One day you're up, the next day you're down. One day you're ranting about the church, then about how righteous you are. One day you want spirituality, then it's all science.
What is it with you?
See the thing is James, this person does not understand what spiritual and faith struggle is. I only get one liners and insults from biro. It makes biro feel better I guess.
There is a balance, and that is what you seek James. You are searching for truth that makes sense, where much of Science, Logic, and Reason work with faith. This is something that I do seek out constantly. SEEK it, and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened.
For me, I've never given into a THEORY in Science, that somebody draws conclusions with, and says "is right". Nor have I (evidently) accepted what people hand me and say "is right" religiously by their definition and interpretation.
There is nothing wrong with actually thinking with the mind God gave you. Use it to do God's will according to the scriptures.
Though Science is ridden with atheistic minds, there are many God believing Scientists.
A Scientist/Astronomer (and more) Galileo said - "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."