THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES: -------- [Rick's RESPONSE]
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter --------- [Imagine that!] - I think crack cocaine was found on a California governor's child
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says - [No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers - [Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? ------ [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over ---- [

]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death ------------- [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant ------ [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace -----------------------[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile - [You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures -------------[Who would have thought!]
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - [They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges ----------------[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge --[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - [Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft ----[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks -------------------- [Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half ---------[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors ----------[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
p.s. This was given to the class by a student named Rick.