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Author Topic: Re: Please Pray for Me Again - Non-prayer replies  (Read 4414 times) Average Rating: 0
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Douglas
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« on: August 24, 2009, 11:11:40 AM »

CONTEXT NOTE:  The following discussion started HERE in the Prayer Forum.  To keep the Prayer Forum devoted solely to prayer, please post all your non-prayer replies to Rosehip's prayer request here.

- PeterTheAleut




Lord have mercy.

Rosehip, I hesitate to say very much (and I suspect there are many reading this thread who feel the same) since I can read your pain between the lines. But I'm going to throw caution to the wind and say it anyway and hope that you will accept that I offer this with good intentions. It seems to me that you have some wrong ideas about relationships. For instance, you keep using the expression "worthy" in connection with your wanting to be worthy or deemed worthy to have a lasting relationship with a man. We all know that many people have relationships and yet are not necessarily worthy of such. I'm not sure I see your point unless you are subconsciously trying to force God's hand as it were. In other words, you may be saying (in this imaginary scenario): "Lord, make me worthy to have such a relationship!" Then if a relationship does not come about the blame shifts onto God's shoulders since He could have made you worthy but did not. The onus for a relationship always remains with each one of us. That doesn't mean we can't go to the Lord and ask Him to intervene but at the same time we will need to recognize that the lion's share of developing a relationship is going to rest with each one of us. I would try to eliminate this idea of worthy from your thinking if I were you.

Another observation. If we appear too needy or desperate, it can have a negative effect upon the opposite gender. Oh... we might eventually attract someone but I can almost guarantee it will be the wrong person. Men who might be attracted by such a woman would be men who want to control and manipulate and that relationship could be hell on earth.

Someone said much earlier in another thread (and it was such a great observation) that the key was finding peace and contentment within oneself and only then would one be able to project a self-confident, self-assured person to the outside world. And a happy, contented, fun-to-be-with person will definitely attract others.

I wish you well.
« Last Edit: August 25, 2009, 02:02:43 AM by PeterTheAleut » Logged

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Rosehip
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« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2009, 11:27:07 AM »

How on earth is a person supposed to exude self-confidence when they've been rejected by every man they've ever cared about for 40 years??? This is what I'd like to know. Those of you who are married simply don't understand in the least. Especiallly when your body has just been ravaged by some very destructive and serious cancer treatments in ways which could very well harm a relationship in ways that healthy men cannot comprehend? When you were totally healthy for decades-took extreme care of that part of your body for your future husband's sake, and could have had many children-but now it's all taken away, all taken away???

And, he did write me a letter last night, explaining why he chose this other woman, and not me, whom he had met first. He said this other woman had called his number when he had given it to her, they had chatted for 2 hours and then last night they went out on a date,-he enjoyed it and decided to stick with her for now. To remove both their profiles so as to be honest and yet he said he told her he had met and liked me initially and would only remove his profile when he got my contact info (whatever). He said that if I had called him up and went out with him right away then things may have turned out differently.


From all this, it seems to me men are used to instant gratification. They don't comprehend years of suffering, of not having their deisres met exactly when and  how want them met. I had told this man to please bear withme, that I was shy over the phone with strangers ut that I couldn't wait to meet him. Sigh.
« Last Edit: August 24, 2009, 11:29:18 AM by Rosehip » Logged

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« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2009, 11:55:58 AM »

Please pray for me again. Sad I' m going through some really hard times again. I am so weary, so weary, of trying to be good enough for a man. But I am really tired of being alone in life. Life has been so hard, with going through so many losses with cancer-it's just been one horrifying loss after the next. I really long for companionship, comfort, love, someone who truly cares, someone whose hand I can hold,someone whose shoulder I can lean upon. I just thought I had met possibly such a man, and was really looking forward to meeting him, but he wrote me to tell me he's already found another woman, only a week after putting up his profile. I am nearly grief-stricken and don't know how much longer I can endure such terrible disappointments, especially in my already weakened, and severely demoralized state. I've been having to make myself ill looking for love and these divorced men repeatedly, almost instantly, find a new partner, while I remain alone, so terribly alone decade in and decade out.

Please please pray for me. Please pray that I will be deemed worthy of the love I've waited so dreadfully long to experience. It would be such a relief, such a blessing, I would appreciate it so much, so much. Please, please pray that I will be worthy, be good enough not to have to continue so alone and forsaken in life. Please pray some good, decent, caring man will notice me, will not reject me yet again for someone else. Please, please, please. Please pray that I too will have a chance to love and be loved.

Trust God. Throw yourself into the Church's arms with wild abandon. Go to every service your health allows and then some. Ask for an anointing. Visit wonderworking icons if you can. Pray ceaselessly and ask others to pray for you as you have been. Live for others.

Remember, illness and hardships are holy ground. They humble us enough and make us sensitive enough to really transfigure our souls.

"Only when a sword is put into the flames and made white hot, do you see the flaws"
old Japanese saying
« Last Edit: August 24, 2009, 11:56:42 AM by Marc1152 » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2009, 12:07:24 PM »

I can't, Marc. I've almost totally lost my faith through all this. This has been like the last straw which broke the camel's back. I am so disappointed with the priests who didn't even come to visit me when I was in hospital (even though the Ukrainian Greek Catholic chaplain woman tried and tried to contact one-unbeknownst to me-she was the only person who came and prayed in that sort of capacity-and she was a hospital employee), with the trite, meaningless platitudes they have to offer me. Everything seems so empty. If I go to church, I am surrounded by people exuding smugness in their relationships, in their fertility and constant childbirth, in their culture of which I will never fully be a part, of hearing about a certain brand of politics which I find repulsive and unable to stomach gracefully. It doesn't help me anymore.
« Last Edit: August 24, 2009, 12:11:14 PM by Rosehip » Logged

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Catherine
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« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2009, 12:24:23 PM »

People are people, Rosehip; people will let you down (we all have our weaknesses, we are all in need of a Saviour). God is the only One Who can be fully trusted.

Many women and men, Christians and non-Christians, base their self-worth on their looks, their education, their jobs, their family status, the number of friends they have, or they place too much importance on it all. Material success, looking the right way, wearing the right thing, having a partner, etc, brings a feeling of security: it is human nature.. "I have a good figure, a nice car, a nice home, a very good income, a shining career, a wonderful boyfriend, therefore I have everything"...

On your dictionary.com, self-esteem is defined as:

1. belief in oneself; self-respect
2. undue pride in oneself; conceit

Self-confidence is defined as:

confidence in oneself, one's own abilities, etc.

