OrthodoxChristianity.net
December 20, 2014, 08:32:38 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Reminder: No political discussions in the public fora.  If you do not have access to the private Politics Forum, please send a PM to Fr. George.
 
   Home   Help Calendar Contact Treasury Tags Login Register  
Pages: 1   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Am I wrong to think this was inappropriate of the priest?  (Read 1635 times) Average Rating: 0
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« on: August 13, 2010, 04:04:20 PM »

Please help. I am not trying to throw stones or to criticize the Church as a whole, but I honestly don't know if I'm coming at this from the wrong perspective. I am talking about a personal situation, so don't read if you're not comfortable with that.

I am not Orthodox myself. My husband and I were told we must be must be married in the Orthodox Church, and my own vicar fully supported this. We made arrangements and sent out invitations. Five weeks before the wedding, we asked the priest if we could have a meeting about what marriage might mean in the Orthodox Church, and about how the ceremony would run. We had the meeting and went over some theology and some practical questions, and arranged to meet again a week later.

A week later, half an hour after our scheduled meeting, the priest rang my partner to cancel the meeting, and also said it was no longer possible for us to be married in the church building he'd thought of, because he hadn't remembered to clear it with the bishop in time. Naturally, we were upset, having sent out invitations with the location on them, and since there was no other venue for us to use. However, I quickly emailed my own vicar and he petitioned the bishop and the church council of my church, asking them to let us be married there, but in an Orthodox service.

The Orthodox priest never apologized, and doesn't seem to realize this was a problem - despite the fact that I had to write some very pleading letters to my own bishop and our church council, just a few weeks before my wedding! In fact, when I told him I was concerned, he simply told me that it was a foregone conclusion that an Anglican church would permit an Orthodox ceremony, even though my Anglican church was at the time not at all sure they were prepared to do so.

Finally, we arranged for a rehearsal the evening before the wedding, as the priest couldn't do it at any other time. To our surprise, when we made this appointment, the priest seemed to have forgotten all the details we'd discussed before, and needed to be reminded of them all (include the time of the wedding, whether or not we were having crowns, etc.). We hoped my parents would be able to see what the wedding might look like, so they could understand it.

We all met for the rehearsal, only to find the priest was running late, taking confessions on Saturday for the Divine Liturgy on Sunday - of course, this couldn't be helped, but we thought he might have expected it. Eventually, 35 minutes after our appointment time, my parents left so that our restaurant booking wouldn't be lost. The priest didn't apologize for being late. He once again appeared to have forgotten details such as the time of the wedding, whether we would have crown-bearers, and so on. He hadn't even checked the church would be open, considering this to be my job. He then told us we needed to pay for a choir (having not mentioned this at all before). Eventually, he told us how the service would be. We explained (as we had before), that some relatives were ill and would need to be invited to sit down.

At the service, the priest decided to announce to the congregation that they would be considered weak if they sat down. My brother's girlfriend in fact fainted during the service. He also told an inappropriate story about marriage being a time of suffering for the husband because wives nag. I was mortified, partly because of the content and partly because I had thought this would be a solemn ceremony, but the story was told in as a joke. As the service went on, it became clear it wasn't in the same order as the rehearsal, and I didn't understand what was happening - there seemed to be a lot of repetitions. Eventually, the priest came to a particular reading which, we had all agreed (including him!) would be read in Church Slavonic. He read it in English.

I am a bit at the end of my tether. This behaviour surely can't be normal. I really, really don't want to criticize a priest and wouldn't do so if I weren't so upset and confused, so please tell me if there is something I've misunderstood? I felt completely disrespected at my own wedding, and it was almost as if the priest had deliberately decided to mock the non-Orthodox people involved.
Logged
Heorhij
Merarches
***********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: GOA, for now, but my heart belongs to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church
Posts: 8,576



WWW
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2010, 04:11:22 PM »

Liz, I am so sorry it happened to you. What you described really seems to be inapproppriate. It should not have happened. To me, perhaps the worst part was that the priest never apologized. It would not hurt his priestly dignity to be polite!

I don't know what to say except I am sorry. Please forgive us (or me, because I feel responsible, too, as an Orthodox).

Many Years on your marriage though!
Logged

Love never fails.
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2010, 04:17:53 PM »

Liz, I am so sorry it happened to you. What you described really seems to be inapproppriate. It should not have happened. To me, perhaps the worst part was that the priest never apologized. It would not hurt his priestly dignity to be polite!

