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Author Topic: Kids these days!  (Read 1243 times) Average Rating: 0
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FrChris
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« on: May 18, 2011, 06:46:29 PM »

OK; I had been asked a question by someone and I thought I'd bring it up here...

In a nutshell, some friends of a person believe she is making a colossal mistake and somehow want me to talk her out of it. She is in her late 20's, and has recently been going out with a young man. Looking at their Facebook pages, they acknowledged they were in a relationship recently, and within 20 days of this acknowledgement have announced their engagement. The friends would like me to talk her out of this, which I am reluctant to step in at this point since I have no 'official' relationship with the person (i.e.,I'm not her priest or the one who will marry her, and I don't even know if they'll be having a Church wedding).

So, my question is this: am I so old that I am waaaay out of touch here, or does a 20 day courtship seem really short to others as well? What do y'all think about this?
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« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2011, 06:53:36 PM »

In general that seems very quick to me, but everyone's different. Mary and I got engaged after about 7 in-person dates, along with talking on the phone/net for a couple months. Not sure if our marriage would be a mark for or against doing it quickly Cheesy I'm not so sure about intervening though... it could help, I guess, if they were open to advice, but it could also backfire and make them even more gung-ho to go forward with their plans... tough one...
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« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2011, 07:03:01 PM »

I've heard a lot of people praise the 'old days' when the couple's parents or grandparents sat down and set it all up and nobody else had a say in the matter. The ones who were saying this, did not actually live in the old days or have that kind of marriage.  Roll Eyes

These days, I would be cautious about making a decision like that so soon. They are not surrounded by a culture that's going to make it really easy for them.
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« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2011, 07:55:16 PM »

Yes, it's a brief courtship. Suggest they take each a personality test and have a professional compare their results. (Ask her concerned friends to chip in to cover the cost.) Maybe they're a better match than her friends realize, or maybe the results will throw some cold water on their infatuation.
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« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2011, 05:16:55 PM »

20 days?  I'd say give them 40 days before they divorce!  (I am exaggerating but you get my point.)

I have seen hasty marriages work.  One of my buddies I worked with years ago got married pretty quickly (a month or so before her green card would have been up).  Despite the obvious misgivings about such a match at such haste, last I saw him things seemed to be going pretty well. 

But in general...the odds are stacked against these star-crossed lovers.
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« Reply #5 on: May 23, 2011, 10:17:04 PM »

OK; I had been asked a question by someone and I thought I'd bring it up here...

In a nutshell, some friends of a person believe she is making a colossal mistake and somehow want me to talk her out of it. She is in her late 20's, and has recently been going out with a young man. Looking at their Facebook pages, they acknowledged they were in a relationship recently, and within 20 days of this acknowledgement have announced their engagement. The friends would like me to talk her out of this, which I am reluctant to step in at this point since I have no 'official' relationship with the person (i.e.,I'm not her priest or the one who will marry her, and I don't even know if they'll be having a Church wedding).

So, my question is this: am I so old that I am waaaay out of touch here, or does a 20 day courtship seem really short to others as well? What do y'all think about this?

Well let me put it this way, I'll give you two examples of relationships I know of -

My grandparents knew each other for a grand total of 14 days before they got married.  They were married for 57 years until my grandmother died.

My wife came from a rough family and moved in with me when she was 16 (almost 17), and I was 18 (almost 19).   We were married within a month.  We have been married for 15 years and have 5 beautiful kids.

Sometimes people are really meant to be together.  It's not always bad when things move quick.  If they are really ready for it and have good heads on their shoulders... I wouldn't worry about it.
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« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2011, 10:21:55 PM »

OK; I had been asked a question by someone and I thought I'd bring it up here...

