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Online NicholasMyra

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Re: singles?
« Reply #495 on: February 11, 2018, 06:09:07 PM »
I've been in touch over a few months with a Polish Orthodox guy, being a convert, knowledgeable, handsome, but I'm "too liebral for him", despite the fact that I "attract him both physically and intelectually".
You make it sound like you are, to use an American expression, dodging a lot of bullets.

« Last Edit: February 11, 2018, 06:10:36 PM by NicholasMyra »
Quote from: Fr. Thomas Hopko, dystopian parable of the prodigal son
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Offline RaphaCam

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Re: singles?
« Reply #496 on: February 12, 2018, 01:06:13 AM »
You make it sound like you are, to use an American expression, dodging a lot of bullets.
I learned this expression when I broke up with my Muslim GF. There are too many people out there who seem to be "the ones", but in fact are far from this. I'm sure Dominika will find her proper Domeniko some day.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2018, 01:07:50 AM by RaphaCam »
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Offline Dominika

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Re: singles?
« Reply #497 on: February 12, 2018, 08:47:26 AM »
Thank you Arachne for this post :)

You make it sound like you are, to use an American expression, dodging a lot of bullets.
I learned this expression when I broke up with my Muslim GF. There are too many people out there who seem to be "the ones", but in fact are far from this. I'm sure Dominika will find her proper Domeniko some day.
So, now that's me that have learnt this expression ;) We say in Polish something similar, but the meaning is quite different.
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Offline RaphaCam

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Re: singles?
« Reply #498 on: February 12, 2018, 09:16:16 PM »
So, now that's me that have learnt this expression ;) We say in Polish something similar, but the meaning is quite different.
I've heard, in Portuguese, "jumping a bonfire". Probably a reference to St. John's celebrations I've posted about here some time ago.
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Offline MariaJLM

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Re: singles?
« Reply #499 on: February 20, 2018, 12:36:02 AM »
5. And I do not feel any voation to the monastery. Futhermore, my priest, that used to think that maybe being a nun is my path, now considers that's not an option for me; so only marriage. But frankly spekaing, it's hard to not loose hope regarding this.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: singles?
« Reply #500 on: February 20, 2018, 01:18:22 AM »
5. And I do not feel any voation to the monastery. Futhermore, my priest, that used to think that maybe being a nun is my path, now considers that's not an option for me; so only marriage. But frankly spekaing, it's hard to not loose hope regarding this.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

She should be neither.

Offline MariaJLM

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Re: singles?
« Reply #501 on: February 20, 2018, 02:04:37 AM »
5. And I do not feel any voation to the monastery. Futhermore, my priest, that used to think that maybe being a nun is my path, now considers that's not an option for me; so only marriage. But frankly spekaing, it's hard to not loose hope regarding this.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

She should be neither.

That's up to her. It sounds like she wants to marry, but things are simply not working out. Perhaps there's a reason for that, idk.

Offline LauraE

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Re: singles?
« Reply #502 on: February 20, 2018, 04:14:22 AM »
Hey! Newish here.

Single as well, 26F. It can be hard, especially when all you're friends are married and starting families.

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: singles?
« Reply #503 on: February 20, 2018, 09:13:28 AM »
5. And I do not feel any voation to the monastery. Futhermore, my priest, that used to think that maybe being a nun is my path, now considers that's not an option for me; so only marriage. But frankly spekaing, it's hard to not loose hope regarding this.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

She should be neither.

That's up to her. It sounds like she wants to marry, but things are simply not working out. Perhaps there's a reason for that, idk.

It was a compliment, not spiritual advice.

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: singles?
« Reply #504 on: February 20, 2018, 09:14:23 AM »
Hey! Newish here.

Single as well, 26F. It can be hard, especially when all you're friends are married and starting families.

Welcome!

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Re: singles?
« Reply #505 on: February 20, 2018, 09:18:22 AM »
Hey! Newish here.

Single as well, 26F. It can be hard, especially when all you're friends are married and starting families.

It won't be hard now after this post, ask Mor Ephrem to give you more storage space in your PM box.
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Offline IXOYE

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Re: singles?
« Reply #506 on: February 20, 2018, 09:22:08 AM »
Hey! Newish here.

Single as well, 26F. It can be hard, especially when all you're friends are married and starting families.

Welcome to the forum, LauraE!


