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Offline Branthony

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troubled dad to be
« on: April 14, 2015, 10:01:09 AM »
My wife and I are going to have our first child soon. I'm a bit concerned about a lot of things. The media is so saturated by the gay agenda, violence, and gratuitous sex. Our education system is in serious need of an overhaul, there are so many challenges that children face now but on top of everything Orthodox children face another large hurdle, at least here in the south east. There aren't that many of us here. I found my wife on the internet, she was all the way in Maryland. I was sure I wasn't going to find a wife because of this hurdle. Is it unfair of us to remain in SC? Should we move to CA or somewhere else with a high Orthodox population? I want the best for my children and there are very few children in the age group they will be in. What do you guys think?
Forgive me if I misspell something, I am dyslexic and it greatly effects my spelling.

Offline Timon

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2015, 10:04:25 AM »
California isnt exactly the pillar of morality. Pennsylvania and surrounding areas have a higher percentage of Orthodox. Or you could move to Atlanta! We have several Orthodox Churches, and my parish in Grant Park has a small, private Orthodox school.
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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2015, 01:14:20 PM »
My wife and I are going to have our first child soon. I'm a bit concerned about a lot of things. The media is so saturated by the gay agenda, violence, and gratuitous sex. Our education system is in serious need of an overhaul, there are so many challenges that children face now but on top of everything Orthodox children face another large hurdle, at least here in the south east. There aren't that many of us here. I found my wife on the internet, she was all the way in Maryland. I was sure I wasn't going to find a wife because of this hurdle. Is it unfair of us to remain in SC? Should we move to CA or somewhere else with a high Orthodox population? I want the best for my children and there are very few children in the age group they will be in. What do you guys think?

I think you need to take a deep breath, and then take another one.  I mean that sincerely, not trying to make fun of you or anything. 
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Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2015, 02:29:00 PM »
My dear friend, allow these many legitimate concerns to slip off you and await the miracle that this birth will be. God the Father is sending you a soul -- and if it weren't right he would not be sending you this soul -- and this soul, altho so tiny, is coming to teach you many things.

As for community, yes, it is a vital concern as we humans were not created to be alone. Why not take some trips over the next few years to areas you think might offer strong community?
One hides amid pornography, angry music, television that shows the worst of mankind, misanthropic politics, an internet populace led by all the passions: and then one asks, "Where is God?"


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Offline Branthony

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2015, 02:48:31 PM »
My dear friend, allow these many legitimate concerns to slip off you and await the miracle that this birth will be. God the Father is sending you a soul -- and if it weren't right he would not be sending you this soul -- and this soul, altho so tiny, is coming to teach you many things.

As for community, yes, it is a vital concern as we humans were not created to be alone. Why not take some trips over the next few years to areas you think might offer strong community?

Porter, thank you for your kind words, kind though they be they have only served to frighten me all the more. The Lord is sending a tiny little soul to nurture and care for both physically and spirituality. I, who can barely take care of myself spiritually. This is all just so terrifying. I have tried to calm myself and tell myself that the Lord would not give me this child if I wasn't ready but as the date gets closer and closer, it gets harder and harder. And my beautiful wife seems to just take it all in stride. The only thing she has gotten upset about was that we had to buy regular milk instead of organic because the organic market is too far to go to that often. So I don't want to talk to her about it because I don't want to disrupt that calm with my fears.
Forgive me if I misspell something, I am dyslexic and it greatly effects my spelling.

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2015, 02:58:33 PM »
In point of fact, and I'll re-emphasize this point, the baby knows what she needs and will teach you as you closely listen.
One hides amid pornography, angry music, television that shows the worst of mankind, misanthropic politics, an internet populace led by all the passions: and then one asks, "Where is God?"


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Offline WPM

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2015, 03:01:24 PM »
My dear friend, allow these many legitimate concerns to slip off you and await the miracle that this birth will be. God the Father is sending you a soul -- and if it weren't right he would not be sending you this soul -- and this soul, altho so tiny, is coming to teach you many things.

As for community, yes, it is a vital concern as we humans were not created to be alone. Why not take some trips over the next few years to areas you think might offer strong community?

Porter, thank you for your kind words, kind though they be they have only served to frighten me all the more. The Lord is sending a tiny little soul to nurture and care for both physically and spirituality. I, who can barely take care of myself spiritually. This is all just so terrifying. I have tried to calm myself and tell myself that the Lord would not give me this child if I wasn't ready but as the date gets closer and closer, it gets harder and harder. And my beautiful wife seems to just take it all in stride. The only thing she has gotten upset about was that we had to buy regular milk instead of organic because the organic market is too far to go to that often. So I don't want to talk to her about it because I don't want to disrupt that calm with my fears.

Is there a difference between organic and regular milk? ..

Offline Branthony

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2015, 03:13:02 PM »
My dear friend, allow these many legitimate concerns to slip off you and await the miracle that this birth will be. God the Father is sending you a soul -- and if it weren't right he would not be sending you this soul -- and this soul, altho so tiny, is coming to teach you many things.