In a nutshell, some friends of a person believe she is making a colossal mistake and somehow want me to talk her out of it. She is in her late 20's, and has recently been going out with a young man. Looking at their Facebook pages, they acknowledged they were in a relationship recently, and within 20 days of this acknowledgement have announced their engagement. The friends would like me to talk her out of this, which I am reluctant to step in at this point since I have no 'official' relationship with the person (i.e.,I'm not her priest or the one who will marry her, and I don't even know if they'll be having a Church wedding).

So, my question is this: am I so old that I am waaaay out of touch here, or does a 20 day courtship seem really short to others as well? What do y'all think about this?

Father, bless.

I do not understand how the acknowledgment of the relationship on facebook marks the beginning of the courtship?
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« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2011, 10:55:48 PM »

I would hesitate to become involved. You don't know how much "pre-courtship" occurred before they officially become involved. I know a couple that "courted" for about a week before they were engaged. It appeared as though it happened overnight, but the reality was that they knew each other for years and waited to have a formal relationship until her father granted them permission. The courtship was short, but they knew they wanted to wed.

A long courtship is no more a guarantee of a long happy marriage than a short courtship is a guarantee of a short miserable marriage.
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« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2011, 11:55:16 PM »

My friend met her husband when she was 17 and he was 25. They married within three weeks of their introduction. Next year will be their 20th Wedding Anniversary.

My Aunt Sophie met and married my Uncle Charlie in three months time. If anyone doesn't believe it's possible to be in love till "death do us part," they should have seen these two together.

Admittedly, it's quick. But sometimes, you just "know."

I would personally be offended if a stranger (clergy or otherwise) contacted me out of the blue to counsel me on what they thought my relationship should be. I am currently dating a man of a race other than my own. This apparent on Facebook. Some people may not like this, but it doesn't give them the authority to say something.

I understand where this person's friends are coming from, but I don't think you intervening is a good idea.
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« Reply #9 on: June 29, 2011, 08:41:49 PM »

The suspense is killing me  Shocked did you go talk to them or not??

I bet not. I wouldn't have done. I agree with handmaidenofGod that your just a stranger to them and if that was me.... and some stranger got in my business... i wouldnt be feeling it.

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« Reply #10 on: June 29, 2011, 09:39:57 PM »

The suspense is killing me  Shocked did you go talk to them or not??

I bet not. I wouldn't have done. I agree with handmaidenofGod that your just a stranger to them and if that was me.... and some stranger got in my business... i wouldnt be feeling it.



No, I didn't talk to the couple. It was (her) friends and family who wanted me to get involved, but not the couple themselves...and that is all that matters.
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« Reply #11 on: June 29, 2011, 11:52:12 PM »

My parents met in October and married in January, at ages 17 & 18, and are madly in love to this day, 35 years later. My father always told me, "When you know, you know!"
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« Reply #12 on: June 30, 2011, 09:00:51 AM »

My parents met in October and married in January, at ages 17 & 18, and are madly in love to this day, 35 years later. My father always told me, "When you know, you know!"

I never used to think that. i used to think being in love was more like a disease or affliction than something nice haha.... but recently i think you can be in love properly and know early on but i still think that you can love someone to much and still ruin it all. Just because your right for each other it doesn't always mean that it will work. Sometimes ppl just screw things up because that's always what they do.
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« Reply #13 on: June 30, 2011, 09:09:19 AM »

Just because your right for each other it doesn't always mean that it will work. Sometimes ppl just screw things up because that's always what they do.
My wife's grandparents were married at 20 and 16. When they celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary (yes, that number is correct) it made the local TV station. Grandpa was asked, "Why don't people stay married that long these days?" His response: "They just aren't nice to each other."
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« Reply #14 on: June 30, 2011, 09:58:41 AM »

Just because your right for each other it doesn't always mean that it will work. Sometimes ppl just screw things up because that's always what they do.
My wife's grandparents were married at 20 and 16. When they celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary (yes, that number is correct) it made the local TV station. Grandpa was asked, "Why don't people stay married that long these days?" His response: "They just aren't nice to each other."
haha... aaww. FIERCE!! totaly sound that is.
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« Reply #15 on: June 30, 2011, 12:27:25 PM »

