OrthodoxChristianity.net
April 16, 2014, 05:57:41 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: The Rules page has been updated.  Please familiarize yourself with its contents!
 
   Home   Help Calendar Contact Treasury Tags CHAT Login Register  
Pages: 1   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: The Fisher-Price Mass: Bad, Immature, or Irreverent Liturgy Thread  (Read 633 times) Average Rating: 0
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
jordanz
Sr. Member
****
Offline Offline

Faith: Roman Catholic
Posts: 203


« on: April 03, 2011, 09:58:06 PM »

This is a thread to vent your spleen or mock bad liturgy.  Don't care if it's Orthodox, RC, Protestant, non-Christian, whatever.  When it's bad, it's bad.

Let me start off.  

The RC church around the block from me has a 8 pm Sunday Mass for the students.  Since I live in a Francophone-majority city, this is one of the few English Masses that is late and near the school.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Fr. Fisher-Price. (Fr. F-P)  I don't know the "presider's" name, and I don't want to know.  You'll find out in a moment why I call him Fr. Fisher-Price.

Two over-mic'd lay readers-servers

"Eucharistic Minister" nun in street clothes

30 half drunken, hung over college students.

-----------------------------

Fr. F-P is the type of Roman priest that I call a "freestyler".  Freestyler RC priests have a relaxed, minimalist approach to the notion of "liturgical text".  Mass begins not with "In nomine Patris ..." or "In the name of the Father..."  but the "Welcome to our community celebration for the Xth Sunday of Lent/Easter/Ordinary Time" etc.  The "Liturgy of the Word", or as the Catechumens' Liturgy is now called, consists of a made up Kyrie litany, no Gloria even outside Lent, and abbreviations/substitutions in the Epistle and Gospel. Sometimes Fr. F-P will let a laywoman read the Gospel.  Often the sermon will have nothing to do with the Gospel, but will certainly have many repetitions of the words "sharing", "community", and "feelings".  

Fr. F-P is certainly not a scholastic preacher.  He prefers monosyllabic words, a calm, Fred Rogers-esque therapeutic voice, and very little emphasis on repentance, mercy, grace, sin, or eucharistic theology.  I call him Fr. F-P because his sermons are about as plastic as the little people who live in the toy house.  

Every Mass has a new made-up ceremony probably cooked up by Fr. F-P 10 minutes before Mass.  The week before, he "performed" the Parable of the Samaritan Woman with a laywoman as the Samaritan, another laywoman as the "narrator", and Fr. F-P as Jesus.  Tonight, he had a student carry a large photoprint of Christ Pantocrator into the church and place the print in front of the altar.  Seven students were invited to place tealights in front of Christ, Sovereign Creator of the Universe.  Of course, he referred to our Lord in His full majestic glory as "that Jesus picture."

Fr. F-P frequently inserts 20 second "sermonettes" before the Epistle, and minute-long stream-of-consciousness exhortations after the orate fratres and per ipsum.  I use the Latin names, as Father F-P has a marked inability to recite these prayers from the red book right in front of him.  Again, more "sharing", "caring", "community", and other Stewart Smalley throwaway words.  Surprisingly, he can recite the Consecration correctly.  Still, that is about all of the Missal he cares to recite.

I leave promptly at the Communion, so I don't know what his dismissal and blessing sound like.  I would not be surprised if he riffs on the names of God, with "Maker, Liberator, and Spirit-Guide" or something.  Whatever Fr. F-P gets his hands on eventually comes out illicit or heretical.

----------------------------
 
So why do I put up with this crap?

Quebec is a post-Christian, and certainly post-Catholic, society.  Roman priests have fallen into an intense liturgical narcissism.  The messe quebecois can be distinguished by its improv sermonettes, weird made-up sub-liturgies, and general irreverence towards Our Lord of the Holy Eucharist.  I would go somewhere else, but there really isn't anywhere else.  French or English, don't matter.  The only place that celebrates the Roman liturgy in reverence and solemnity is the city's Anglo-Catholic parish.  Not surprisingly, you know where I prefer to hear Mass in the morning.

My (very orthodox, Tridentine) Roman confessor back in the States permits me to attend Sunday Mass with the Anglo-Catholics, as he understands that I am in an emergency situation of sorts.  He only asks me to suffer through one of the Roman Masses so that I fulfill my obligation and receive the Eucharist as a Roman.  I am also not permitted to show any reverence for an invalid and illicit liturgy (no genuflection, no kneeling at the Prayer Book Mass).  Fine.  At least I get to worship with Christians who have some decorum.  

I have to suffer through this penance simply to make my Sunday Obligation.  I simply pray the Rosary or say the Confiteor over and over again to prevent myself from getting angry at the priest.

Our Lady, pray for the re-evangelization of Quebec.  

« Last Edit: April 03, 2011, 10:08:50 PM by jordanz » Logged
Shiny
Site Supporter
Banned
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Groucho Marxist
Jurisdiction: Dahntahn Stoop Haus
Posts: 13,267


Paint It Red


« Reply #1 on: April 03, 2011, 10:40:04 PM »

I don't have anything to contribute to a bad liturgy, haven't been exposed to one, but that is seriously the funniest thread title I've seen in years.
Logged

“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan
Cognomen
Site Supporter
OC.net guru
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Catholic
Jurisdiction: Phyletism Rules, OK
Posts: 1,947


Ungrateful Biped


« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2011, 11:25:04 PM »

I don't have anything to contribute to a bad liturgy, haven't been exposed to one
Nor have I, thank goodness.  I'm new to the game though. 
 
Quote
but that is seriously the funniest thread title I've seen in years.
Not too shabby for the first example of "Bad, Immature, or Irreverent Liturgy" either; hilarious (a bit sad too).

