Author Topic: So what are the limits of honor your parents?  (Read 633 times)

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Offline William

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So what are the limits of honor your parents?
« on: January 12, 2013, 07:55:45 PM »
Like if your father insults your mother for going through menopause, tells her to "f*** off," threatens you with violence and belittles and insults you for things you've confided in him about (not having any good friends, for example), and your mother shoves you and then threatens to have you arrested for domestic abuse if you try to shake her off. Like say if your relationship with your father was such that if you have a dream with him in it he's invariably an antagonist of some sort.

Basically what does the Fourth Commandment mean if you genuinely can't bring yourself to like your parents to the point that being around them is unhealthy?
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Offline JamesR

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Re: So what are the limits of honor your parents?
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2013, 08:31:34 PM »
St. John Chrysostom I think gives a good standard. We are supposed to honor and obey all parents and civil authorities to the extent that they do not cause us to violate God's commandments. In which case, obeying them would no longer be obeying your parents but obeying the Devil. I think that the best way to honor your parents in this situation is to perform your duties as their son--like chores or homework etc.--and then avoid them as much as possible, since your presence seem to invoke sinfulness in them by causing them to lose their tempers etc.

Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: So what are the limits of honor your parents?
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2013, 01:10:20 AM »
Like if your father insults your mother for going through menopause, tells her to "f*** off," threatens you with violence and belittles and insults you for things you've confided in him about (not having any good friends, for example), and your mother shoves you and then threatens to have you arrested for domestic abuse if you try to shake her off. Like say if your relationship with your father was such that if you have a dream with him in it he's invariably an antagonist of some sort.

Basically what does the Fourth Commandment mean if you genuinely can't bring yourself to like your parents to the point that being around them is unhealthy?

If you parents are bad parents and bad examples, you honor them by not becoming like them, but not returning evil with evil, by praying for them, by forgiving them. You are not at all required to make yourself into a human doormat or pin cushion, however. It may not be good for you to be near them, in which case you should leave--after receiving sound counsel. Also, if anyone--parents included--demand you do something contrary to the law of Christ, do not obey them.

If any of these things are happening to you or someone you know, it would be wise to seek counsel.
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: So what are the limits of honor your parents?
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2013, 01:11:33 AM »
St. John Chrysostom I think gives a good standard. We are supposed to honor and obey all parents and civil authorities to the extent that they do not cause us to violate God's commandments. In which case, obeying them would no longer be obeying your parents but obeying the Devil. I think that the best way to honor your parents in this situation is to perform your duties as their son--like chores or homework etc.--and then avoid them as much as possible, since your presence seem to invoke sinfulness in them by causing them to lose their tempers etc.

I do not think that either he or his presence is at all to blame here.
Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
Quote from: orthonorm
I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.