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Author Topic: Holy Puns  (Read 459 times) Average Rating: 0
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Heorot
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« on: October 05, 2014, 10:50:34 PM »

Friends,

Secretly, we all love puns and think they're the highest form of humour. I'd like to hear your clean, holy puns - preferably related to the Faith, but they can be based on any subject. Smiley

What did the monk say when Lent seemed to pass too quickly?
"That was fast!"

What's a funeral celebrated before noon?
Mourning Prayer.

If you don't like this thread, feel free to stone the O.P. to death.
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« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2014, 10:55:23 PM »

Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.

Credit:

http://www.churchpop.com/2014/09/10/18-delightfully-terrible-christian-puns-annoy-friends/
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« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2014, 11:07:57 PM »

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« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2014, 11:13:36 PM »

How do you know a deacon's favorite vegetables?

In peas, lettuce pray to the Lord...
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« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2014, 11:14:56 PM »

 Grin That's frigging great, lovesupreme!

This might be a little risky:

« Last Edit: October 05, 2014, 11:15:06 PM by Heorot » Logged

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« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2014, 11:17:40 PM »

Have you heard about the new kosher dairy restaurant they opened up down the street?

It's called "Jews for Cheeses."
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« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2014, 11:22:00 PM »

The man who refuses to give up meat for Lent does not understand what's at steak.
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« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2014, 11:26:00 PM »

Did you know that the Bible declares it a sin for a woman to make coffee? It's right there in HE-BREWS.
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« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2014, 11:37:58 PM »

Where did Noah keep the bees?

Archives.
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« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2014, 06:17:45 AM »

Certain liturgical texts in their original languages are full of puns and wordplay. The services in Greek to St Nicholas of Myra play on Myra/myrrh, those to St Basil the Great make much of Basil/sweet-smelling/regal, and the Slavonic text for St Vladimir of Kiev has plenty of opportunities with the dual meaning of mir (world/peace).

Sadly, most of such wordplay is lost in translation.  Sad
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« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2014, 06:33:08 AM »

This one doesn't really work in English, either.

What church do Russian mobsters go to?

в левославную церковь

(the sinister church, as opposed to the right/ortho one)
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« Reply #11 on: October 06, 2014, 11:01:28 AM »

Certain liturgical texts in their original languages are full of puns and wordplay. The services in Greek to St Nicholas of Myra play on Myra/myrrh, those to St Basil the Great make much of Basil/sweet-smelling/regal, and the Slavonic text for St Vladimir of Kiev has plenty of opportunities with the dual meaning of mir (world/peace).

Sadly, most of such wordplay is lost in translation.  Sad

Although lost in translation, that's pretty cool LBK! Smiley

It reminds me of the story of Pope St. Gregory the Dialogist of Rome related by Bede in Ecclesiastical History 2.1:

"We are told that one day some merchants who had recently arrived in Rome displayed their many wares in the market-place. Among the crowd who thronged to buy was Gregory, who saw among other merchandise some boys exposed for sale. These had fair complexions, fine-cut features, and beautiful hair. Looking at them with interest, he enquired from what country and what part of the world they came.

'They come from the island of Britain', he was told, 'where all the people have this appearance'. He then asked whether the islanders were Christians, or whether they were still ignorant heathens.

'They are pagans', he was informed.

'Alas!' said Gregory with a heart-felt sigh: 'how sad that such bright-faced folk are still in the grasp of the Author of darkness, and that such graceful features conceal minds void of God's grace! What is the name of this race?'

'They are called Angles', he was told.

'That is appropriate', he said, 'for they have angelic faces, and it is right that they become joint-heirs with the angels in heaven. And what is the name of the province from which they have been brought?'

'Deira' was the answer.

'Good. They shall indeed be rescued de ira - from wrath - and called to the mercy of Christ. And what is the name of their King?'

'Alle' he was told.

'Then', said Gregory, making play on the name, 'it is right that their land should echo the praise of God our Creator in the word ALLELUIA'."

Puns bolded.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2014, 11:02:19 AM by Heorot » Logged

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« Reply #12 on: October 06, 2014, 11:04:31 AM »

What dessert do they serve in Heaven?

Angel food cake.  Wink
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« Reply #13 on: October 06, 2014, 12:00:27 PM »

Did you know that God invented baseball?

In the big-inning...
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« Reply #14 on: October 06, 2014, 05:47:12 PM »

Subscribing to this thread!
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« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2014, 04:07:50 AM »

Not exactly a pun, but two Saturdays ago the sponsor for my Chrismation (not quite a Godfather) offered me a car ride to the Liturgy in another town. As my wife described it, it was an offer I couldn't refuse. Cool
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« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2014, 01:57:22 AM »

This spring I was living in a kind of halfway house for men, and the manager had a tendency to appropriate things for his own use. He took an image of the Last Supper from the dining area and put it in his room, likewise he took my Christ Pantocrator icon from my room (I got it back from him). But if it had been an icon of the Crucifixion he wouldn't have taken it. You see, he was taking everything that wasn't nailed down.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2014, 02:20:01 AM by Georgii » Logged

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« Reply #17 on: December 10, 2014, 09:12:50 AM »

Subscribe please, just to be underwritten.
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« Reply #18 on: December 10, 2014, 10:47:26 AM »

How do you know a deacon's favorite vegetables?

In peas, lettuce pray to the Lord...

I hope I will not remember this on Sunday as I hear these words from the deacon.  Can I get kicked out for laughing during the Liturgy?
« Last Edit: December 10, 2014, 11:05:52 AM by NanaDeborah » Logged

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« Reply #19 on: December 10, 2014, 04:19:23 PM »

Did you know that God invented baseball?

In the big-inning...
ive heard the majority of these before, but not this, and it is fantastic
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