Offline Asteriktos

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Re: singles?
« Reply #507 on: February 20, 2018, 10:27:39 AM »
It won't be hard now after this post, ask Mor Ephrem to give you more storage space in your PM box.

You make this comment every time you have the opportunity. ??? I'm not sure what you, normie, etc. were up to in the old days*, but I wouldn't assume that things are the same in 2018.


*Ok, I know in part--I'm trying to be polite
« Last Edit: February 20, 2018, 10:28:14 AM by Asteriktos »

Offline biro

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Re: singles?
« Reply #508 on: February 20, 2018, 12:46:34 PM »
Hey! Newish here.

Single as well, 26F. It can be hard, especially when all you're friends are married and starting families.

Hi.
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Re: singles?
« Reply #509 on: February 26, 2018, 01:48:19 PM »
What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

No, definitely.

That's up to her. It sounds like she wants to marry, but things are simply not working out. Perhaps there's a reason for that, idk.
Yep, for sure there is a reason, Divine and/or human. But still know what's the exact reason. And, as I said, it can't be a vocation for monastics.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

She should be neither.

It was a compliment, not spiritual advice.
Thank you, Mor! Actually, potential future Serbian-Polish Orthodox generation should thank you.
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Re: singles?
« Reply #510 on: March 03, 2018, 05:47:13 AM »
Hey! Newish here.

Single as well, 26F. It can be hard, especially when all you're friends are married and starting families.

This is pretty much me. I'm 27 in less than a month. I have never been in a relationship and then there's most of my friends who are married with children. It really makes me feel old sometimes. I know I'm not, but it really brings the reality of aging closer to home. I guess all I can suggest is don't live your life according to what others want, but according to what you and God want. I'm fairly certain that relationships/marriage is not what God or I want for me so I'm perfectly happy remaining in my state of singleness and perpetual virginity.

Offline Alpha60

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Re: singles?
« Reply #511 on: March 03, 2018, 08:49:57 PM »
5. And I do not feel any voation to the monastery. Futhermore, my priest, that used to think that maybe being a nun is my path, now considers that's not an option for me; so only marriage. But frankly spekaing, it's hard to not loose hope regarding this.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

She should be neither.

+1
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Re: singles?
« Reply #512 on: March 12, 2018, 03:29:33 AM »
I may become a single soon, my girlfriend is bringing more problems than joy to me and this relationship at this point just seems to worsen my mental and spiritual problems, or at the very least stop me from improving them.  :-\  She's too jealous, too stressed, too dramatic, too abusive. Even if I don't deserve better (I don't say this as a self-esteem issue, I'm just a bad boyfriend sometimes), the Brazilian proverb says: better alone than ill-matched.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2018, 03:32:40 AM by RaphaCam »
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Re: singles?
« Reply #513 on: March 12, 2018, 03:36:08 AM »
I may become a single soon, my girlfriend is bringing more problems than joy to me and this relationship at this point just seems to worsen my mental and spiritual problems, or at the very least stop me from improving them.  :-\  She's too jealous, too stressed, too dramatic, too abusive. Even if I don't deserve better (I don't say this as a self-esteem issue, I'm just a bad boyfriend sometimes), the Brazilian proverb says: better alone than ill-matched.

I'm really sorry to hear that, man. Do what you think is best for your own health and walk with God. Praying that He comforts you. :(
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Offline RaphaCam

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Re: singles?
« Reply #514 on: March 12, 2018, 05:52:46 AM »
I'm not very lucky with meeting new girls, that's the third traumatising relationship in a row. I should probably take as a rule to enter in relationships exclusively with those I'm already friends with, it's not an infallible strategy, but at least I would know roughly how much crazy I'm taking in. So not infallible that my last-but-one ex took more than two years to show fangs.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2018, 05:54:36 AM by RaphaCam »
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Offline Dominika

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Re: singles?
« Reply #515 on: March 12, 2018, 08:25:02 AM »
5. And I do not feel any voation to the monastery. Futhermore, my priest, that used to think that maybe being a nun is my path, now considers that's not an option for me; so only marriage. But frankly spekaing, it's hard to not loose hope regarding this.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

She should be neither.