Our sense of self-worth can be based on:

our physical appearance
our jobs
our financial status
our talents and strengths
our romantic relationships, etc

This is what I have learned.... As a Christian, I am to have the deepest and most profound sense of confidence, but the foundation for my confidence is not myself, or anything I own or have in this world, it must be God. I should base my self-worth in nothing more and nothing less than Christ, in His love for us and how he demonstrated that love through His death and resurrection. After experiencing God's grace, and seeing the beauty of who I truly am in Christ, I will come to truly love myself. It is not a pride thing or selfish thing but a love that is thankful to God. I can only have good and true self-esteem in Christ when I look at my whole self through the eyes of Grace. The things that we are given, no matter what it is, comes from God anyway. Praying and having a close relationship with God has helped me so much and I now have much more confidence, real confidence; I mean, I do not judge myself like the world judges me. Being close to Christ is true happiness - I am talking about a deep inner happiness. Jobs fall through, things go wrong in my relationships, people stab me in the back, people treat me like something they have just stepped in on in the street. I battled illness for a couple of years. I might put on weight in the future, out of choice, I might lose my job, my house might burn down to the ground, perhaps I'll never meet the man of my dreams - someone who truly loves me - but I will remain glowing with the confidence, happiness and peace that only comes with being close to Christ - God willing. God loves you, Rosehip, He knows what is best for you, it is all in His hands.... As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers...

 

« Last Edit: August 24, 2009, 12:33:02 PM by Catherine » Logged
ozgeorge
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« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2009, 12:42:03 PM »

Please pray for me again.
Lord Jesus Christ our God, as you see, we no longer need You since it is our will, and not Yours that we seek. Clearly, if it is Your Will that our sister should serve You as an umarried person, You are wrong and she is right. Do You not see Lord that the unmarried, such as Yourself and Your Mother the Theotokos, and the countless unmarried Saints are all worthless and incomplete human beings? So, sorry Lord, but you are clearly in the wrong here.
Amen.
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« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2009, 12:47:45 PM »

Ozgeorge, Christ was God-I am not. His mother was indeed married anyhow. I am also not a saint, with aspirations to celibacy and I have already lived so many decades in celibacy. God said Himself "It is not good for man to be alone." He Himself created male and female for companionship, love and deep relationship.
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« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2009, 12:49:04 PM »

Ozgeorge, Christ was God-I am not. His mother was indeed married anyhow. I am also not a saint, with aspirations to celibacy and I have already lived so many decades in celibacy. God said Himself "It is not good for man to be alone." He Himself created male and female for companionship, love and deep relationship.

And so let us pray:
Lord Jesus Christ our God, as you see, we no longer need You since it is our will, and not Yours that we seek. Clearly, if it is Your Will that our sister should serve You as an umarried person, You are wrong and she is right. Do You not see Lord that the unmarried, such as Yourself and Your Mother the Theotokos, and the countless unmarried Saints are all worthless and incomplete human beings? So, sorry Lord, but you are clearly in the wrong here.
Amen.
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« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2009, 12:56:12 PM »

I don't agree with this "prayer". Sorry. I am not saying that some few people may have the gift of celibacy(I have never been one of them), and I am not saying that for them it is wrong. I however, disagree that Mary was single because she wasn't-she was married. For most people marriage is a noble and very biblical and godly calling. It makes the world of difference to love and be loved. To live a life without all of this, as God intended when He created us, is a very sad and empty one. I have felt called to marriage since I was a very small toddler.
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« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2009, 01:00:06 PM »


We do not know the will of God as it concerns Rosehip.  Only He does.

So, to assume He means for her to be single for the rest of her life, may not be correct.

Maybe, He is simply giving her more time, more experiences, a chance to learn to love herself for who she is, and not base her self image on what some man thinks of her.
...and then, at some point, he will send her man to her.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Either way, she will be a stronger individual at the end of her journey. 

Therefore, we pray to God that He helps her achieve what He wants her to achieve, that He brings her peace of mind, and contentment.

Rosehip, we, your brothers and sisters in Christ, stand by you, and are here to support you through your many travails.

Lord, have mercy on your handmaiden Rosehip.  Grant her peace.

In all cases, Lord, Thy will be done!

Glory to God!



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« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2009, 01:09:48 PM »

It makes the world of difference to love and be loved. To live a life without all of this, as God intended when He created us, is a very sad and empty one. I have felt called to marriage since I was a very small toddler.

And so let us pray:
Lord Jesus Christ our God, as you see, we no longer need You since it is our will, and not Yours that we seek. Clearly, if it is Your Will that our sister should serve You as an umarried person, You are wrong and she is right. Do You not see Lord that the unmarried, such as Yourself and Your Mother the Theotokos, and the countless unmarried Saints are all worthless and incomplete human beings? So, sorry Lord, but you are clearly in the wrong here.
Amen.

BTW The Theotokos was betrothed, not married.
 George,

Your posts in this thread have been inappropriate and offensive in the extreme, an offense all the more egregious for its repetitive nature.  Due to your actions in repeatedly mocking another poster's requests for prayer you are being placed on post moderation for 40 days.  Further desecrations of the Prayer Forum will not be tolerated.  If you believe this post moderation unfair, you may appeal my decision to Fr. Chris.

~Veniamin, Global Moderator
« Last Edit: August 24, 2009, 01:13:31 PM by ozgeorge » Logged

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« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2009, 01:43:44 PM »

I can't, Marc. I've almost totally lost my faith through all this. This has been like the last straw which broke the camel's back. I am so disappointed with the priests who didn't even come to visit me when I was in hospital (even though the Ukrainian Greek Catholic chaplain woman tried and tried to contact one-unbeknownst to me-she was the only person who came and prayed in that sort of capacity-and she was a hospital employee), with the trite, meaningless platitudes they have to offer me. Everything seems so empty. If I go to church, I am surrounded by people exuding smugness in their relationships, in their fertility and constant childbirth, in their culture of which I will never fully be a part, of hearing about a certain brand of politics which I find repulsive and unable to stomach gracefully. It doesn't help me anymore.

"I can't" was always my mantra.. Been there, so I understand.. Never the less, hard as it may seem, the ultimate answer is to find solace in the Lord. Or alcohol... Your choice.   Smiley

Find a different Parish, make some changes, pray and pray. Faithlessness ( plus excuses why that is acceptable for you) will not do. Christianity is not for Sissy's. Yes you can seek refuge in the Lord. Meet him only part way and he will do the rest. Guaranteed.
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« Reply #12 on: August 24, 2009, 01:44:45 PM »

Betrothed is basically the same as married. Same rights etc, and is not akin to our modern-day engagement. I am not quite able to understand the position that she never had relations with Joseph, as I see the marriage relationship as completely pure and holy. A person can be intimate with one's spouse and still be holy. It is undefiled and honourable in all. It is totally God's design and a wonderful, blessed, holy and pure thing.
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« Reply #13 on: August 24, 2009, 02:21:34 PM »

I can't, Marc. I've almost totally lost my faith through all this. This has been like the last straw which broke the camel's back. I am so disappointed with the priests who didn't even come to visit me when I was in hospital (even though the Ukrainian Greek Catholic chaplain woman tried and tried to contact one-unbeknownst to me-she was the only person who came and prayed in that sort of capacity-and she was a hospital employee), with the trite, meaningless platitudes they have to offer me. Everything seems so empty. If I go to church, I am surrounded by people exuding smugness in their relationships, in their fertility and constant childbirth, in their culture of which I will never fully be a part, of hearing about a certain brand of politics which I find repulsive and unable to stomach gracefully. It doesn't help me anymore.

