Author Topic: Arguing Problem  (Read 1434 times)

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Offline Milica

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Arguing Problem
« on: April 09, 2011, 12:50:41 PM »
My mom and I are constantly fighting. Sometimes she blames me for something I didn't do, like mess with her cellphone or get a virus on the computer. Other times, I provoke her by talking back or ignoring her. How do I stop fighting with her and how do I control my temper when she blames me for something I didn't do? ???
Glory to Thee, O our God, glory to Thee!

O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.

O Lord, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, by the prayers of Thy most pure Mother, and all the saints, have mercy upon us.

Offline Red A.

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Re: Arguing Problem
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2011, 05:42:47 PM »
Lots of work. In my own case I find that temper tantrums come when I have a lack of humility. I'm not talking about seeing myself as lowly, but seeing myself in proper perspective given the situation.  My regular agitation point is on the highway about ten miles from my home. The highway intersects with a highway 45. Now the speed limit does not change but 90% of the people that drive that route slow down at that intersection to, you guessed it 45 miles per hour. This drives me nuts. I curse. I scream. I want the whole world to stop spinning on it's axis come together at that point on the planet and move those idiots off the road and possibly exile them to jupiter where they will no longer deliberately annoy me.

This is my reaction when I am full of myself and not seeing myself in proper perspective. The reality of the situation though is that I'm not an important enough person that being five minutes later anywhere is ever going to cause anyone to miss me.

In arguments there is the extra dynamic of the great I'm right you're wrong ego based competition. This as you have found is a difficult one to avoid, because, well, you're sure you're right.  And right is right, right?

Well right is right but it isn't everything. The guys that come to me for advice find this a hard concept to swallow until I ask them if this is the hill they want to die on. Specifically do they want their wife/girlfriend to admit that they were right about something rather trivial or do they want to be married. You can be right or you can be married. If they want to be right more than they want to be married, well, they aren't married for much longer.

This can easily be transfered to your situation, do you want to be right or do you want to have a more mature relationship with your mother?  Kind of an easy choice there.

The problem though is you will at first find that you are in over your head before you know it. You said beforehand that you didn't want to go too far the next time but before you know it you're already past too far.

The thing is to have this mindset (humility) before you run into these situations. To do this it might be a good idea to examine or maybe write them down afterwards and look at them later. Looking at a situation with a cool head we can see how we over reacted and how we involved our ego  in something that really wasn't important enough to react the way we did. This way you can gain perspective before you dive in the next time.

Just a word of warning, the time that you catch yourself and decide to react in a more sane manner, your mother will still be expecting you to fly off the handle like you usually do, and may react accordingly, so give her time to adjust to your adjustment.

One hothead to another I hope this helps.

Being a kid isn't easy and it's even harder if you take yourself too seriously.

And don't forget to pray. It always helps.

Offline Malina

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Re: Arguing Problem
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2011, 09:57:34 AM »
This reminds me arguing with my wife about mess all over the flat. I try to expose her quietly and understandably. But during impulse of anger we blame and condemn each other. I think we have to learn to do all things calmly and thoughtfully, we don`t let our anger come out and we have to ignore bad emotions which come from devil.

How difficult always live with God in heart but we have to practice pray and feel presence of God as much as we could.

Save God.

Offline Poppy

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Re: Arguing Problem
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2011, 09:36:58 AM »
Ugh that is the most hideous thing being blamed for something you didnt do i hate that!!! and most of the time i do fight back but really it just wares me out and the person has already made up their mind anyhow so there's no point really but I STILL DO IT haha.... I will learn one day that if they made up their mind that you did something it's not going to kill you to leave them think it. YOU know you didn't do it.... its up to them if they accept your word or not.... let them be to have the hissyfit and don't let it mess up your day.