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Author Topic: Question for Men  (Read 19152 times) Average Rating: 0
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Rosehip
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« on: August 07, 2009, 01:08:37 PM »

I'm wondering what your feelings are about women's clothing, hairstyles etc. Do you prefer high maintance women with french manicures, jimmy choo shoes, coach/prada handbags, expensive jewelry, expensive hairstyles etc. over a woman who doesn't have these things?

I was always taught in my childhood that these things are worldly and that inner beauty was more important. Also, without a huge income, it's very difficult to even afford constant trips to the hairdresser, much less all the expensive clothing and handbags etc.

But I recently went out with a man who just sent me a message informing me basically that I needed an expensive hairstyle and a makeover. I was rather insulted by this, as I simply do not have even a job at present. How can I afford to spend money on such things? I love beautiful, expensive clothing as much as anyone, but how to afford it?

Is this what is important to you men? Please discuss.
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« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2009, 01:12:40 PM »

I think this will depend upon the man.
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« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2009, 01:18:44 PM »

I'm wondering what your feelings are about women's clothing, hairstyles etc. Do you prefer high maintance women with french manicures, jimmy choo shoes, coach/prada handbags, expensive jewelry, expensive hairstyles etc. over a woman who doesn't have these things?

I was always taught in my childhood that these things are worldly and that inner beauty was more important. Also, without a huge income, it's very difficult to even afford constant trips to the hairdresser, much less all the expensive clothing and handbags etc.

But I recently went out with a man who just sent me a message informing me basically that I needed an expensive hairstyle and a makeover. I was rather insulted by this, as I simply do not have even a job at present. How can I afford to spend money on such things? I love beautiful, expensive clothing as much as anyone, but how to afford it?

Is this what is important to you men? Please discuss.

It makes it sound as we are all alike.

It has been a contention of mine that women don't dress mostly for men, but for other women.  My ex couldn't understand why I couldn't care less is another guy showed up at a party with the same shirt, etc.  I'd complement him on his good taste. Tongue

My ex was very into the appearances, though she didn't need to.  She was very attractive without it.  As she didn't care what my opinion was in preferences, who was she dressing up for.  She suffered from narcissism though, and a borderline personality, so I can't go too much on her as to what women are like (my son asked me what it is like to be married yesterday, and I honestly had to tell him "I don't know.").

Inner beauty is more important, but guys in general like outer beauty too.  The main thing is the thought that the woman is being beautiful for him.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2009, 01:19:21 PM by ialmisry » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2009, 01:25:22 PM »

Well, I thought I had really dressed up with a pretty dress and heels and jewelry, but even that wasn't good enough, I guess. It always seems there's something that's not right-really there's no way under the sun to ever be good enough for a man. It's so discouraging and hurtful. I can't understand how other people are able to marry, but others are simply never ever good enough, no matter how hard they try. Also, it seems many, many women find rich boyfriends who buy them all kinds of expensive things. Seems to me not quite fair. It's the one's who don't have boyfriends who need the money to buy expensive things in order to attract someone... Undecided
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« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2009, 01:37:11 PM »


Rosehip,  I am sure you looked lovely.  You can't look anything, but, lovely - even if you were wearing a potato sack. 

Maybe this guy simply used that as an excuse.  Maybe he is looking for a "different" type of girl.

I used to work with one girl (using the word loosely) who would "dress up" specifically for her lunch dates.  I won't go into what occurred over lunch. 

Her many men would shower her with gifts.  Trust me, she wasn't "all that".

However, she shopped around until she found one who gave her the most gifts, and then she latched on.  She's now married to that one, and has quit work, because he pays her way.

While she may be materialistically satisfied, I would guess the quality of her life may not be what you (or I, for that matter) would be looking for.  Her goal in marriage was to get money.  Her men were looking for women who were all made up - arm candy.  Their match was perfect, for them.

I think you are looking for a man with some depth in his soul, not just his pockets.

If you truly wish to get married, don't give up....I'm sure he's out there.



