Author Topic: Coptic Church, single mom.  (Read 2504 times)

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Offline RehamG

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Coptic Church, single mom.
« on: April 07, 2014, 04:08:28 PM »
I've been dwelling on this subject for months now, so I suppose I should finally post it up and see what the OO OC netters have to say.

At one point I attended an OCA off and on until around December last year. Then my schedule got switched to weekend option, shift 1 which meant that after that point I had zero time for Church (the local OCA is small, Sat/Sun only). I have visited the COC both in Egypt as well as back in Seattle, and honestly I feel like it is more the place for me. I'm not sure if it is because Arabic is spoken and that is an old comfort from my Muslim days but it is what it is.

I was married before. I have 2 little kids who would go with me. In my mind I am tweaking because I know the COC stance on divorce, and I'm so worried that I will be judged as a bad person, not taken seriously or shunned once people find this out about me. Add to that the fact I'm engaged to a Coptic man; I am nervous about the get to know you questions.

"Oh, what cute kids! Is your husband Egyptian?"
"I'm actually not married...."
*crickets*

I am not joking when I say this has be almost too worried to bother making the first visit here in NC.....the WA visit was less than stellar but that is a totally different story. Now my weekends are probably coming free again soon. Is this scenario of being horribly judged all in my mind?? Somehow I don't think it will happen if they think I'm just passing by but once I make it known I'm in it for the long haul then who knows.

I don't know guys, I'm trying to make a point here but it feels like I'm rambling.  :-\

"A humble man who lives a spiritual life, when he reads the Holy Scriptures, will relate all things to himself and not to others.”

– St. Mark the Ascetic, Sermon, 1.6

Offline Gorazd

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2014, 04:31:01 PM »
"Oh, what cute kids! Is your husband Egyptian?"
"My husband was an Egyptian Muslim and I also was a Muslim for X years, but I returned to Christ" (for X, insert number of years)
should be fine.

Copts usually do understand that
1) Islamic marriage is a contract, not a holy mystery (sacrament)
2) Divorce from a Muslim is necessary when your spouse is not ready to leave Islam with you.

Most former Muslims I met in Egypt were divorced from their Muslim spouses, some even had to flee from them, fearing for their lives. However, if you were divorced after having been wed in Holy Matrimony in an Orthodox or Catholic church, that would be definitely unacceptable to Copts.


Offline mabsoota

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2014, 04:32:00 PM »
you should go.
just tell people with a big smile: yes, i'm single and i'm a catechumen.
and these are my lovely kids. they are quite a handful, but i love them!

i realise it may be hard for you, but you will find many kind people.
(as for the others... you are part of their education!)

in one coptic church i know, there are a few people who are not married (divorced, living with partner etc.) and who have children.
as far as i know the one (who is ethnic copt) living with his partner (as far as i know an atheist) and unmarried doesn't take Holy Communion but his little child does. he is friends with everyone, and one day he will get married / sort out his situation, but it doesn't prevent him from coming to church.

in another church, the (non coptic newly Christian) lady got baptised on the same day as her baby, and then a few days later married the baby's (coptic) father in church.
so, things that are not routine happen, and people in the church these days seem to have learnt how to deal with them without making things unpleasant for those concerned.

i hope and pray this will be true in your situation too.
also if you go to a week day service, there is likely to be much less gossip / strange looks than on a sunday.
it seems that people who go in the week go to pray.
MOST of the people who go on sundays also go to pray, but then there are also those that go to socialise / gossip etc.

the only disadvantage may be that in weekday services (in uk at least, don't know about usa), there is much less english in the liturgy, so you may want to take a service book if you have one (the guy who owns the projector probably only comes on sunday or saturday).
may God guide you and bless you, especially in this coming Holy Week
:-)

Offline mabsoota

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2014, 04:34:28 PM »
you should be fine as you didn't have an orthodox or catholic marriage.

even if you had and you were divorced after a coptic orthodox marriage, you can still go to church (and take Holy Communion after your confession father says it's ok), you just can't get remarried.

people who had marriages outside the orthodox or catholic churches can (and often do) get married (not considered to be remarriage) in the coptic orthodox church.

Offline Antonious Nikolas

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2014, 06:56:45 PM »
People will be happy that you've come to Christ and entered His Church, not judge you.  If anyone should, that's their problem, not yours.  You'll be fine.  God bless you.
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Offline RehamG

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2014, 08:53:03 PM »

i hope and pray this will be true in your situation too.
also if you go to a week day service, there is likely to be much less gossip / strange looks than on a sunday.
it seems that people who go in the week go to pray.
MOST of the people who go on sundays also go to pray, but then there are also those that go to socialise / gossip etc.

the only disadvantage may be that in weekday services (in uk at least, don't know about usa), there is much less english in the liturgy, so you may want to take a service book if you have one (the guy who owns the projector probably only comes on sunday or saturday).
may God guide you and bless you, especially in this coming Holy Week
:-)

Thanks mabsootie  :angel: I was planning to make the first time on a week day because I honestly don't like the socialization part much, never did. And the fact that I speak and understand enough Masri Arabic makes me worry I would catch if people decided to talk about me at said social time. If/when I get my mind right for going I will post about it here.
"A humble man who lives a spiritual life, when he reads the Holy Scriptures, will relate all things to himself and not to others.”

