Before I took a nose dive and fell very completely away from grace - I woke up between 4:30 and 5 AM (or earlier depending on my job at the time) - and read my Bible for a half an hour, then prayed. I also prayed through out the day - just about constantly. My fall was based on pride. Spiritual pride. The Lord, in His mercy let me know just who was doing all the awesome things I witnessed. . .and I really truly had absolutely NOTHING to do with it. I couldn't pray without Him. I couldn't do ANYTHING without His willing it and literally doing it Himself in me. Not walk, not talk, not breath - NOTHING. It was a hard hard 7 year long lesson. . .that pretty much left me pretty shattered in a lot of ways. I needed to be shattered. I needed to be so utterly broken that there was nothing left of this 'me-itis' and the only thing left was to beg for mercy. The spiritual illnesses described in The Silient Mountain are so true! I was so sick spiritually - of my own doing through this arrogance I held.
When He orchestrated my finding and going to the Orthodox Church in my area - I heard about the prayer rule and was so anxious to go back to prayer. I literally slept with my cell phone under my pillow and got up between 4:30 and 5 AM again, just like I had done for years and years before. I was so excited to FINALLY be able to pray again!! And to HAVE the prayers of the Saints to guide me - how awesome is that??!! Wonderful.
I did this for quite a while with no issues. My husband never woke up, I was finished praying when he got up, and we could spend the morning together or I would work out depending on what day of the week it was.
The a couple of months ago, my house exploded. My husband blew up into a rage. . .and the thing that he blew up over was my morning prayer time. When we finally got to the bottom of what was really bothering him, it was so unrelated it wasn't funny, and nothing I did, he was frustrated with himself.
So after this, I went back to that prayer rule of getting up early. . .but all the sudden, my husband would wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. He is pulling very long days at work right now -- working all day, then teaching in the evenings until 9ish at night. So, waking up at the crack of dawn actually is not something he can afford right now. He doesn't get enough rest. Sleeping in until it is time for him to get up is good for our relationship, but murder on my prayer life.
At first I thought - wow. . .what's-his-face REALLY does not want me to pray.
But it didn't feel like that in my spirit. It felt like this is one of those things that I need to pay attention to and seek God on . . .as it feels like I've been running on MY will again with prayer . . .and perhaps He wants me to pray according to HIS will.
And I'm humbled. . .good thing. Very good thing.
But I'm at a loss as to how to manage my prayer life around an unbelieving husband. I spoke to my priest about this - and he seems to be of the belief that my husband should take precedence. I was of the mindset that God comes first, then spouse, but both come before everything else. Heh. . .but either way. . .my will does not play into the priority any where. . .and that's what I want to move out of the way.
Does anyone have any suggestions (especially those of you with an unbelieving spouse) of how to live your faith, especially prayer time - and still honor, respect, etc - your spouse?