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« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2009, 01:43:49 PM »

I don't know, Liz. It seems impossible and unfair to be judged cruelly by men all the time. Some of us just aren't blessed with the kind of money we'd like to have in order to pay for expensive clothing. Sometimes one wants to commit suicide after decades of rejection from men who have hurt so cruelly a simple, wistful soul who only wanted to experience love on this earth.

It seems to me that many people have never suffered a day in lives, if they demand such difficult and cruel things of people.
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« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2009, 01:49:52 PM »

I don't know, Liz. It seems impossible and unfair to be judged cruelly by men all the time. Some of us just aren't blessed with the kind of money we'd like to have in order to pay for expensive clothing. Sometimes one wants to commit suicide after decades of rejection from men who have hurt so cruelly a simple, wistful soul who only wanted to experience love on this earth.

It seems to me that many people have never suffered a day in lives, if they demand such difficult and cruel things of people.

Not necessary. Some find that the way they exact their revenge for all their suffering, real and perceived.

I worked for 5 years in the locked psych ward.  Things aren't always what they seem.
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« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2009, 01:51:06 PM »

[
It makes it sound as we are all alike.

It has been a contention of mine that women don't dress mostly for men, but for other women.

My ex was very into the appearances, though she didn't need to.  She was very attractive without it.  As she didn't care what my opinion was in preferences, who was she dressing up for.  She suffered from narcissism though, and a borderline personality, so I can't go too much on her as to what women are like (my son asked me what it is like to be married yesterday, and I honestly had to tell him "I don't know.").

Inner beauty is more important, but guys in general like outer beauty too.  The main thing is the thought that the woman is being beautiful for him.

Wow! You just described my own experience to a "T". My ex and yours could have been twins.  laugh

The fact is, we can't say men (meaning... all men) like such-and-such because we are stereo-typing and that is inadvisable (and wrong). Men are individuals. Some like what you've described whereas some simply don't care. I have to admit to being attracted to a woman who cares about her appearance BUT I readily admit that over the long haul, inner beauty is certainly more important. However, if we're to attract the opposite gender, then it seems only logical that we're going to need to put our best foot forward and take care of our appearance (as much as we can given our own circumstances).

I met my second wife online of all places so I didn't have an opportunity to judge her based upon her appearance BEFORE I got to know her "inner beauty" (as much as can be learned about someone via the internet/e-mail and six months of chatting). Perhaps the internet is changing the way the laws of attraction work these days. Who can say?

I honestly don't think an expensive handbag, expensive shoes and expensive hair-styling is going to be a huge attraction for most men (but then again... who am I to speak for other men so perhaps I should just say... for me). However, a woman who takes care of herself physically (i.e. her hair, her teeth, her nails, and so forth) is probably going to stand a better chance at attracting someone who doesn't do those things.
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« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2009, 01:53:26 PM »

The guy that said that to you isn't the guy for you.  If he can't accept you the way your hair is now then good riddance to him.  A true partner will accept you for you and build the relationship based on trust, communication and respect... he's not going to build a lasting relationship on hair length or how sheik you dress.  If shallow is what he wants he'll be a lonely man all his life even if he's married to the girl he deems his trophy.
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« Reply #9 on: August 07, 2009, 01:59:23 PM »

[
It makes it sound as we are all alike.

It has been a contention of mine that women don't dress mostly for men, but for other women.

My ex was very into the appearances, though she didn't need to.  She was very attractive without it.  As she didn't care what my opinion was in preferences, who was she dressing up for.  She suffered from narcissism though, and a borderline personality, so I can't go too much on her as to what women are like (my son asked me what it is like to be married yesterday, and I honestly had to tell him "I don't know.").

Inner beauty is more important, but guys in general like outer beauty too.  The main thing is the thought that the woman is being beautiful for him.