I don't know what to say except I am sorry. Please forgive us (or me, because I feel responsible, too, as an Orthodox).

Many Years on your marriage though!

Oh, please don't feel responsible! You in particular have helped me so much in understanding what Orthodoxy is really about - I feel very grateful to you.

I just don't understand this priest. I feel as if he is punishing me for being a woman who asked questions, or for not converting. And I hope I'm wrong in this, but I can't help suspecting he felt our wedding wasn't really something to be celebrated because of the situation my husband and I are in (not both Orthodox, living in the same house, etc.). He did say before the wedding that a wedding was not really necessary as we were 'living as if we were married' before, and I had to explain that this is not the case, but rather that we lived in the same house like flatmates. But I don't know if the message got through.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2010, 04:18:22 PM by Liz » Logged
Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 7,006



« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2010, 04:41:20 PM »

Liz, I am so sorry it happened to you. What you described really seems to be inapproppriate. It should not have happened. To me, perhaps the worst part was that the priest never apologized. It would not hurt his priestly dignity to be polite!

I don't know what to say except I am sorry. Please forgive us (or me, because I feel responsible, too, as an Orthodox).

Many Years on your marriage though!

Oh, please don't feel responsible! You in particular have helped me so much in understanding what Orthodoxy is really about - I feel very grateful to you.

I just don't understand this priest. I feel as if he is punishing me for being a woman who asked questions, or for not converting. And I hope I'm wrong in this, but I can't help suspecting he felt our wedding wasn't really something to be celebrated because of the situation my husband and I are in (not both Orthodox, living in the same house, etc.). He did say before the wedding that a wedding was not really necessary as we were 'living as if we were married' before, and I had to explain that this is not the case, but rather that we lived in the same house like flatmates. But I don't know if the message got through.

First, congratulations and may God grant you both many years. As a Middle Esatern saying goes, may you age on the same pillow!

I am embarrassed for the Priest, whose conduct was bizarre, to say the least. I pray that he was not passive-aggressive, as you are suggesting. OTH, he may be suffering from an illness perhaps, so that may be we should give him a break. In any case, the important thing is that you are united to your beloved in holy matrimony, a great (perhaps the greatest) mystery of the Church. It would be very good indeed if you could henceforth involve God in your daily lives: an icon corner that is used regularly for morning and evening prayers would be so good for your marriage!
Logged

Michal: "SC, love you in this thread."
Aindriú
Faster! Funnier!
Protokentarchos
*********
Offline Offline

Faith: Cynical
Jurisdiction: Vestibule of Hell
Posts: 3,918



WWW
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2010, 04:42:52 PM »

Congratiulation on your marriage!

I think that priest was... Nevermind. Suffice to say I sympathize.
Logged


I'm going to need this.
Entscheidungsproblem
Formerly Friul & Nebelpfade
Protokentarchos
*********
Offline Offline

Faith: Machine God
Posts: 4,495



WWW
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2010, 04:47:40 PM »

Congrats on your marriage!
Logged

As a result of a thousand million years of evolution, the universe is becoming conscious of itself, able to understand something of its past history and its possible future.
-- Sir Julian Sorell Huxley FRS
genesisone
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Antioch
Posts: 2,539



« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2010, 04:48:27 PM »

Liz, this is such a sad story. You have been such a dear in trying to get everything right. In my Orthodox lifetime I have the pleasure of attending an Orthodox wedding only twice (once as "best man") and both were delightful occasions all round.

Quite frankly, I hope your husband takes the priest to task. He does have some explaining to do.

But moving past that, let me wish you and your husband many happy years! And do know that I am so very glad to you continue to see us here as your friends, as you are not afraid to share these very personal details.
Logged
ialmisry
There's nothing John of Damascus can't answer
Moderated
Hypatos
*****************
Offline Offline

Faith: جامعي Arab confesssing the Orthodox Faith of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church
Jurisdiction: Antioch (for now), but my heart belongs to Alexandria
Posts: 38,142



« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2010, 04:50:32 PM »

Many years to you!

Hopefully, you will be able to look back and laugh at such unacceptable behavior.

What did the priest's wife have to say about his choice in stories?
« Last Edit: August 13, 2010, 04:52:23 PM by ialmisry » Logged

Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
A hasty quarrel kindles fire,
and urgent strife sheds blood.
If you blow on a spark, it will glow;
if you spit on it, it will be put out;
                           and both come out of your mouth
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2010, 04:52:35 PM »

Liz, I am so sorry it happened to you. What you described really seems to be inapproppriate. It should not have happened. To me, perhaps the worst part was that the priest never apologized. It would not hurt his priestly dignity to be polite!