"I can't" was always my mantra.. Been there, so I understand.. Never the less, hard as it may seem, the ultimate answer is to find solace in the Lord. Or alcohol... Your choice.   Smiley


 Go for it, Rosehip - Alcohol is God's gift and very good therapy. :-) I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend - I enjoy the taste of a good glass of wine, plus it helps me to relax. I drink more (i.e. during the week) when I am going through a difficult time, since the situations I am under are incredibly draining, at times. I see no problem as it is a case of "whatever works" in my opinion -  music, nature, a good read, exercise, a couple of glasses of wine, etc. Obviously, some people get drunk (i.e. completely legless) to escape reality - life can be very tough (at times). I suppose, once again, it is a matter of finding the right balance. Anyway... LizaSymonenko, I completely agree with you..again.


 
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« Reply #14 on: August 24, 2009, 02:31:01 PM »

Thanks Catherine and Liza. I've actually considered alcohol by now. The pain and loneliness is getting so unbearable. Human touch means so much and goes a long way in promoting even physical healing. This is why I really long for a man to love and care for me. I really need some sort of physical touch. I'm not a robot. I'm a bit afraid to touch the alcohol though, since I had cancer. And if this pain keeps up I'm afraid I'd become an alcoholic and that wouldn't be good either.Sad
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« Reply #15 on: August 24, 2009, 03:21:55 PM »

Thanks Catherine and Liza. I've actually considered alcohol by now. The pain and loneliness is getting so unbearable. Human touch means so much and goes a long way in promoting even physical healing. This is why I really long for a man to love and care for me. I really need some sort of physical touch. I'm not a robot. I'm a bit afraid to touch the alcohol though, since I had cancer. And if this pain keeps up I'm afraid I'd become an alcoholic and that wouldn't be good either.Sad
I recommend that you stay away from using alcohol as a crutch. It is better to put our faith in the Lord and the Mother of God.
In a previous post you mentioned that a Greek Catholic woman unsuccessfully tried to contact you? Did you ever consider trying to contact her and thank her for that? If she is a chaplain at a hospital, perhaps she is acquainted with some Eastern Christian men or women with similar problems that you are having and it might not hurt to get together and discuss things of mutual interest.
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« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2009, 03:27:58 PM »

The Ukrainian woman was very nice. I really appreciated her. She brought me a small icon and a little electric candle thing. Turned out, we knew many of the same people etc.  Maybe I will try to get in touch with her again. Anyhow, I'll be back in the same hospital soon enough with another surgery this fall, and I'm sure she'll come around again. Very, very nice woman. Thanks for the suggestion, stanley.
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« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2009, 09:15:13 PM »

I really need some sort of physical touch.

Yes - I can relate to this. I'll keep praying. As I say, it is all in God's hands.

P.S. I am enjoying a glass of wine as I type..*Hic*  Smiley
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« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2009, 09:23:47 PM »

Praying for you, Roseship.

Be near your buddies at this sad time.  Hug therapy is better than alcohol.

Hugs from ms.hoorah
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« Reply #19 on: August 24, 2009, 09:25:13 PM »

Yes, it is so true. I know this, because just before I started the second round of chemo, I had an appointment with the surgeon who had operated on me. He gave me a hug at the end and stroked my cheek briefly with his hand, and that small gesture, that small touch, gave me this tremendous surge of health and courage which lasted for about two weeks.

It hurts so much to have lacked that sort of thing for the whole duration of my life. I know it would help so much in the healing of things right now if only someone would care for me and I would be able to have someone to touch me.
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« Reply #20 on: August 24, 2009, 09:49:37 PM »

Roseship,

What stage are you now in your cancer recovery?  Forgive please, if that is too personal to ask you.
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« Reply #21 on: August 24, 2009, 09:52:34 PM »

Dear Rosehip,

You know, they say nowadays that "30's is a new 20's, and 40's is a new 30's, and 50's is a new 40's." I can tell you that when I was in my 30's (which are now the 40's - and I am MUCHMUCHMUCH older than you are!!!), I was not really mature, confident, happy. I became somewhat more of all of the above only when I reached my LATE 40's (which are, on the modern "scale," your late 50's).

Don't worry about anything! You will meet your wonderful, your only man. Right now, just live one day at a time and concentrate on the positive. Study. Become a nurse. And do not lower yourself to the "men" who are whirling around females on various Internet sites. They aren't worth it. You are so much better than all of them combined and multiplied by 1,000,000,000.

I will be praying for you always, as usual, every morning and evening

G. Smiley
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« Reply #22 on: August 24, 2009, 09:54:17 PM »

On Sept 2 it will be a year since I was diagnosed and since then I've been through radiation, 2 rounds of chemo, and a major surgery. It's been about 2 months now since I completed the last round of chemo and I'm feeling a lot better now, thankfully. I still have one more surgery to go through, to reverse something that had to be done during the first surgery.
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« Reply #23 on: August 24, 2009, 09:59:45 PM »

Thanks George. However, you flatter me unnecessarily. It just isn't true. If I were so much better, I would have been chosen to be someone's wife like a normal person in my 20s (I wanted to be married by 18). Instead, I was always the one who was rejected, just like now.

I deeply regret missing out on life during my youth and health. Such wonderful things could have been experienced...To be young and married. If only one could become young again and experience love and marriage and children and all those things that are normal. Such things are gone forever now.

Thanks for your prayers, everyone.
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« Reply #24 on: August 24, 2009, 10:05:12 PM »

I really need some sort of physical touch.

Yes - I can relate to this. I'll keep praying. As I say, it is all in God's hands.

P.S. I am enjoying a glass of wine as I type..*Hic*  Smiley

Me too.Smiley I know I should not, I tend to go overboard, but I.... do...
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« Reply #25 on: August 24, 2009, 10:08:59 PM »

Thanks George. However, you flatter me unnecessarily. It just isn't true. If I were so much better, I would have been chosen to be someone's wife like a normal person in my 20s (I wanted to be married by 18). Instead, I was always the one who was rejected, just like now.

