OrthodoxChristianity.net
July 23, 2014, 04:13:50 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Reminder: No political discussions in the public fora.  If you do not have access to the private Politics Forum, please send a PM to Fr. George.
 
   Home   Help Calendar Contact Treasury Tags Login Register  
Pages: 1   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Contradiction about life  (Read 523 times) Average Rating: 0
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Shiny
Site Supporter
Muted
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« on: July 20, 2011, 11:54:57 PM »

So much of success is determined by how it's perceived by others. Think about it. A friend of mine hates his life because everyone around him (many people, not necessarily everyone) apparently believe that he's a loser, and that he's wasting his life. Now there's no doubt that he's not living up to his potential (one of the most profound things we have in common) but I wouldn't consider him a loser, nor would I consider myself a loser. So what if we're making crap money at a crap job while our friends are making half our yearly income in a month. I guess we hang around some pretty successful people. At least by society's standards. Now here's the contradiction. If my friend didn't care how he was perceived, would he then not care what he does with his life, or what "class" he is in? If he surrounded himself primarily with people who wouldn't judge him based on his successes (or lack there of) would he be content? Is he just jealous?

I know that I can't be an IT guy for the rest of my life. I don't want to be. But right now this is the most stable thing I have, and I need to secure this while I think of a plan B. All I want out of life is to be comfortable enough to have the freedom to enjoy the little things. That's it. I wouldn't value myself any more than I already do if I were sitting in the top floor of a skyscraper sighing at the sight of a relatively disappointing 8 figure bottom line. I wouldn't value myself any less if I were earning my room by helping a poor family of 7 plant vegetables 12 hours a day. It doesn't matter to me where I am in other people's eyes, all I care about is having a fundamental understanding of life, people, and myself, while getting the most out of it.

I'm just worried that people who think the way I do are so few and far between that I won't have the opportunity to surround myself with folks who appreciate my perspective and value my company regardless. I'm worried that I'll be a 40 year old bachelor, never got married, still doing IT, still hoping to meet people who would appreciate me anyway, while my jealous friend picks up ground on the people who judge him. It's not a competition. I have a friend that mentioned having made over $12,000 last month alone and I was nothing but happy for him. But I'm getting the sense that at least in this society, the only prevailing attitude you can have is a capitalist one. They are the people who seem to dictate policy, and with a flick of their wrist they determine whatever paradigm we're destined to live in. It seems that I'm one of the last few people to realize that idealistic thinking has no place here. Life is so short, and the entire herd is kicking up change while charging toward money. I can either be lonely and trampled, or lonely and alone. Where do I go? What do I do? Is it even possible for someone like me to find happiness?

If I'm rich one day, I won't be satisfied, because my chances of meeting the kind of people I want to meet don't get any better. If I remain an under-achiever, I won't even get the superficial relationships that we seem to depend on to pacify ourselves while we wait for the right people to come along.

And so there it is. It doesn't matter what I do. All I can do is enlighten myself and figure out what makes me happy. What other people think doesn't matter. It really doesn't, no matter which class I end up in. If I really cared what people thought of me nothing could stop me from humoring them. I could end up rich and powerful. Whenever I feel strongly about something, I learn it quick and I do it well. I believe in my potential in society that much. But that's not what I want. It's not as simple as I'm too lazy to play this game, I really strongly dislike the game. This is my only life... why the heck should I play by someone else's rules?
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
orthonorm
Hoplitarches
*************
Offline Offline

Faith: Sola Gratia
Jurisdiction: Outside
Posts: 16,343



« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2011, 11:59:53 PM »

Once you buy that cat as that future you approaching 40 and single, you know you have given up.

If it is a dog, you just as finished but still are in denial about it.



Logged

Ignorance is not a lack, but a passion.
Justin Kissel
Formerly Asteriktos
Protospatharios
****************
Offline Offline

Faith: BZZT
Posts: 29,224


« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2011, 01:02:18 AM »

You break up with your girlfriend bro? I don't mean to be poking into your personal life, you just seem to be really down, even apart from the stuff you're talking about...
Logged
orthonorm
Hoplitarches
*************
Offline Offline

Faith: Sola Gratia
Jurisdiction: Outside
Posts: 16,343



« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2011, 08:23:41 AM »

You break up with your girlfriend bro? I don't mean to be poking into your personal life, you just seem to be really down, even apart from the stuff you're talking about...

What do you mean? I don't think he seems down . . .

(Curse you psychopathy!)
Logged

Ignorance is not a lack, but a passion.
IsmiLiora
Chronic Exaggerator
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: One step closer!
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America (GOA)
Posts: 3,434


Back by unpopular demand.


« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2011, 09:51:45 AM »

I greatly feel your pain, and I anticipate an equally long post ahead...

I've been struggling with my career direction, too.  While I do have friends who are struggling financially and with their careers, I also have friends that shot to the top of the charts. To cap it off, my sister, who just failed out of grad school, got a job about a month after applying AND it pays more than mine (and I work almost twice as much as she does). Please, shoot me. I know that she was entering a field that would earn a bigger salary, but I graduated with honors from undergrad with numerous recs and she failed grad school and STILL has a better salary?

Those things sting, especially since everyone is rich enough (or stupid enough) to attend grad school without a guarantee in this economy. I'm working my way up on the lowest rung in my field. I do some political writing, but to be honest, my heart hasn't been in it for years. Politics seems so ever-changing, and I happen to think that everyone's partially right and wrong without offering my own opinion in many cases. I'm not made for this field. I'm also dismayed about the current state of journalism, but everyone keeps urging me to go seek a higher position in that field, and I don't even think that I WANT it anymore.

I'm returning to my first love, foreign languages, which I bitterly regret not focusing on in college. Meanwhile, I'm working hours and hours at my poorly paying job and trying to find time to study at night, all while having a husband in the picture (I don't regret that whatsoever; it just makes every day life a little bit harder).

My friends even pity me for my financial state and purchase everything for me when we're together, despite my protests. Yesterday I asked a friend why she insisted on paying for my lunch and stole the check from right under me, after she traveled several hours just to see me. She basically, to sum it up, told me that she pitied me working long hours and studying so hard for no money. Such a slap in the face, even in her kindness. I felt completely dejected.

My husband and I are able to make just enough, with some savings at the end of the month. I am thrilled about this and so thankful, but when I'm around other people, I feel like they're just reminding me of my inadequacies once again. My charmed sister, who now thinks that it's easy to get a job in my field, is now giving me lectures on my career.  And at the end of the day, I know it's about money. It's not even my career. I know that it's about my financial situation. I feel like I have "DESERVES MORE, BUT IS TOO STUPID TO GET IT" stamped on my forehead. My professors are disappointed that my career wasn't working out the way that they expected it to.

And like I said; I'm actually climbing up quite nicely at the moment, but I feel like it'll never be enough. Even if I become a director at a small non-profit, I feel that others, with their six-figure salaries, will still continue to lecture me and pay for my lunch because I earn half of what they do.

And you know what? I am jealous of them. I do not want their lives for a second (not that they're bad, but I do value mine somewhat), but I am still jealous and self-conscious, as I think your friend truly is, Aposphet. Pray for him, and keep rising above this kind of thinking. It's really not easy and I'm glad that you don't see those of us who don't wish to join the rat race as "losers."


Wow, that was...unexpected for me to write. I am going to hit post before deleting it all, in the hopes that someone in a similar position will know that they are not alone.
Logged

She's touring the facility/and picking up slack.
--
"For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow." Ecclesiastes 1:18
--
I once believed in causes too, I had my pointless point of view --
Life went on no matter who was wrong or right
vamrat
Vamratoraptor
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Serbian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: New Gracanica
Posts: 7,439



« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2011, 10:42:05 AM »

Once you buy that cat as that future you approaching 40 and single, you know you have given up.

If it is a dog, you just as finished but still are in denial about it.



And if you currently drive a Ford Taurus you are well on your way...but hey, my brother and I (and by that I mean my brother and his friend...) were able to change the spark plugs and a new electrode for under $100 and in about 2 hours.  And it gets good gas mileage...kinda.

Aposphet and IsmiLiora, the serious posts that yours' warrant will follow after I've done some thinking.
Logged
vamrat
Vamratoraptor
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Serbian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: New Gracanica
Posts: 7,439



« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2011, 11:55:30 AM »

Aposphet - It looks like a lot of your issue is that success is often gauged in terms of money.  A couple of questions if I may ask - how old are you and how old are your friends that make more money?  If I had to guess you are in your VERY late teens or early twenties.  This was a pretty rough time for me.  Graduated college but didn't have a good job (security at a bank), no girlfriend and no hope at finding one.  In fact, my only real accomplishment was raising the stock for Stolichnaya and single-handedly paying the operating costs for the local bar.  I don't really know where I am going with this except to tell you that you aren't alone.  Life can be crap but there is hope.  Everything I got done saying was in the past tense for a reason.  If you are in fact in your early twenties, you are at one of the more difficult stages in life.  Those years suck because you've gone through the last two decades living a very regimented existence, under the authority of your parents and teachers and now you are on your own having to fend for yourself and make tough decisions.  Trust me, every year adds to your experience and it gets a whole lot better.  (Keep in mind I am 26 going on 27 in a couple months so when you are 23-34 the light at the end of the tunnel isn't really all that far away!)
Logged
Shanghaiski
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 7,964