As for community, yes, it is a vital concern as we humans were not created to be alone. Why not take some trips over the next few years to areas you think might offer strong community?

Porter, thank you for your kind words, kind though they be they have only served to frighten me all the more. The Lord is sending a tiny little soul to nurture and care for both physically and spirituality. I, who can barely take care of myself spiritually. This is all just so terrifying. I have tried to calm myself and tell myself that the Lord would not give me this child if I wasn't ready but as the date gets closer and closer, it gets harder and harder. And my beautiful wife seems to just take it all in stride. The only thing she has gotten upset about was that we had to buy regular milk instead of organic because the organic market is too far to go to that often. So I don't want to talk to her about it because I don't want to disrupt that calm with my fears.

Is there a difference between organic and regular milk? ..

There is to her lol. But that's the point she seems so cool and collected about it all.
« Last Edit: April 14, 2015, 03:23:53 PM by Branthony »
Forgive me if I misspell something, I am dyslexic and it greatly effects my spelling.

Offline rft183

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2015, 10:23:44 PM »
I don't think anyone is truly ready to be a parent the first time.  Like Porter said, the baby will teach you.  I can tell you not to worry, but I know from experience that you will anyway.  Just remember that God is there to help you, and from the sound of it, you have a good wife there to help you out as well!

Offline Maria

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2015, 10:45:07 PM »
It is important to find an Orthodox community, and/or pray for your relatives to convert.

In my parish, some of the Greek parishioners have deliberately moved within one block of each other -- kind of like MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING. However, Greeks are known to purchase homes that are within the same block. My Greek in-laws have all done so, so it is not a stereotype.

In these troubled times, it is important for Christians to support one another, and that is what our parishioners are doing.
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Offline Branthony

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2015, 08:17:56 AM »
We where also talking this morning, if God forbid, something where to happen to both of us who would raise our baby. We are both converts, it is important that our children are raised in the church but our families aren't orthodox. What the heck do we do. Her twin sister is actually a militant feminist and gay rights person so she is out, her brother is a militant atheist so he's out so we both have one potential sister and our parents are out, her folks are to old and mine will raise the child Baptist.
Forgive me if I misspell something, I am dyslexic and it greatly effects my spelling.

Offline Arachne

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #11 on: April 16, 2015, 08:34:57 AM »
We where also talking this morning, if God forbid, something where to happen to both of us who would raise our baby. We are both converts, it is important that our children are raised in the church but our families aren't orthodox. What the heck do we do. Her twin sister is actually a militant feminist and gay rights person so she is out, her brother is a militant atheist so he's out so we both have one potential sister and our parents are out, her folks are to old and mine will raise the child Baptist.

That is actually part of the original function of godparents - surrogate parents, in case of the worst. You might want to start thinking now who would be suitable for that role.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2015, 08:35:45 AM by Arachne »
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Offline Alxandra

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #12 on: April 16, 2015, 08:35:17 AM »
Glory to God that you are having a baby :) Have hope that Christ, The Theotokos, and all the Saints will help you guide children to the truth. It would be wonderful if you found an Orthodox community, and here is an amazing Children's website for Orthodox learning :)

http://illumination-learning.com/main/
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Offline homedad76

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2015, 08:49:04 AM »
My wife and I are going to have our first child soon. I'm a bit concerned about a lot of things. The media is so saturated by the gay agenda, violence, and gratuitous sex. Our education system is in serious need of an overhaul, there are so many challenges that children face now but on top of everything Orthodox children face another large hurdle, at least here in the south east. There aren't that many of us here. I found my wife on the internet, she was all the way in Maryland. I was sure I wasn't going to find a wife because of this hurdle. Is it unfair of us to remain in SC? Should we move to CA or somewhere else with a high Orthodox population? I want the best for my children and there are very few children in the age group they will be in. What do you guys think?

While it is true that all of that stuff is out there... don't let people make you think it is impossible to avoid.  Keep in mind there is politics behind a lot of the so-called "culture war".  Much of the bloviations you must learn to take with a grain of salt.  The world has always been a scary place and yet humanity has drudged through and very often the fear is worse then the reality.  Keep this in mind, despite what internet talking heads like to say, the world is actually safer then it  has ever been.
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Offline LenInSebastopol

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #14 on: April 16, 2015, 08:52:08 AM »
I don't think anyone is truly ready to be a parent the first time.  Like Porter said, the baby will teach you.  I can tell you not to worry, but I know from experience that you will anyway.  Just remember that God is there to help you, and from the sound of it, you have a good wife there to help you out as well!

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Offline LenInSebastopol

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #15 on: April 16, 2015, 09:17:55 AM »
Thank Mor, as I was going to poke him hard to wake him up, though he has not been a parent and it is scary so maybe allow this old man to bore him with a few tips.
Love your wife.
Pray.
Grow your Church, starting in your home.
Shoot your TV.
Love your wife.
Pray.
Do NOT come to California as we fell into the ocean and died around 1963 and it's not been......well.

