Author Topic: Bad joke  (Read 91508 times)

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Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #405 on: September 11, 2014, 09:22:19 PM »
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Offline Maria

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #406 on: September 11, 2014, 09:48:14 PM »
The memory of God should be treasured in our hearts like the precious pearl mentioned in the Holy Gospel. Our life's goal should be to nurture and contemplate God always within, and never let it depart, for this steadfastness will drive demons away from us. - Paraphrased from St. Philotheus of Sinai
Writings from the Philokalia: On Prayer of the Heart,
Translated from the Russian by E. Kadloubovksy and G.E.H. Palmer, Faber and Faber, London, Boston, 1992 printing.

Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #407 on: September 13, 2014, 12:36:49 PM »
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Offline biro

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #408 on: September 13, 2014, 06:06:16 PM »
Ha ha!  ;D
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #409 on: September 25, 2014, 01:53:59 PM »
God bless!

Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #410 on: October 01, 2014, 04:01:33 AM »
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Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #411 on: October 02, 2014, 07:33:25 PM »
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Offline WPM

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #412 on: October 02, 2014, 07:36:18 PM »
Well, if you had a knack for comedy it would actually be quite funny
Learn meditation.

Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #413 on: December 11, 2014, 01:06:22 PM »
How do atheists decorate their house at Christmas?

Apparently they put up a chemistree.

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Offline Sinful Hypocrite

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #414 on: December 11, 2014, 06:26:00 PM »
Heres one,

How does a priest make Holy water?

He boils the hell out of it.
The Lord gathers his sheep, I fear I am a goat. Lord have mercy.

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Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #415 on: June 15, 2015, 04:10:48 PM »
The difference between resigning and re-signing can be a very thin line.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2015, 04:12:12 PM by Justin Kissel »
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Offline mike

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #416 on: June 21, 2015, 11:48:16 AM »
- Why are there 9 patriarchs?
 - Nine for Mortal Men...
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Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who can watch the watchmen?
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Offline Pravoslavac

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #417 on: June 21, 2015, 11:54:52 AM »
Istanbul, Turkey
(Nock, nock)
-Come in.
Where is patriarch Bartholomew?
-In Vatican.
"Bullets comrades! Not candies! Bullets will save us from the US imperialists!" - Comrade Kim Jong Il

Offline Czar Lazar

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #418 on: June 21, 2015, 07:44:42 PM »
Istanbul, Turkey
(Nock, nock)
-Come in.
Where is patriarch Bartholomew?
-In Vatican.

 :laugh:

Offline Luke

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #419 on: March 06, 2016, 12:21:28 PM »
Question:  What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
Answer:  The teachers tend to Babylon.

Offline PeterTheAleut

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #420 on: March 08, 2016, 04:38:48 AM »
Question:  What's the worst thing about ancient history class?
Answer:  The teachers tend to Babylon.
Hey, just because this is Cheesefare Week doesn't give you license to tell such cheesy jokes. :police:
« Last Edit: March 08, 2016, 04:39:11 AM by PeterTheAleut »
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Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #421 on: March 08, 2016, 08:10:02 PM »
Instead of calling the bathroom "the John," we should call it "the Jim," that way we can rightfully claim that we "go to the Jim every morning." Keep America strong!
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Offline RaphaCam

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #422 on: March 08, 2016, 10:13:11 PM »
Q: How do you call a black man riding a bike?

A: A cyclist, you racist!
« Last Edit: March 08, 2016, 10:13:44 PM by RaphaCam »
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

Check my blog "Em Espírito e em Verdade" (in Portuguese)

Offline PeterTheAleut

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #423 on: March 10, 2016, 12:41:28 AM »
Q. What do you call an Audi that's been broadsided?

A. An Innie.
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Offline HaydenTE

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #424 on: March 10, 2016, 12:44:32 AM »
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

He was out standing in his field.
"For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?" - Mark 8:36 (DRA)

Offline RaphaCam

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #425 on: March 11, 2016, 12:08:37 AM »
Q: What did the Lutheran say after he fell downstairs?
A: The Catholic pushed me to it!

Q: What did the Calvinist say after he fell downstairs?
A: Thank God!

Q: What did the agnostic say after he fell downstairs?

Q: What did the Evangelical say after he fell downstairs?
A: My church won't have any stairs, you'll see it!

Q: What did the Orthodox say after he fell downstairs?
A: My True Old Calendar Serious Bearded Church won't have any stairs, you'll see it!

Q: What did the Mormon say after he fell downstairs?
A: My planet won't have any stairs, you'll see it!

Q: What did the Gnostic say after he fell downstairs?
A: Something has been going terribly right.

Q: What did the Jehovah's Witness say after he fell downstairs?
A: Only 144 thousand will fal downstairs.

Q: What did the Perennialist say after he fell downstairs?
A: It felt the same when I fell down the slope, this must mean something!

