Lots of work. In my own case I find that temper tantrums come when I have a lack of humility. I'm not talking about seeing myself as lowly, but seeing myself in proper perspective given the situation. My regular agitation point is on the highway about ten miles from my home. The highway intersects with a highway 45. Now the speed limit does not change but 90% of the people that drive that route slow down at that intersection to, you guessed it 45 miles per hour. This drives me nuts. I curse. I scream. I want the whole world to stop spinning on it's axis come together at that point on the planet and move those idiots off the road and possibly exile them to jupiter where they will no longer deliberately annoy me.
This is my reaction when I am full of myself and not seeing myself in proper perspective. The reality of the situation though is that I'm not an important enough person that being five minutes later anywhere is ever going to cause anyone to miss me.
In arguments there is the extra dynamic of the great I'm right you're wrong ego based competition. This as you have found is a difficult one to avoid, because, well, you're sure you're right. And right is right, right?
Well right is right but it isn't everything. The guys that come to me for advice find this a hard concept to swallow until I ask them if this is the hill they want to die on. Specifically do they want their wife/girlfriend to admit that they were right about something rather trivial or do they want to be married. You can be right or you can be married. If they want to be right more than they want to be married, well, they aren't married for much longer.
This can easily be transfered to your situation, do you want to be right or do you want to have a more mature relationship with your mother? Kind of an easy choice there.
The problem though is you will at first find that you are in over your head before you know it. You said beforehand that you didn't want to go too far the next time but before you know it you're already past too far.
The thing is to have this mindset (humility) before you run into these situations. To do this it might be a good idea to examine or maybe write them down afterwards and look at them later. Looking at a situation with a cool head we can see how we over reacted and how we involved our ego in something that really wasn't important enough to react the way we did. This way you can gain perspective before you dive in the next time.
Just a word of warning, the time that you catch yourself and decide to react in a more sane manner, your mother will still be expecting you to fly off the handle like you usually do, and may react accordingly, so give her time to adjust to your adjustment.
One hothead to another I hope this helps.
Being a kid isn't easy and it's even harder if you take yourself too seriously.
And don't forget to pray. It always helps.