservations at Le Pierre and dressed really classy like. I even shaved with a safety razor rather than my normal electric shaver... wanted to get that close, smooth thing going. I don't have a car at the moment so I went by the rental place to pick one up. I mean, I couldn't very well meet her on the bus! And certainly I couldn't let a girl pick me up, I'd be so ashamed if that happened.

So I picked her up at her house and we went to dinner. I didn't really understand what the menu said, and I was sort of embarrassed, but the last thing I wanted was for them to bring me that disgusting French food like snails or whatever, so when asked what I wanted I said with as much confidence as I could muster "Coq au Vin" and the dude said "very good." I'm glad I remember that from Top Chef! Anyway, so he asked what wine we wanted, and I asked what they had available that they would suggest, and so I just ordered whatever he said. Turned out to be pretty expensive as well, which sucked, but then it was my duty to pay for it.

So we ate the 1/4 portions they called a meal, and then tried to figure out what to do next. Museums and fancy stuff like that are a bit too far away to travel to after dinner, so we needed something local. She suggested a spoken word performance based on the poetry of John Greenleaf Whittier that was happening at a small little club in Greensburg, so we went to that. To be honest, while I generally like Whittier's stuff, I didn't much care for the performance itself. It seemed a bit contrived, and lacked the subtlety I had hoped for. However, just being in the company of Sophie was intoxicating, such that I felt almost woozy at certain points. Admittedly the alcohol might have helped.

We talked and talked afterwards about all sorts of people and places and ideas. We discovered a mutual admiration with regard to quite a few things as well, such as JRPGs, geeky girls with glasses, and hedonistic philosophy (though we both disavow the raw or simplistic forms of it). We talked about our hopes, our dreams, and all that kinda stuff. I am very much looking forward to seeing her again. I just don't know how I'm going to afford it.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2013, 04:33:49 PM by Asteriktos » Logged
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« Reply #1630 on: September 23, 2013, 04:27:46 PM »

Hey, so I know that since I broke up with Moni I haven't really talked about what is going on with me as far as dating, but that's because I decided to take a break for a bit. Sometimes you just need to simplify your life and get some perspective on what it's all about, ya know? Anyway, so a few weeks ago I met someone new, and we went out on our first date last night. Her name is Sophie, and I have to say that she has really surprised me with how wonderful she is.

When I first met her I really didn't have any thoughts about dating her. On my school website they were advertising that another local school, the University of Greensburg, was looking for research volunteers. Usually I don't go in for that sort of thing, but it was part of some neuroscience study, which is an area that I think will be making really huge breakthroughs pretty soon, and have a hugely positive impact on humanity, so I decided to sign up.

Sophie was running the study. She is not only a professor at UG, but also the chair of the Cognitive and Neuroscientifical Research department. Her main area of research is intergender relations and how various neuropsychological factors play into them. I guess she has sort of broadened her interests since graduate school, but she did her doctoral dissertation on how the scents in various sexual acts in sub-zero temperatures differs from the scents in those same sex acts in tropical climates, and how that impacts our perception of the other person not only as a lover, but also in how it has a profound impact on how we relate to them when it comes to gender. Fascinating stuff.

Anyway, so I went in a couple times a week and they would do tests. Sometimes they'd do visual tests, other times question and answer ones. Like they would ask you something like: "Suppose you had a 12 year old child who told you that they were gender fluid. What color would you suggest they paint their room?" (I answered mauve, fwiw) The visual tests were things like showing you (mostly scantily clad) pictures of all sorts of people, across the continuum of gender identities and preferences, with lots of people sort of in the middle (androgynous or whatever). Interestingly they specifically avoided using terms like "gender possibilities" because, as they said, we don't yet know how many genders there might possibly be.  So they took both self reports about attraction to the people, and also kept track of certain physical reactions, including sexual stimulation. I was fairly nervous, but Sophie was very comforting and reassuring, which helped.

So the last day came and I was in her office and Sophie told me about some of the preliminary findings they had come to, how the data collection was going, etc. I was stunned when she said that I was the least sexist person that they had tested, and as far as she knew that anyone in the study had tested (the study is apparently taking place jointly across 100 universities, with about 8,000 total volunteers). I said that couldn't be accurate, but she assured me that the data never lies. She said that while neuroscience wasn't infallible, it was nonetheless what she liked to call unfallible. Anyway, since Sophie was rather impressed, and since I thought she was totally hot, I asked her out, and she accepted.

The date was something pretty special. Her being a educated professor and all, I figured I better step up my game, so I made reservations at Le Pierre and dressed really classy like. I even shaved with a safety razor rather than my normal electric shaver... wanted to get that close, smooth thing going. I don't have a car at the moment so I went by the rental place to pick one up. I mean, I couldn't very well meet her on the bus! And certainly I couldn't let a girl pick me up, I'd be so ashamed if that happened.

