Author Topic: I'm squandering my life  (Read 2896 times)

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Offline Volnutt

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I'm squandering my life
« on: July 11, 2011, 08:24:06 PM »
Please pray for me. I'm drowning in my own sloth. Prayer is a struggle, work, exercise. I'm so lonely, I have almost no friends in real life but reaching out to people is so hard for me. I don't think I have any social disorders or anything, I'm just kind of consumed with despondency.

I need to stop living on the internet, but it's almost the only place I feel alive. School frightens me to death and my future just seems hopeless.

Reading about the faith on the net is easy, living it is proving extremely difficult.

Offline FrChris

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2011, 08:27:15 PM »
Lord have mercy!

Not to be too personal, but have you spoken to a counselor? If depression and despondancy is this much of a factor in your life, maybe a visit to talk to someone, hear of a different way to look at things, learn some coping skills, etc. may help you.
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Offline Philoumenos

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2011, 08:32:50 PM »
Lord have mercy on and bring Volnutt into your Church.

Lord, please send Volnutt the friend he needs right now!

Amen,

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Offline biro

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2011, 08:37:14 PM »
Lord, have mercy.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2011, 08:43:05 PM »
Lord have mercy!

Not to be too personal, but have you spoken to a counselor? If depression and despondancy is this much of a factor in your life, maybe a visit to talk to someone, hear of a different way to look at things, learn some coping skills, etc. may help you.
I'm on antidepressants and I was seeing a counselor, but after we left the church he was attached to, that petered out.

I should really find someone else. The thought of seeing a psychologist or secular counselor kind of bothers me, so hopefully I'll find a new church soon Orthodox or otherwise.

Offline ialmisry

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2011, 08:57:19 PM »
Lord have mercy!
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Offline Cognomen

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2011, 08:58:52 PM »
Lord, have mercy. 
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Offline stavros_388

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2011, 09:06:11 PM »
Lord have mercy!
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Offline zekarja

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2011, 09:09:11 PM »
Lord, have mercy!

Offline sainthieu

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2011, 09:13:33 PM »
You're not going to church? You have to get back into church immediately. These are, indeed, trying times--among the worst I have ever personally experienced. (Frankly, I get a little despondent about the future myself sometimes.) Now, more than ever, we have to cling to the Lord's hand. This is not the time to try to go it alone. Visit a couple of Orthodox churches, and start communing. Stop beating yourself up for not praying every day. Just get to church.

One thing that helps get me out of such moods is serving others. Oddly, there's nothing like helping someone else to take you totally outside your mood and make you feel alive: it's better than Prozac. What should you do? Well, we are all called to be servants. Unless otherwise instructed, that's every Christian's personal ministry. Go out and serve. Plenty of people have lost their jobs and need help of various kinds: food, shelter--an empathetic ear. Find out if your church is involved in any social service ministries, and volunteer for one of them.

I've been to counselors; one good friend is worth a hundred counselors. The things about working on aid projects is that you run into good-hearted people with similar interests--people who often turn into friends. It's a high-percentage play.

You are in my prayers.

PS. If you are still going to school, you are way too young to be claiming that you are "squandering" your life. Nevertheless, get off the couch and go help someone.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2011, 09:14:58 PM by sainthieu »

Offline Shiny

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2011, 09:17:49 PM »
I'm in the same position.

Pray for me as well.
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Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2011, 11:20:19 PM »
You're not going to church? You have to get back into church immediately. These are, indeed, trying times--among the worst I have ever personally experienced. (Frankly, I get a little despondent about the future myself sometimes.) Now, more than ever, we have to cling to the Lord's hand. This is not the time to try to go it alone. Visit a couple of Orthodox churches, and start communing. Stop beating yourself up for not praying every day. Just get to church.

One thing that helps get me out of such moods is serving others. Oddly, there's nothing like helping someone else to take you totally outside your mood and make you feel alive: it's better than Prozac. What should you do? Well, we are all called to be servants. Unless otherwise instructed, that's every Christian's personal ministry. Go out and serve. Plenty of people have lost their jobs and need help of various kinds: food, shelter--an empathetic ear. Find out if your church is involved in any social service ministries, and volunteer for one of them.

I've been to counselors; one good friend is worth a hundred counselors. The things about working on aid projects is that you run into good-hearted people with similar interests--people who often turn into friends. It's a high-percentage play.

You are in my prayers.

PS. If you are still going to school, you are way too young to be claiming that you are "squandering" your life. Nevertheless, get off the couch and go help someone.
I'm really going to try this Sunday, if I can't muster up the courage to ask my mom to drive me to the Orthodox Church, I'll go to the LCMS one.