But you ARE a normal person. Its those types who reject you - they aren't. I am serious. Again, just wait till you have your nurse's job and when you are surrounded not by "men" from the Internet but but by intelligent, bright, good, interesting, worthy men from the real life. They will fight for you. I am serious, really, very, very serious, believe me.
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« Reply #26 on: August 24, 2009, 10:11:52 PM »

Roseship,
You have clearly met some yucky, self-absorbed men but God knows where the good ones are located and is working on this prayer of yours.  While waiting for God’s plan, I asked you about where you are in your cancer recovery because chemo is known for making individual’s feel somewhat despondent and the effects can last for several months.  I hope that you will talk to your doctor about feelings of sadness which may partially be due to chemo.
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« Reply #27 on: August 24, 2009, 10:16:32 PM »

Roseship,
You have clearly met some yucky, self-absorbed men but God knows where the good ones are located and is working on this prayer of yours.  While waiting for God’s plan, I asked you about where you are in your cancer recovery because chemo is known for making individual’s feel somewhat despondent and the effects can last for several months.  I hope that you will talk to your doctor about feelings of sadness which may partially be due to chemo.

Absolutely agree. Thank you, Ms. Hoorah. I could not have said it better.
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« Reply #28 on: August 24, 2009, 10:44:54 PM »

I really need some sort of physical touch.

Yes - I can relate to this. I'll keep praying. As I say, it is all in God's hands.

P.S. I am enjoying a glass of wine as I type..*Hic*  Smiley

Me too.Smiley I know I should not, I tend to go overboard, but I.... do...

(Psst..Red or white?)
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« Reply #29 on: August 24, 2009, 11:23:57 PM »

Dear Rosehip, may the prayers of the Saints comfort you and enlighten you to the Goodness subtly at work in all that you experience.

The Lord knows how much such matters of the heart have affected me deep within, so I can definitely empathise with you on some level. Your words expressing the need for a physical touch powerfully resonate with me. I have a number of friends, male and female, who I greet with hugs, handshakes and kisses everyday; yet my heart longs ever so much for that touch of intimacy that I once had with certain partners.

I realise the advice of others about finding contentment in yourself and in Faith in the Lord is tough advice to swallow, but, in my experience, it is the only way.

Sometimes we think sitting there disheartened and depressed and doubtful of the Lord's love will in a sense force a sympathetic response from Him to the effect of His granting us once and for all what we desire so deep within. But the Lord simply does not work like that.

I do believe, as one of our Saints once said, that "Faith is the tongue of God" and that God will not withold from us that which we ask of Him with pure and persistent faith. But in the end that pure and persistent faith translates into simple things like waking up in the morning as positive as can be, glorifying and giving thanks to Him before all else; taking every opportunity life throws at you with enthusiasm and commitment; working towards the happiness of others more than yourself; fighting all thoughts of doubt and despair within yourself as vigorously as possible, not giving them the chance to settle and make their residence within your mind--we have so much more control over our thoughts, moods and attitudes than we give ourselves credit for. By the end of the day, you may still remain without a partner, but I assure you, you will be able to look up to heaven, not with tears of despair, but with tears of joy flowing from a mysterious sense of acknowledgement of God's goodness despite how seemingly the same your situation seems by the end of that day. You will be able to put your head on the pillow that night and sleep in peace, ready and committed to take on the next day in the same vein. You don't try to do it, you don't think about how you're going to do it. You just, do it. 

You will end up reaching a point where the desire for intimacy and all such desires which incapacitate you and fill you with despair, have reached such a level of insignificance that the very thought of them no longer moves you. Yet you keep praying for such things, knowing that importunity moves the Hand of the Lord. And, you may just find, that in His mysterious and gracious ways, that it is then, that He fulfills your expectations.

P.S. I strongly discourage you from resorting to alcohol. I think it was very reckless, no matter how well-intentioned, for people to have suggested such a thing to you as an answer to your problem. Was the Cross of our Lord so ineffective that we need alcohol or drugs to deal with our own crosses? The main issue you have to deal with at the moment is Faith. When you resolve your Faith, everything else will be resolved. Resorting to alcohol in such situations is an act that manifests a lack of faith.
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« Reply #30 on: August 25, 2009, 01:18:38 AM »

Dear Rosehip,

P.S. I strongly discourage you from resorting to alcohol. I think it was very reckless, no matter how well-intentioned, for people to have suggested such a thing to you as an answer to your problem. Was the Cross of our Lord so ineffective that we need alcohol or drugs to deal with our own crosses? The main issue you have to deal with at the moment is Faith. When you resolve your Faith, everything else will be resolved. Resorting to alcohol in such situations is an act that manifests a lack of faith.

 I wholeheartedly agree with EA's entire post, but his P.S. is absolutely spot on.  As someone who's recently gone through some relationship issues, I can also somewhat empathize with you on some level.  Affairs of the heart are difficult I know; it's damn hard in fact, but FWIW, dear sister, I (along with a whole lot of others) are praying for you.  Don't give up.  Don't ever give up!   Smiley  Smiley  Smiley
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« Reply #31 on: August 25, 2009, 01:24:39 AM »

Rosehip,

One thing I know, going through my own stressess and strains with the cardiac problems, is that we have to protect ourselves from toxic friends.  When people say unhelpful things like, "Your cancer (cardiac problem) is part of God's plan" don't you just want to retort, "Really? What does God have planned for you?"   

Talk about what is and is not God's plan and discussions on that level should be intimate ones and only with people like your parish priest and people you really trust on spiritual matters.
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« Reply #32 on: August 25, 2009, 02:11:52 AM »

Roseship,

My previous response #26 stating "God's plan for you" relates to the positive things that could happen in your future.  Please forgive me if it appeared that I said God's plan for you was to suffer with cancer.

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« Reply #33 on: August 25, 2009, 09:36:31 AM »

Roseship,

My previous response #26 stating "God's plan for you" relates to the positive things that could happen in your future.  Please forgive me if it appeared that I said God's plan for you was to suffer with cancer.

ms.hoorah

Same here.



P.S. I strongly discourage you from resorting to alcohol. I think it was very reckless, no matter how well-intentioned, for people to have suggested such a thing to you as an answer to your problem. Was the Cross of our Lord so ineffective that we need alcohol or drugs to deal with our own crosses? The main issue you have to deal with at the moment is Faith. When you resolve your Faith, everything else will be resolved. Resorting to alcohol in such situations is an act that manifests a lack of faith.


Just to clear things up..I wasn't encouraging Rosehip to become an alcoholic:

"I suppose, once again, it is a matter of finding the right balance."

I think, like everything, moderation and self control is the key. The whole puritanical outlook regarding alcohol is completely alien to me - I grew up with a healthy, mature attitude towards alcohol. I see no difference between a good read in a warm bath and a glass of wine as alcohol has a calming effect, and this is not a problem (alcohol can be enjoyed). This does not show a lack of Faith as my Faith in God is strong. I can see the negatives of drinking (although Wesley's stance, for example, wasn't Biblical, I can completely understand his concerns. I can understand your concerns also), but there is no Biblical verse that forbids drinking alcohol. Christ drank real wine. My comments regarding George and his glass of wine, etc, were light-hearted.
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« Reply #34 on: August 25, 2009, 09:40:30 AM »


Rosehip,

You are in all our prayers...but, I can't agree more...stay away from the alcohol!  That can cause a whole other issue.  You have enough to deal with.