So I picked her up at her house and we went to dinner. I didn't really understand what the menu said, and I was sort of embarrassed, but the last thing I wanted was for them to bring me that disgusting French food like snails or whatever, so when asked what I wanted I said with as much confidence as I could muster "Coq au Vin" and the dude said "very good." I'm glad I remember that from Top Chef! Anyway, so he asked what wine we wanted, and I asked what they had available that they would suggest, and so I just ordered whatever he said. Turned out to be pretty expensive as well, which sucked, but then it was my duty to pay for it.

So we ate the 1/4 portions they called a meal, and then tried to figure out what to do next. Museums and fancy stuff like that are a bit too far away to travel to after dinner, so we needed something local. She suggested a spoken word performance based on the poetry of John Greenleaf Whittier that was happening at a small little club in Greensburg, so we went to that. To be honest, while I generally like Whittier's stuff, I didn't much care for the performance itself. It seemed a bit contrived, and lacked the subtlety I had hoped for. However, just being in the company of Sophie was intoxicating, such that I felt almost woozy at certain points. Admittedly the alcohol might have helped.

We talked and talked afterwards about all sorts of people and places and ideas. We discovered a mutual admiration with regard to quite a few things as well, such as JPRGs, geeky girls with glasses, and hedonistic philosophy (though we both disavow the raw or simplistic forms of it). We talked about our hopes, our dreams, and all that kinda stuff. I am very much looking forward to seeing her again. I just don't know how I'm going to afford it.

More fasting, my brother, more fasting.

And, if that doesn't work, try some slowing. Wink
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« Reply #1631 on: September 23, 2013, 07:13:25 PM »

I make a motion to start a "Let's get Asteriktos on a second date" fund.  I volunteer J Michael to submit the first contribution.
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« Reply #1632 on: September 23, 2013, 07:50:03 PM »

I make a motion to start a "Let's get Asteriktos on a second date" fund.  I volunteer J Michael to submit the first contribution.

That would be much appreciated. Was it not with such generosity in mind that the great word-smith of our time, Pepper Keenan, said:

Ashes fall like rain / as the blind go insane
The shepherds fall to the feet of the martyr
Baptize with gasoline / holy flame unholy scene
As the ashes rise to the distant drummer

Don't let me fall into that unholy scene, fellow oc.net'ers!
« Last Edit: September 23, 2013, 07:50:47 PM by Asteriktos » Logged
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« Reply #1633 on: September 23, 2013, 11:23:46 PM »

Hey guys, Sophie sent me this pic. I can't wait till our next date! ♥

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« Reply #1634 on: September 23, 2013, 11:34:28 PM »

Is this thread satirical? I can't remember.
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« Reply #1635 on: September 23, 2013, 11:35:23 PM »

Is this thread satirical? I can't remember.

What kind of question is that?  Huh
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« Reply #1636 on: September 23, 2013, 11:53:39 PM »

Is this thread satirical? I can't remember.

What kind of question is that?  Huh
A yes or no question.
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« Reply #1637 on: September 23, 2013, 11:57:47 PM »

Reply #1633 - looks like Claire Danes.

Asteriktos, when will we see you on the red carpet or People magazine?
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« Reply #1638 on: September 24, 2013, 12:00:52 AM »

Is this thread satirical? I can't remember.

What kind of question is that?  Huh
A yes or no question.

I meant no offense, I just don't understand what would lead someone to ask such a question. I find it confusing.  Huh
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« Reply #1639 on: September 24, 2013, 12:02:52 AM »

Reply #1633 - looks like Claire Danes.

Asteriktos, when will we see you on the red carpet or People magazine?

Yeah a bit I suppose.

Claire:


Sophie:
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« Reply #1640 on: September 24, 2013, 12:40:40 AM »

Is this thread satirical? I can't remember.

What kind of question is that?  Huh
A yes or no question.

I meant no offense, I just don't understand what would lead someone to ask such a question. I find it confusing.  Huh

Because what you posted seemed like a parody to me but I wanted to know whether it fact in was meant in earnest.
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« Reply #1641 on: September 24, 2013, 12:54:37 AM »

Oh, ok, sorry about that then, I just thought people knew.
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« Reply #1642 on: September 24, 2013, 12:57:17 AM »

Oh, ok, sorry about that then, I just thought people knew.

Well... I think almost everyone does.
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« Reply #1643 on: September 24, 2013, 07:52:51 AM »

Is this thread satirical? I can't remember.

What kind of question is that?  Huh
A yes or no question.

I meant no offense, I just don't understand what would lead someone to ask such a question. I find it confusing.  Huh

Because what you posted seemed like a parody to me but I wanted to know whether it fact in was meant in earnest.
Asteriktos' love life is no parody, it is clear there is much deep searching for his one true love.  If Sophie is that person, I hope they have many years together of discussing her cognitive and neuroscientifical research.
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« Reply #1644 on: September 24, 2013, 08:07:12 AM »

"Neuroscientifical" made me smile, but "'Suppose you had a 12 year old child who told you that they were gender fluid. What color would you suggest they paint their room?' (I answered mauve, fwiw)" had me laughing riotously. 