Thanks for your prayers, folks. They mean a lot to me.  :)

I'll pray for you, Aposphet.

Offline akimori makoto

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2011, 11:23:50 PM »
You are both in my prayers.

Lord, help them, save them, have mercy on them and keep them.
The Episcopallian road is easy and wide, for many go through it to find destruction. lol sorry channeling Isa.

Offline SolEX01

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2011, 11:42:26 PM »
Lord have Mercy.

Offline tesfa mariam

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #14 on: July 15, 2011, 07:30:08 PM »
i go to school, i also don't have a single friend. i left all of them back home when i came here to live. i don't have any social life. my daily life is from school to home and from home to school. i don't go out. and i don't want to go out. i may not have friends but i got family. i know a family can't be like friends; but i've seen people who cry to god for a mother or a sister like mine. we think its something that we need. . .but may god look deep in to you and give you what you need. if its a friend that you really need, then may god answer our prayers lead you to one. Amen :)

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #15 on: July 15, 2011, 07:42:28 PM »
i go to school, i also don't have a single friend. i left all of them back home when i came here to live. i don't have any social life. my daily life is from school to home and from home to school. i don't go out. and i don't want to go out. i may not have friends but i got family. i know a family can't be like friends; but i've seen people who cry to god for a mother or a sister like mine. we think its something that we need. . .but may god look deep in to you and give you what you need. if its a friend that you really need, then may god answer our prayers lead you to one. Amen :)
Thank you. :) And I'm glad you have such a good relationship with your family.

Online augustin717

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #16 on: July 15, 2011, 09:24:48 PM »
Y
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ou're not going to church? You have to get back into church immediately. These are, indeed, trying times--among the worst I have ever personally experienced. (Frankly, I get a little despondent about the future myself sometimes.) Now, more than ever, we have to cling to the Lord's hand. This is not the time to try to go it alone. Visit a couple of Orthodox churches, and start communing. Stop beating yourself up for not praying every day. Just get to church
I want to point out that merely not going to church is not going to throw anybody into depression and just going to church isn't a cure for it, either.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #17 on: July 15, 2011, 09:34:52 PM »
I know. I need it in my life though.

Offline orthonorm

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #18 on: July 15, 2011, 09:45:50 PM »
I want to point out that merely not going to church is not going to throw anybody into depression and just going to church isn't a cure for it, either.

When don't you speak truth?
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Offline xariskai

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #19 on: July 15, 2011, 09:53:23 PM »
You are in my prayers. Lord have mercy.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #20 on: July 15, 2011, 10:02:07 PM »
Thanks.

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #21 on: July 15, 2011, 11:24:17 PM »
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy.
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Offline Wyatt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #22 on: July 16, 2011, 02:02:36 AM »
Oh wow...this sounds almost word for word how I feel sometimes. I struggle with anxiety, and it seems that anxiety and depression go hand in hand. They're like two sides of the same coin. Pass some prayer my way too.

Lord have mercy!
« Last Edit: July 16, 2011, 02:03:37 AM by Wyatt »

Offline Phoenix73

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #23 on: July 16, 2011, 07:22:31 AM »
Lord Have Mercy

Offline sainthieu

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #24 on: July 16, 2011, 10:00:41 AM »
I want to point out that merely not going to church is not going to throw anybody into depression and just going to church isn't a cure for it, either.

I'm searching in vain to see where anyone said that merely not going to church could be the cause of depression.

Nope. Can't see it.

It may not cause depression, but if you're feeling isolated, it's sure going to help.

But thanks for your opinion.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2011, 10:08:47 AM by sainthieu »

Offline ilyazhito

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #25 on: July 16, 2011, 06:59:51 PM »
Lord have mercy!
 May He help you.
 Volnutt, what's going on?
Cheer up!

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #26 on: July 16, 2011, 09:13:15 PM »
Nothing at the moment, just woke from a nap. I'm going to take a walk soon, hopefully I'll make it to a church tomorrow. Thanks for asking :).

Offline loser

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #27 on: July 19, 2011, 10:14:11 PM »
Lord Have Me-e-e-e-ercy!!!!!!!

Offline Nero

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #28 on: July 20, 2011, 05:29:15 PM »
Lord have mercy!

Offline JamesRottnek

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #29 on: July 20, 2011, 06:18:37 PM »
Lord have mercy on your servant.
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Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #30 on: July 20, 2011, 06:25:16 PM »
Thanks, folks.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #31 on: July 21, 2011, 07:50:08 PM »
That's it. I can't take it anymore. Everything I read and see online about Christianity is just tearing me apart.

Maybe I'll never know where the true church is after all. *sigh*

Either way, I've got to leave the net before I lose my mind.





Thank you so much for your prayers.