Wow! You just described my own experience to a "T". My ex and yours could have been twins.  laugh

Leaves the question:who is the evil twin. LOL.
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« Reply #10 on: August 07, 2009, 02:01:45 PM »

When I was single, I certainly was not interested in women who spent more than me on clothes (I like early 60s vintage British style-cut clothes which unfortunately are not cheap).  My wife shops @ Target and manages to find wonderful clothes that compliment her well.  I never liked the really made up look and was always attracted to women who didn't spend a whole lot of time looking in a mirror.  Even today, I tell me wife regularly that she looks most beautiful to me in the early morning before either of us get out of bed (she scoffs, at this, of course and sticks her tongue out at me, but she does accept that I believe that)!  

I echo username!'s comments.  The polite nature of this forum prohibits me from expressing my true feelings about this guy, so let's just say he's a knave and a rogue and you're better off looking elsewhere for companionship.

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« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2009, 02:02:57 PM »

Yeah, ironically, he was complaining the whole time about his ex, who sounded to me exactly what Ialmisry and Douglas are talking about...she sounded very, very spoiled and ran away with another man and it sounds like now they don't even get along. She complains all the time about not having enough money to buy all the fancy things she's accustomed to, yet she has a very well paying job AND a rich boyfriend who constantly gives her money...I was just shaking my head in disbelief that such spoiled people exist. Yet, by his own shallowness, he likely helped create and support these traits...?

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« Reply #12 on: August 07, 2009, 02:04:45 PM »

Yeah, ironically, he was complaining the whole time about his ex, who sounded to me exactly what Ialmisry and Douglas are talking about...she sounded very, very spoiled and ran away with another man and it sounds like now they don't even get along. She complains all the time about not having enough money to buy all the fancy things she's accustomed to, yet she has a very well paying job AND a rich boyfriend who constantly gives her money...I was just shaking my head in disbelief that such spoiled people exist. Yet, by his own shallowness, he likely helped create and support these traits...?



If he spent the whole time complaining about an ex, he's still running from her and not looking ahead.  IMHO, of course.
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« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2009, 02:09:27 PM »

Yes, Shultz. This is a weird, middle-class suburban world I'm just not used to at all.

But regarding hairstyles-what is required and considered good enough for a man? Any advice, please. I don't have bangs because I don't like them and think I look better without them-do men want women with bangs??
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« Reply #14 on: August 07, 2009, 02:10:23 PM »

Appearances and hygiene are important to me to an extent, but only insomuch as the woman physically healthy and clean.  For example, I don't really care if women shave their legs or armpit hair, but regular bathing is a plus.

As far as expensive clothing and hours primping and grooming, that is a huge turn-off for me.  I actually encourage my wife to not wear makeup.  She is beautiful without it, and so many women get sucked into a vortex of vanity that is completely devoid of any spiritual value.

As far as physical features, I don't prefer obese women.  But that has more to do with health and what it says about the woman's priorities and personal discipline than to do with 'ugliness' or whatever.

You have posted pictures of yourself on here, as well as posted your personality for all of us, and you are a beautiful woman inside and out who doesn't need any of the things that man was looking for.  Just ignore those sort of shallow idiots.  They don't deserve you!
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« Reply #15 on: August 07, 2009, 02:13:06 PM »

I like it when women look good. A woman, IMHO, can look good while wearing all the different kinds of clothes: sports clothes, beach bikini, business suit, evening dress. If it is chosen with taste, - great. Hair - same thing. My wife and daughter are both experts in women's hair, and I've seen them wear all kinds of hairdos, from crewcut to long hair falling almost to the waist, and I like it always.

What I dislike in women clothes is pretentiousness and a lack of taste. Some of the most horrible examples of that I saw in American Protestant churches, especially in the "liberal" mainline Protestant congregation where I was baptised. The people who gathered there were from the "aging hippie" generation, and some women looked like parrots of peacocks.
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« Reply #16 on: August 07, 2009, 02:16:42 PM »

Is this what is important to you men? Please discuss.

