Tikhon.of.Colorado
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« on: March 18, 2011, 04:59:22 AM » |
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hello, everyone.
well, I have a problem. I had been doing so well, but I fell back into the temptation of looking at pornography again. please allow me to explain why. not to defend my sin, but so you may pray for my father, too.
It seems I look at pornography when I'm having a terrible day. well, I had quite a bad day yestereday. it's 2:50 in the morning here, and I can't get to sleep. I keep thining about this.
I have really been trying to rebuild my relationship with my dad. he is being recieved into the Church. when he became a catechumen, I hugged him for the first time in at least a year and a half. I have been trying so hard, but now it seems he hasn't noticed.
my mother called me and said he was in a bad mood. he called her and said he was sick of her "f***ing fat a**".
when I got into the car, he was mad. I don't know why. I was doing homework with my books in the back seat, and we had just dropped my sister off at the dentist. he told me to sit in the front of the car, and I told him I couldn't because I was working on homework (I have an exam today I was studying for).
he backed the car up dangerously fast (seriously.) and said "fine, f*** this". and he told me he was callng our priest and telling him we won't be traveling to pan-Orthodox vespers this Sunday. I honestly don't care, as I went to this Church alst year. I thought he wanted to go (he was quite eager). he likes to punish me by not taking me to Church.
anyway, in the car he went on and on about how I don't "f***ing respect" him and such. when I got home, it put me in tears. I honestly don't know what I did. I'd been working so very hard to rebuild our relationship, and it's asthough he just squished my efforts with this boot.
now, I am very upset. when I get like this, I fall into the sin. mostly looking at pornography. I guess, like any addiction, I need it when I'm down.
I'm having a very rough time. I'm going to confession tomorrow, but please pray for me.
Trevor (Tikhon)
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No longer posting. However, send me a PM if you'd ever like to get in touch. 
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JimCBrooklyn
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Если бога нет, то все позволено
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« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2011, 05:15:34 AM » |
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Lord, Have Mercy! Господи Помилуй Тебя!
Trevor, I think that particularly with habitual sin, and when there is pain involved as a catalyst, those of us who want to live righteously tend to fall into despondency very easily, especially at an age (I was there not too long ago!) and a situation that is very emotionally loaded. Above all, do not be despondent! If this was a case of you falling into an "old" temptation, then you are getting better! I try to recognize all of my negative thought patterns, and when I hear the beginning rumblings of them, I call to Our Lord in my heart.
Your honesty and candidness is humbling, and your witness inspires me, both to be more honest as a man, and to be mindful always of how I am towards my wife and children.
In Christ,
Jim
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It is not the task of Christianity to provide easy answers to every question, but to make us progressively aware of a mystery. God is not so much the object of our knowledge as the cause of our wonder.
-Metropolitan Kallistos Ware
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jckstraw72
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« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2011, 08:06:27 AM » |
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Lord have mercy!
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ozgeorge
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« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2011, 08:25:56 AM » |
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Lord have mercy.
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If you're living a happy life as a Christian, you're doing something wrong.
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Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)
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« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2011, 09:17:16 AM » |
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Lord have mercy.
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Shanghaiski
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« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2011, 09:21:07 AM » |
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God be with you, brother!
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O Master Lord our God...who are wondrous in glory; who keeps his covenant and his mercy to them who love him with all their heart; who has given us redemption...through his only-begotten son, Jesus Christ...the life of everyone, the help of those who flee to him, the hope of those who cry to him.
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Cyril of New York
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« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2011, 09:22:42 AM » |
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Praying for you Trevor. Though I am set off by different triggers I struggle with the same temptations myself so I know what you are going through.
Lord have mercy, and give your child strength.
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LizaSymonenko
Христос Воскрес!!! Christ is Risen!!!
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« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2011, 09:51:07 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
Trevor, try not to fall...but, if you do...get UP! Dust yourself off and move on.
I think your father is also fighting some of his demons. Don't get angry at him. Just pray for him.
Praying for you both.
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Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria
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Altar Server
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Most Holy Theotokos Save Us!
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« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2011, 12:56:22 PM » |
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Lord Have Mercy!
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Through the Prayers of the Theotokos O Savior Save Us!
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IsmiLiora
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« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2011, 01:04:18 PM » |
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Lord have mercy!
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She's touring the facility/and picking up slack.
