Dont you know that the demons possess our bodies?
Take the advice given so far, but also make a connection with a doctor. There is nothing wrong, according to the Orthodox view, with seeing someone for mental health issues. Between that and the church you will be ok. In the meantime, don't be so hard on yourself. God loves you dearly, more than you can ever know and no matter what your circumstance.
Ive already been to the nuthouse and it did not help, it made me worse, Im not crazy, im just sinful and selfish. I dont believe so much in believing that people are 'crazy' I think that it has a lot to do with demons and our souls, and our sins. Because nothing can be a healthful as Christ's Body and Blood.
Do you not remember:
Matt. 8:28 And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way.
The demons and also the world make people crazy.
Im not crazy thank you.
Just selfish and sinful, its the evil, evil is something so foreign to God's creation, to all of creation.
Dont you know that they can also completely control our actions too?
Look here, my brother.
Look at 'Power to expel demons'
I understand your concerns, but do you understand what its was like to take the eucharist? It was like I was in heaven, if you are properly prepared for it, it is something beyond all earthly delights you can think of. I cannot explain what it felt like.
Satan is still is inside me though, his demons still plague me, he still wants me to kill myself (I think).
What I was experiencing was this, 'Mikhail, you either kill yourself or be killed in a horrific way'. Then when I got home it was, 'Mikhail you must kill your mom(its a tragic story, but me and my sister saved my mom when she lit herself on fire with gasoline and almost died, she's ok now, but she looks nothing like she used to, she was in the hospital for over 6 months. The devil helped her do it.).
I have contracted a demon, I think its the demon of lust or of fornication.
There are symptoms of my possession, they are; burning heat that i feel on my members; coldness on certain parts of my body; sometimes a sharp pain, like a needle in my flesh; An unexplainable feeling in my voicebox, very strange, like something wants to escape from my body; and the most horrific of all, a nasty, putrid smell in my nose (if you read elder josephs the hesychasts' book 'Monastic Wisdom' he speaks of his encounter with the demon of fornication, he said it was soo putrid and nasty smelling, so i think that is what I have, the demon likes my face and nose, the blasted thing defiles my flesh! I can feel burning on my face, my pimples, when I pop them smell like the demon too, utterly disgusting!).
Another sign is that my face feels like its turning over or something, i cant really explain it, but its like the blood becomes electric or something.
All this time the devil has been making me feel like i was going to be murdered, like I was going to be killed because I do not live like the way I used to (evil and sinful).
Or I feel like I'm going to be sacrificed to satan because that is what he wants, (suicide is a sacrifice to satan), But the devil, and my own evil have made me think that my neighbors are satan worshippers and that my brothers are like in a cult with them or something ,and that they are coming to get me. my brother even said 'our neighbors worship satan', he also said one time while making the hitler sign, 'Hail satan' to my mother, but he was really high on pot when he said it, I consider it all just to be the devil trying to make me crazy, because it is a miracle that I am alive and that my good guardian angel has protected me ever since and I think my neighbors do worship satan too, because they have devil pictures in their house and a baphomet sticker on their from door http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baphomet
and other disturbing things like it, typical to dark practice.
Or that the government is coming for me.
Or that I am going to martyred for my Christianity.
I dont care anymore im under gods protection, just like we all are, we are all one body, if one suffers all suffer with it.
1Cor. 12:12 For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.
1Cor. 12:13 For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit.
1Cor. 12:14 For the body is not one member, but many.
1Cor. 12:15 If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
1Cor. 12:16 And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?
1Cor. 12:17 If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?
1Cor. 12:18 But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
1Cor. 12:19 And if they were all one member, where were the body?
1Cor. 12:20 But now are they many members, yet but one body.
1Cor. 12:22 Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
1Cor. 12:23 And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
1Cor. 12:24 For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
1Cor. 12:25 That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.
1Cor. 12:27 Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.
1Cor. 13:3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
1Cor. 12:14 For the body is not one member, but many.
1Cor. 12:19 And if they were all one member, where were the body? 1Cor. 12:26 And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.
Its all just fear tactics, it was like that when they blew up the world trade centers with explosives.
Its a classic demolition style job. Why do you think it was on '911'? because that is who you are gonna call help, help! the terrorists, the terrorists! Who are you gonna call? Bush gave this speech on 911 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7a9Syi12RJo
coincidence? I dont believe in coincidences
A NWO thats whats on their minds, that what will be accomplished if Ecumenism succeedes, TERROR and RELIGION, ECONOMY and POLITICS. These things are what the kingdom of the antichrist will be founded upon
People need to look at the footage when the building collapsed, there has never been a skyscraper building that has been taken down by a fire, even one that burned for over 24 hours http://www.infowars.com/fire-consumes-wtc-7-size-skyscraper-building-does-not-collapse/
Looking at these kinds of websites will lead to insanity if you do not have faith.
It was a false flag operation that was used to invade Iraq and inforce the police state.
Dont be surprised if another 'Terrorist' attack happens, so they can track us like chickens.
No one can help me but Christ and a spiritual father.