Just because your right for each other it doesn't always mean that it will work. Sometimes ppl just screw things up because that's always what they do.
My wife's grandparents were married at 20 and 16. When they celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary (yes, that number is correct) it made the local TV station. Grandpa was asked, "Why don't people stay married that long these days?" His response: "They just aren't nice to each other."
haha... aaww. FIERCE!! totaly sound that is.
Let me just point out that if you haven't done the math already, Grandpa was 100 when he made that quip! Nothing wrong with his mind at all. A year and a half later, he died after a short bout with pneumonia, just a few days before turning 102. Grandma died about six months before he did.
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« Reply #16 on: June 30, 2011, 12:41:01 PM »

I can actually speak from experience on this one.

I first saw my future wife's face in late november, talked to her on the phone 2 months later, met her face to face on Feb 8, and married 3 weeks later. We've been married for 2 years and we're as much in love now as then.

However, I cant speak for everyone, but I'd pause if someone said "its too soon, etc" because it's God's time, not ours.

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« Reply #17 on: June 30, 2011, 02:11:50 PM »

Just because your right for each other it doesn't always mean that it will work. Sometimes ppl just screw things up because that's always what they do.
My wife's grandparents were married at 20 and 16. When they celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary (yes, that number is correct) it made the local TV station. Grandpa was asked, "Why don't people stay married that long these days?" His response: "They just aren't nice to each other."
haha... aaww. FIERCE!! totaly sound that is.
Let me just point out that if you haven't done the math already, Grandpa was 100 when he made that quip! Nothing wrong with his mind at all. A year and a half later, he died after a short bout with pneumonia, just a few days before turning 102. Grandma died about six months before he did.

aww, thats such a good life to tell kids about huh??
I only saw my gran for a few weeks it was before i was 5 because after that i was in state care but i remember her smell (of grass) and some of the things she used to say. Mostly because she smoked and had a deep voice like she had a soar throat all the time which stuck in my memory because it used to make me jump especially when she laughed LOUD and she used to move suddenly as well, like she had left the pot boiling or something haha... but gran parents are so amazing i think because they look so old when your allot younger and when you remember what they used to tell you which didn't seem all that great at the time, later when you remember it, it was fierce because they knew what they was talking about.
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« Reply #18 on: June 30, 2011, 02:26:20 PM »

Just as a note on the topic...

everybody is thinking about *talking* to the couple (or not). Here in the forum and their direct friends. IMO, the very first thing before talking to them, would be *listening* to them. That would be the most loving thing to do. As said above, some people marry really fast and stay together forever. Some are full of scrupulous on that and never get married or have a not so good marriage. The point is that in this case we know nothing. If someone had asked me that, I would ask to talk to the couple. But, at least in the first meeting, I would like to listen to them, to see how they interact together, know more about them. Then, I would decide if it was them or the person who asked me who needs some talking to.
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« Reply #19 on: June 30, 2011, 02:30:06 PM »

but gran parents are so amazing i think because they look so old when your allot younger and when you remember what they used to tell you which didn't seem all that great at the time, later when you remember it, it was fierce because they knew what they was talking about.
Maybe that's why you and I can get along OK. That little baby next to my name -and it won't be there much longer -  is my third grandchild (he was born May 29); my other two are now 10 and 9 years old. Yes, I do like to think I know what I'm talking about! Of course, I may remind you of that from time to time  Grin. (Or does that apply only to one's own grandparents? Hope not!)
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« Reply #20 on: June 30, 2011, 02:40:59 PM »

aww its cute for a baby.

Nah we probably get along because your Canadian haha... that's practically cousins!!!  Grin
But i think if ppl are over 60 then they get a bit more room to be in someones business.

(looks at profile)

shame, you missed it by a smidge  Wink
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