Holy Trinity Church of Gergeti, Georgia


« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2011, 12:24:47 PM »

Hmmm, I'm past 30 and live with my dad, working at a job I like well enough but does not pay enough (considering school loan repayments) for me to live alone. Besides this are all sorts of personal and spiritual issues which are at times overwhelming--if I let them be. That's the key, I think. We should not be comparing ourselves to others. I don't mean to sound preachy here. It's very common, and sometimes unsympathetic and even well-meaning people say things they should not. Gone are the days, I think, when people wishing to do good for others would first of all consider the feelings of the person they were trying to help, so as not to humiliate them further (Jane Austen, anyone?). But, also, there is less ability to say thank you, not in a way that internalizes some personal failure, but in a way which merely acknowledges the other's kindness or attempt at kindness.

No one is a loser, really. We all have gifts from God which benefit ourselves and others. Real success in life is not determined by material goods or even the ability to support ourselves, nor by how well we have things figured out. Some people set their minds and hearts on these things, and even attain them, but then become sorely disappointed. Discontent is poverty, loneliness, and failure. It's not to say one should not try or strive, but that one should not make an end of the things for which one strives. There is only one, true, end, Christ.. Without that End in mind, no one will be truly happy either in this life or the eternal life.
Logged

Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
Quote from: orthonorm
I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.
vamrat
Vamratoraptor
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Serbian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: New Gracanica
Posts: 7,439



« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2011, 01:27:49 PM »

I greatly feel your pain, and I anticipate an equally long post ahead...

I've been struggling with my career direction, too.  While I do have friends who are struggling financially and with their careers, I also have friends that shot to the top of the charts. To cap it off, my sister, who just failed out of grad school, got a job about a month after applying AND it pays more than mine (and I work almost twice as much as she does). Please, shoot me. I know that she was entering a field that would earn a bigger salary, but I graduated with honors from undergrad with numerous recs and she failed grad school and STILL has a better salary?

Those things sting, especially since everyone is rich enough (or stupid enough) to attend grad school without a guarantee in this economy. I'm working my way up on the lowest rung in my field. I do some political writing, but to be honest, my heart hasn't been in it for years. Politics seems so ever-changing, and I happen to think that everyone's partially right and wrong without offering my own opinion in many cases. I'm not made for this field. I'm also dismayed about the current state of journalism, but everyone keeps urging me to go seek a higher position in that field, and I don't even think that I WANT it anymore.

I'm returning to my first love, foreign languages, which I bitterly regret not focusing on in college. Meanwhile, I'm working hours and hours at my poorly paying job and trying to find time to study at night, all while having a husband in the picture (I don't regret that whatsoever; it just makes every day life a little bit harder).

My friends even pity me for my financial state and purchase everything for me when we're together, despite my protests. Yesterday I asked a friend why she insisted on paying for my lunch and stole the check from right under me, after she traveled several hours just to see me. She basically, to sum it up, told me that she pitied me working long hours and studying so hard for no money. Such a slap in the face, even in her kindness. I felt completely dejected.

My husband and I are able to make just enough, with some savings at the end of the month. I am thrilled about this and so thankful, but when I'm around other people, I feel like they're just reminding me of my inadequacies once again. My charmed sister, who now thinks that it's easy to get a job in my field, is now giving me lectures on my career.  And at the end of the day, I know it's about money. It's not even my career. I know that it's about my financial situation. I feel like I have "DESERVES MORE, BUT IS TOO STUPID TO GET IT" stamped on my forehead. My professors are disappointed that my career wasn't working out the way that they expected it to.

And like I said; I'm actually climbing up quite nicely at the moment, but I feel like it'll never be enough. Even if I become a director at a small non-profit, I feel that others, with their six-figure salaries, will still continue to lecture me and pay for my lunch because I earn half of what they do.

And you know what? I am jealous of them. I do not want their lives for a second (not that they're bad, but I do value mine somewhat), but I am still jealous and self-conscious, as I think your friend truly is, Aposphet. Pray for him, and keep rising above this kind of thinking. It's really not easy and I'm glad that you don't see those of us who don't wish to join the rat race as "losers."


