Author Topic: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church  (Read 706 times)

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Offline Svartzorn

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Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« on: August 31, 2016, 08:03:29 PM »
So I opened a topic here a couple months ago asking if I should marry my current girlfriend. Turns out we are to be married hopefully at the end of this year, after I sort out some issues with my family name.
It's been a couple weeks now, she's speaking of going to this protestant church and of taking the kid with her. She doesn't seem to have decided what she's going to be (orthodox, protestant or w/e), but I've been relatively belligerent since she wants to take our child together.
If she's to marry me, we all know it's going to be in the Orthodox Church, and that she's going to keep a vow to raise the kid in the orthodox tradition. So it's bringing my blood to a boil: should I allow that?
PS - I have no problems in her going alone, it just REALLY bothers me that she want to take our son with her. I don't want him to be raised with that much contact with these people. And she seems to insist on that point for some reason.
Death to the world dodos.

Offline Ainnir

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2016, 08:45:38 PM »
Congratulations on your engagement!! 

Have you asked her why she's insistent on that point (genuinely wanting to know the answer)?  Perhaps she has underlying desires or concerns that the two of you could work through.  At the least, it may help her feel heard and that is never a bad thing.  :)

Offline DeniseDenise

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2016, 09:10:41 PM »
To be honest, the more you -insist- and she knows you are irate about it....the more she will want to keep going to the Protestant Church.

Your belligerence creates the desire for her to in effect 'show you that you are not the Boss you think you are'

relax...talk with her...treat her like a PARTNER and not someone to command....and pray.

Things will quite likely work out better if you do not insist and enforce this.
All opinions expressed by myself are quite tragically my own, and not those of any other poster or wall hangings.

Offline Svartzorn

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2016, 09:15:38 PM »
Thanks for your inputs, dears.

@Ainnir: she's always complaining that the orthodox don't do charitable work. I always tell her that's not the case, and if we do little to no charitable work it's because The Church is still very small - and fairly new - in Brazil and we don't have a lot of resources here.

@DeniseDenise: I'm not that autocratic as you think, but I've considered this option you're giving me.

It's just that to think that we won't keep our wedding promise and that my son will be going to those places gives me the jibblies.
Death to the world dodos.

Offline RichC

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2016, 09:25:15 PM »
Talk through the issue, but, at some point a decision is going to have to be made.  It is good to get the issue dealt with before the marriage.  If she changes her mind about raising the child in the Orthodox faith would that be a show stopper?

Offline ialmisry

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2016, 09:28:58 PM »
So I opened a topic here a couple months ago asking if I should marry my current girlfriend. Turns out we are to be married hopefully at the end of this year, after I sort out some issues with my family name.
It's been a couple weeks now, she's speaking of going to this protestant church and of taking the kid with her. She doesn't seem to have decided what she's going to be (orthodox, protestant or w/e), but I've been relatively belligerent since she wants to take our child together.
If she's to marry me, we all know it's going to be in the Orthodox Church, and that she's going to keep a vow to raise the kid in the orthodox tradition. So it's bringing my blood to a boil: should I allow that?
PS - I have no problems in her going alone, it just REALLY bothers me that she want to take our son with her. I don't want him to be raised with that much contact with these people. And she seems to insist on that point for some reason.
I think you know the reason. Which is why you have to say no.

I don't know the particulars-are you a convert also, and have converted since you met/since you had your son. Is your son baptized, and where?

If I may ask, what is the issue with your name?
Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
A hasty quarrel kindles fire,
and urgent strife sheds blood.
If you blow on a spark, it will glow;
if you spit on it, it will be put out;
                           and both come out of your mouth

Offline Svartzorn

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #6 on: August 31, 2016, 10:20:17 PM »
@RichC: pretty much, yes.
what's the point in making a wedding promise if you're not going to keep it?


I think you know the reason. Which is why you have to say no.

I don't know the particulars-are you a convert also, and have converted since you met/since you had your son. Is your son baptized, and where?

If I may ask, what is the issue with your name?

I converted about 3 years ago and I take this very seriously, even though I'm just a weak fool.
I feel like she wants to raise him in protestantism, which I'm not going to accept at all.
My son is baptized in the Orthodox Church. He's almost 2 now.
I got the opportunity to change my family named through a court ruling. I'm just getting the paperwork done, since I need to travel to make this change in the public registry. So I'm waiting for that to be set so that I can marry.
Death to the world dodos.

Offline Ainnir

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #7 on: August 31, 2016, 10:38:51 PM »
@Ainnir: she's always complaining that the orthodox don't do charitable work. I always tell her that's not the case, and if we do little to no charitable work it's because The Church is still very small - and fairly new - in Brazil and we don't have a lot of resources here.


Oh, well that's a heartfelt concern!  I understand that the emphasis is more on individual acts of charity in Orthodoxy anyway, right?  Even something as simple as helping out a neighbor in need of sugar or coffee?  It doesn't appear as grand as some of the big projects some churches might put together, but it's still giving.  A lifestyle of little things might be just as good as participating in church-wide projects.  Just some thoughts.

I hope you can find a compromise that you both feel addresses what is important to each of you. 

Offline RaphaCam

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #8 on: August 31, 2016, 10:47:35 PM »
I'm sorry to bring here something other than help for this sensible situation, but I'll just point out we're not too small to do charity. We're too small for people to notice it. Maybe in Brasília the Orthodox entities are less concerned with charity, but I've seen it here in Rio and I've also seen pictures from many other places nationwide.

Other than that, I wish you both all the best and will pray for you and your family.
« Last Edit: August 31, 2016, 10:48:40 PM by RaphaCam »
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Offline rakovsky

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #9 on: August 31, 2016, 11:01:46 PM »
I guess you could agree to take the kid at least once a month to both churches. If that was all there was to this, I think you can reach agreement. I think it's ok for kids to go to more than one church if the family is divided.

I am not married so I'm no authority. But it sounds like this issue might go deeper than just whether your kid will go to both churches. Like maybe she is not interested in Orthodoxy at this point and so you might need to be sure first if you are Personally ok with a religiously divided family. Lots of families in the US are religiously divided. It's unfortunate and takes a toll on the Orth Church as the younger generations assimilate into Western churches.

But if this is the love of your life you have found, I hope you will be happy. It's your choice.

Offline rakovsky

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Re: Fiancée wants to take child to protestant church
« Reply #10 on: August 31, 2016, 11:05:51 PM »
I'm sorry to bring here something other than help for this sensible situation, but I'll just point out we're not too small to do charity. We're too small for people to notice it. Maybe in Brasília the Orthodox entities are less concerned with charity, but I've seen it here in Rio and I've also seen pictures from many other places nationwide.

Other than that, I wish you both all the best and will pray for you and your family.

Yeah if that was really the only issue then Svartz could ask his priest to do something like a monthly food bank with a soup can collection for the poor.
Thete may be more to her feelings. Maybe what she means is she feels more comfortable with low church protestantism. If it was just an issue of doing charity work, I think the Catholics would actually be a better bet especially if you are in a Catholic country.