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Author Topic: Top Ten Signs You're Russian Orthodox  (Read 2855 times) Average Rating: 0
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Orthodoc
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Those who ignore history tend to repeat it.


« on: November 17, 2004, 11:03:28 PM »

Top Ten Signs You Might Be Russian Orthodox
By 'Dmitri Letterman'

. On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
. You're used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
. You can automatically subtract 13 days from today's
date.
. On your first encounter with long words, you
pronounce them stressing the 'next to the next to
last' syllable.
. You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards
when you see him on TV.
. You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you
know you'll be standing a long, long time.
. To you, a 'topless' gal is one without a headscarf.
. You get great deals on Christmas trees and Easter
candy.
. You spend time figuring out the best way to remove
smoke stains from your ceiling.
. When you see a shopping-mall Santa, your first
instinct is to hold out your hands to get his
blessing.
Runners-Up

. Before you pray, you say a prayer.
. You don't flinch when someone throws water at you.
. When you first tell people who ask what religion you
are, at first they think you're Jewish. Oy!
. You're experienced at removing wax from clothing.
. When you go to the movies, you and your spouse sit
on different sides of the theatre (and you both feel
uncomfortable sitting down in public).
. The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes
late and lasts 2 = hours - and nobody around you
complains.
. You know you're in an Orthodox church when the
priest says, 'Let us complete our prayer to the Lord',
and there's still half an hour to go.
. You find yourself instinctively drawn to
jurisdictional chaos. 'I don't believe in organized
religion; I'm Orthodox!'
. At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your
forehead.
. Your Easter isn't Easter without an all-night party
(featuring vodka and 10 dishes of sausage with cheese).


==========

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« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2004, 02:53:47 AM »

Top Ten Signs You Might Be Russian Orthodox
By 'Dmitri Letterman'

. On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.


This one is new.  I ate some yesterday (I should have had the whole salmon steak though and not the seafood mix w/ veggies).
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« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2004, 05:25:31 AM »

Quote
Top Ten Signs You Might Be Russian Orthodox
By 'Dmitri Letterman'

Looks strangely familiar  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2004, 02:22:51 PM »

Familiar or not it raised a smile on my face this dismal day. Thank you........
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« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2004, 04:38:38 PM »

If I have 6 of the first category, and 5 of the second one... Am I Orthodox?
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« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2004, 04:46:47 PM »

And did Sir order the borscht? (Old style recipe, of course). If not, NO! Roll Eyes
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« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2004, 04:53:29 PM »

And did Sir order the borscht? (Old style recipe, of course). If not, NO! Roll Eyes
I make my own barszcz. There is no need for some other person to play with my food[smae with peirogi]!! Wink
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« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2004, 05:46:16 PM »


Maybe it's something like the "Folk Process" with music, Serge.  Or like a couple of my songs that I have found on a number of sites, some with my and my lyricist's name and some without.  Someone heard the song somewhere, liked it, but didn't know who'd made it.  I wouldn't be surprised if people remembered your page, but couldn't recall where or who.

Ebor
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Orthodoc
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« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2004, 06:57:03 PM »

From one of our Church parishioners.  Anyone who is an area where there are scores of Russian immigrants can relate -

Bob
How about you come in late and immediately start lighting candles?
Joe Q


Orthodoc
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Grant victory to the Orthodox Christians over their adversaries.
And by virtue of thy Cross preserve thy habitation.
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« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2004, 08:20:44 PM »

And if you leave to make room for a late arrival you are a Serb, not a Russian....... Wink
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« Reply #10 on: November 20, 2004, 08:04:22 PM »

And if you leave to make room for a late arrival you are a Serb, not a Russian....... Wink
And if you make yourself a table for the new arrival your a Polak!!
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« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2004, 10:26:38 PM »

Top Ten Signs You Might Be Russian Orthodox
By 'Dmitri Letterman'

. On Wednesdays and Fridays you eat Japanese food.
. You're used to skipping breakfast on Sundays.
. You can automatically subtract 13 days from today's
date.
. On your first encounter with long words, you
pronounce them stressing the 'next to the next to
last' syllable.
. You wonder why the Pope crosses himself backwards
when you see him on TV.
. You wear comfortable shoes to church, because you
know you'll be standing a long, long time.
. To you, a 'topless' gal is one without a headscarf.
. You get great deals on Christmas trees and Easter
candy.
. You spend time figuring out the best way to remove
smoke stains from your ceiling.
. When you see a shopping-mall Santa, your first
instinct is to hold out your hands to get his
blessing.
Runners-Up

. Before you pray, you say a prayer.
. You don't flinch when someone throws water at you.
. When you first tell people who ask what religion you
are, at first they think you're Jewish. Oy!
. You're experienced at removing wax from clothing.
. When you go to the movies, you and your spouse sit
on different sides of the theatre (and you both feel
uncomfortable sitting down in public).
. The service routinely starts at least 15 minutes
late and lasts 2 = hours - and nobody around you
complains.
. You know you're in an Orthodox church when the
priest says, 'Let us complete our prayer to the Lord',
and there's still half an hour to go.
. You find yourself instinctively drawn to
jurisdictional chaos. 'I don't believe in organized
religion; I'm Orthodox!'
. At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your
forehead.
. Your Easter isn't Easter without an all-night party
(featuring vodka and 10 dishes of sausage with cheese).