I would strongly second Quinault's point that it depends on the man. We are each an individual. I know plenty of men happily married or seriously dating women that I would never have a relationship with--for reasons ranging from the shallow to deep philosophical differences to just plain incompatible personality traits. Some of those women I respect immensely, others I see what my friend sees in them even if I don't. They just weren't for me.

Even with an individual man, its not a simple yes-or-no answer. I would have to admit that, yes, I do like it when a woman is stylish, even flashy. I'm not particularly proud of it, but that does seem to be the trend of my taste. Despite that, for the first six months I knew her, my wife never wore any jewelry, not even earrings, except for a simple jade ring she had received from her grandmother. Now she's added a somewhat ornate but tasteful cross bought for her by her godmother and, of course, a wedding ring, but she still gets her hair cut at a discount place, never paints her nails, and the majority of her clothes are hand-me-downs from her mother. IOW, if you had asked me to describe the 'perfect woman', 3 years ago, the description would not have much in common with her. But then I met her and she completely reorganized my ideas about what the perfect woman is like.

I will say, from a practical viewpoint, that the one constant I can point to is self-assuredness. A woman who is comfortable with how she looks--whether that means being comfortable with a 5-inch heels, a prada bag, and a manicure or comfortable with old jeans, no make-up and a t-shirt--is more *interesting* (and therefore more attractive) than a woman who is clearly self-concious about how she is presenting herself.
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« Reply #17 on: August 07, 2009, 02:17:57 PM »

I think maybe the problem is not fitting into middle-class suburbanite culture. I just don't understand it and it is very off-putting to me.

George, can you define pretentious and parrots of peacocks?  

If any of you have links to pictures of how you would expect a woman to look, please post them.

Many thanks.
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« Reply #18 on: August 07, 2009, 02:27:12 PM »

George, can you define pretentious and parrots of peacocks?  

For example, wearing a huge hat with feathers, or a fluffy shapeless dress made of a material that shines with all the colors of the rainbow.

If any of you have links to pictures of how you would expect a woman to look, please post them.

My pleasure:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/photo.php?pid=230543&id=1096583292&ref=mf
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« Reply #19 on: August 07, 2009, 02:41:10 PM »


Heorhij,

The link didn't work.

I am interested in what a "good looking" woman looks like, too!

It's fun getting into men's heads!   Wink

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« Reply #20 on: August 07, 2009, 02:54:01 PM »

Sorry it did not work... it's from my wife's Facebook, the picture of her and of our daughter. I'll try to find something else closer to the end of the day.
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« Reply #21 on: August 07, 2009, 02:59:12 PM »

I will echo the others and say that it would depend on the man. However, it seems to me that men and women both look their best if they dress for the occasion and minimize, let us say, their imperfections. On the latter point, I will make an example of myself and point out that at age 63, I dress differently for the beach than I did at 23.

In any case, I prefer simplicity to complexity, restraint to extravagance, and understated to flashy--to allow the true self to shine through. This way, any exception to the rule would be recognized and appreciated as such. But, the dress and appearance should show thoughtfulness and a certain bow to convention (cleanliness and neatness).

As for what constitutes a "good looking woman" for men, I think a woman is good looking when she thinks herself to be good looking and projects her self-confidence and self-image accordingly.
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« Reply #22 on: August 07, 2009, 03:12:35 PM »

Rosehip, from the pictures you have posted of yourself I have to say you are quite beautiful exactly as you are.  You have a natural, elegant beauty that most women spend years and thousands of dollars trying to achieve!  The man you described sounds like he's trying to make you into the ex he's not really over, which is not healthy for either of you.  If he can't accept or even see you for who you are, he's really not worth the time spent.  He sounds pretty shallow to me.  It is true that every man has his own idea of beauty but at the same time, I don't believe that he should ever say you don't look good enough.  He should be honest enough to tell you if you really need a shower, but kind enough to do so without making you feel like you're a street urchin.
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« Reply #23 on: August 07, 2009, 04:30:49 PM »

Yeah, ironically, he was complaining the whole time about his ex, who sounded to me exactly what Ialmisry and Douglas are talking about...she sounded very, very spoiled and ran away with another man and it sounds like now they don't even get along. She complains all the time about not having enough money to buy all the fancy things she's accustomed to, yet she has a very well paying job AND a rich boyfriend who constantly gives her money...I was just shaking my head in disbelief that such spoiled people exist. Yet, by his own shallowness, he likely helped create and support these traits...?