As for your comment of being "normal" and married in your 20's....well then, I guess I'm not normal either.  I'm not married.  I've had my heart broken a couple of times...but, you get over it...and come out stronger on the other side.

I've focused on other aspects of life.  Because I am not married, I have the opportunity to care for my aging mother....this most likely would have been a point of contention if I had a spouse.  I have time to spend with my godchildren....which may not have been the case if I had my own kids.  Mostly, I have more time to dedicate myself to Christ and His Church.  It's a blessing!  Honestly.  I truthfully could not be happier or more content with my life.  My one issue, is that I can't find enough time to do everything.

Mostly, remember you are NEVER alone.  God is always right there....waiting patiently.



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« Reply #35 on: August 25, 2009, 10:09:21 AM »

Just to clear things up..I wasn't encouraging Rosehip to become an alcoholic:

"I suppose, once again, it is a matter of finding the right balance."

I think, like everything, moderation and self control is the key. The whole puritanical outlook regarding alcohol is completely alien to me - I grew up with a healthy, mature attitude towards alcohol. I see no difference between a good read in a warm bath and a glass of wine as alcohol has a calming effect, and this is not a problem (alcohol can be enjoyed). This does not show a lack of Faith as my Faith in God is strong. I can see the negatives of drinking (although Wesley's stance, for example, wasn't Biblical, I can completely understand his concerns. I can understand your concerns also), but there is no Biblical verse that forbids drinking alcohol. Christ drank real wine. My comments regarding George and his glass of wine, etc, were light-hearted.

Context, Catherine, context. Your response misses the entire point because it fails to consider the context. I did not make any abstract assessment of the propriety of alcohol per se, so your responding with the same is nothing but digression. Had your comments been made within the context of some general inquiry about the permissability of a glass of wine or two at a dinner party by someone concerning whom we have very little information to make any assumptions regarding their life circumstances and struggles, then there would have been no remark from me on the matter. The two main issues concerning your remarks as they are so defined by the CONTEXT of the specific thread at hand are as follows:

1) Your suggestion of alcohol was offered as a quasi-solution to Rosehip's struggles, thereby detracting her focus from the REAL solutions: solutions concerned with her relationship with herself and God. You in effect offered a cop-out. In this CONTEXT, it signifies a lack of faith in God. There is simply no way around it.

2) Alcohol abuse is more likely in contexts where despair and discouragement are at play. Qualifying a suggestion to resort to alcohol as made to someone dealing with such despair and discouragement with the disclaimer, "oh, but keep it balanced," will mean very little to that person, practically, when they begin to actually experience the way in which that glass or two relieves their pain. All they will be concerned with at that moment, and quite naturally so, is how to relieve the pain even more, which logically translates into "drink more"...by that time, your qualification is a distant memory with no effect.
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« Reply #36 on: August 25, 2009, 10:13:35 AM »

Thanks for all your remarks and support. Catherine, I understood what you meant about the wine, but, in this case, fortunately I don't have any money for extras like alcohol, and I am not sure it is good to drink much since I have had cancer. In addition, since my grief is connected with failure to find love and all the constant rejections, I fear I'd become an alchoholic if I started in on it. Liza is right, I have enough troubles without ending up a drunkard. But this experience helps me better understand the deep pain that can lead to alcoholism. Liza, I never see anyone else a failure for not marrying-just myself, because I gave up my dreams of higher education to pursue the dream of marriage and motherhood, so, for me, this loss is akin to having gone through medical school to become a doctor and then being forbidden to practise medicine. I gave every moment of my life studying to be the perfect wife, homemaker and mother but was rejected at every turn, so this is why i am in such pain. I felt it a holy calling, a vocation- since I was quite tiny.
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« Reply #37 on: August 25, 2009, 10:23:01 AM »

Reread what LizaSymonenko posted. It's a beautiful Christian witness, Rosehip, and very well could be your answer.
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« Reply #38 on: August 25, 2009, 10:25:04 AM »

Then why didn't you remain single instead of needing to remarry?
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« Reply #39 on: August 25, 2009, 10:33:29 AM »

Then why didn't you remain single instead of needing to remarry?

Many reasons, Rosehip. Our personal circumstances are not the same and we shouldn't be trying to equate them, whereas yours and Liza's are more similar. Both of you were never married. I was married for 30 years. Neither of you have had children whereas I've had three along with five grandkids. Liza's mother is still living whereas my parents are long reposed. I did not actively seek remarriage... it simply happened. We literally bumped into one another on the internet eleven years ago and after a time of getting to know one another (nearly half a year) we met, fell in love and married. My faith in God did not weaken nor did my trust in His Church during the bitter time following my separation from my first wife (and bear in mind... she was the wife of my youth... my first love with whom I raised a family...it was extremely gut-wrenching). Instead I cried out for mercy and it came after a period of two years. Why? I don't know. But in all of this you surely can see that our circumstances are one of apples and oranges and a just comparison is unwarranted.
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« Reply #40 on: August 25, 2009, 10:55:08 AM »

Here's another light-hearted comment..

Proverbs 31:6   
Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.



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« Reply #41 on: August 25, 2009, 11:02:51 AM »

Wine helps me relax. Wine has helped me through some difficult times, but I never lost my Faith in God. I was talking about myself and my situation. My comment regarding "Rosehip going for it" was light-hearted as I posted a smiley. However, I can only speak from personal experience...I enjoy wine as it helps me to relax. I did talk about my experiences, solutions, lessons I have learned:

Praying and having a close relationship with God has helped me so much and I now have much more confidence, real confidence; I mean, I do not judge myself like the world judges me. Being close to Christ is true happiness - I am talking about a deep inner happiness. Jobs fall through, things go wrong in my relationships, people stab me in the back, people treat me like something they have just stepped in on in the street. I battled illness for a couple of years. I might put on weight in the future, out of choice, I might lose my job, my house might burn down to the ground, perhaps I'll never meet the man of my dreams - someone who truly loves me - but I will remain glowing with the confidence, happiness and peace that only comes with being close to Christ - God willing. God loves you, Rosehip, He knows what is best for you, it is all in His hands.... As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rosehip, is in my prayers..
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« Reply #42 on: August 25, 2009, 11:09:29 AM »

Actually, even though I do not quite agree with EA that since Christ gave Himself for our salvation, we do not need alcohol, - I still want to apologize for my yesterday night's careless remarks about drinking. Indeed, it is a very individual thing. If a person does not have the habit of using wine, then it might be a good idea for this person to stay this way. Maybe advising this person to drink is, indeed, something reckless. I am sorry, Rosehip.
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« Reply #43 on: August 25, 2009, 11:13:07 AM »

Wine helps me relax. Wine has helped me through some difficult times, but I never lost my Faith in God. I was talking about myself and my situation. My comment regarding "Rosehip going for it" was light-hearted as I posted a smiley.
Rosehip, is in my prayers..

