Thank you for your honesty and openness. It is very refreshing. I’m sure that your words convey the feelings of many people in the world, but most are too afraid to express the pain of their heart.
I do not pretend to have any advice, as I myself am struggling with my own painful circumstances at this time in my life. I know that there are so many people in the world who are suffering worse than I am, and yet the pain I feel is very real. So, do not be ashamed of your broken heart, for Our Lord came to heal the sick, not those who are well.
I really believe that Our Lord loves those that the world ignores in a special way. The unborn, the homeless, and the brokenhearted are of great importance to Him. A broken and contrite heart, God will not despise. So, it appears to me that you are closer to God than you may realize.
I wish I had some profound words of comfort to offer, and I don’t want to be guilty of merely quoting chapter and verse to you. I know from experience that all the theological and biblical truth in the world does not always bring healing to a hurting heart. But we cry out to God anyway, trying to pray harder in the midst of our pain, trusting that somehow, in some way, Our Lord hears and answers us. And it may only be on the other side of the threshold of eternity that we understand how our prayers have been answered.
I will pray for you dear brother.