Well, if he spent the whole time complaining about his ex, and then makes demands on you to be like her, RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
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« Reply #24 on: August 07, 2009, 04:32:05 PM »

I will echo the others and say that it would depend on the man. However, it seems to me that men and women both look their best if they dress for the occasion and minimize, let us say, their imperfections. On the latter point, I will make an example of myself and point out that at age 63, I dress differently for the beach than I did at 23.

In any case, I prefer simplicity to complexity, restraint to extravagance, and understated to flashy--to allow the true self to shine through. This way, any exception to the rule would be recognized and appreciated as such. But, the dress and appearance should show thoughtfulness and a certain bow to convention (cleanliness and neatness).

As for what constitutes a "good looking woman" for men, I think a woman is good looking when she thinks herself to be good looking and projects her self-confidence and self-image accordingly.

It is odd how true this is.
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« Reply #25 on: August 07, 2009, 04:46:29 PM »

Rosehip, from the pictures you have posted of yourself I have to say you are quite beautiful exactly as you are.  You have a natural, elegant beauty that most women spend years and thousands of dollars trying to achieve!  The man you described sounds like he's trying to make you into the ex he's not really over, which is not healthy for either of you.  If he can't accept or even see you for who you are, he's really not worth the time spent.  He sounds pretty shallow to me.  It is true that every man has his own idea of beauty but at the same time, I don't believe that he should ever say you don't look good enough.  He should be honest enough to tell you if you really need a shower, but kind enough to do so without making you feel like you're a street urchin.

I agree with every word.
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« Reply #26 on: August 07, 2009, 05:07:28 PM »

Yeah, ironically, he was complaining the whole time about his ex, who sounded to me exactly what Ialmisry and Douglas are talking about...she sounded very, very spoiled and ran away with another man and it sounds like now they don't even get along. She complains all the time about not having enough money to buy all the fancy things she's accustomed to, yet she has a very well paying job AND a rich boyfriend who constantly gives her money...I was just shaking my head in disbelief that such spoiled people exist. Yet, by his own shallowness, he likely helped create and support these traits...?



Well, if he spent the whole time complaining about his ex, and then makes demands on you to be like her, RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!

I completely and totally agree!
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« Reply #27 on: August 07, 2009, 05:42:37 PM »

Here are a few images I would call "good-looking women":

http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2a5kwsw&s=5

http://tros.nl/uploads/RTEmagicC_12Mis_s_en_05.jpg.jpg

http://www.skibumnews.com/2girls.jpg

http://www.fpra-orlando.org/info/Dana-Johnson-Large.jpg

http://www.adverts.pk/adpics/497da0aeac877fbd639082144.jpg

http://www.womens-sweatershop.com/images/tall-women-s-ski-sweaters_1.jpg

http://www.daemonstv.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/nup_135322_0076-332x500.jpg

http://home.comcast.net/~ivychat/sarah_clarke.jpg

http://www.davidandgoliathtees.com/shop/images/tees7/6304_0L.jpg

http://www.johnnyjet.com/image/PictureForNewsletterMalaysiaAirlinesARNtoKULFAsWellDressed.JPG
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« Reply #28 on: August 07, 2009, 05:44:45 PM »

Someone I don't find even remotely attractive:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/aceandvis/paris-hilton-001.jpg
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« Reply #29 on: August 07, 2009, 05:54:47 PM »

And to answer in the affirmative, Jami Gertz (my ex and her could pass as sisters):

http://cinematicpassions.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/jamigertzposter002.jpg

