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Author Topic: PLEASE pray for me, falling into old temptations :-(  (Read 1251 times) Average Rating: 0
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Tikhon.of.Colorado
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« on: March 18, 2011, 04:59:22 AM »

hello, everyone. 

well, I have a problem.  I had been doing so well, but I fell back into the temptation of looking at pornography again.  please allow me to explain why.  not to defend my sin, but so you may pray for my father, too. 

It seems I look at pornography when I'm having a terrible day.  well, I had quite a bad day yestereday.  it's 2:50 in the morning here, and I can't get to sleep.  I keep thining about this. 

I have really been trying to rebuild my relationship with my dad.  he is being recieved into the Church.  when he became a catechumen, I hugged him for the first time in at least a year and a half.  I have been trying so hard, but now it seems he hasn't noticed.

my mother called me and said he was in a bad mood.  he called her and said he was sick of her "f***ing fat a**". 

when I got into the car, he was mad. I don't know why.  I was doing homework with my books in the back seat, and we had just dropped my sister off at the dentist.  he told me to sit in the front of the car, and I told him I couldn't because I was working on homework (I have an exam today I was studying for).

he backed the car up dangerously fast (seriously.) and said "fine, f*** this".  and he told me he was callng our priest and telling him we won't be traveling to pan-Orthodox vespers this Sunday.  I honestly don't care, as I went to this Church alst year.  I thought he wanted to go (he was quite eager).  he likes to punish me by not taking me to Church. 

anyway, in the car he went on and on about how I don't "f***ing respect" him and such.  when I got home, it put me in tears.  I honestly don't know what I did.  I'd been working so very hard to rebuild our relationship, and it's asthough he just squished my efforts with this boot. 

now, I am very upset.  when I get like this, I fall into the sin.  mostly looking at pornography.  I guess, like any addiction, I need it when I'm down. 

I'm having a very rough time.  I'm going to confession tomorrow, but please pray for me. 

Trevor (Tikhon)
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« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2011, 05:15:34 AM »

Lord, Have Mercy! Господи Помилуй Тебя!

Trevor, I think that particularly with habitual sin, and when there is pain involved as a catalyst, those of us who want to live righteously tend to fall into despondency very easily, especially at an age (I was there not too long ago!) and a situation that is very emotionally loaded. Above all, do not be despondent! If this was a case of you falling into an "old" temptation, then you are getting better! I try to recognize all of my negative thought patterns, and when I hear the beginning rumblings of them, I call to Our Lord in my heart.

Your honesty and candidness is humbling, and your witness inspires me, both to be more honest as a man, and to be mindful always of how I am towards my wife and children.

In Christ,

Jim
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« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2011, 08:06:27 AM »

Lord have mercy!
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« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2011, 08:25:56 AM »

Lord have mercy.
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« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2011, 09:17:16 AM »

Lord have mercy.
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« Reply #5 on: March 18, 2011, 09:21:07 AM »

God be with you, brother!
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« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2011, 09:22:42 AM »

Praying for you Trevor. Though I am set off by different triggers I struggle with the same temptations myself so I know what you are going through.

Lord have mercy, and give your child strength.
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« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2011, 09:51:07 AM »


Lord, have mercy!

Trevor, try not to fall...but, if you do...get UP!  Dust yourself off and move on.

I think your father is also fighting some of his demons.  Don't get angry at him.  Just pray for him.

Praying for you both.
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« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2011, 12:56:22 PM »

Lord Have Mercy!
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« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2011, 01:04:18 PM »

Lord have mercy!

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« Reply #10 on: March 18, 2011, 06:27:58 PM »

I was in tears reading this, it breaks my heart.

Most merciful Lord, please have mercy on both your servants!
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« Reply #11 on: March 19, 2011, 12:33:38 PM »

thanks, everyone. 

through your prayers, and the prayers of St. Paraskeve of Rome, my father just called and said he was sorry, and it shall never happen again.  he says he's going to start acting Orthodox. 

Glory to God!

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« Reply #12 on: March 19, 2011, 12:42:31 PM »

thanks, everyone. 

through your prayers, and the prayers of St. Paraskeve of Rome, my father just called and said he was sorry, and it shall never happen again.  he says he's going to start acting Orthodox. 

Glory to God!


Glory to God! May your father stay near to Him, and remember that you are in the prayers of many, and that your own faith is your own faith, no matter what, and no one person's actions can do anything about that!
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« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2011, 06:33:49 PM »

It's such great news to hear your father apologized; may you give him the fresh start our Saviour will!
Saint Christopher intercede for our brother, as you defeated the temptresses and converted them, pray our brother may defeat them as well!
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« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2011, 02:46:36 AM »

Lord, have mercy!

You are not alone in the struggle against lust. Some wisdom of St John Cassian that I stumbled upon today...

The Twelve Books of John Cassian
Book VI: On the Spirit of Fornication
Chapter V.

"If we really desire to enter into this spiritual combat on the same terms as the Apostle, let us concentrate our every effort at dominating this unclean spirit by placing our confidence not in our own forces but on the help of God. Human effort will never be able to win through here. For the soul will be attacked by this vice as long as it does not recognize that it is in a war beyond its powers and that it cannot obtain victory by its own effort unless it is shored up by the help and protection of the Lord."

Forgive me, my brothers.
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« Reply #15 on: March 21, 2011, 05:22:34 AM »

May the Lord strengthen you to draw from His mercy by obedience to the Church - especially in fasting, prayer and prostrations.  Your father may be fighting some demons of his own - especially the inclination to be abusive to you and your mother.  Pornography is an industry built on suffering and abuse of those who work in it - especially the women.  Abuse in any form is unacceptable and for an Orthodox Christian - even a new one to deprecate his loved ones with such abuse and foul language makes any notion of spiritual progress pretty void.

Your task is to fight your own temptation to escape into the abyss of porn and remain in the here and now - as a servant of God, praying for salvation for yourself and your family.  May the Mother of God protect you and may your Guardian Angel be with you.
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« Reply #16 on: March 21, 2011, 08:16:00 PM »

kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison
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« Reply #17 on: March 23, 2011, 10:39:20 AM »

Lord, have mercy!
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« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2011, 10:50:07 AM »

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on Trevor!!

 
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