Premarital Sex

[88Devin12]

Just some advice if not already given...
It gets really tough at college. No parents, no one to watch after you, almost no one giving sound/moral advice. And you are thrown into situations where both guys and girls feel the same (but for different reasons). Be very, very careful especially if you choose to drink, because you lose almost all self-control, and while that is bad by itself, it becomes much more dangerous in that environment.

I've been lucky that even through my stupidity of drinking a lot, I've managed to keep my composure and withdraw from dangerous situations. Just some last advice, if you find yourself in a situation where you've had too many and you feel like you're losing control, get out and walk away. If you can make it to your room safely, then do so. While I feel some guilt that I missed out on a good party, it was nothing like the guilt I would have felt if I allowed my soul to become scarred even more...

[Poppy]

Not I. I'll be standing right there next to you, brother. But I find parts of this thread tragic.

In Christ,
Andrew

Thanks for the support.  

There are a number of threads that these young guys have started on Premarital Sex or have resurrected dormant threads on the topic.  We faithful have to fight the good fight on this topic and others like this topic.        

It's not just young people......anb there might be parts tragic on this thread but threads like this are important because not only can the tragic stereotypes be challenged but also there are some really good posts that people write as well...... information that ppl are like "wish i'd known that earlier" type stuff which gives both young middle aged and older good stuff to think about. Ppl might be 50 and still a virgin which brings with it baggage as much as a sexual history can do. Depends if you make it into a monster or not.

(and also im adding this in the edit.... its not just religious ppl who can do life without getting a riggle on with every other bloke or girl that walks up on them.... theres girls who don't just because they have got a code.)

[FormerReformer]

Guys who care about a woman's sexual history are simply insecure. Add that one to my list above sex as well.

We're programmed to care, and it can hit hard.

That doesn't mean the "caring" is justified, but it does mean there's a reality to overcome.

Absolutely. I'm my girl's 7th, but she sincerely says I'm the best so not much to worry about. Initially the pressure was on because I knew her previous sex life.

I think it is a folly of youth to want to know one's partner's sexual history. Unless they must reveal sexual disease, it rarely is helpful, again unless some trauma was involved that could complicate the relationship.

Young men especially are prone to play Clouseau and then suffer for the knowing.

In my experience, best to know as little as possible.

I truly don't want to know how many, when, etc. I prefer to let things fold naturally with no direct questions or comparisons, etc.

This is advice I would go back and give myself 15 years ago.

 

For some reason this exchange of the thread brings to mind parts of "Clerks" ("37?!") and the entirety of "Chasing Amy".

Knowing that your intended is not a virgin beforehand is a good thing if that's the way it is.  But digging up every intricacy of the past is neurotic obsession.

[IsmiLiora]

You will know you have really made it when it doesn't even occur to either of you to compare the performance of the other to a past partner, the same way that how good you are at cooking or account-keeping doesn't matter to the person who loves you.

Exactly. If you're still "keeping score" on skills or numbers (some jealousy may always be there if you know about their past), I'd reconsider any serious decisions, such as engagement or marriage, at the time. There comes a point where it really shouldn't matter at all.

And as someone who had made their partner tell me everything about their past -- DON'T DO IT. He respects not knowing every detail of mine and I wish I had done the same for him. The stories have haunted my mind for years. It's damage that is not easily undone. We waited with each other for 3 years, and I don't want to say that it really canceled out the past...but in many ways, it did for the two of us. I don't regret it for a second. Worth the wait.

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OrthodoxChristianity.net > Moderated Forums > Free-For-All > Religious Topics (Moderator: Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)) > Topic: Premarital Sex