But as has been clearly pointed out, suggesting (even in a light-hearted fashion) that alcohol will somehow provide help during a time of desperation (and it's very apparent to all that Rosehip is in such a time), is both unwarranted and most inappropriate.
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« Reply #44 on: August 25, 2009, 11:25:33 AM »

Dear Douglas,

I have absolutely no problem admitting when I am wrong about something. I am trying to make sense of this... I really do not see the harm in drinking to relax and unwind.
 
What does Proverbs 31:6  mean?

"Wine is to be used for want or medicine. Every creature of God is good, and wine, though abused, has its use."

I stressed the dangers of alcohol...
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« Reply #45 on: August 25, 2009, 11:36:39 AM »

Ah, Catherine...context is a concept that really bothers you huh?

Please read the chapter from the beginning. The Queen's main concern is the conduct of her royal son. The overall intended effect can be rephrased as follows: "You are a King with much responsibility, you cannot afford to take substances that have the potential to compromise your judgment; leave such substances for the masses who resort to such to relieve their anxieties." She is not advocating or permitting the use of alcohol for relief of anxiety, she is simply trying to draw a certain contrast aimed at alerting her son to the fact that he, in contrast to the masses, belongs to a royal class and that belonging to that class entails certain duties.

We use similar ways of speech even today. A mother in her pride might scold her young adolescent son, for example, for playing in the dirt and say something to the effect of, "You are a young man, you should not play in dirt; let the little babies play in the dirt for fun." She is not advocating or permitting that little babies play in the dirt for fun. Her point is clear--along the same vein as the point of Prov. 41:6 as I have just explained it.
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« Reply #46 on: August 25, 2009, 11:39:28 AM »

Okay folks, please let's not argue about alcohol. I am acutely aware of the dangers of taking up drinking, I have considered it, it is true, because the emotional pain is so intense my body hurts from it, but I have seen far too many people's lives ravaged by it. I have witnessed men-alcoholics dead in the snow of winter, I have seen them being struck and killed as they attempt to cross the highway, I have seen them staggering along the streets on the way to the grocer's, I see them even here in my own city, sitting on the street in squalor, begging for money, and so I know I must avoid it at all costs. So please drop the discussion about alcohol for now. I am not, I hope, going to try it, even though I have nothing against an occasional glass of wine etc.
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« Reply #47 on: August 25, 2009, 11:44:38 AM »

I am sorry that the subject continues in this thread Rosehip. But I cannot be silent at the continued attempt to justify the dangerous behaviour being advocated. I am glad you are not inclined to resort to alcohol as a means of dealing with your difficult situation. But I would hate for any other reader to be swayed by such suggestions, particularly given that Scripture has been brought into the discussion. Hopefully the moderators can make another due split so that the thread does not further digress. My sincrest apologies to you for the disturbance.
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« Reply #48 on: August 25, 2009, 12:06:24 PM »

Ah, Catherine...context is a concept that really bothers you huh?


Rosehip's situation aside...

No, context is not a concept that bothers me. I am more than willing to learn; I am willing to love and respect others. I try very hard not to judge the intentions and the hearts of others - all thanks to Christ Jesus, no thanks to a pathetic sinner like me..

What are your thoughts regarding the following statement? I am not a fan of "Got Questions?", these days. However, I think they have a very good point regarding alcohol. I would say alcohol is clearly permitted. RE: Proverbs; I would say, alcohol is permitted, well, at least in desperation and poverty. My point is, alcohol can be a gift from God, when "used" properly.

Scripture has much to say regarding the drinking of alcohol (Leviticus 10:9; Numbers 6:3; Deuteronomy 29:6; Judges 13:4, 7, 14; Proverbs 20:1; 31:4; Isaiah 5:11, 22; 24:9; 28:7; 29:9; 56:12). However, Scripture does not necessarily forbid a Christian from drinking beer, wine, or any other drink containing alcohol. In fact, some Scriptures discuss alcohol in positive terms. Ecclesiastes 9:7 instructs, “Drink your wine with a merry heart.” Psalm 104:14-15 states that God gives wine “that makes glad the heart of men.” Amos 9:14 discusses drinking wine from your own vineyard as a sign of God’s blessing. Isaiah 55:11 encourages, “Yes, come buy wine and milk…”

What God commands Christians regarding alcohol is to avoid drunkenness (Ephesians 5:18). The Bible condemns drunkenness and its effects (Proverbs 23:29-35). Christians are also commanded to not allow their bodies to be “mastered” by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12; 2 Peter 2:19). Drinking alcohol in excess is undeniably addictive.

Jesus changed water into wine. It even seems that Jesus drank wine on occasion (John 2:1-11; Matthew 26:29). Again, Scripture does not forbid Christians from drinking beer, wine, or any other drink containing alcohol. Alcohol is not, in and of itself, tainted by sin. It is drunkenness and addiction to alcohol that a Christian must absolutely refrain from (Ephesians 5:18; 1 Corinthians 6:12).

Alcohol, consumed in small quantities, is neither harmful nor addictive. In fact, some doctors advocate drinking small amounts of red wine for its health benefits, especially for the heart. Consumption of small quantities of alcohol is a matter of Christian freedom.
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« Reply #49 on: August 25, 2009, 12:12:18 PM »

please drop the discussion about alcohol for now. I am not, I hope, going to try it, even though I have nothing against an occasional glass of wine etc.

Great! I salute you for this. Folks, let's respect Rosehip's wish and maybe move the general alcohol-related discussion elsewhere? Smiley
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« Reply #50 on: August 25, 2009, 12:17:28 PM »

please drop the discussion about alcohol for now. I am not, I hope, going to try it, even though I have nothing against an occasional glass of wine etc.

Great! I salute you for this. Folks, let's respect Rosehip's wish and maybe move the general alcohol-related discussion elsewhere? Smiley

I agree. Moderators, can you split this alcohol digression into another discussion thread?
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« Reply #51 on: August 25, 2009, 01:26:15 PM »

Of course i know you will say that i have nothing to say since I married young and have children. And i am sure you would think I am smug about my marriage and fertility as well. I am not saying this to make you feel like you should be happy to be unwed. I am very happy as a married woman and mother. I would like to point out that you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You have in your mind such a high view of what life will/would be like if you were married with children that there is no way that the real thing will ever live up to it. Marriage is wonderful but it won't solve all your problems. No man can fill the entire vacuum you feel. You should work on your faith as well. A wife and mother need a strong faith. Try to work on that in preparation for marriage and motherhood. That is the greatest gift you can give your children and husband. Marriage and motherhood won't strengthen your faith if it is already faltering.