– St. Mark the Ascetic, Sermon, 1.6

Offline Cackles

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2014, 01:00:28 PM »

i hope and pray this will be true in your situation too.
also if you go to a week day service, there is likely to be much less gossip / strange looks than on a sunday.
it seems that people who go in the week go to pray.
MOST of the people who go on sundays also go to pray, but then there are also those that go to socialise / gossip etc.

the only disadvantage may be that in weekday services (in uk at least, don't know about usa), there is much less english in the liturgy, so you may want to take a service book if you have one (the guy who owns the projector probably only comes on sunday or saturday).
may God guide you and bless you, especially in this coming Holy Week
:-)

Thanks mabsootie  :angel: I was planning to make the first time on a week day because I honestly don't like the socialization part much, never did. And the fact that I speak and understand enough Masri Arabic makes me worry I would catch if people decided to talk about me at said social time. If/when I get my mind right for going I will post about it here.

Yes they'll gossip like crazy. The Egyptians especially. But people like having a single mom around. They're always popular because they live out the inner dreams of many wives.

My mother was a single mother bringing her 2 boys to Church. Thank goodness she did. While we went astray in life, we retuned to faith later in life. Many stats show the kids come back to faith as adults when they realize the goverment wont look after them and Humanism is a lie.
The above post is intended for discussion purposes and is comprised of my personal opinion.

Offline mabsoota

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2014, 01:45:09 PM »
'They're always popular because they live out the inner dreams of many wives.'
 ???

i don't get this, maybe cackles is not serious about this. (but i hope his return to faith is).

but i like to be called 'mabsootie'!
 :)

Offline RehamG

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2014, 02:26:24 PM »
Also debating if cackles is serious or not about single motherhood being an inner dream of wives....it ain't all freedom and fun.
"A humble man who lives a spiritual life, when he reads the Holy Scriptures, will relate all things to himself and not to others.”

– St. Mark the Ascetic, Sermon, 1.6

Offline DeniseDenise

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2014, 02:32:42 PM »
Lesson:

Never take what Cackles says as serious....its a hodge podge of random, not church teaching....and anything else he can throw in that his brain generates at that moment.
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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2014, 02:38:35 PM »
Also debating if cackles is serious or not about single motherhood being an inner dream of wives....it ain't all freedom and fun.

An inner dream of wives, from time to time, is singledom. ;) Don't try to make sense of Cackles, it burns too many brain cells.
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Offline augustin717

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2014, 02:00:50 AM »
I actually thinkCackles is a breath of fresh air. Hope I'm not wrong haven't really followed him but from the snippets I read.
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Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2014, 10:39:28 AM »
Have some more snippets.  They're Lenten. 
Mor has an open appeal. This we knew already.

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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2014, 07:52:39 PM »
Lord have mercy on your servant Reham.

I know that has to be a really tough position to be in.  May the Lord continue to bless your journey!  I'm sure anyone who knows your situation will be very sympathetic and to those who don't, well... hopefully they get to know you before they judge.  :)
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Offline Cackles

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #14 on: May 24, 2014, 02:48:53 PM »
Also debating if cackles is serious or not about single motherhood being an inner dream of wives....it ain't all freedom and fun.

Normal women know this. But other women do not. The single mothers love to pressure other women into leaving. But it really is the desire of the married woman to want to leave and be single. Years back i used to post on a political forum and feminism was discussed and divorce came up. So I researched it and became an expert on laws like visitation, child support, asset distribution, and equalization payments. So at work married women who Id work with (and go out to lunch with behind their husbands and fiances backs) would kind of bring up the subject kind of indirect and when i could answer their questions, whoah.. They were all into it asking so many questions about how it works and what money they get and about the marital home etc. My wife and I never even think about that kind of stuff. We just know we're not getting divorced. We're like one flesh. It's really simple and uncomplicated. Tonight I did man work around the house, she did womans work. And thats how it works best. The Secular Humanist way of marriage just doesnt work. It blurs the lines and is un natural. I should know as most of my marriage was spent in a Humanist approach. It ended up with never having food in the fridge, a messy house, and general confusion.

Many women these days think their job is to wear the pants and balk at cooking food or cleaning the house. They have only their own selfish pursuits in mind. They know that the husband doesnt need to look after them, because the state will milk him on her behalf. The state encourages her to run off for self benefit. It's in the divorce stats i dont know why people are scoffing at me like it's some idea I came up with.

So the single mother comes in the church and wow gosh golly some women run over to them and want to be best friends.

Of course, men can and do cheat. If i was a woman i'd take off if my man cheated on me. So there are SOME legimitate cases for divorce, but the vast majority are innitiated by women and arent for cheating. It's all in the stats.
The above post is intended for discussion purposes and is comprised of my personal opinion.

Offline Cackles

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Re: Coptic Church, single mom.
« Reply #15 on: May 24, 2014, 02:48:53 PM »
I actually thinkCackles is a breath of fresh air. Hope I'm not wrong haven't really followed him but from the snippets I read.

Thanks bruh :)
The above post is intended for discussion purposes and is comprised of my personal opinion.