I can assure folks that ROCOR does indeed allow chrismation for reception of converts on a case-by-case basis, and does not insist that "all must be baptised". I have attended several such chrismations over the last decade.
You are correct. My wife and I were received into ROCOR by Baptism even though we had been previously Chrismated in the Antiochian Church. My children were not Baptized and were simply received into the ROCOR by virtue of their Chrismation. This was discussed in detail and there was good basis for it. I was originally baptized in the ALC Lutheran Church, which later became part of the ELCA. We had no idea of the form of baptism used. The ELCA is also, to some degree, not Christian. My wife was originally baptized Presbyterian. Again, we had no idea of the form used. The ROCOR did not look at the matter as a "re-baptism", but rather correcting an irregularity. There was really no proof that we were baptized in a way that could be recognized as a baptism. My children were another matter. They were baptized by my father and we knew exactly what he believed and taught, as well as the fact that all three were baptized as infants three fold in the name of the Father, and in the name of the Son, and in the name of the Holy Spirit. My father was also known to use LOTS of water. The ROCOR believed that this baptism was sufficient that the Chrismation could validate it.
As you can see, this is a very complicated issue that weighs heavily on the conscience of some people. There were a lot of hard feelings between the Antiochian Bishop and I over this matter since he believed that the ROCOR's actions indicated that they believed that he did not have Grace and his Chrismation was invalid. This was not the case as the ROCOR certainly considered the Antiochian Sacraments valid. The problem is, my wife and I were considered unbaptized, and you cannot Chrismate an unbaptized person. There first has to be a baptism that can be "validated" by Economy. Things finally got straightened out and I am welcome in that Church again. But it took 15 years and I will still not join a New Calendar Church. I have been part of ROCOR for that time, and will be accepted as a member of a local Serbian parish next month.
I have to say that my conscience is completely clean on this matter. Several years ago, I became very ill and several times nearly choked until I passed out. I was in the Emergency Room several times, and no doctors could figure out what was wrong with me. There were times that I was sure that I would die. My ROCOR priest blessed me to go back to the Antiochian Church because they were much closer (the ROCOR parish was 500 miles away) and it was better for me to have a local Priest care for me. When I tried to return, I was told by the Bishop that I could not return unless I "renounced my Baptism". I never thought that I would hear these words from anyone other than the Antichrist. I could not believe that I was hearing them from an Orthodox Bishop. I went home and prayed and told God that I would rather choke to death and be buried as a heathen than renounce my Baptism. To do so would be to renounce those in Who's name I have been Baptized. I was healed of this infirmity two weeks later.
As to obedience to a Bishop who violates your conscience; we are the Body of Christ and not a cult. How many Latin altar boys were told to be "obedient" during the latest scandals. How many Bishops have led their flocks to heresy or worse. Your soul is the most precious thing that you have. Be careful in who's care you place it. The Church is like a hospital and the Bishops are its doctors. While all doctors have degrees and certifications, not all are competent. Likewise, while all Orthodox Bishops may have the Grace of Ordination, not all may know what is best for your soul. Just as we should not medicate ourselves by seek a good doctor, so should we also be under the care of an Orthodox Bishop. All of us choose our doctors with great care. Should we not moreso choose our Bishop?