Do you have any godchildren? Do they have a big sisters program there? You could direct some of your maternal instincts in that direction now while you are waiting to meet and marry. I can tell you have an enormous amount of love to give. And there are a lot of children out there that would love to receive it. I have worked with these types of children before I was married and before we had children. It isn't the same as being a parent. But these children really appreciate having a loving person in their lives to talk to and such.
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« Reply #52 on: August 25, 2009, 05:53:23 PM »

Rosehip,
May I ask if there are any cancer support groups near your area?  The hospital I work for has several groups that get together about once a week to share their struggles with other people in similar situations.  It's a valuable time for those who feel like no one understands what they're going through and since you've expressed a longing for emotional and physical contact, it might be a good avenue to pursue if you have the energy and time for it.  I know it's not always practical to attend every meeting, especially when you're tired from the chemo treatments, but maybe it would be worth checking into so you don't feel quite so alone in this.
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« Reply #53 on: August 25, 2009, 06:12:42 PM »

please drop the discussion about alcohol for now. I am not, I hope, going to try it, even though I have nothing against an occasional glass of wine etc.

Great! I salute you for this. Folks, let's respect Rosehip's wish and maybe move the general alcohol-related discussion elsewhere? Smiley

Of course. Rosehip, I respect the fact that you don't drink alcohol. I realise you are a fully grown adult - we are all adults -therefore, you are aware of the negatives of alcohol. Anyway, Sis, I shall continue to pray for you. I am sure you are in the right hands: God, the Orthodox community and your Doctor/Medical Professionals.
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« Reply #54 on: August 25, 2009, 06:15:34 PM »

I have attended support groups for different ailments although I stopped in 2008 when the support group introduced religion to my dislike.

Unless someone else provided the link in a past post, here is the following website for finding a Cancer support group in your area.  Find the strength to attend one group and in these groups, you can remain anonymous until you feel comfortable with the attendees and the process.

In Christ,
SolEX01

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« Reply #55 on: August 25, 2009, 06:58:26 PM »

A friend of mine, whose mother (Memory eternal) bravely battled lymphoma for years, said she and her family both received tremendous support from the Wellspring network.
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« Reply #56 on: August 25, 2009, 07:08:35 PM »

Yes, I have visited Wellspring, Nebelpfade. I went there for yoga once and talked to someone. Everyone was very nice. But still support groups aren't the same as having a husband who loves and cares for you.

I'm tired of support groups and psychiatrists. I just want to get on with life and have someone with whom I can hold hands and who will be close to me.
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« Reply #57 on: August 25, 2009, 08:32:37 PM »

Rosehip,


I have 3 older sisters. 2 are married with children, while one is still single, and she had cancer as well. She had it in her lungs. She is 3 years older than I, so I kinda know about some of the pain you are going through.

I too wanted to get married in my 20's, but it never happened. I too wanted lots of children, but it never happened. I am 32 now, and I still want to get married and I still want my own kids, but I really don't know if that will ever happen.

I almost got married 7 years ago, and since then I only dated 3 people, who also wanted to get married and have a family. I broke up those relationships because certain things were really important to me. Certain "nonnegotiables", recently around Feb of 09, I broke up with a Roman Catholic woman who seemed to have it all. She was highly educated with a masters degree, physically she was extremely attractive, she had her own house, her family was well off, and she's the niece of a famous college football coach in Pennsylvania.

But I broke it off because I really wanted someone that wanted to go to church with me more than once a week. And she wasn't willing, and I knew I wouldn't be happy in that relationship, and I knew that she wouldn't be happy either.

So I am single, I am 32 and single, and sometimes I question myself if it was right to leave her, for most of my college and highschool friends are married, and so I feel like the odd ball out, at church I see alot of married people with kids running all over the place, and I see alot of married women at church with kids on the way, and so I think to myself......."was it right for me to break off that relationship"?

I believe it was right for I would rather be single then be married to someone that doesn't want to go to church with me......no matter how pretty and well off that person is.

There are 2 protestant women that I like and would love to marry, but it all comes down to "going to church with me". I know that such a thing would be difficult for them to do, and so the relationship really wouldn't work out. And one of them really wants to get married too. She is 36 now, and she talks about being a single  African American woman alot. And I feel for her, and I hope that she finds a man too.

When I go to church conferences I look to see if there is a woman there that might be a possible match. I really really really want children, but I also know that we don't always get what we want, but sometimes, we do get what we need.

And so, I have to learn patience. It's hard, and I don't like it, but it is what it is. Until then, I have other things to worry about.....like my prayer life, fasting and other issues.






Jnorm888
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« Reply #58 on: August 25, 2009, 08:59:14 PM »

Jnorm,

Since you are a man it doesn't matter so very much how old you are when it comes to having children. It's not like being a woman where after a certain age or being exposed to some dreadful cancer treatment you are robbed of all hopes. Maybe you should lower your expectations a bit too. For instance, I have no university education whatsoever, but I consider myself a cultured, refined person of grace and nobility. I was born to very well-educated parents. As fate would have it, I was not permitted to pursue an education, and so I threw myself into becoming the wife of a man's dreams. Many of these people with degrees I've discovered are very dull and conventional and nothing special in the least. That's been my experience. What I am trying to say is that there may be a very uneducated but loving, godly, and cultured woman for you...

I do not own a house (!) and I'm 40 years old. Help-I sure hope the men aren't expecting that of me too-no wonder no one ever wants to be with me, if that is what they are expecting from a woman!! I would think that would be more the male department-and even then, I would never demand it of a man-neither would I demand a degree from him. Only that he is a loving, faithful, loyal human being who is curious about art, culture, books etc.
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« Reply #59 on: August 25, 2009, 09:49:35 PM »

I have no university education whatsoever, but I consider myself a cultured, refined person of grace and nobility.

Not only you consider yourself that, but you actually ARE that. I can testify, based on my 2 years and ~4 months experience of corresponding with you.

I would never demand it of a man-neither would I demand a degree from him. Only that he is a loving, faithful, loyal human being who is curious about art, culture, books etc.

There certainly are men of this kind around. I am positive.
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« Reply #60 on: August 25, 2009, 11:07:08 PM »

Please pray for me again. Sad I' m going through some really hard times again. I am so weary, so weary, of trying to be good enough for a man. But I am really tired of being alone in life. Life has been so hard, with going through so many losses with cancer-it's just been one horrifying loss after the next. I really long for companionship, comfort, love, someone who truly cares, someone whose hand I can hold,someone whose shoulder I can lean upon. I just thought I had met possibly such a man, and was really looking forward to meeting him, but he wrote me to tell me he's already found another woman, only a week after putting up his profile. I am nearly grief-stricken and don't know how much longer I can endure such terrible disappointments, especially in my already weakened, and severely demoralized state. I've been having to make myself ill looking for love and these divorced men repeatedly, almost instantly, find a new partner, while I remain alone, so terribly alone decade in and decade out.