I hope you have some Church to attend, as you did not indicate such. If you do then stay and grow.
Your wife knows what you never learned so listen to her.

You are anxious and rightly so, looking out at the world finding we live in a crazy place/time.
Close the door to your home and shut out the "media" (world) and love your family, daily, hourly and moment by moment. It is guaranteed that when you do that then your children will be healthy, grow in wisdom and strength and be a delight.

As a dad, after the baby is born you may suffer a little. You may become a non-person, maybe feel down and wonder at times just what your function is, so I will tell you.
Take heart. Your function will be to give your wife as much rest and sleep, especially for the first year, as possible.
For the first five years simply delight in your babies (have a bunch) but it will be tough so you must be too. Take lots of photos.
After year 5 they slowly become YOURS and that is the best of times. As you have loved your wife and God (in no particular order) you will then find such joy as to burst hourly, if not moment by moment.
Again, take heart; you are not the first guy to be a dad, nor the first to parent children. Your progenitors did it, and by your striving you will do it to and even be more successful than they.
Love your wife.....and soon your child......and God (again, in no particular order at this time)
« Last Edit: April 16, 2015, 09:18:14 AM by LenInSebastopol »
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Offline Branthony

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #16 on: April 16, 2015, 09:36:12 AM »
We do have a parish here. It is a wonderful church, we both really love it.
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Offline Czar Lazar

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #17 on: April 16, 2015, 09:12:35 PM »
I am new to the party, so I apologize if I am late to respond (just joined up today). I would agree with the finding a Church (sounds like you already have), the next step is a spiritual father (which if you are a convert, you probably already have), speak to your spiritual father about these issues, that is your first step. I would also add, that children are naturally inclined to love God, speak to them as soon as possible about God and instruct in the Orthodox faith immediately. It is never too early, even at a very young age, you can begin to teach them to sign; when they can stand, you can have them in front of the icons and praying (Shortly) with you. Even as an infant, frequently showing of the icons will help instill this faith. It will be a great joy, when your very young child will admit to you that the Icon of Christ, is God!
« Last Edit: April 16, 2015, 09:13:33 PM by Czar Lazar »

Offline LenInSebastopol

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #18 on: April 17, 2015, 08:41:33 AM »
Good point. Speak to them now, while in Mama's belly. And play GOOD music to them too.
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Offline Branthony

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #19 on: April 29, 2015, 01:55:07 PM »
I must add now, the world is just so dangerous. My wife is from Maryland and now folks can't go to a baseball game (my favorite sport) because of security concerns! How do I protect my children in this kind of world.
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Offline kelly

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #20 on: April 29, 2015, 02:02:13 PM »
I must add now, the world is just so dangerous. My wife is from Maryland and now folks can't go to a baseball game (my favorite sport) because of security concerns! How do I protect my children in this kind of world.

It's just an Orioles game. They're not missing much.
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Offline primuspilus

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #21 on: April 29, 2015, 02:08:41 PM »
Florida :)
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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #22 on: April 29, 2015, 02:29:36 PM »
I must add now, the world is just so dangerous. My wife is from Maryland and now folks can't go to a baseball game (my favorite sport) because of security concerns! How do I protect my children in this kind of world.

Bless your heart and its first world problems.
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Offline Branthony

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #23 on: April 29, 2015, 03:00:37 PM »
I don't want to go to the game, I'm in SC and a Red Sox fan, my point is that things are so bad in Baltimore folks can't be out past 10, or even go to a baseball game. Isn't that part of the"American dream" a house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a baseball game and cracker jacks.
Forgive me if I misspell something, I am dyslexic and it greatly effects my spelling.

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #24 on: April 29, 2015, 03:04:40 PM »
I don't want to go to the game, I'm in SC and a Red Sox fan, my point is that things are so bad in Baltimore folks can't be out past 10, or even go to a baseball game. Isn't that part of the"American dream" a house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a baseball game and cracker jacks.

American dream or no American dream, you sound like you need to take a deep breath.  Circumstances for young parents and their younger offspring have been worse (and in many places are), and yet they find a way.  You can, too. 
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Offline LenInSebastopol

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Re: troubled dad to be
« Reply #25 on: April 29, 2015, 05:40:55 PM »
I must add now, the world is just so dangerous. My wife is from Maryland and now folks can't go to a baseball game (my favorite sport) because of security concerns! How do I protect my children in this kind of world.
You protect them day by day. I would advise planning well, securing your wife and child emotionally, physically, come up with methods that cover those, plan as you can see, put your nose to that grind stone and do a day to day. It's nothing complicated. Mor mentioned that the planet and species have gone through worse than missing a ball game.
Oh, and shoot your TV and probably your computer as well, as you protect your kids and give them a good and real life, not a entertaining nor virtual one.
Mark 14:36
God is with us, understand O' ye nations, and submit yourselves, for God is with us