I don't know what to say except I am sorry. Please forgive us (or me, because I feel responsible, too, as an Orthodox).

Many Years on your marriage though!

Oh, please don't feel responsible! You in particular have helped me so much in understanding what Orthodoxy is really about - I feel very grateful to you.

I just don't understand this priest. I feel as if he is punishing me for being a woman who asked questions, or for not converting. And I hope I'm wrong in this, but I can't help suspecting he felt our wedding wasn't really something to be celebrated because of the situation my husband and I are in (not both Orthodox, living in the same house, etc.). He did say before the wedding that a wedding was not really necessary as we were 'living as if we were married' before, and I had to explain that this is not the case, but rather that we lived in the same house like flatmates. But I don't know if the message got through.

First, congratulations and may God grant you both many years. As a Middle Esatern saying goes, may you age on the same pillow!

I am embarrassed for the Priest, whose conduct was bizarre, to say the least. I pray that he was not passive-aggressive, as you are suggesting. OTH, he may be suffering from an illness perhaps, so that may be we should give him a break. In any case, the important thing is that you are united to your beloved in holy matrimony, a great (perhaps the greatest) mystery of the Church. It would be very good indeed if you could henceforth involve God in your daily lives: an icon corner that is used regularly for morning and evening prayers would be so good for your marriage!

Thanks SecondChance. I hope that he wasn't being passive-aggressive too (and I feel guilty suggesting that of a priest, but ...). We do have our wedding icons set up now: my husband's mother brought them and has prayed with us in front of them, which was very special (I hadn't met her before!).
Logged
Irish Hermit
Kibernetski Kaludjer
Warned
Merarches
***********
Offline Offline

Posts: 10,991


Holy Father Patrick, pray for us


« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2010, 04:53:31 PM »

Boorish behaviour really!  

I assume you are in the UK?   I know that some convert clergy there are ordained on the fly, without seminary and without any training in pastoral work.  You may have encountered one of them?
Logged
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2010, 04:58:47 PM »

Thank you Azure and Nebelpfade!

Genesis - I hope the details aren't too personal. It's just I don't know who else to talk to about it. I was half hoping (oddly) that you would all take me to task and tell me I should expect nothing else of a proper Orthodox priest. I got the strong impression from him that it was inappropriate to be happy about a marriage as marriage is about martyrdom, but being brought up in the CofE, I found this very hard to take! I am wondering if we should make a formal complaint of some kind, or if that's even possible? To be honest I don't feel this priest should be treating anyone the way he treated us, and the fact that he doesn't seem to think there were any problems is the biggest worry.

Ialmisry - the priest's wife didn't come; I don't know why (perhaps it's not the custom?). So I don't know what she thought but I know my own parents were hurt by it. Luckily, it didn't spoil the day as so much else was wonderful and my own vicar gave us a very moving blessing at the church door, afterwards - and the Orthodox service was full of lovely passages, so we just kept glancing at each other and getting emotional or uplifted, all the way through.
Logged
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2010, 05:00:02 PM »

Boorish behaviour really!  

I assume you are in the UK?   I know that some convert clergy there are ordained on the fly, without seminary and without any training in pastoral work.  You may have encountered one of them?

Perhaps so; I believe this man used  to be Anglican before he converted, but still, I would think that the basics like remembering the time of the wedding and inviting guests to sit down are not so much to do with theology, but more to do with simple professional courtesy?
Logged
Shanghaiski
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 7,975


Holy Trinity Church of Gergeti, Georgia


« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2010, 05:21:35 PM »

I'm never sure how to interpret incidents which I have not seen from eyewitness accounts, but it seems to me there's been a lot of misunderstanding here, to say the least. In any case, one is free to find a priest one relates to better or to talk with the priest about one's feelings, if you and your husband feel comfortable doing this together (I would not suggest you do it alone and without having a good conversation with your husband on this--you should be on the same page). If this is indeed a convert priest, and not one from another culture, I find it difficult to ascribe cultural differences to this case. No priest, of course, is perfect. Many things my spiritual father says and does confuse and irritate me, but I do the best I can to work with it, and if something he says or does really gets to me, I confront him. That said, I know you are aware of the many differences between Orthodoxy and Anglicanism. Sometimes this can lead to differing expectations and prejudices that are difficult to unravel. Religious conversion and inter-religious understanding can be disorientating. Pray and discuss with your husband what, if anything, you should do next. And pray for and forgive the priest. Your marriage will, like all marriages, have many challenges, but if you strive to meet them with prayer, forgiveness, and a peaceful attitude, you will come through them well. Congratulations!
Logged

Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
Quote from: orthonorm
I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2010, 05:30:35 PM »

I'm never sure how to interpret incidents which I have not seen from eyewitness accounts, but it seems to me there's been a lot of misunderstanding here, to say the least. In any case, one is free to find a priest one relates to better or to talk with the priest about one's feelings, if you and your husband feel comfortable doing this together (I would not suggest you do it alone and without having a good conversation with your husband on this--you should be on the same page). If this is indeed a convert priest, and not one from another culture, I find it difficult to ascribe cultural differences to this case. No priest, of course, is perfect. Many things my spiritual father says and does confuse and irritate me, but I do the best I can to work with it, and if something he says or does really gets to me, I confront him. That said, I know you are aware of the many differences between Orthodoxy and Anglicanism. Sometimes this can lead to differing expectations and prejudices that are difficult to unravel. Religious conversion and inter-religious understanding can be disorientating. Pray and discuss with your husband what, if anything, you should do next. And pray for and forgive the priest. Your marriage will, like all marriages, have many challenges, but if you strive to meet them with prayer, forgiveness, and a peaceful attitude, you will come through them well. Congratulations!

Well, I'm not sure how to interpret it either, so don't worry!

The thing is, there is only the one priest in this particular church, and my partner I understand has his reasons for needing to attend this church (there isn't much choice!). However, my husband is in the difficult position of feeling sad and angry at this priest, but also, I think, wanting me not to feel he's wavering in his Orthodox faith by criticizing the priest too openly. So thus far, my husband agrees the priest was very inappropriate, but is reluctant to say anything to him about it. And I understand that.

I am sure we can forgive the priest. It just seems a shame that the service was a wonderful occasion despite him, not because of him - I feel (and my husband feels) that it would have been a more spiritual and genuinely Christian occasion if we had had the service in the Anglican Church, and this is a shame given his deep Orthodox faith.
Logged
SolEX01
Toumarches
************
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, Holy Metropolis of New Jersey
Posts: 11,831


WWW
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2010, 09:37:39 PM »

Lord have Mercy.
Logged
Heorhij
Merarches
***********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: GOA, for now, but my heart belongs to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church
Posts: 8,576



WWW
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2010, 09:59:58 PM »

It's great that your husband is not blaming the whole Orthodox Church for the behavior of one priest.

Maybe you guys should one day approach him and ask directly, just what his behavior meant. If he shows as much rudeness and weird conduct - write to his bishop.
Logged

Love never fails.
Ebor
Vanyar
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Posts: 6,440



« Reply #16 on: August 14, 2010, 02:17:22 PM »

Best Wishes and Congratulations to you and your husband, Liz.

I am shocked by the priest's behaviour, frankly.  But it's good to read that your Anglican parish was able to help you.

Ebor
Logged

"I wish they would remember that the charge to Peter was "Feed my sheep", not "Try experiments on my rats", or even "Teach my performing dogs new tricks". - C. S. Lewis

The Katana of Reasoned Discussion

For some a world view is more like a neighborhood watch.
Ebor
Vanyar
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Posts: 6,440



« Reply #17 on: August 14, 2010, 02:21:21 PM »

I know you are aware of the many differences between Orthodoxy and Anglicanism. Sometimes this can lead to differing expectations and prejudices that are difficult to unravel.

I don't see how any 'difference' between EO and Anglican Christianity could lead to such things as have been described when they're questions of not keeping appointments or keeping track of things.  One wonders if the priest is getting on in years or has some other stresses, but the actions still are most unfortunate, imo.
Logged

"I wish they would remember that the charge to Peter was "Feed my sheep", not "Try experiments on my rats", or even "Teach my performing dogs new tricks". - C. S. Lewis

The Katana of Reasoned Discussion

For some a world view is more like a neighborhood watch.
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #18 on: August 14, 2010, 02:22:51 PM »

It's great that your husband is not blaming the whole Orthodox Church for the behavior of one priest.

Maybe you guys should one day approach him and ask directly, just what his behavior meant. If he shows as much rudeness and weird conduct - write to his bishop.