I'll always remember you guys gratefully.

Offline Jason.Wike

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #32 on: July 21, 2011, 08:17:48 PM »
Well, you shouldn't worry about these things so much. They are all pretty normal concerns. People often think things are much harder than they actually are, and they make themselves unnecessarily anxious.

Also, don't expect over night to be "completed" either in a spiritual or worldly sense. Life is a never ending process, and if you ever feel complete or that you've done everything there is to do you've probably really only stagnated. Just take one day at a time, and doing new things becomes easier and easier. Its normal to be anxious about the future (since you sound young - could be wrong?) because you have not had the experiences you need to become confident in yourself yet.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #33 on: July 22, 2011, 04:07:54 AM »
Thanks. I'm 25.

I guess I won't leave. It just seems like there's always another argument over the horizon, whether Protestant or Orthodox-always another book, always another blog post... I just don't know what to do.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2011, 04:10:28 AM by Volnutt »

Offline Jason.Wike

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #34 on: July 22, 2011, 11:47:27 AM »
Oh, I hope that didn't sound rude/stupid... :-\ I'm 25 also.

If you are afraid to ask your mother to drive you to an Orthodox church maybe someone at one of the nearby ones would be willing to pick you up?

Offline Jason.Wike

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #35 on: July 22, 2011, 11:51:43 AM »
Y
Quote
ou're not going to church? You have to get back into church immediately. These are, indeed, trying times--among the worst I have ever personally experienced. (Frankly, I get a little despondent about the future myself sometimes.) Now, more than ever, we have to cling to the Lord's hand. This is not the time to try to go it alone. Visit a couple of Orthodox churches, and start communing. Stop beating yourself up for not praying every day. Just get to church
I want to point out that merely not going to church is not going to throw anybody into depression and just going to church isn't a cure for it, either.

If someone is used to it, it probably could put them in a depression. If you've never known not being part of a community and having something particular to do every Sunday morning that you look forward to, having it happen for the first time in adulthood could be very difficult.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #36 on: July 22, 2011, 01:40:38 PM »
Oh, I hope that didn't sound rude/stupid... :-\ I'm 25 also.
You're fine. I'm not exactly the poster boy for "normally developed."

If you are afraid to ask your mother to drive you to an Orthodox church maybe someone at one of the nearby ones would be willing to pick you up?
She'd still have to know I was going there.

Now I'm having a lot of my older problems with Orthodoxy resurface, unfortunately.

Offline TristanCross

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #37 on: July 22, 2011, 02:37:42 PM »
Lord, have mercy!

I struggle with this too
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Offline ilyazhito

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #38 on: July 22, 2011, 08:31:19 PM »
Lord have Mercy!
Volnutt, what are your problems with Orthodoxy?

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #39 on: July 22, 2011, 09:49:07 PM »
Lord have Mercy!
Volnutt, what are your problems with Orthodoxy?
The excessive language of the Akathists (and Parakleses) to Saints and the Theotokos (I know the arguments in defense of them but it looks like this is more an intuition/conscience issue on my part).

Saints such as Justinian, Vladimir, Olaf, and Epiphanius who persecuted non-Christians and heterodox. Even if I could condone the killings and banishments, they still often used methods of execution and torture that seem positively sadistic.

Votives, Saint Benedict medals and other things which strike me as superstition if not witchcraft.

The Russian tradition's practice of the priest actually saying, "I absolve you" instead of leaving that to Christ (you might think this is mere Protestant Confession-phobia but it's important to me).

I still have many lingering doubts regarding the Church's view of Scripture as authority.

The Church's insistence on giving wine to alcoholics in communion.

There are other issues that I'm not sure are really problems, but these are probably the big ones. No offense intended on any of the above.

Offline HabteSelassie

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #40 on: July 22, 2011, 10:07:13 PM »
Greetings in that Divine and Most Precious Name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!


The first thing to acknowledge as that our realities is God's reality, and so you can't waste, squander, destroy, or lose anything outside of His Grace.  A bird doesn't even drop from the sky without His notice, let alone our daily distresses and situations which are real enough.  When we learn to embrace each moment of God's reality win or lose, that's when we began to get the healing we need.  Our minds don't make sense, neither can they, and we can't therefore entirely trust them.  Its our heart which is real, which experiences God, which knows intuitively how to guide our lives in His Will.  So that being said, let His Grace change your attitude and realize that every moment is His moment with you, and it is all part in parcel with that same Eternity.  Each moment counts as much as the next or the last one, win or lose, seemingly good or bad, so all we can really do is try our best at all times to forgive ourselves, to forgive others, and to forgive God.  From there, its an uphill climb but in the right direction.

