This is a thread to vent your spleen or mock bad liturgy. Don't care if it's Orthodox, RC, Protestant, non-Christian, whatever. When it's bad, it's bad.
Let me start off.
The RC church around the block from me has a 8 pm Sunday Mass for the students. Since I live in a Francophone-majority city, this is one of the few English Masses that is late and near the school.
Fr. Fisher-Price. (Fr. F-P) I don't know the "presider's" name, and I don't want to know. You'll find out in a moment why I call him Fr. Fisher-Price.
Two over-mic'd lay readers-servers
"Eucharistic Minister" nun in street clothes
30 half drunken, hung over college students.
Fr. F-P is the type of Roman priest that I call a "freestyler". Freestyler RC priests have a relaxed, minimalist approach to the notion of "liturgical text". Mass begins not with "In nomine Patris ..." or "In the name of the Father..." but the "Welcome to our community celebration for the Xth Sunday of Lent/Easter/Ordinary Time" etc. The "Liturgy of the Word", or as the Catechumens' Liturgy is now called, consists of a made up Kyrie litany, no Gloria even outside Lent, and abbreviations/substitutions in the Epistle and Gospel. Sometimes Fr. F-P will let a laywoman read the Gospel. Often the sermon will have nothing to do with the Gospel, but will certainly have many repetitions of the words "sharing", "community", and "feelings".
Fr. F-P is certainly not a scholastic preacher. He prefers monosyllabic words, a calm, Fred Rogers-esque therapeutic voice, and very little emphasis on repentance, mercy, grace, sin, or eucharistic theology. I call him Fr. F-P because his sermons are about as plastic as the little people who live in the toy house.
Every Mass has a new made-up ceremony probably cooked up by Fr. F-P 10 minutes before Mass. The week before, he "performed" the Parable of the Samaritan Woman with a laywoman as the Samaritan, another laywoman as the "narrator", and Fr. F-P as Jesus. Tonight, he had a student carry a large photoprint of Christ Pantocrator into the church and place the print in front of the altar. Seven students were invited to place tealights in front of Christ, Sovereign Creator of the Universe. Of course, he referred to our Lord in His full majestic glory as "that Jesus picture."
Fr. F-P frequently inserts 20 second "sermonettes" before the Epistle, and minute-long stream-of-consciousness exhortations after the orate fratres and per ipsum. I use the Latin names, as Father F-P has a marked inability to recite these prayers from the red book right in front of him. Again, more "sharing", "caring", "community", and other Stewart Smalley throwaway words. Surprisingly, he can recite the Consecration correctly. Still, that is about all of the Missal he cares to recite.
I leave promptly at the Communion, so I don't know what his dismissal and blessing sound like. I would not be surprised if he riffs on the names of God, with "Maker, Liberator, and Spirit-Guide" or something. Whatever Fr. F-P gets his hands on eventually comes out illicit or heretical.
So why do I put up with this crap?
Quebec is a post-Christian, and certainly post-Catholic, society. Roman priests have fallen into an intense liturgical narcissism. The messe quebecois can be distinguished by its improv sermonettes, weird made-up sub-liturgies, and general irreverence towards Our Lord of the Holy Eucharist. I would go somewhere else, but there really isn't anywhere else. French or English, don't matter. The only place that celebrates the Roman liturgy in reverence and solemnity is the city's Anglo-Catholic parish. Not surprisingly, you know where I prefer to hear Mass in the morning.
My (very orthodox, Tridentine) Roman confessor back in the States permits me to attend Sunday Mass with the Anglo-Catholics, as he understands that I am in an emergency situation of sorts. He only asks me to suffer through one of the Roman Masses so that I fulfill my obligation and receive the Eucharist as a Roman. I am also not permitted to show any reverence for an invalid and illicit liturgy (no genuflection, no kneeling at the Prayer Book Mass). Fine. At least I get to worship with Christians who have some decorum.
I have to suffer through this penance simply to make my Sunday Obligation. I simply pray the Rosary or say the Confiteor over and over again to prevent myself from getting angry at the priest.
Our Lady, pray for the re-evangelization of Quebec.