Maybe I'm being cowardly, but I'm nervous about doing that. I did try to suggest at the rehearsal that there was a problem - when he said that we needed to pay for the choir, I said that we would really have appreciated knowing about that a little earlier so we could have sorted out money. He didn't respond to it as a criticism of himself at all; he thought it was simply about us not having money. And he tends to be quite abrupt if I speak while he's meeting with us.

I'll ask my husband how he feels about writing to the bishop; hopefully he'll agree it's a good idea.


(Btw, Ebor, thanks for your post too.  Smiley )
Logged
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #19 on: August 14, 2010, 02:24:16 PM »

I know you are aware of the many differences between Orthodoxy and Anglicanism. Sometimes this can lead to differing expectations and prejudices that are difficult to unravel.

I don't see how any 'difference' between EO and Anglican Christianity could lead to such things as have been described when they're questions of not keeping appointments or keeping track of things.  One wonders if the priest is getting on in years or has some other stresses, but the actions still are most unfortunate, imo.


The priest is in his early 40s, I think. He does seem constantly very tired and stressed when he is with us, but then he was laughing and joking with people earlier when we were waiting to see him, so it came across as if it's us who are tiresome rather than his job. Of course, that might be unfair and he may be under a lot of pressure.
Logged
Orest
OC.net guru
*******
Offline Offline

Posts: 1,005


« Reply #20 on: August 14, 2010, 02:31:01 PM »

Boorish behaviour really!  

I assume you are in the UK?   I know that some convert clergy there are ordained on the fly, without seminary and without any training in pastoral work.  You may have encountered one of them?

I think this may have influenced the very poor behaviour of the priest.  Yes, all his behaviour was inappropriate.
Most priests I know have packages prepared to give the young couple when they first meet with him and all the infomation & costs for for what are included in the pritned matrer.

So sorry this happened to you.
Orest
Logged
Rosehip
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Posts: 2,760



« Reply #21 on: August 14, 2010, 03:19:37 PM »

Congratulations on your marriage, Liz!

I'm so sorry you had to endure such rudeness over your wedding-it doesn't seem right at all.  Sad You have handled it all with such admirable grace and humility...
Logged

+ Our dear sister Martha (Rosehip) passed away on Dec 20, 2010.  May her memory be eternal! +
serb1389
Lord, remember me when you come into your Kingdom!
Global Moderator
Merarches
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Metropolis of San Francisco
Posts: 8,456


Michał Kalina's biggest fan

FrNPantic
WWW
« Reply #22 on: August 15, 2010, 12:29:00 AM »

Honestly, I would let him know how you feel.  If it still doesn't work, and if you don't get a response, then go one up on him.  Usually there's a vicar or a chancellor or something like that, with whom you can speak to.  Maybe even writing a letter to the bishop wouldn't be a bad idea if the priest doesn't respond to you. 
Logged

I got nothing.
I forgot the maps
March 27th and May 30th 2010 were my Ordination dates, please forgive everything before that
username!
Section Moderator
Protokentarchos
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Ukrainian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Pennsylvaniadoxy
Posts: 5,073



« Reply #23 on: August 15, 2010, 12:51:04 AM »

I would call him out on his behaviour.  Ask nicely though.  Priests are people too, they put their trousers on one leg at a time just like we all do.  Why couldn't you be married in the Orthodox Church building?  Why was he late, why didn't he apologise.  Tell him how you feel.  If Orthodox priests in the states didn't marry an orthodox man to a non orthodox woman in the orthodox church building there would be almost no weddings being held on orthodox church property.  As far as a rehersal, Orthodox services are complex and best served with either a subdeacon or a deacon instructing the participants on the fly, and if only the priest is present he can instruct on the fly. Orthodox services are rarely reheresed in my experience.  We just tell you where to stand and when to move lol.. leave the rest up to the clergy and acolytes.
Logged

HandmaidenofGod
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of the USA (Ecumenical Patriarch)
Posts: 3,397


O Holy St. Demetrius pray to God for us!


« Reply #24 on: August 15, 2010, 01:54:49 AM »

YAY to happy Wedding Days and love and all that!!

BOOOOO to priests who made it more stressful than it already was for you!

Orthodox or not, his behavior was unacceptable! I agree with the others; speak to him about it, and if he is rude -- go to the Bishop!