==========

Orthodoc

Wow....this is just so hilarious. I think a good word to describe this would be lame.
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« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2004, 10:31:44 PM »

Wow....this is just so hilarious. I think a good word to describe this would be lame.

Oh come now.  We have to be able to laugh at ourselves sometimes ... it's a remarkable weapon against pride.

Shortly after I converted, I was fortunate enough to attend a DL locally celebrated by then-Metropolitan Theodosius of the OCA.  After the liturgy there was to be a luncheon, and for several minutes people were milling around with quizzical expressions on their faces, not quite knowing how to proceed.  The priest who received me leaned over to me and quipped "if it's organized, then you know it can't be Orthodox".  I laughed.  A good bit of self-deprecating humor is not such a bad thing, provided it is not a mask for pride.

B
« Last Edit: November 21, 2004, 10:32:06 PM by Brendan03 » Logged

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« Reply #13 on: November 21, 2004, 10:38:44 PM »

Oh come now.  We have to be able to laugh at ourselves sometimes ... it's a remarkable weapon against pride.

Shortly after I converted, I was fortunate enough to attend a DL locally celebrated by then-Metropolitan Theodosius of the OCA.  After the liturgy there was to be a luncheon, and for several minutes people were milling around with quizzical expressions on their faces, not quite knowing how to proceed.  The priest who received me leaned over to me and quipped "if it's organized, then you know it can't be Orthodox".  I laughed.  A good bit of self-deprecating humor is not such a bad thing, provided it is not a mask for pride.

B

I understand this but this joke just sucked totally. If you are going to have humor, you might to something that is a good joke, not a lame joke.
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« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2004, 01:10:46 AM »

Quote
Wow....this is just so hilarious. I think a good word to describe this would be lame.


Quote
I understand this but this joke just sucked totally. If you are going to have humor, you might to something that is a good joke, not a lame joke.

Man, calm down grumpy...

Don't act like you've never said anything that someone didn't find amusing and chuckle at.  :rolleyes:

On a side note, I found this part of your signature amusing, so kudos to you.  Wink

Quote
W.W.R.A.D.-What would Ron Artest do?
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« Reply #15 on: November 22, 2004, 01:35:18 AM »

Quote
if it's organized, then you know it can't be Orthodox

That is an absurd statement.  If something isn't organized that means somebody doesn't take their responsibilities seriously.
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« Reply #16 on: November 22, 2004, 01:03:45 PM »

No, but it you see them measuring the altar candles to ensure their of equal length then you definitely know they are not Orthodox! Or Russian. Cool
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« Reply #17 on: November 15, 2010, 04:29:03 PM »

No, but it you see them measuring the altar candles to ensure their of equal length then you definitely know they are not Orthodox! Or Russian. Cool

Maybe they are one of the many German converts to Orthodoxy. 
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« Reply #18 on: November 16, 2010, 07:40:49 PM »

A couple more for you...
-You're 10 years old and already your legs have varicose veins
-you see an older woman and immediately shift 2 feet away for fear of the Cane
-you're Paschal preparations include prayer, fasting and buying 40 pounds of bacon
-every year you complain to the mall calendar salespeople that they must fix every calendar

enjoy...
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« Reply #19 on: November 24, 2010, 12:23:16 PM »

I remember a little pamphlet for people new to Orthodoxy or visiting. It had an entry that said "More is more," referring to some of our um lengthier prayers. It posed the question, "Why use three words when 10 will do?"
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« Reply #20 on: November 24, 2010, 12:46:09 PM »

And did Sir order the borscht? (Old style recipe, of course). If not, NO! Roll Eyes

Borshch is a Ukrainian dish, not Russian. And there is no "t" in it. The "t" was probably added by Yiddish-speaking people from the Bronx.Smiley
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« Reply #21 on: November 24, 2010, 01:15:28 PM »


The OP should read "Top Ten Signs You are Orthodox"....because most of the items listed hold true, no matter which "flavor" of Orthodox you are.

...we are one happy family and share all the same joys!

Grin

I have been known to open a bunch of calendars and purchase the one that had "Eastern Orthodox Easter" represented!   Cheesy

....if it had the "Julian Calendar Christmas" marked...well,  I would buy at least two of those! 


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