I just found out her birthday (oct 28) is the same day I met my ex.  Weird.
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« Reply #30 on: August 07, 2009, 06:30:26 PM »

A few more:

http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumb_185/1189892800E1IW5r.jpg

http://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_images_n300/0188-0511-1905-1616_business_woman_in_a_suit.jpg

http://www.collegefashion.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/woman-in-business-suit.jpg

http://www.handbags-purses-guide.com/pix/sarah-brown-clutch-bag.jpg

http://scienceblogs.com/isisthescientist/upload/2009/06/isiss_new_office_attire/business_woman.jpg

http://i.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/4613452/86592-main_Full.jpg

http://www.cu.edu.ge/data/image_db/other/pic_2_FjxNfxS2B.JPG

http://blogs.sun-sentinel.com/.a/6a00d8341c2c7653ef011279822d3628a4-320wi

http://static-p3.fotolia.com/jpg/00/10/09/18/400_F_10091892_2nV4lCsj2YbOWp77ohacaoQiLgFhUyfM.jpg

http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/resources/2008/01/beingbornjosiemaran.jpg

http://yourdailylife.bravehost.com/myPictures/woman_red_suit.jpg
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« Reply #31 on: August 07, 2009, 06:55:50 PM »

Whew-was gone for the day-thanks so much everyone for the input and advice!! This is extremely helpful!! Thanks to EVERYONE who has contributed thus far-I really, really appreciate it very much!!

George, thanks so much for all those links! Actually I find many of them too plain and business/career-like fo my tastes-but am relieved that this is good enough for you. One of the first pics-a woman in navy with a scarf on her head-now that I consider tasteful, chic, elegant, classy,sophisticated. But I have this feeling middle-class suburbanite men just wouldn't appreciate it at all.

A woman whom I consider to be very attractive and well-dressed is Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. Do you agree?
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« Reply #32 on: August 07, 2009, 06:57:35 PM »

Rosehip, I have already seen your pictures so I know how beautiful you are already. I have quite a few male friends and they all say. . big or petite doesn't bother them as long as a woman is natural and has natural beauty. I know sometimes this is a code word "larger" women use to describe themselves but they don't mean it that way. They don't like it when women starve themselves thin, but equally if a woman is naturally slim then they think this is also beautiful. I know sometimes there is a bit of hate thrown at slim women, as though they should purposely put weight on or something! Madness..People should be encouraged to accept themselves and others the way God made them, but that message does not seem to be coming from any source right now; it is one of society's sicknesses as we (generally) cannot accept, or appreciate people for who they are. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" -  one man's beauty is another's ugliness. Personally good looking men do not float my boat at all, but that is just a personal "thing". If we are happy and contented in our own skin, regardless of clothing, etc, hopefully we will naturally draw the right kind of people to us; those who accept us the way we are. Try to not become too disheartened, Rosehip.  You are still a very young woman, so you've still got a lot of time to meet the right kind of guys.  

 
 
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« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2009, 07:04:16 PM »

http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://fashiontribes.typepad.com/fashion/images/2008/04/04/carla_bruni_sarkozy_fashion_2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://fashiontribes.typepad.com/fashion/2008/04/its-good-to-be.html&usg=__PL-EB3VFIWZscsBjPfJnojYW2ps=&h=231&w=415&sz=91&hl=en&start=76&sig2=VfQ3bX3SA6Q2JNsZcvH81Q&um=1&tbnid=duiJA6OKWsUHpM:&tbnh=70&tbnw=125&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcarla%2Bbruni%2Bsarkozy%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4GGIK_enCA280CA285%26sa%3DN%26start%3D60%26um%3D1&ei=O7F8SpvtNZSINKWuweEC