Also, let your beloved know that it's okay to not like a particular Orthodox priest but still love the Church. After all, a few bad apples don't spoil the whole bunch! Wink
Logged

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #25 on: August 15, 2010, 06:46:27 AM »

I would call him out on his behaviour.  Ask nicely though.  Priests are people too, they put their trousers on one leg at a time just like we all do.  Why couldn't you be married in the Orthodox Church building?  Why was he late, why didn't he apologise.  Tell him how you feel.  If Orthodox priests in the states didn't marry an orthodox man to a non orthodox woman in the orthodox church building there would be almost no weddings being held on orthodox church property.  As far as a rehersal, Orthodox services are complex and best served with either a subdeacon or a deacon instructing the participants on the fly, and if only the priest is present he can instruct on the fly. Orthodox services are rarely reheresed in my experience.  We just tell you where to stand and when to move lol.. leave the rest up to the clergy and acolytes.

We couldn't use the Orthodox church building because it is new and hasn't been consecrated yet; the priest assumed it would be fine to hold a wedding there before this and his bishop (who wasn't asked) was upset when he found out and banned it.

As to the rehearsal: would you really want to conduct a service where one person doesn't understand half the language, to a congregation of whom most don't understand half the language? Would you expect someone to talk part in a service when they've no idea what will happen? To be honest, alarm bells are ringing when you say a service doesn't need to be rehearsed. I am aware that an Orthodox service isn't a legal contract, but nevertheless it seems a bit underhand to expect someone to be married in a service when they don't know what that service will entail.

I've never met the deacon, btw, but there is one, so I've no idea if we were meant to meet with him or not - but how would I know?
Logged
Liz
High Elder
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Church of England
Posts: 989



« Reply #26 on: August 15, 2010, 06:48:55 AM »

YAY to happy Wedding Days and love and all that!!

BOOOOO to priests who made it more stressful than it already was for you!

Orthodox or not, his behavior was unacceptable! I agree with the others; speak to him about it, and if he is rude -- go to the Bishop!

Also, let your beloved know that it's okay to not like a particular Orthodox priest but still love the Church. After all, a few bad apples don't spoil the whole bunch! Wink

Thanks Handmaiden! Sorry, this is boring for you because of course you knew about it before. I do know that one priest doesn't make a Church, and he is so very unlike anyone else I've come across, I wouldn't dream of thinking he's representative of all Orthodox.

What was so lovely was seeing my mother-in-law enjoying the service and being happy for us - she's very devout so it meant a lot. But I saw her face when the priest made his joke and even she was shocked!
Logged
serb1389
Lord, remember me when you come into your Kingdom!
Global Moderator
Merarches
******
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Metropolis of San Francisco
Posts: 8,456


Michał Kalina's biggest fan

FrNPantic
WWW
« Reply #27 on: August 16, 2010, 11:16:00 AM »

I would call him out on his behaviour.  Ask nicely though.  Priests are people too, they put their trousers on one leg at a time just like we all do.  Why couldn't you be married in the Orthodox Church building?  Why was he late, why didn't he apologise.  Tell him how you feel.  If Orthodox priests in the states didn't marry an orthodox man to a non orthodox woman in the orthodox church building there would be almost no weddings being held on orthodox church property.  As far as a rehersal, Orthodox services are complex and best served with either a subdeacon or a deacon instructing the participants on the fly, and if only the priest is present he can instruct on the fly. Orthodox services are rarely reheresed in my experience.  We just tell you where to stand and when to move lol.. leave the rest up to the clergy and acolytes.

We couldn't use the Orthodox church building because it is new and hasn't been consecrated yet; the priest assumed it would be fine to hold a wedding there before this and his bishop (who wasn't asked) was upset when he found out and banned it.

As to the rehearsal: would you really want to conduct a service where one person doesn't understand half the language, to a congregation of whom most don't understand half the language? Would you expect someone to talk part in a service when they've no idea what will happen? To be honest, alarm bells are ringing when you say a service doesn't need to be rehearsed. I am aware that an Orthodox service isn't a legal contract, but nevertheless it seems a bit underhand to expect someone to be married in a service when they don't know what that service will entail.

I've never met the deacon, btw, but there is one, so I've no idea if we were meant to meet with him or not - but how would I know?

Every GOA church I have ever been too (and even serbian ones) ALWAYS have a wedding rehearsal where the priest goes through exactly what will happen in the service.  So...

As for the deacon, just ask!  I'm sure someone will be more than happy to point him out. 
Logged

I got nothing.
I forgot the maps
March 27th and May 30th 2010 were my Ordination dates, please forgive everything before that
Tags:
Pages: 1   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.104 seconds with 55 queries.