+1

Thank you ;) So, please pray for, that I don't end up as a single ;>



I'm not very lucky with meeting new girls, that's the third traumatising relationship in a row. I should probably take as a rule to enter in relationships exclusively with those I'm already friends with, it's not an infallible strategy, but at least I would know roughly how much crazy I'm taking in. So not infallible that my last-but-one ex took more than two years to show fangs.

I think, above all, you should take more time between the new relations. As far I remember the current one has pahhened not log after another one, that had a complicated background. It's easier to see what you really feel, what's about this new candidate, to see the reasons of the fail of the previous relationship etc.

But maybe that's just me, that I really feel attracted to somebody, I can't be attracted so fastly to antoehr eprson, and that's that I'm always surprised if somebdy ahs broke up and a few weeks later he/she is a new relationship.
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Re: singles?
« Reply #516 on: March 12, 2018, 08:27:45 AM »
I'm not very lucky with meeting new girls, that's the third traumatising relationship in a row. I should probably take as a rule to enter in relationships exclusively with those I'm already friends with, it's not an infallible strategy, but at least I would know roughly how much crazy I'm taking in. So not infallible that my last-but-one ex took more than two years to show fangs.

Be good friends first and everything else will work out.
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Re: singles?
« Reply #517 on: March 12, 2018, 08:38:32 AM »
Hey! Newish here.

Single as well, 26F. It can be hard, especially when all you're friends are married and starting families.

This is pretty much me. I'm 27 in less than a month. I have never been in a relationship and then there's most of my friends who are married with children. It really makes me feel old sometimes. I know I'm not, but it really brings the reality of aging closer to home. I guess all I can suggest is don't live your life according to what others want, but according to what you and God want. I'm fairly certain that relationships/marriage is not what God or I want for me so I'm perfectly happy remaining in my state of singleness and perpetual virginity.

Hey wait a second...I know you from Facebook, Jannah!!! ;D ;D ;D

Small world.
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Re: singles?
« Reply #518 on: March 12, 2018, 08:53:04 AM »
I'm not very lucky with meeting new girls, that's the third traumatising relationship in a row. I should probably take as a rule to enter in relationships exclusively with those I'm already friends with, it's not an infallible strategy, but at least I would know roughly how much crazy I'm taking in. So not infallible that my last-but-one ex took more than two years to show fangs.

Be good friends first and everything else will work out.
But on the other hand, you have to make a difference between friends that are supposed to be "only" friends, and friends that are candidates for something more.

As for me, I've had always male friends, and had never situation that has changed to be "something more". So, creating a good, friend-like relationship of course is important, but in my opinion, if you want to create from such friendship a relationship in the male-female context, you must feel an attraction to this person in vice versa, and show it in some way, to avoid misunderstandings, to avoid provoking some unwanted feelings etc.
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Re: singles?
« Reply #519 on: March 12, 2018, 09:35:06 AM »
But on the other hand, you have to make a difference between friends that are supposed to be "only" friends, and friends that are candidates for something more.
I think a good friendship is required for a healthy/happy romantic relationship. Shouldn't that have priority to avoid the potential for a miserable relationship?

Quote
As for me, I've had always male friends, and had never situation that has changed to be "something more". So, creating a good, friend-like relationship of course is important, but in my opinion, if you want to create from such friendship a relationship in the male-female context, you must feel an attraction to this person in vice versa, and show it in some way, to avoid misunderstandings, to avoid provoking some unwanted feelings etc.
Of course there must be attraction, no denying that.
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Offline IXOYE

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Re: singles?
« Reply #520 on: March 12, 2018, 11:08:31 AM »
I may become a single soon, my girlfriend is bringing more problems than joy to me and this relationship at this point just seems to worsen my mental and spiritual problems, or at the very least stop me from improving them.  :-\  She's too jealous, too stressed, too dramatic, too abusive. Even if I don't deserve better (I don't say this as a self-esteem issue, I'm just a bad boyfriend sometimes), the Brazilian proverb says: better alone than ill-matched.

Lord, have mercy!

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Re: singles?
« Reply #521 on: March 12, 2018, 12:36:32 PM »
But on the other hand, you have to make a difference between friends that are supposed to be "only" friends, and friends that are candidates for something more.
I think a good friendship is required for a healthy/happy romantic relationship. Shouldn't that have priority to avoid the potential for a miserable relationship?

