Yes, you're right that big differences are more important than small ones - but actually, I think most people do have at least one area of significant disagreement, even if it doesn't emerge for quite a while. For example, lots of my friends are just getting to the age when their children need to go to school, and there are lots of state/private disagreements breaking out, which are really difficult to resolve (and, obviously, have far-reaching implications). As far as I know, none of these couples particularly foresaw disagreement, either (I hear a lot of disbelief at 'the absurd things s/he believes!')
Ok, now imagine these disagreements breaking out, which are really difficult to resolve and have far-reaching implications, about religion, in addition to whatever undiscovered disagreements that exist. And that your children are privy to the remarks about the "absurd things" each of you believes about something as important as God, morality, values, beliefs and faith.
Do you think that makes for a serene and happy home life for the children? From personal experience, even with parents who loved each other devotedly, I can tell you that it doesn't.
Katherine, I'm saying I think people disagree, it's natural. I don't think it's even unhealthy. Btw, I don't think my friends argue in front of their children (nor, in fact, do I think they refer to 'absurd things' to each other - they're blowing off steam to me).
Yes, people disagree, as I said before, but agreement on substantive issues, especially the big ones of morality, values and beliefs is important. Unless morality, values and beliefs are situational - that is, there is no mutual agreement, only whatever one person wants to do. And you don't know that your friends don't refer to abusrd things - you are inferring. They very well may do so.
If they do, do you think it would be good for the children? From your statement, I infer that you don't think it is a good thing.
I don't understand the first part of what you say above - why do you think I believe that?
Then you don't believe that children should decide for themselves what religion they will be brought up in? Then who will be doing the deciding?
I'm sorry, I don't follow. I said I didn't understand why you thought I believed those things - why is this necessarily to do with children 'deciding' to follow a religion? In my experience, one doesn't 'decide' such a thing, the way you might decide to have beef for dinner - if you have faith, you have faith.
So how does one "get" faith? How does one even know that faith is something that one would like to know about or decide about, that faith exists and is a good thing - unless one is exposed to it.
Which will that be, for your children? Or will you leave it up to them? (you certainly don't have to answer this - it's very personal)
You, I hope, won't let them decide for themselves whether or not they will be immunized or get their teeth seen to or go to the doctor or get an education.
These are important, not optional, things - which the parents should take care of, just like ensuring that their children are brought up in a religion.
Excuse me? What evidence do you have for saying my marriage isn't working well?!
What evidence do you have that I was referring to your marriage? I was actually referring to the sorry state of society today - as I mentioned before and you responded to - we have the evidence before us.
I will say, one thing that has brought us into close agreement with each other is reading threads like these and finding the blueprint for exactly how *not* to parent or relate to each other!
Yes, why listen to people who already have children or who have been married for many years? Or who have actually grown up in a inter (or no) faith household?
How could they possibly possess insights that you lack?