Wow, that was...unexpected for me to write. I am going to hit post before deleting it all, in the hopes that someone in a similar position will know that they are not alone.

What field is your sister in?  It looks like you are in journalism.  Political correspondence?  I am going to plead ignorant as to what all is involved in journalism but for the record, I graduated with honors.  I majored in History with a minor in Russian.  Would you like fries with that?  In my house I make the least money.  Both of them are college drop outs, and I don't mean grad school frop outs - community college drop outs.  One is a guard at a nuclear plant and to be honest, I don't begrudge him it.  I will trade 8-10k a year for not having to work rotating 12 hour shifts.  His sleep cycle is just plain broke.  My brother is a diesel mechanic.  First, I don;t have the skill or training that he does so there is no way I could do his job.  If I could, I wouldn't want to.  Every couple of months he comes home with a smashed digit.  He's missing the tip of one of his finger bones and the rest is crooked.  In addition he inhales more chemicals than some WWI veterans and is constantly covered in grease and at least once has come home coated in feces when the septic tank on a truck blew up.  Nope, my pay rate comes with an air conditioned office, normal work hours, and injuries are an extraordinary occurrence.  Perhaps there is something crappy about your sister's job?  If not then I got nothing, chalk it up to fate!   Wink

The main thing to look at instead of money is the fact that you are married and I assume happily so.  Screw the money, if you guys have a successful marriage in this hell-bound society, you get the gold medal!  A good strong family will give you happiness in the worst of times.
Logged
IsmiLiora
Chronic Exaggerator
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: One step closer!
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America (GOA)
Posts: 3,434


Back by unpopular demand.


« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2011, 05:27:47 PM »

Vamrat, your post was not in vain! I've got a ton of work and am suffering some mild tendinitis right now, so I'm not posting as much, but I will definitely respond ASAP. An encouraging post like yours definitely will not go unanswered. Wink
Logged

She's touring the facility/and picking up slack.
--
"For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow." Ecclesiastes 1:18
--
I once believed in causes too, I had my pointless point of view --
Life went on no matter who was wrong or right
Shiny
Site Supporter
Muted
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2011, 10:25:42 PM »

Haha actually no. I'm extremely happy. She's on vacation so that leave me to be more introspective Wink
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Justin Kissel
Formerly Asteriktos
Protospatharios
****************
Offline Offline

Faith: BZZT
Posts: 29,224


« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2011, 10:59:53 PM »

Ok, good to hear Smiley
Logged
Poppy
OC.net guru
*******
Offline Offline

Faith: Muslim
Jurisdiction: Hanbali fiqh
Posts: 1,030

onlytwatsusetwitter
WWW
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2011, 02:35:57 AM »

All I want out of life is to be comfortable enough to have the freedom to enjoy the little things. That's it.
really?? Thas all you want huh?? Like what?? Be pacific....what little things??

Quote
all I care about is having a fundamental understanding of life, people, and myself, while getting the most out of it.
what is getting the most out of life TO YOU?? What does that even mean??

Quote
I'm just worried that people who think the way I do are so few and far between that I won't have the opportunity to surround myself with folks who appreciate my perspective and value my company regardless. I'm worried that I'll be a 40 year old bachelor, never got married, still doing IT, still hoping to meet people who would appreciate me anyway,

Like how much appreciation do you need?? because i don't think any ppl get much anywhere they are in life.


Quote
It seems that I'm one of the last few people to realize that idealistic thinking has no place here. Life is so short, and the entire herd is kicking up change while charging toward money. I can either be lonely and trampled, or lonely and alone. Where do I go? What do I do? Is it even possible for someone like me to find happiness?
(a) lonely and trampled
(b) lonely and alone
(c) none of the above

Quote
If I'm rich one day, I won't be satisfied, because my chances of meeting the kind of people I want to meet don't get any better. If I remain an under-achiever, I won't even get the superficial relationships that we seem to depend on to pacify ourselves while we wait for the right people to come along.
what du mean "wait"?? Well if your going to wait....then yeah you will end up 40 and still in IT with no proper friends that you want.

Quote
And so there it is. It doesn't matter what I do. All I can do is enlighten myself and figure out what makes me happy.
You just said what would make you happy....rich, with people who appreciate you and have the same view as you and that you will be married.

Quote
What other people think doesn't matter. It really doesn't,
your saying that but what you wrote says something diffrent and the fact you are like "It really doesn't..." it really does matter to you or you wouldn't be trying to convince yourself by saying it twice.
Logged
Tags:
Pages: 1   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.075 seconds with 40 queries.