Catherine, thanks for jogging my memory. This is what I was thinking about this afternoon. Everytime I go out with some man almost without fail he is verbally critical about some aspect of me. I am very slim, it is true, and SO many men say to me with a sort of distaste, "so why are you so thin?". It's really hurtful to me, and because of these constant cruel remarks, I caused serious damage to my body in an attempt to please these men. I am so fed-up with these rich, powerful men who treat women like objects that they can stomp on and crush with their ruthless words and ways, in the smug knowledge that they are so rich and powerful they can damage you psychologically and still get any woman they want, leaving you hurting and lonely. Women, likewise, treat you like dirt if you are slim, and yet, at the end of the day, it is nearly always the chubbier ones the men pick for their wives. So frustrating.
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« Reply #34 on: August 07, 2009, 07:09:22 PM »

Bangs and various hairstyles really depend on the individual and their hair. I don't look real great with bangs. Typically I like to have all my hair waist length and let it just wave and curl naturally. On occasion I will flat iron my hair, but normally I just like to leave it natural. The thing about hair is you need to wear it like you actually like it. If you always wear it in a tight bun or a ponytail and it is not covered then it isn't flattering. Even women that have their hair covered can take more pride in their hair by wearing coverings that are complementry and pretty. Self esteem has had a bad rap within Christianity but there is a need for a person to have it. There is nothing more attractive than a person that has some sense of self worth. And conversely even the most beautiful person will be pitiful and unattractive if they have no self worth. A lot of these women that are dressed up and "pretty" are quite ugly because they are not comfortable in their own skin.

I don't wear makeup. For a period of time I tried to do it and while it looked "good" on me it wasn't something I was comfortable in, it just wasn't me. I felt awkward in full make up. I feel I am really dressing up when I wear eyeliner, mascara and some lip tint.

It would be false to change yourself to find someone. You really are a lovely woman as i have seen in your photos. Honestly I would work on seeing the beauty in yourself and worry less about the beauty others see. You are a very lovely woman, I am not saying that to make you feel good either. I am honest to a fault about these sort of things actually- it tends to get me into alot of trouble with women.....
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« Reply #35 on: August 07, 2009, 07:29:43 PM »

Quote
Rosehip - Women, likewise, treat you like dirt if you are slim

 We have something in common: Looking back on my life, I have been bullied/treated like dirt over stupid things. Some Christian women are just as "bitchy" as the non-Christian women. Having said that, there are, obviously, some very wonderful women who are far from "bitchy". As for men, some men want to dominate women, bring them down to size. I do not know you, but I have read your posts and I just want to say that you seem like a really good, well-balanced, down to earth person; you have a whole lot to offer someone. Do not settle for it as you are worth much more than that.
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« Reply #36 on: August 07, 2009, 07:46:34 PM »

There's some really good advice on this Thread! I believe this man you had to deal with is on the same level as those people who want to "do it" without protection: they aren't concerned about you, just themselves. If this guy was worth your time, he wouldn't be trying to turn you into a shallow Honey from the Hamptons. If you consented to becoming arm candy, you'd be even more unhappy than when you started. This guy sounds like he was emotional junk food for you, Rose! Don't be upset, love, because people like him are a dime a dozen! Kiss
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« Reply #37 on: August 07, 2009, 07:54:11 PM »

All men have their own unique preferences and desires.

Personally, since I am not even sure what a jimmy choo shoe is or a coach handbag (I keep getting a mental image of a small travel trunk Tongue), trends and all that are not important to me.  If a woman actually likes the "latest look" and buys into, that is her choice.  Now, if she can pull off a lab coat and goggles... RrrrrrRRRRRrrr, LOL!  laugh

To do with body size, again, men are all over the board.  Typically, a guy can tell if a woman is naturally petite or if she is starving herself, but this is not always the case.  Often some guys will err on the side of caution, because we fear girls with eating disorders.  I know this might sound selfish, since they obviously need help, but such disorders, like drug use, can destroy not only the person but those around them.  I believe this is just a natural thing for men, to be attracted to what they view to be healthy.  Then of course, there are just people who act like jerks because they are jerks, and you can't win with those people.

