xariskai
юродивый/yurodivy
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יהוה עזי ומגני
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« Reply #45 on: May 09, 2011, 09:48:32 PM » |
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Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Allah.
Allah who?
Allah cut offah you heads.
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xariskai
юродивый/yurodivy
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Posts: 978
יהוה עזי ומגני
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« Reply #46 on: September 19, 2011, 06:20:52 AM » |
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Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for days until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.
They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled, "Jesus saves"
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« Last Edit: September 19, 2011, 06:21:20 AM by xariskai »
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Achronos
What's so good about Cincinnati? You like it? You think Cincinnati is cool? I've never heard anyone say, 'I'm going to Cincinnati on vacation.'
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Warned
Hoplitarches
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Jurisdiction: Just as little is seen in pure light as in pure darkness.
Posts: 9,371
And we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?!
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« Reply #47 on: September 19, 2011, 06:27:10 AM » |
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Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Allah.
Allah who?
Allah cut offah you heads.
ROFL |
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“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
“The last capitalist we hang shall be the one who sold us the rope.”
"Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are."
"We see at once that the words absolute, divine, eternal, and so on do not express what is implied in them.
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Ansgar
High Elder
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Jurisdiction: Exarchate of orthodox churches of russian tradition in western Europe
Posts: 1,839
Keep your mind in hell and do not despair
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« Reply #48 on: September 19, 2011, 10:57:30 AM » |
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Once two priests were on a vacation together. One day they deicded to go for a walk. After some time reached a lake and decided to go for a swim, so they took off their cloth and jumbed in. When they had swum for some time they lay down in the sand to rest. Suddently they see some ladies from their congregations. The one priest quickly covers his private parts with his hands while the second priest covers his face. When the ladies have passed the priest ask the other one "Why did you not cover your private parts"?
The other priest looked at him and said "I don't know about you, but in my congregation people recognize you by your face".
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Christ is risen!
Do not be cast down over the struggle - the Lord loves a brave warrior. The Lord loves the soul that is valiant.
-St Silouan the athonite
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IsmiLiora
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« Reply #49 on: September 19, 2011, 11:27:39 AM » |
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She's touring the facility/and picking up slack.
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"For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow." Ecclesiastes 1:18
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I once believed in causes too, I had my pointless point of view --
Life went on no matter who was wrong or right
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Theophilos78
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Faith: Elohimist Christian
Posts: 1,334
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« Reply #50 on: September 22, 2011, 07:01:35 AM » |
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*He was such an incompetent cook that he would burn even the salad.
*She was such a merciful woman that she had to eat an egg with its shell because she did not want to break the shell.
* He was such a polite guy that on his tombstone was written "Please forgive me because I cannot stand to welcome you".
*He had such a big nose that 4 people could take refuge under it during a rainstorm.
*It was such a dirty house that guests would wipe their feet on the mat while exiting.
*She was such a stupid woman that she used to go to the hairdresser's before going to hospital for radiography.
*He was so drunk that he put his cigarette in his bed and after poking his head in the ashtray for a couple of times he threw himself out from the balcony.
*The orchestra played so bad that if a waiter accidentally dropped and broke a glass, the audience would go on the stage to dance.
*She was so obssessed with cleanliness that she would wash her soap before using it.
*It was such an effective erotic novel that the reader would have to change underwear after reading each page.
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Longing for Heavenly Jerusalem
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xariskai
юродивый/yurodivy
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Posts: 978
יהוה עזי ומגני
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« Reply #51 on: May 11, 2012, 11:39:15 AM » |
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What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Universalist?
...Someone who rings your doorbell for no apparent reason.
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ilyazhito
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Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Russian (OCA), leaning to ROCOR
Posts: 434
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« Reply #52 on: May 11, 2012, 12:04:51 PM » |
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Jesus and Satan were having an argument as to who was the better programmer. This went on for days until they agreed to hold a contest with God as the judge. They sat at their computers and began.
They typed furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up on the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning struck, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power was restored, and God announced that the contest was over. He asked Satan to show what he had come up with. Satan was visibly upset, and cried, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," God said, "Let us see if Jesus did any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir poured forth from the speakers. Satan was astonished. He stuttered, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled, "Jesus saves"
Man, this is great. |
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primuspilus
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« Reply #53 on: May 11, 2012, 04:42:09 PM » |
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I have read different versions of the evolution of math. Here is one:
1960s:
A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price. What is his profit?
1970s:
A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price, that is, $8. What is his profit?
1970s (new math):
A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with set M of money. The cardinality of the set M is equal to 10, and each element of M is worth $1. Draw ten big dots representing the elements of M. The set C of production costs is composed of two big dots less than the set M. Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the cardinality of the set of profits?
1980s:
A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8, and his profit is $2. Underline the word "potatoes" and discuss with your classmates.
1990s:
A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His or her production costs are 0.80 of his or her revenue. On your calculator, graph revenue vs. costs. Run the POTATO program to determine the profit. Discuss the result with students in your group. Write a brief essay that analyzes this example in the real world of economics.
2000-
Write your name.
Fantastic. LOL'ed for real. PP |
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"I confidently affirm that whoever calls himself Universal Bishop is the precursor of Antichrist"
Gregory the Great
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PeterTheAleut
The Right Blowhard Peter the Furtive of Yetts O'Muckhart
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EXTERMINATE!
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« Reply #54 on: May 12, 2012, 01:10:03 AM » |
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinocerous? Elephino.  |
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