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Author Topic: Please pray for my true repentance  (Read 834 times) Average Rating: 0
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David Carroll
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Holy Ephraim, pray for us!


« on: June 15, 2011, 06:35:43 PM »

Please bear with me.  I feel I must open myself up.  This is a big burden and I feel I must let someone know.  I know the orthodoxically defined way of saying what I need to say is to see my priest, but my priest only serves Divine Liturgy and then immediately goes back home to Charleston, WV.  I have no friends and I'm too ashamed to confess to my family.

I'm terribly lonely.  I chase people away who try to get close and am afraid of almost everyone.  I've felt lonely my whole life and I feel like the world "leaves me out".  I have never had a girlfriend and am always terribly conscious of this fact.  I know that is only a "worldly" sorrow but its burden always bears heavily on me....even before thoughts of God.  Everytime I see a guy with a pretty woman, I feel that a grave injustice has been done to me and that she is rightfully mine somehow (as some sort of vaguely "just" compensation for my own loneliness).  I want so badly to be loved by the world but no one pays me any mind.  This hurts me so much that I do spiteful things to people in the hope that if they can't love me, they can at least HATE me (this would somehow make me more than nothing or of no account).  I'm terribly envious of everyone and almost everything I do revolves around me trying to make myself loved for something (whether reading heavy philosophy to appear smart or working out to appear physically beautiful), but it all comes to nothing. Pray that God would heal me, that He would show me that His love matters more than anyone else's.  Pray that God would give me tears of sorrow for the wretched state of my soul and that I would be brought to true repentance.  Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy one my soul!
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Pray that God would deliver me from hatred and pride.
Gebre Menfes Kidus
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« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2011, 07:08:03 PM »

Thank you for your honesty and openness. It is very refreshing. I’m sure that your words convey the feelings of many people in the world, but most are too afraid to express the pain of their heart.

I do not pretend to have any advice, as I myself am struggling with my own painful circumstances at this time in my life. I know that there are so many people in the world who are suffering worse than I am, and yet the pain I feel is very real. So, do not be ashamed of your broken heart, for Our Lord came to heal the sick, not those who are well.

I really believe that Our Lord loves those that the world ignores in a special way. The unborn, the homeless, and the brokenhearted are of great importance to Him. A broken and contrite heart, God will not despise. So, it appears to me that you are closer to God than you may realize.

I wish I had some profound words of comfort to offer, and I don’t want to be guilty of merely quoting chapter and verse to you. I know from experience that all the theological and biblical truth in the world does not always bring healing to a hurting heart. But we cry out to God anyway, trying to pray harder in the midst of our pain, trusting that somehow, in some way, Our Lord hears and answers us. And it may only be on the other side of the threshold of eternity that we understand how our prayers have been answered.

I will pray for you dear brother.

Selam
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"If you stop to throw stones at every dog that barks at you along the way, you will never reach your goal." [Turkish Proverb]
ozgeorge
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« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2011, 06:12:45 AM »

Lord have mercy.
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David Carroll
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Holy Ephraim, pray for us!


« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2011, 09:10:41 AM »

Thank you.
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Pray that God would deliver me from hatred and pride.
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« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2011, 09:48:42 AM »

Remember my friend, Adam was probably lonely too. Thats why God made Eve because lonliness is nothing to be ashamed of.

primuspilus
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« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2011, 10:33:42 AM »

Lord Jesus Christ have mercy.

Just a thought: send the priest an email or hand him a written note the next time you see him asking for a few minutes to confess your sins.
« Last Edit: June 16, 2011, 10:34:05 AM by Maria » Logged

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« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2011, 10:50:56 AM »

Lord, have mercy.
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CBGardner
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« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2011, 11:00:20 AM »

Quote
it appears to me that you are closer to God than you may realize.

I totally agree.
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« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2011, 11:14:34 AM »

Lord have mercy.
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« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2011, 01:42:06 PM »

Lord, have mercy.


Try to realize that people become accustomed to their given situation. Even if it's bad. For example, the kid picked on in class will feel uncomfortable (at least subconsciously) with not being picked on; he's know this for a long time, and a different situation is unfamiliar and possibly frightening (he wouldn't know how to act). Therefore, when you find yourself venturing out of a familiar rut in society, you must remember this, so you can help keep yourself from unintentionally recreating your prior life experience.

I would also pray for God's strength to venture out in becoming a new and better person.
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I'm going to need this.
Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)
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« Reply #10 on: June 17, 2011, 03:19:59 PM »

Lord have mercy.

David--pray that His will be done; whatever happens will then be good. It may not be what you want or expect but it will be the very best thing for you.
« Last Edit: June 17, 2011, 03:20:32 PM by Second Chance » Logged

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« Reply #11 on: June 18, 2011, 01:38:16 AM »

Lord have mercy.

Have faith.  Things will get better for you.  I know it may be hard to believe right now, but you've got to have hope that they will.
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Men may dislike truth, men may find truth offensive and inconvenient, men may persecute the truth, subvert it, try by law to suppress it. But to maintain that men have the final power over truth is blasphemy, and the last delusion. Truth lives forever, men do not.
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« Reply #12 on: June 18, 2011, 03:56:39 AM »

Amen.
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