The Jesus Prayer really does help, and I would hope that as others have suggested, really stay close with your priest, particularly perhaps develop a Confessor relationship, that Divine Mystery of Repentance is the spiritual/psychological healing where God gives the us the Grace to tackle life headstrong.  The key is humility, its not your fault, its not my fault, its not anybody's fault at all, but God is ever-present and in control.  The key is spiritual surrendering, and it takes a discipline in and of itself.  This is why we have Divinely Ordained (Divine Mystery) clergy to facilitate the Mystery of Repentance/Confession that we can learn to find healing. 
By the way, I know its almost getting glib, but I can't recommend it enough.



Stay Blessed,
Habte Selassie
"Yet stand aloof from stupid questionings and geneologies and strifes and fightings about law, for they are without benefit and vain." Titus 3:10

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #41 on: July 22, 2011, 10:17:23 PM »
Thanks, HabteSelassie.

I actually had a small victory day, I was able to finally get up the energy to finish my paperwork for school. Thank God.

Offline akimori makoto

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #42 on: July 27, 2011, 07:15:17 AM »
These two stood out to me, a little bit:

I still have many lingering doubts regarding the Church's view of Scripture as authority.

This is the easiest one! The Orthodox view is pretty much unassailable.

The Church's insistence on giving wine to alcoholics in communion.

We don't give wine to anyone in communion.
The Episcopallian road is easy and wide, for many go through it to find destruction. lol sorry channeling Isa.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #43 on: July 27, 2011, 07:41:26 AM »
These two stood out to me, a little bit:

I still have many lingering doubts regarding the Church's view of Scripture as authority.

This is the easiest one! The Orthodox view is pretty much unassailable.
I hope you're right. I'm not sure how to satisfy myself completely on this point, though.
The Church's insistence on giving wine to alcoholics in communion.

We don't give wine to anyone in communion.
Ask Father Ambrose how many deacons he's seen looking a bit tipsy after finishing the chalices on an stomach.

Offline elephant

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #44 on: July 27, 2011, 07:47:10 AM »
Dear Volnutt, I know someone who is communed with the reserved Sacrament from Holy Thursday which is used for communion of those who due to illness or disability and can not attend Liturgy.  Love, e.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #45 on: July 27, 2011, 07:49:20 AM »
Dear Volnutt, I know someone who is communed with the reserved Sacrament from Holy Thursday which is used for communion of those who due to illness or disability and can not attend Liturgy.  Love, e.
I'm sorry, I don't see your point.

Offline elephant

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #46 on: July 27, 2011, 07:54:20 AM »
Sorry.  With a particle from the reserved Sacrament this person may receive Holy Communion without any fear of wine causing an alcoholic relapse since the reserved Sacrament is thoroughly dried.  Usually when the sick are communed, the reserved Sacrament is mixed with a little non-consecrated wine.  But for this situation, a little hot water is used instead.  Love, e.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #47 on: July 27, 2011, 08:31:23 AM »
Oh. I didn't know that. Thanks!  :)

Offline Tikhon.of.Colorado

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #48 on: July 27, 2011, 10:11:22 AM »
Lord, have mercy!!!

Offline Hiwot

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #49 on: August 01, 2011, 02:33:31 AM »
Dearest, do not be afraid, the One you seek is also seeking for you. He will teach you how to love, how to live within His house. even as you come face to face with your cross, the Comfortor will come, He will be there, do not be afraid.may I dare to suggest a time of service? volenteer work, at hospitals , nursing homes, soup kitchens, or wherever there is the need? for love heals many that practice her.May the Lord bless you with what you need at this time, His will be done! Lord Jesus Christ,Son of the Living God , have mercy on us!
O Christ Save us! Lord Jesus protect us!
To God be the Glory in all things! Amen!

Only pray for me, that God would give me both inward and outward strength, that I may not only speak, but truly will; and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. St.Ignatius of Antioch.Epistle to the Romans.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #50 on: August 01, 2011, 02:41:16 AM »
I wish I could volunteer. I'm too busy getting ready for a busy semester right now. Thanks, though.

Offline Hiwot

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #51 on: August 01, 2011, 02:58:13 AM »
 I understand, forgive me, may God help you with your work . may He give you the initiative to start what needs to be started, the strength to finish what is started, the grace to do it all well and may the Lord bless the labor of your hands. Amen,Lord have mercy!
To God be the Glory in all things! Amen!

Only pray for me, that God would give me both inward and outward strength, that I may not only speak, but truly will; and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. St.Ignatius of Antioch.Epistle to the Romans.

Offline Volnutt

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Re: I'm squandering my life
« Reply #52 on: August 01, 2011, 03:00:01 AM »
Nothing to apologize for  :).