I have 3 older sisters. 2 are married with children, while one is still single, and she had cancer as well. She had it in her lungs. She is 3 years older than I, so I kinda know about some of the pain you are going through.
I too wanted to get married in my 20's, but it never happened. I too wanted lots of children, but it never happened. I am 32 now, and I still want to get married and I still want my own kids, but I really don't know if that will ever happen.
I almost got married 7 years ago, and since then I only dated 3 people, who also wanted to get married and have a family. I broke up those relationships because certain things were really important to me. Certain "nonnegotiables", recently around Feb of 09, I broke up with a Roman Catholic woman who seemed to have it all. She was highly educated with a masters degree, physically she was extremely attractive, she had her own house, her family was well off, and she's the niece of a famous college football coach in Pennsylvania.
But I broke it off because I really wanted someone that wanted to go to church with me more than once a week. And she wasn't willing, and I knew I wouldn't be happy in that relationship, and I knew that she wouldn't be happy either.
So I am single, I am 32 and single, and sometimes I question myself if it was right to leave her, for most of my college and highschool friends are married, and so I feel like the odd ball out, at church I see alot of married people with kids running all over the place, and I see alot of married women at church with kids on the way, and so I think to myself......."was it right for me to break off that relationship"?
I believe it was right for I would rather be single then be married to someone that doesn't want to go to church with me......no matter how pretty and well off that person is.
There are 2 protestant women that I like and would love to marry, but it all comes down to "going to church with me". I know that such a thing would be difficult for them to do, and so the relationship really wouldn't work out. And one of them really wants to get married too. She is 36 now, and she talks about being a single African American woman alot. And I feel for her, and I hope that she finds a man too.
When I go to church conferences I look to see if there is a woman there that might be a possible match. I really really really want children, but I also know that we don't always get what we want, but sometimes, we do get what we need.
And so, I have to learn patience. It's hard, and I don't like it, but it is what it is. Until then, I have other things to worry about.....like my prayer life, fasting and other issues.