Please please pray for me. Please pray that I will be deemed worthy of the love I've waited so dreadfully long to experience. It would be such a relief, such a blessing, I would appreciate it so much, so much. Please, please pray that I will be worthy, be good enough not to have to continue so alone and forsaken in life. Please pray some good, decent, caring man will notice me, will not reject me yet again for someone else. Please, please, please. Please pray that I too will have a chance to love and be loved.

Lord, have mercy on Rosehip!

If I can add something to the advice that's already been given to you, I think it might be a good idea if you found a new hobby, or found a new way of engaging one you already have.  Some people have mentioned cancer support groups, and I agree that it's a very good idea.  You also might find it helpful to concentrate on something that doesn't pertain to things that are troubling you.  Join a book club, or take a college course, or plant a garden, anything that you would like and be able to share as a common interest with other people.  God is fashioning you into something beautiful.  Don't let scuzzball Orthodox men get you down.
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« Reply #61 on: August 25, 2009, 11:20:52 PM »

Jnorm,

Since you are a man it doesn't matter so very much how old you are when it comes to having children. It's not like being a woman where after a certain age or being exposed to some dreadful cancer treatment you are robbed of all hopes. Maybe you should lower your expectations a bit too. For instance, I have no university education whatsoever, but I consider myself a cultured, refined person of grace and nobility. I was born to very well-educated parents. As fate would have it, I was not permitted to pursue an education, and so I threw myself into becoming the wife of a man's dreams. Many of these people with degrees I've discovered are very dull and conventional and nothing special in the least. That's been my experience. What I am trying to say is that there may be a very uneducated but loving, godly, and cultured woman for you...

I do not own a house (!) and I'm 40 years old. Help-I sure hope the men aren't expecting that of me too-no wonder no one ever wants to be with me, if that is what they are expecting from a woman!! I would think that would be more the male department-and even then, I would never demand it of a man-neither would I demand a degree from him. Only that he is a loving, faithful, loyal human being who is curious about art, culture, books etc.

I never really wrote about my standards, she just happened to have those things, but I really don't care about those things as much as I do about things of faith. She had everything, except for what I really wanted. She was a nominal Roman Catholic, I eventually found that out latter as I got to know her more. So everything she had meant nothing to me for she didn't want to go to church with me, and that's what I wanted the most.

But education isn't really a high standard of mine.

This is my own personal list:

Things I can't compromise on

1.) First thing first, someone I am theologically compatible with.

2.) There has to be some physical, spiritual, mental, and social attraction.

3.) Able to produce children, and wants to have children (there are alot of women I met that don't want kids, instead they want to work all the time and advance in their career life, which isn't wrong, it's just in conflict with what I really want in life)

4.) Must not of been married before while ex-husband is still living (There are alot of fine sistas I overlook because of this, and I mean fine. I get more upset at the men that let them go. You gotta hold on to something like that)

5.) Must trust and respect me (alot of women love to gossip and tell what I tell them to their friends and parents(mom). I hate this, so trust and respect is very very important to me)


These are my non negotiables, everything else is negotiable.


Everything else like,

Things I can compromise on

1.) Education

2.) Do you already have children

3.) Economics

4.) Status/class

5.) Different taste in music

6.) Race/Ethnic group

7.) Whether or not family and friends like her or not


.........ect.










Jnorm888
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« Reply #62 on: August 25, 2009, 11:45:23 PM »

I will pray for you, JNorm....
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« Reply #63 on: August 25, 2009, 11:50:03 PM »

#3 -saying they have to be able to produce children is ridiculous. Adoption is always an option. My brother in law is incapable of having children and he is in his mid-twenties. Desire to have children is an entirely separate issue from the ability to PRODUCE  children, thats sounds very Henry VIII.
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« Reply #64 on: August 26, 2009, 12:05:22 AM »

My dear Rosehip,

I know that life has not worked out as you had hoped it would, but I would encourage you to not fall into despair. For our Lord God knows the needs of your heart, and He knows that there is a right person out there for you. When you two shall meet, I do not know. What I do know is this: although you are without a spouse, there is much joy to be experienced in life today.

Reach out to friends, family, parishoners, and people around you to experience that joy. Whether it be through a support group or a volunteer opportunity, surround yourself with people, and try to keep yourself busy.

In order to find happiness with another, you must be happy with yourself first. No one can make you happy, as happiness is a choice.

I know of a couple in a local Orthodox parish that did not meet until they were 48. They were married at 50 and adopted an adorable little girl from Russia. They are in the process of adopting a second child, and are very happy.

I know of another woman who just got married for the first time at 56. Her husband is a widower with two teenage boys.

So you see, marriage and motherhood can come at any age (and in different ways.) But happiness is something that you can have today.

Try volunteering with different organizations or maybe taking up a class in a topic that interests you. Now that autumn is here, a lot of communities have adult education programs in the evenings in all sorts of interesting topics. They are usually very reasonable in price.

This would be a great way for you to get out of the house, meet new people, and potentially meet your "Mr. Right." Afterall, what better way to meet someone who shares the same interests as you, as doing something that you're interested in?!

Volunteering is another great way to meet people. Find a cause that you are passionate about and volunteer your time.

If you like animals, owning a dog is a great way to meet people, as people approach dog owners all the time when they are out walking their dog.

I pray God bless you and comfort you, and bring you the joy that you seek.

In XC,

Maureen
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« Reply #65 on: August 26, 2009, 12:07:16 AM »

#3 -saying they have to be able to produce children is ridiculous. Adoption is always an option. My brother in law is incapable of having children and he is in his mid-twenties. Desire to have children is an entirely separate issue from the ability to PRODUCE  children, thats sounds very Henry VIII.

It also makes a woman's womb sound like a widget factory.  Angry

Should the kids come out with a "Made in the U.S.A." tag on the back?   Roll Eyes
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« Reply #66 on: August 26, 2009, 12:20:13 AM »

Thank you, Quinault and Handmaiden. In more ways than one...

Yes, I think we must always remember that children are a gift from God. Some men are unable to have children too, as Quinault mentioned. And as she also mentioned, there is nothing wrong with adoption-what a noble and beautiful way to give a child a happy, secure home and chance in life!
 
Women shouldn't be viewed as baby-making machines...

Please do not be too exacting, Jnorm...
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« Reply #67 on: August 26, 2009, 12:37:29 AM »

Rose,



Have you ever thought about moving to America? The men around you in Canada seem awful.








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