Sure, but I mean the differentation.. between intentions.
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Re: singles?
« Reply #522 on: March 12, 2018, 10:37:04 PM »
I think, above all, you should take more time between the new relations. As far I remember the current one has pahhened not log after another one, that had a complicated background. It's easier to see what you really feel, what's about this new candidate, to see the reasons of the fail of the previous relationship etc.
You're right, it was too fast. Going all Freudian about it, maybe deep down I just wanted to be in a serious relationship since my ex got engaged in one week (and now is married).

Be good friends first and everything else will work out.
But on the other hand, you have to make a difference between friends that are supposed to be "only" friends, and friends that are candidates for something more.

As for me, I've had always male friends, and had never situation that has changed to be "something more". So, creating a good, friend-like relationship of course is important, but in my opinion, if you want to create from such friendship a relationship in the male-female context, you must feel an attraction to this person in vice versa, and show it in some way, to avoid misunderstandings, to avoid provoking some unwanted feelings etc.
Personally, I think friendship would be something hard to truly attain with someone I'd see as a belle. In my very own case, I've started to think that the whole courteous game doesn't work very well for me, but trying to work out with friends very carefully should be alright, specially given I'm the kind of person who gets very strong (non-romantic and non-sexual, obviously) feelings for friends, both male and female. I have much more male friends than female, but I get close to my female friends with much more ease. IDK, maybe the kind of stuff I like to talk about when I'm not in an Orthodox forum is just something girls would relate to better than guys.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2018, 10:38:51 PM by RaphaCam »
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Re: singles?
« Reply #523 on: March 13, 2018, 12:58:15 AM »
Quote
since my ex got engaged in one week (and now is married).

I wonder how long that's going to last, though.
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Offline RaphaCam

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Re: singles?
« Reply #524 on: March 13, 2018, 03:22:17 AM »
I wonder how long that's going to last, though.
I had literally laid my bet on last December IIRC. Other bidders thought earlier.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 03:22:47 AM by RaphaCam »
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Re: singles?
« Reply #525 on: March 13, 2018, 12:54:07 PM »
You folks think being single is tough. Try being divorced.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

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Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline RaphaCam

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Re: singles?
« Reply #526 on: March 13, 2018, 12:56:17 PM »
You folks think being single is tough. Try being divorced.
I never really thought being single is though. Maybe before I got my first girlfriend.
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Offline Alpo

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Re: singles?
« Reply #527 on: March 13, 2018, 12:58:04 PM »
Some of my friends have been divorcing or having marital problems recently. Being a single seems rather simple compared to that.
I just need to find out how to say it in Slavonic!

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Re: singles?
« Reply #528 on: March 13, 2018, 12:59:18 PM »
You folks think being single is tough. Try being divorced.
I never really thought being single is though. Maybe before I got my first girlfriend.

If you date and you are young, your "singlehood" is probably not tough, no.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline RaphaCam

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Re: singles?
« Reply #529 on: March 13, 2018, 01:00:30 PM »
If you date and you are young, your "singlehood" is probably not tough, no.
Oh, I hate "dating". I don't think I ever had more than three real dates with anyone I didn't eventually enter a relationship with. Probably a mistake.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 01:00:47 PM by RaphaCam »
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: singles?
« Reply #530 on: March 13, 2018, 01:02:13 PM »
Some of my friends have been divorcing or having marital problems recently. Being a single seems rather simple compared to that.

It's horrifying and complicated. Being a lonely single is much simpler, yes, but I don't mean to dismiss that struggle either.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: singles?
« Reply #531 on: March 13, 2018, 01:02:37 PM »
If you date and you are young, your "singlehood" is probably not tough, no.
Oh, I hate "dating". I don't think I ever had more than three real dates with anyone I didn't eventually enter a relationship with. Probably a mistake.

If you have girlfriends and are young, then. Better?
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 01:03:01 PM by Porter ODoran »
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline Alpo

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Re: singles?
« Reply #532 on: March 13, 2018, 01:10:55 PM »
Some of my friends have been divorcing or having marital problems recently. Being a single seems rather simple compared to that.

It's horrifying and complicated. Being a lonely single is much simpler, yes, but I don't mean to dismiss that struggle either.

I guess I'm weird. I don't find that as much of a struggle. Never have. I wouldn't run away from a relationship but mostly the biggest issue is other people getting into relationships, having kids and all and them basically disappearing from my life. Don't blame anyone for that as that's what I would do too though.
I just need to find out how to say it in Slavonic!