Q: What did the Buddhist say after he fell downstairs? What did the Buddhist say after he fell downstairs? What did the Buddhist say after he fell downstairs? What did the Buddhist say after he fell downstairs?

The ones with the RC and the Muslim wouldn't make sense in English.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2016, 12:09:45 AM by RaphaCam »
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

Check my blog "Em Espírito e em Verdade" (in Portuguese)

Offline PeterTheAleut

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #426 on: March 13, 2016, 05:25:05 PM »
Statistics show that roughly 3.14159% of sailors are pi-rates.
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Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #427 on: March 13, 2016, 06:04:43 PM »
D'you hear about the punk band started by Rory McNeed, the chemist in graduate school? They're called 'The Free Radicals,' and the lyrics are solely about antioxidant issues. Their music is absolutely fantastic, and they posted on facebook that the one guitarist is about to learn his 3rd chord, so you know things're gonna get progressive on the next album! Admittedly, some question their approach to the lifestyle, their bland aesthetic, and even their faithfulness to the message they so loudly proclaim. But I say bollocks to all such accusions! In a recent interview lead lyrical supervisor and rhythm guitarist Benjamin Dolm summed things up perfectly: "Being an anarchist, punk, aqua-vegan and DIY music mogul doesn't mean we don't care about the blind middle-class drones around us and won't partner with large corporations to leverage our unique skills for the facilitation of productive scientific research, tech development, and the delivery of consumer applications of said research and development to market. Don't let the mainstream media industrial complex trick you--there's more to our venerable punk rock philosophy than cool hair and paradigm-shifting musical compositions."
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Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #428 on: March 22, 2016, 10:56:29 AM »
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Offline Dominika

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #429 on: April 11, 2016, 02:36:14 PM »
It's translated from Serbian, it also suits to Poland case:

Two priests sat in a cafeteria, and before leaving they asked waiter, how much they have to pay. The waiter said: Usually they give 20 dollars.
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Offline PeterTheAleut

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #430 on: April 19, 2016, 06:36:29 PM »
Name of a major law firm: Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe
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Offline RaphaCam

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #431 on: April 20, 2016, 11:35:20 PM »
A Polish man goes to the ophtalmologist. The doctor projects letters on the wall for the patient: "C H J W A Z I E R T K..."

Doctor: "Can you read it?"
Patient: "Read it? I know this guy!"
« Last Edit: April 20, 2016, 11:35:30 PM by RaphaCam »
"May the Lord our God remember in His kingdom all Holy Catholic Apostolic Church, which heralds the Word of Truth and fearlessly offers and distributes the Holy Oblation despite human deficiencies and persecutions moved by the powers of this world, in all time and unto the ages of ages."

Check my blog "Em Espírito e em Verdade" (in Portuguese)

Offline petros22

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #432 on: April 21, 2016, 07:14:12 PM »
Okay so you'll only get this one if you know a little about Catholic devotions

Its Northern Ireland around 1980. Man goes to confession.

Penitent: Bless me Father for I have sinned. I've blown up 50 miles of railway track.
Priest: My son for your penance...you must do the stations!   ;D
Almighty God, unto whom all hearts be open, all desires known, and from whom no secretes are hid: cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of thy holy spirit, that we may perfectly love thee, and worthily magnify thy holy name: through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #433 on: February 20, 2017, 10:06:55 AM »
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Offline minasoliman

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #434 on: February 20, 2017, 12:55:17 PM »
Scotch tape, whiteboard, UFO, post it notes?

I don't get it
Vain existence can never exist, for "unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127)

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Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #435 on: February 20, 2017, 01:04:09 PM »
Supposed to be: "UFO caught on tape"
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Offline minasoliman

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #436 on: February 20, 2017, 01:28:50 PM »
Ooooooooooooooohhhh!

Womp womp!
Vain existence can never exist, for "unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127)

If the faith is unchanged and rock solid, then the gates of Hades never prevailed in the end.

Offline hecma925

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #437 on: February 22, 2017, 01:33:41 AM »
A Polish man goes to the ophtalmologist. The doctor projects letters on the wall for the patient: "C H J W A Z I E R T K..."

Doctor: "Can you read it?"
Patient: "Read it? I know this guy!"

Ha!
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

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Offline Opus118

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #438 on: February 22, 2017, 11:50:07 AM »
Well, last weekend I drove five miles to the stationery store to purchase some Vellum, but it had moved.
 
A moving supply store was there in its place.
"Mi tío es enfermo, pero la carretera es verde!" - old Chilean saying

Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #439 on: June 09, 2017, 03:34:16 PM »
Fred: Did you ever trap that wild Thesaurus that kept rampaging through your library?
Josh: Yeah, we used synonym rolls as bait. Wild Thesauri love those.
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Offline Sinful Hypocrite

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Re: Bad joke
« Reply #440 on: June 09, 2017, 04:54:36 PM »
How does a priest make holy water?

He boils the hell out of it. ::)
The Lord gathers his sheep, I fear I am a goat. Lord have mercy.

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