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"For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow." Ecclesiastes 1:18
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I once believed in causes too, I had my pointless point of view --
Life went on no matter who was wrong or right
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Achronos
What's so good about Cincinnati? You like it? You think Cincinnati is cool? I've never heard anyone say, 'I'm going to Cincinnati on vacation.'
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« Reply #10 on: March 18, 2011, 06:27:58 PM » |
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I was in tears reading this, it breaks my heart.
Most merciful Lord, please have mercy on both your servants!
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“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
“The last capitalist we hang shall be the one who sold us the rope.”
"Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are."
"We see at once that the words absolute, divine, eternal, and so on do not express what is implied in them.
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JimCBrooklyn
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Если бога нет, то все позволено
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« Reply #12 on: March 19, 2011, 12:42:31 PM » |
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thanks, everyone.
through your prayers, and the prayers of St. Paraskeve of Rome, my father just called and said he was sorry, and it shall never happen again. he says he's going to start acting Orthodox.
Glory to God!
Glory to God! May your father stay near to Him, and remember that you are in the prayers of many, and that your own faith is your own faith, no matter what, and no one person's actions can do anything about that! |
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It is not the task of Christianity to provide easy answers to every question, but to make us progressively aware of a mystery. God is not so much the object of our knowledge as the cause of our wonder.
-Metropolitan Kallistos Ware
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CBGardner
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Ask w/ tears, seek w/ obedience, knock w/ patience
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« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2011, 06:33:49 PM » |
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It's such great news to hear your father apologized; may you give him the fresh start our Saviour will!
Saint Christopher intercede for our brother, as you defeated the temptresses and converted them, pray our brother may defeat them as well!
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Authentic zeal is not directed towards anything but union in Christ, or against anything but our own fallenness.
"Beardliness is next to Godliness."- Asteriktos
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zekarja
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Papa Abba St Cyril, of Alexandria, pray for us!
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« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2011, 02:46:36 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
You are not alone in the struggle against lust. Some wisdom of St John Cassian that I stumbled upon today...
The Twelve Books of John Cassian
Book VI: On the Spirit of Fornication
Chapter V.
"If we really desire to enter into this spiritual combat on the same terms as the Apostle, let us concentrate our every effort at dominating this unclean spirit by placing our confidence not in our own forces but on the help of God. Human effort will never be able to win through here. For the soul will be attacked by this vice as long as it does not recognize that it is in a war beyond its powers and that it cannot obtain victory by its own effort unless it is shored up by the help and protection of the Lord."
Forgive me, my brothers.
Zekarja
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« Last Edit: March 21, 2011, 02:47:13 AM by zekarja »
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SubdeaconDavid
"...the spread of the light of Orthodoxy among the peoples of all the lands where our Church exists continues as an inseparable part of our mission": Metropolitan Hilarion, First Hierarch of ROCOR
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Помилуй мя Боже, по велицей милости Твоей
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« Reply #15 on: March 21, 2011, 05:22:34 AM » |
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May the Lord strengthen you to draw from His mercy by obedience to the Church - especially in fasting, prayer and prostrations. Your father may be fighting some demons of his own - especially the inclination to be abusive to you and your mother. Pornography is an industry built on suffering and abuse of those who work in it - especially the women. Abuse in any form is unacceptable and for an Orthodox Christian - even a new one to deprecate his loved ones with such abuse and foul language makes any notion of spiritual progress pretty void.
Your task is to fight your own temptation to escape into the abyss of porn and remain in the here and now - as a servant of God, praying for salvation for yourself and your family. May the Mother of God protect you and may your Guardian Angel be with you.
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Visit my blog@ http://orthodoxtasmania.blogspot.comTo the Russians abroad it has been granted to shine in the whole world the light of Orthodoxy, so that other peoples, seeing their good deeds, might glorify our Father in Heaven, and thus obtain salvation S John of Shanghai & San Francisco |
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serb1389
Lord, remember me when you come into your Kingdom!
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« Reply #16 on: March 21, 2011, 08:16:00 PM » |
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kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison
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I got nothing. I forgot the maps March 27th and May 30th 2010 were my Ordination dates, please forgive everything before that |
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ag_vn
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« Reply #17 on: March 23, 2011, 10:39:20 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
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quietmorning
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« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2011, 10:50:07 AM » |
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Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on Trevor!!
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