You may or may not recall a recent thread that Dnarmist made regarding his deconversion from Christianity into atheism, I must come clean regarding this, and not just because I was caught in the act, but because I am tired of living a lie.
I am TtC and Dnarmist, however all the posts TtC made were plagarized from various sources. Dnarmist's new thread was also plagarized.
As I said in another forum from which I derived material under the Dnarmist pseudonym, I have absolutely no excuse for the behavior I have exhibited in this thread or on the other forum. I understand and accept any punishment that will come my way regarding this incident. I would like to explain my position on why I did these actions, but I expect no return in empathy or pity for obviously I do not deserve such, and no matter how sincere or honest I come about in this post I know it will be disregarded for my own credibility has been shot, again completely understandable.
Last year I fell into a deep depression regarding the acrinomous split from my ex-fiancee, which in turn caused me to become more introspective and dig deeper into what I believed in; who am I, where am I going and what about the existence of God? I tried to be as objective in my findings as I could, so growing up in an evangelical Christian household I wanted to know how the Bible was formed and why were there those that rejected the claims made in it. I tried as best as I could to read and watch as many atheist refutations of the Bible, God, Christ, religion etc. My faith in the Bible was obliterated, for example coming to the realization that it wasn't really God's Word from my fundamentalist understanding of the book. Then reading some information that Christ himself didn't exist was the final nail in the coffin that almost wrecked my life. No God, no Christ, no eternity, no heaven, no real purpose in life, death is all I had to look forward to? I just couldn't accept that conclusion. Deep in my heart I wanted the Christian faith to be true, in fact I came to the conclusion it may it sounded too good to be true. But since I held onto that belief that I wanted it to be true, it opened up more evidence and things I didn't see before. Once I got a little bit more confident with God, I'd get skeptical again, it was a constant battle with skepticism. I tried debating with atheists on message boards but their well reasoned arguments were too good for my lack of intellect, so I seeked for people to help refute the claims atheists were making. The more I saw this back and forth, between atheists and Christians, the more my eyes opened up to the Christian worldview and how unteneable atheism is. In fact the majority of atheists I dealt with weren't living exactly true to their worldview, but that's a subject I don't want to discuss. However just because I opened myself up to Christianity that's not to say I still had doubts, when a few posters here were giving better reasonable arguments than I had ever seen, I fell once again into doubt about the existence of God. I needed help for my little faith, so I reached out to some Christians here to see how they would refute certain claims here.
Regarding my exposure to Orthodoxy, I know it's the truth but I don't deserve it's beauty and am ot worthy. I'm a liar and have duped so many wonderful people on this forum, I feel it is unforgivable for my actions that I have done. No matter how much I repent for it, I don't think it's worthy to be forgiven.
I made a few friends here that helped my faith alot, but those friendships will probably end because of this.
My conclusion to this is I am very sorry for using people for my own purposes, it was totally wrong and I don't know what I could do to make up for it, I'd ask for forgiveness but I don't deserve it.