Like everyone else said, personality, interests, etc. play a much larger role, and often you will find someone you never previously thought you would be attracted to, very attractive indeed.  For example, I perfer dark hair, dark eyes, and olive (or darker) skin tone in terms of physical attributes, yet, an albino girl who loves Sci-fi is infinitely more attractive to me than my "preference" who despises all things Dr. Who, Battlestar, Bladerunner, and Asimov.  laugh

Both genders go through this.
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« Reply #38 on: August 07, 2009, 08:06:57 PM »

Well, Nebelpfade, I've never in my life touched any drugs or even a cigarette. I've eaten like a pig for decades, desperately trying to somehow gain the type of body that men will want. So it's not for want of trying or eating. Sigh. I just think it disgusting that men think they have the right to make rude remarks about such matters when I always keep my mouth shut around men regarding body traits or things over which a person has no control. It just doesn't seem good manners or proper upbringing to draw potentially hurtful attention to something which may wound a person psychologically.
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« Reply #39 on: August 07, 2009, 08:18:09 PM »

My older sister is about 5 ft tall and doesn't even weigh 100lbs. She is dinky and has always been dinky.  She has an athletic build and isn't what one would ever call "curvy." I on the other hand am nearly the opposite (other than being only about 5'4). My sister-in-law is almost 6 feet tall and not curvy or particularly dinky. All this to say all three of us are wed and all three of us have husbands that think we are the most beautiful women in the world and all three of us wish we had the body of someone else sometimes.
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« Reply #40 on: August 07, 2009, 08:19:57 PM »

Well, Nebelpfade, I've never in my life touched any drugs or even a cigarette. I've eaten like a pig for decades, desperately trying to somehow gain the type of body that men will want. So it's not for want of trying or eating. Sigh. I just think it disgusting that men think they have the right to make rude remarks about such matters when I always keep my mouth shut around men regarding body traits or things over which a person has no control. It just doesn't seem good manners or proper upbringing to draw potentially hurtful attention to something which may wound a person psychologically.

Unfortunately, for some, they don't mature, and they continue on with the schoolyard insults and behaviour they did years ago.  Sometimes you find "adults" who act in ways that even a high school or college would think was going too far, and other times they give off an appearance of maturity, but their mind is still in a highschool caf and their old gossip ring.
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« Reply #41 on: August 07, 2009, 08:42:41 PM »

(By the way, Heorhij, did you spend all day looking at pictures?! Tongue  laugh )
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« Reply #42 on: August 07, 2009, 08:43:52 PM »

(By the way, Heorhij, did you spend all day looking at pictures?! Tongue  laugh )
LOL.  George, you've been caught. Shocked
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« Reply #43 on: August 07, 2009, 08:48:16 PM »

There's some really good advice on this Thread! I believe this man you had to deal with is on the same level as those people who want to "do it" without protection: they aren't concerned about you, just themselves. If this guy was worth your time, he wouldn't be trying to turn you into a shallow Honey from the Hamptons. If you consented to becoming arm candy, you'd be even more unhappy than when you started. This guy sounds like he was emotional junk food for you, Rose! Don't be upset, love, because people like him are a dime a dozen! Kiss

Please tell me that you don't want to become a "Real Housewife of New York."  Yuk.
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Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
A hasty quarrel kindles fire,
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If you blow on a spark, it will glow;
if you spit on it, it will be put out;
                           and both come out of your mouth
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« Reply #44 on: August 07, 2009, 08:50:37 PM »

My older sister is about 5 ft tall and doesn't even weigh 100lbs. She is dinky and has always been dinky.  She has an athletic build and isn't what one would ever call "curvy." I on the other hand am nearly the opposite (other than being only about 5'4). My sister-in-law is almost 6 feet tall and not curvy or particularly dinky. All this to say all three of us are wed and all three of us have husbands that think we are the most beautiful women in the world
As it should be.
 
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Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
A hasty quarrel kindles fire,
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If you blow on a spark, it will glow;
if you spit on it, it will be put out;
                           and both come out of your mouth
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