I am having a problem. my parents just divorced and I'm 15. it's really tough. my mother just doesn't understand how hard it is. She's lived without my dad before, so she knows how to get around on her own. she doesn't get that I've never experienced life without both of my parents there.
she talks to men on the internet, and occasionally goes to have coffee with them. of course this makes me sad, but there's really no harm since the divorce was finalized last month. but last night she went on a "date" with a man, and didn;t get home until after 12pm. this morning, she got mad at me when she found out that I waited up for her to come home.
I feel like she pays more attention to the men on her cell phone than on my sister and I. I mean, I understand (well...not really) her taking up smoking again after 16 years because she was sad.
I've read that teens from a divorced home will cling to their parent, instead of getting ready to go out on their own. this is exactly what I'm doing, and I just can't stop it.
lately I've been really depressed about all of this. I mis the way it was when my dad was here and we were happy.
I really don't know what to do. I don't want to keep my mom from "having a life", but I feel that it's my time to begin my life and her to support me, not the other way around. I know I'm being selfish.
could I have some advice? thanks.
First of all, you're not being selfish for wanting your Mom to be there for you. You are 15, not 35. A teen needs his Mom.
I can understand how difficult this is, as my parents divorced when I was 9, and my mother sort of "forgot" about my sister and I when she got remarried when I was 13.
Have you talked to your Mom about how you feel? If not, talk to her. Tell her that you are having a difficult time adjusting to your Dad not being around, and that you really could use her support. Tell her that you love her, and that you feel like the two of you have grown apart recently. She may not be aware how her dating is affecting you and your sister.
Are you still in contact with your father? If so, this may be a time to get closer with him. (DON'T tell him about your Mom dating, what she is doing, etc.)
Also, talk with your priest. Tell him that you are in need of a mentor, someone who can guide you, during this time. He may know of some adult in the parish who would be willing to listen to you, hang out with you, and help you during this time.
In the end, remember "this too shall pass" and things will get better. The wound in your heart will eventually heal, and you will be able to move on with your life.
In the meantime, don't feel guilty for wanting your parent to be a parent. That's their job, and it's what their supposed to do.
You come FIRST before any boyfriends are potential boyfriends. Your mother still has two children at home; she can worry about her social life after you're out of the house.
Pray, have faith, and may God shower you with His abundant mercy!