Sophie > Claire Danes, based on those two photos.   
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« Reply #1645 on: September 24, 2013, 08:15:14 AM »

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« Reply #1646 on: September 24, 2013, 09:13:29 AM »

"Neuroscientifical" made me smile, but "'Suppose you had a 12 year old child who told you that they were gender fluid. What color would you suggest they paint their room?' (I answered mauve, fwiw)" had me laughing riotously. 

Sophie > Claire Danes, based on those two photos.   

 Huh"Gender fluid" Huh
  Does that come in bottles or cans?  Is is carbonated?  I have many other questions about this new substance, but will wait until these are answered first, as your answers to these questions may indeed provide answers to my other questions.  Thank you  Cool.
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« Reply #1647 on: September 24, 2013, 09:16:18 AM »

This is gender fluid.  Just mix until the consistency is right.

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« Reply #1648 on: September 24, 2013, 09:18:07 AM »

This is gender fluid.  Just mix until the consistency is right.



I'm stupid.  What is right consistency?  Why not until consistency is left?  Is this getting political?
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« Reply #1649 on: September 24, 2013, 09:23:05 AM »

Only you can determine the correct consistency. For more feminine gender, keep it more red.  For male, keep it more blue.  For something in the middle there is a whole range of purple to select from.

It really isn't that hard, J Michael.  It just requires some experimentation...
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« Reply #1650 on: September 24, 2013, 09:26:37 AM »

Only you can determine the correct consistency. For more feminine gender, keep it more red.  For male, keep it more blue.  For something in the middle there is a whole range of purple to select from.

It really isn't that hard, J Michael.  It just requires some experimentation...

But....where does it come from?  Do you have pics of the results of your own experiments to share with us?  That would be highly useful.
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« Reply #1651 on: September 24, 2013, 09:29:33 AM »

Did you not read Asteriktos' tome at ALL?  It clearly comes from the Cognitive and Neuroscientifical Research department. How anyone got a gender before that department was established, I'll never know.
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« Reply #1652 on: September 24, 2013, 09:32:01 AM »



Enjoy the decline.
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J Michael
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« Reply #1653 on: September 24, 2013, 09:39:08 AM »

Did you not read Asteriktos' tome at ALL?  It clearly comes from the Cognitive and Neuroscientifical Research department. How anyone got a gender before that department was established, I'll never know.

Of course I did not.  That would require more than 11 seconds of attention span on my part which I'm clearly incapable of and never was.  Did the department pull it out of Uranus?
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« Reply #1654 on: September 24, 2013, 10:39:41 AM »

Why would anyone call himself as a genderqueer?
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« Reply #1655 on: September 24, 2013, 10:47:01 AM »

Why would anyone call himself as a genderqueer?
Well, clearly a "himself" would not refer to one's self as a genderqueer.  It would be between a "himself" and a "herself", so I believe the appropriate terminology would be ether a "hirself" or "hemself".  It is important to be sensitive to all identities.  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #1656 on: September 24, 2013, 10:48:35 AM »

Why would anyone call himself as a genderqueer?

Because you can describe yourself as GQ without necessarily being GQ?
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« Reply #1657 on: September 24, 2013, 10:52:05 AM »

I'm so GQ.

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« Reply #1658 on: September 24, 2013, 10:55:55 AM »

I resent him for being Mr Rachel Weisz (♥).
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« Reply #1659 on: September 24, 2013, 10:56:36 AM »

I'm so GQ.



Wait..........!!! Shocked Huh Shocked Roll Eyes !!!  You're Daniel Craig  Shocked Shocked?
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« Reply #1660 on: September 24, 2013, 11:00:19 AM »

I'm so GQ.



Wait..........!!! Shocked Huh Shocked Roll Eyes !!!  You're Daniel Craig  Shocked Shocked?

Please, not so loud.  It if got out that I was an Orthodox catachumen, it would ruin my street cred.
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« Reply #1661 on: September 24, 2013, 11:10:08 AM »

I'm so GQ.



Wait..........!!! Shocked Huh Shocked Roll Eyes !!!  You're Daniel Craig  Shocked Shocked?

Please, not so loud.  It if got out that I was an Orthodox catachumen, it would ruin my street cred.

Ooopsies!
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« Reply #1662 on: September 24, 2013, 11:14:38 AM »

Why would anyone call himself as a genderqueer?
Well, clearly a "himself" would not refer to one's self as a genderqueer.  It would be between a "himself" and a "herself", so I believe the appropriate terminology would be ether a "hirself" or "hemself".  It is important to be sensitive to all identities.  Roll Eyes

There already is a gender-neutral pronoun.  It.
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« Reply #1663 on: September 24, 2013, 11:26:32 AM »

Enjoy the decline.
What decline ?
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« Reply #1664 on: September 24, 2013, 12:10:25 PM »


Indeed, what on earth is he talkin' 'bout?
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"May Thy Cross, O Lord, in which I seek refuge, be for me a bridge across the great river of fire.  May I pass along it to the habitation of life." ~St. Ephraim the Syrian
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