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Re: singles?
« Reply #533 on: March 13, 2018, 01:17:04 PM »
Some of my friends have been divorcing or having marital problems recently. Being a single seems rather simple compared to that.

It's horrifying and complicated. Being a lonely single is much simpler, yes, but I don't mean to dismiss that struggle either.

I guess I'm weird. I don't find that as much of a struggle. Never have. I wouldn't run away from a relationship but mostly the biggest issue is other people getting into relationships, having kids and all and them basically disappearing from my life. Don't blame anyone for that as that's what I would do too though.

Gosh, maybe it's just my reading, but you sound very down on yourself. Cheer up, you're a great man.

As for divorce, it's not just a matter of people leaving one. At least not nowadays and in my jurisdiction, and with children. The relationship remains, in some zombie or demon form, and as years progress one must watch not only oneself wither under that hateful influence but also one's children. And then there is the equally complicated matter of moving forward with life, if that is possible.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline RaphaCam

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Re: singles?
« Reply #534 on: March 13, 2018, 01:51:25 PM »
I think just being young and single is easy enough, oneless one has very serious self-esteem issues (which is a frightening proportion of our young population, OTOH).
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

May the Blessed Light shine Forth

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Re: singles?
« Reply #535 on: March 13, 2018, 01:57:11 PM »
5. And I do not feel any voation to the monastery. Futhermore, my priest, that used to think that maybe being a nun is my path, now considers that's not an option for me; so only marriage. But frankly spekaing, it's hard to not loose hope regarding this.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

She should be neither.

+1

Thank you ;) So, please pray for, that I don't end up as a single ;>





Move to NY....that would take care of things
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Re: singles?
« Reply #536 on: March 13, 2018, 02:06:08 PM »
I should probably move back to New York.

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Re: singles?
« Reply #537 on: March 13, 2018, 02:37:27 PM »
Some of my friends have been divorcing or having marital problems recently. Being a single seems rather simple compared to that.

It's horrifying and complicated. Being a lonely single is much simpler, yes, but I don't mean to dismiss that struggle either.

I guess I'm weird. I don't find that as much of a struggle. Never have. I wouldn't run away from a relationship but mostly the biggest issue is other people getting into relationships, having kids and all and them basically disappearing from my life. Don't blame anyone for that as that's what I would do too though.

Gosh, maybe it's just my reading, but you sound very down on yourself. Cheer up, you're a great man.
+1

I think just being young and single is easy enough, oneless one has very serious self-esteem issues (which is a frightening proportion of our young population, OTOH).
The question is: who is young? (it may be so philosphical ;) )


5. And I do not feel any voation to the monastery. Futhermore, my priest, that used to think that maybe being a nun is my path, now considers that's not an option for me; so only marriage. But frankly spekaing, it's hard to not loose hope regarding this.

What about just remaining single and celibate? Is that an option for you?

She should be neither.

+1

Thank you ;) So, please pray for, that I don't end up as a single ;>

Move to NY....that would take care of things

Haha, I've spent only a few days in NY, but I like this city, so, maybe if I don't get married until 30, I'll move there, who knows haha But I would be missing true pierogi and the rest of good, traditional, not-so-modified food ;)
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Re: singles?
« Reply #538 on: March 13, 2018, 02:43:28 PM »
Some of my friends have been divorcing or having marital problems recently. Being a single seems rather simple compared to that.

It's horrifying and complicated. Being a lonely single is much simpler, yes, but I don't mean to dismiss that struggle either.

I guess I'm weird. I don't find that as much of a struggle. Never have. I wouldn't run away from a relationship but mostly the biggest issue is other people getting into relationships, having kids and all and them basically disappearing from my life. Don't blame anyone for that as that's what I would do too though.

Gosh, maybe it's just my reading, but you sound very down on yourself. Cheer up, you're a great man.
+1

Thank you for both and maybe that came out as angsty teenager but I'm not actually having any kind of crisis over this. I've just always been less keen on having a relationship than most people seem to be.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 02:45:11 PM by Alpo »
I just need to find out how to say it in Slavonic!

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Re: singles?
« Reply #539 on: March 13, 2018, 02:47:15 PM »
I wasn't keen on being in a relationship either but yet here I am.
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