Author Topic: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!  (Read 75306 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Online Mor Ephrem

  • Ο προκαθήμενος της Ορθοδοξίας - The President of Orthodoxy
  • Section Moderator
  • Protospatharios
  • *****
  • Posts: 33,221
  • Two half-eggs
    • OrthodoxChristianity.net
  • Faith: The Ancienter Faith
  • Jurisdiction: East
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #495 on: Yesterday at 12:07:00 PM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!
How this relates to the coming Antichrist? I don't know...

Quote
The erection of one’s rod counts as a form of glory (Theophylaktos of Ohrid, A Defense of Eunuchs, p. 329).

Offline Alpha60

  • Pray without ceasing!
  • OC.net guru
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,591
  • Faith: Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #496 on: Yesterday at 01:34:08 PM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

Indeed,  I quite agree.   In this most embarassing instance I lit the candle well before the Creed, during the antiphons, I think, and then remained near the candlestand; I then noticed during the Institution Narrative that the candle was listing at a severe angle and had to rush to adjust it.

What is the trick for securing those candles anyway?  Note btw this was a slightly abbreviated weekday service with the homily after the Dismissal, so the candle had only been burning for about 20 minutes when I noticed the severe lean.  With the small candles, you just heat up he underside and insert while the wax is hot; when the wax cools it will form in the shape of the candle holder securing it properly.

At one ROCA-A Old Calendarist parish I visited, the sister of the young reader would continually remove burned out candles throughout the service except during the most sacred moments, like the Institution Narrative, the Entrances and so on.  I have seen this a few other places and I would agree with you, I think the ideal cutoff for lighting candles would be the end of the Third Antiphon, at least at the front of the church.

A part of me wishes we wouldnt primarily sell candles during the service but instead have parishioners “subscribe” to them, so that the candles would predominantly be prepaid and lit at the start of the service.  Additional candles would be available free of charge for visitors.

In most Coptic parishes I have visited the candles tend to be in the back, whereas St. Ephrems Syriac Orthodox Church has the sort of setup where you place candles in a container of sand, located in the narthex.  St. Mary’s Assyrian Church of the East has a beautiful grotto attached to the narthex, out of view of the nave, an artificial cave with niches on which the faihful place lighted candles.  I really like that sort of candle-cave chapel idea (which was probably in part inspired by a fear of another fire breaking out in the nave and burning their parish down again; their main altar lights are electric which I greatly dislike).  On the whole, my ideal candle setup would have the Byzantine candle stands with central oil lamps and a built in thurible on one of them (St. Anthonys Greek Orthodox Monastery under Elder Ephrem has this, the stationary thurible being used during the Hours), in the entrance to the nave and in the Solea surrounding a floral-ensconced set of icons proper to the day, and a separate grotto-chapel like that at the Assyrian church off the Narthex, with Greek style sand pits, differing from the Addyrian one only in that it would have shelves wih icons (lower wuality or less standard icons vs. those in the nave), where people could purchase and light candles and let them burn continually, whereas the candles on the Byzantine candle stands in the Solea would, like the oil lamps, be “managed” at least to some extent (perhaps at a minimum you might buy the candle from a matushka or a pious yiayia who would then place it in the best spot at the best time in the service, whether that was Vespers, the Liturgy, an Akathist or whathaveyou.

This also applies to OO churches; I really like the Russian model of a central icon commemorating the feast of the day surrounded by fresh flowers and candle stands, in the heart of the solea, for everyone to see and venerate; there are aspects of this like our placement of stands with pictures of the deceased for memorial services in the West Syriac Rite that would require adjustment for compatibility, but my view is that the Russian/Slavonic layout of the solea is the aesthetic ideal we should be pushing for in the Syriac Orthodox Church, (and in the Coptic), except in the few ancient churches we have with an ancient layout, like the monasteries in Tur Abdin.  It would just be a question elsewhere of placing the icon of the day, the flowers and the candle stands where they would not get in the way of the processions straight up and down the central aisle we have in our services, yet still central.  One Coptic parish I visited tried to do just that, with a festal icon or an icon of the Theotokos on the ladies side of the nave next to fresh cut flowers.
"It is logical that the actions of the human race over time will lead to its destruction.  I, Alpha 60, am merely the agent of this destruction."

- The computer Alpha 60, from Alphaville (1964) by Jean Luc Godard, the obvious inspiration for HAL-9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. 

This signature is not intended to offend any user, nor the relatives of Discovery 1 deputy commander Dr. Frank Poole,  and crew members Dr. Victor Kaminsky, Dr. Jack Kimball, and Dr. Charles Hunter.

Offline Alpha60

  • Pray without ceasing!
  • OC.net guru
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,591
  • Faith: Christian
  • Jurisdiction: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #497 on: Yesterday at 01:36:14 PM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!

Indeed, I regret to say I missed most of Terce, but at least I was there for your favorite hour.  :)
"It is logical that the actions of the human race over time will lead to its destruction.  I, Alpha 60, am merely the agent of this destruction."

- The computer Alpha 60, from Alphaville (1964) by Jean Luc Godard, the obvious inspiration for HAL-9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. 

This signature is not intended to offend any user, nor the relatives of Discovery 1 deputy commander Dr. Frank Poole,  and crew members Dr. Victor Kaminsky, Dr. Jack Kimball, and Dr. Charles Hunter.

