Insufferable Blowhard Signs Email as "The Unworthy Servant of God"
University of Ohio Campus, Ohio, USA -- In a move which has outside observers scratching their heads, but longtime list participants wondering what the fuss is, Ohio Online Orthodox Forum (OOOF) participant John ("the Forerunner") Langweilig (online name: OrthodoxerThanThou) signed all his emails in the past three months as "the unworthy servant of God, John."
Posts posted by Langweilig over this signature include one in which he tells list participant David ("the King") Davidov that he is going to Hell, one in which he calls His Holiness Patriarch FEOFAN of Petersburg, Moscow, Nizhny Novgorod and All the Russias Besides "the Antichrist", and one in which he makes derogatory canine comparisons about the mother of list participant Tim ("the Apostle and friend of St. Paul") Tbolsky.
"I would like to say is outrage," said COROC spokesman Fr. Vasiliy Vasileivich, "but is pretty common behavior for Online Forum."
"It's still an outrage" said Fr. John Johnson, rector of All Saints of Middle-Class North America, a Rump OCA parish near Washington, D.C.
"Is better than eating lunch with Roman Catholic," opined Fr. Vasiliy.
"Is it?" wondered Fr. John.
"Is nothing in Rudder against being whiny, obnoxious, passive-aggressive, foul-mouthed cretin," noted Fr. Vasiliy.
"Oh, well then I suppose it's okay then," conceded Fr. John.
"That's not a concession, you long-nosed visigoth! I was being sarcastic!" added Fr. John.
"Sorry," said our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.
"Anyway," added our intrepid Onion Dome reporter hurriedly, "I don't suppose the point of the article is that it's against the Rudder, but rather that it's screamingly ironic."
"What is ironic?" asked Fr. Vasiliy.
"To make a total jerk of oneself, and then sign with a mealy-mouthed proclamation of one's humility," explained our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.
"Is ancient tradition," said Fr. Vasiliy lamely.
"Oh, well I suppose it's okay then," said our intrepid Onion Dome reporter, sarcastically.
"Is perhaps not best possible witness," admitted Fr. Vasiliy glumly.
"You should let your conscience be your guide," said Jiminy Cricket, hopping onto the TV set.
"Who is saying this?" wondered Fr. Vasiliy, looking around wildly.
"The bug on the television," said Fr. John.
"Bug is on television?!" said Fr. Vasiliy, cheering considerably.
"I'm not going to honour that with a reply," said Fr. John.
"You just did," pointed out our intrepid Onion Dome reporter.
"Yuck! There's a bug on the television set!" said Langweilig, swatting at Jiminy Cricket with a rolled-up diocesan newsletter.
"Zoiks!" said Jiminy Cricket, hopping to the top of a tall bookshelf.
"Reminds me of that obnoxious Jiminy Cricket from that stupid Pinnochio story," said Langweilig, his ears and nose becoming distinctly longer, and his fingers fusing together into split hooves.
"Have a care, Rabadash," said Jiminy from atop the bookcase. "Your doom is near."
"I am thinking we are getting stories mixed up here," interjected Fr. Vasiliy from the window of a house with legs.
"It's the result of too much Ohio Orthodox logic," suggested Fr. John. "You can't twist reality around forever without paying the price."
"Nyeeee-he-he-he-he-he-he-he!!!!" screamed Baba Yaga, as her house ran off with Fr. Vasiliy.
"Clearly this is a case of --" began Professor Yeraslav Penguin of St. Toucan's Seminary and Roadside Icon Shoppe, only to be cut off as he turned into a large Penguin.
"It's all in Lewis, all in Lewis," said Charles Williams drily. "What do they teach them in these schools?"The Onion Dome
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