Often the sermon will have nothing to do with the Gospel, but will certainly have many repetitions of the words "sharing", "community", and "feelings". 
Fr. F-P is certainly not a scholastic preacher.  He prefers monosyllabic words, a calm, Fred Rogers-esque therapeutic voice, and very little emphasis on repentance, mercy, grace, sin, or eucharistic theology.

The "fire and brimstoners" get a bad rap from people, but the attitude and message you described is more in line with the Christianity I was indirectly exposed to.  Not only did they avoid the judgment and damnation topic, but they steered clear from much of the good stuff as well.

Jordanz, I love the post and its humor, but I'm sorry to hear about your situation. 

On second thought, I do have a contribution to the thread (although not strictly a Liturgy): The first Christian service I voluntarily attended consisted of a lengthy sermon on the Wedding at Cana, and how the message of Christ turning water to wine signified that it was "okay to let your hair down and have a little fun."  Needless to say, despite all of the references to "sharing", "community", and "feelings" I failed to return for more wisdom.
Logged

North American Eastern Orthodox Parish Council Delegate for the Canonization of Saints Twin Towers and Pentagon, as well as the Propagation of the Doctrine of the Assumption of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 (NAEOPCDCSTTPPDAMAFM®).
jordanz
Sr. Member
****
Offline Offline

Faith: Roman Catholic
Posts: 203


« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2011, 12:04:04 AM »

Jordanz, I love the post and its humor, but I'm sorry to hear about your situation. 

Sometimes, even in the most dire of situations, one has to have a laugh.

I would worship with the Eastern Catholics.  I have a very deep respect and reverence for the Byzantine liturgies, but I just don't belong.  I'm Western.  I'm Tridentine.  That is my culture, my home.  Back where I'm from in the States, there is a strong and vibrant traditional Catholic population, with Extraordinary Form parishes in full union with Rome that celebrate all the Tridentine rites. 

Up here it is just a wasteland.  Even the Orthodox are struggling.  I've been to a few Orthodox DL's here, and almost everyone except the priest and servers are 50+.  Not a good sign at all.  Also, the Orthodox here are very minimalistic: no Matins or Vespers on a regular basis; abbreviated DL, often lacking a deacon and reader.  All apostolic Christians are suffering in Quebec.   

As a good Catholic, I suggest reconsecration to the Sacred Heart.  However, perhaps the Orthodox would take offense at that. 
« Last Edit: April 04, 2011, 12:04:38 AM by jordanz » Logged
JimCBrooklyn
Site Supporter
High Elder
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Moscow Patriarchate-Diocese of Saint Petersburg/ROCOR-Diocese of Eastern America and New York
Posts: 569


Если бога нет, то все позволено


« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2011, 02:55:49 AM »

I have no clue about Orthodox churches in QC, but I do recall  from when I was RC that the masses at the Notre-Dame Cathedral in Montreal were fairly by the book. Novus Ordo, definitely, but I never saw over the maybe 5-6 masses I attended there, any clown stuff.

Also, Montreal, from what I've heard and experienced, has a major Russian presence. Are there really no active RO churches there? Orthodoxyinamerica shows tons of churches from all jurisdictions there. Maybe you just haven't been to the right one?

I'm surprised by this, and it's sad.
Logged

It is not the task of Christianity to provide easy answers to every question, but to make us progressively aware of a mystery. God is not so much the object of our knowledge as the cause of our wonder.
-Metropolitan Kallistos Ware
jordanz
Sr. Member
****
Offline Offline

Faith: Roman Catholic
Posts: 203


« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2011, 05:28:03 AM »

I have no clue about Orthodox churches in QC, but I do recall  from when I was RC that the masses at the Notre-Dame Cathedral in Montreal were fairly by the book. Novus Ordo, definitely, but I never saw over the maybe 5-6 masses I attended there, any clown stuff.

Some of the priests at N-D de Montreal play fast and loose with the French.  There are some ingrained abuses in the Archdiocese that have become tolerated "changes".  That I can handle, even though I believe that the Roman liturgy (either one) should be uniform as a sign of unity with Rome and because all liturgy should be reverent.

Again, Quebec has returned to paganism and needs to be re-evangelized.  It's no shocker that QC has the highest abortion rate in all of Canada by a wide margin.  By their fruits ye shall know them.
Logged
Tikhon.of.Colorado
But you can call me Trevor.
Site Supporter
Archon
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 2,340



« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2011, 10:09:46 AM »

well, a new place to complain about something.  how nice  Wink

I have something to comtribute, if you'll please excuse any purple demons that seep from my words un noticed by me. 

a seemingly non-denominational Church at the edge of the Bible Belt.  the service starts with the lights dimmed and all of the sudden, over the lout speaker... "dun dun dun..."  (the star wars theme song).  people start to raise their arms as the lights come on, and you see preachers almost eating the microphone as they sing "I've got Jesus, yes I do!  I've got Jesus, bow 'bout you?!" and everyone responds.  you, a now very nervous, shy 15 year old looking for your spiritual home, stands at the back, almost cracking up at the silliness you see before you.  most of the service is a big song, asking Jesus to "smear his blood on our faces and anoint us" (seriously.).   everyone starts putting their hands up once more and shaking them, and shout "wookie wookie wee wookie hidey ho".  your now more freaked out than bursting at the seams.  then, the preacher somes out with his buge leather, gold-edged Bible and his fancy suit.  he talks about how "Jesus wants to be in your heart and if you let him, he will make miracles happen in your life.  he will sow a seed of fortune for you, as long as you keep coming to Church and readin "the word".

well, you've pretty much had enough, so you walk out of the Church and walk home.
Logged

Maybe I'm posting, maybe I'm not.  Who knows...
Tags:
Pages: 1   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.053 seconds with 35 queries.