Online MariaJLM

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24
  • Faith: Eastern Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Canada
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #498 on: Yesterday at 02:26:13 PM »
I haven't really experienced anything too outrageous, but I do have some smaller stuff that happened. I'm a singer/cantor in my parish. A few times when I was going through the prayers and readings I messed it up and everybody noticed. One mistake I made that was immediately pointed out was me saying "Glory to the Father and the Holy Spirit". I forgot the Son! Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.

Offline RaphaCam

  • Protokentarchos
  • *********
  • Posts: 4,597
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #499 on: Yesterday at 02:28:14 PM »
Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.
Maybe you're the reencarnation of an Old Believer.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

Check my blog "Em Espírito e em Verdade" (in Portuguese)

Online MariaJLM

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24
  • Faith: Eastern Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Canada
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #500 on: Yesterday at 02:32:20 PM »
Another time I only said "Alleluia" twice, lol.
Maybe you're the reencarnation of an Old Believer.

Reincarnation? Hah, spot the heretic :P.

Offline Bob2

  • High Elder
  • ******
  • Posts: 704
  • Faith: Orthodox
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #501 on: Yesterday at 05:45:29 PM »
I recently failed to adequetely secure a $5 candle in the holder (the technique of meting the base with another candle before inserting it doesn’t seem to work) and found myself in the rather awkward position of having to secure it wihin seconds of “Thine own of Thine own, we offer unto Thee, on behalf of all and for all”

As I see it the alternative would have been more embarassing still.

From the Creed to the litany before "Our Father" you probably shouldn't be lighting candles at all.

YEAH ALPHA DON'T SHOW UP LATE TO CHURCH!!1!

Our bishop says not to move unless you are on fire during this time.

Offline William T

  • Archon
  • ********
  • Posts: 2,506
  • Faith: Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Antioch
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #502 on: Yesterday at 07:20:33 PM »
Please tell us more about you checking out a girl. Did the priest yell at you? What did he say? I've gotten caught a few times by friends although at school. Church is a little easier (not that I would ever check out a girl at church) I'm just guessing since everyone is facing front.

I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   

I remember my girl cousins in the choir making fun of me calling me rubber neck and things like that,  and me getting embarresed assuring my girl cousins that girls were gross and stupid, and there was no way I would be checking one out.
« Last Edit: Yesterday at 07:22:07 PM by William T »

Offline RaphaCam

  • Protokentarchos
  • *********
  • Posts: 4,597
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #503 on: Yesterday at 07:33:59 PM »
I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   
A friend tells about a time he was in an Antiochian church, the priest made a minor mistake and a woman from the choir simply opened the altar door and started yelling at him in Arabic. It seems you guys can be very incisive.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

Check my blog "Em Espírito e em Verdade" (in Portuguese)

Offline William T

  • Archon
  • ********
  • Posts: 2,506
  • Faith: Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Antioch
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #504 on: Yesterday at 07:42:46 PM »
I don't remember.  I probably got called every bad word in two languages along with some creative Arabic and English portmanteaus and odd English / Arabic sentence structures.   
A friend tells about a time he was in an Antiochian church, the priest made a minor mistake and a woman from the choir simply opened the altar door and started yelling at him in Arabic. It seems you guys can be very incisive.
During a liturgy?  Not really at all.  From my experience the eastern Europeans are way more sensitive to that as a service is going on than a Greek or Antiochian.  Most places I've been to are pretty lassiez faire.   After the service is when fire works erupt, on the hour every hour.

When the priest,  deacon,  or whoever chidded me it was when we (the alter boys) were in the back room.   If you ever have a job that involves boys ages 7-18, there will be moments when setting them in place is part of the job.   That goes with the territory.   There's nothing special at yelling at a 13 year old boy for doing something silly, every culture has that.

I mean c'mon:
https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/commentaries/IVP-NT/Luke/Twelve-Year-Old-Jesus-Goes


If that's with Christ and the Holy Theotokos what do you expect?

« Last Edit: Yesterday at 07:51:20 PM by William T »

Online MariaJLM

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24
  • Faith: Eastern Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Canada
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #505 on: Yesterday at 07:46:35 PM »
I remembered another incident from my own parish. During liturgy one of the little girls present was pretty hyperactive. She ran through the royal doors and into the altar right as liturgy was going on. Her dad had to go retrieve her. 

Offline RaphaCam

  • Protokentarchos
  • *********
  • Posts: 4,597
  • It is honourable to reveal the works of God
    • Em Espírito e em Verdade
  • Faith: Big-O Orthodox
  • Jurisdiction: Exarchate of Gotham City
Re: Share your liturgical mishap stories here!
« Reply #506 on: Yesterday at 09:19:58 PM »
I remembered another incident from my own parish. During liturgy one of the little girls present was pretty hyperactive. She ran through the royal doors and into the altar right as liturgy was going on. Her dad had to go retrieve her.
The archbishop once told me that if my sister ever tried walking into the altar, I should let them deal with it instead of going there myself. Once we were praying outdoors and she simply walked in among the priests and one of them signed me to let her stay wherever she wanted when I walked there to retrieve them. Kinda sweet of them.
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

Check my blog "Em Espírito e em Verdade" (in Portuguese)