Author Topic: Orthodox Joke  (Read 5788 times)

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Offline HandmaidenofGod

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Orthodox Joke
« on: June 19, 2009, 01:42:39 PM »
This was on another forum, and I thought it worth sharing here...

An Orthodox man gets on the train and takes his seat.
After a while, he notices an Orthodox Cross on the man next to him.
After a while longer he asks, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing you're wearing an Orthodox Cross. Are you an Orthodox Christian?"
The passenger answers, "Yes, I am."
The man says, "Oh! I am too! Are you Greek or Russian Orthodox?"
"I'm Russian Orthodox." The man says,
"Ohhh, so am I! Are you Old Calendar Russian Orthodox or New Calendar Russian Orthodox?" "
I'm Old Calendar Russian Orthodox." The man says,
"Alleluia! I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox or Old Calendar Pro-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox?"
"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox." The man says,
"Ooooh! Well, I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Russian Orthodox, or Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Old Ritualist Russian Orthodox?"
"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Russian Orthodox." The man says,
"Well, glory to God! I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Old-Man Trinity Icon-using Russian Orthodox, or Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist non-Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox?"
"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox."
So the man says, "Aaaaaaa, you damned heretic! May you burn in hell forever!"

 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11

Offline scamandrius

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2009, 01:53:26 PM »
There are a lot of variations on this joke. I've heard it with Baptists.  But, what makes it funnier if you made one of the Russian Orthodox about to commit suicide by jumping off of a bridge.  The other comes around and tries to talk him out of it and they start conversing.  They agree on so much except when they come to an end.  So the man who comes along says to the other "Die heretic scum" and pushes him off.  Still funny though.
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Offline LizaSymonenko

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2009, 01:53:55 PM »

LOL!
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Offline Michał

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2009, 02:05:40 PM »
Are you Old Calendar Russian Orthodox or New Calendar Russian Orthodox?"

What can be counted as New Calendar Russian Orthodox? Some OCA parishes?

I've heard this joke with another question: is your priest bearded or not? :D

Offline Rosehip

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2009, 02:07:05 PM »
This reminds me a bit of a sad encounter I had once on a bus. I was sitting beside a woman who was wearing one of those silver rings engraved with Church Slavonic words. Deciding to be friendly, I asked the woman if she was an Orthodox Christian. She frowned and looked upset. She said, "No! I'm Jewish!". Of course, I then felt idiotic for intruding, and so I apologized and told her I merely noticed she was wearing one of those rings I see lots of Russian Orthodox people wearing, and that I was Orthodox myself. Then she offered that, while she is Jewish, she attends a United Church! This threw me for another loop, and then she proceeded to elaborate that she had been attracted to Russian Orthodoxy, had even joined the Church, but found it to be a "monoethnic" religion and she felt rejected as a person of Jewish ancestory, so she started attending the United Church, where she feels far more welcome and that thankfully, it is not "mono-ethnic". Her story really, really saddened me.
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Offline ChristusDominus

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2009, 07:19:30 PM »
This reminds me a bit of a sad encounter I had once on a bus. I was sitting beside a woman who was wearing one of those silver rings engraved with Church Slavonic words. Deciding to be friendly, I asked the woman if she was an Orthodox Christian. She frowned and looked upset. She said, "No! I'm Jewish!". Of course, I then felt idiotic for intruding, and so I apologized and told her I merely noticed she was wearing one of those rings I see lots of Russian Orthodox people wearing, and that I was Orthodox myself. Then she offered that, while she is Jewish, she attends a United Church! This threw me for another loop, and then she proceeded to elaborate that she had been attracted to Russian Orthodoxy, had even joined the Church, but found it to be a "monoethnic" religion and she felt rejected as a person of Jewish ancestory, so she started attending the United Church, where she feels far more welcome and that thankfully, it is not "mono-ethnic". Her story really, really saddened me.
That is sad, and it reminds me, some Byzantine Catholic Churches used to be like that, very ethnical. The Melkites were the most open, and I hear the same goes for the Antiochian Orthodox? Either way, it's sad.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2009, 07:22:35 PM by ChristusDominus »
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Offline Alveus Lacuna

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2009, 07:46:10 PM »
Most of you have probably heard it, but here it is again for the new posters:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

CHANGE!?!

Offline ChristusDominus

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2009, 07:47:25 PM »
Most of you have probably heard it, but here it is again for the new posters:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

CHANGE!?!
Oh my, I don't get it. This one is clearly over my head :-\
There is no more evident sign that anyone is a saint and of the number of the elect, than to see him leading a good life and at the same time a prey to desolation, suffering, and trials. - Saint Aloysius Gonzaga

Offline Alveus Lacuna

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2009, 07:48:51 PM »
Oh my, I don't get it. This one is clearly over my head :-\

Jokes aren't funny when you have to explain them.

Offline ChristusDominus

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2009, 07:52:01 PM »
Oh my, I don't get it. This one is clearly over my head :-\

Jokes aren't funny when you have to explain them.
I'll drink to that.
There is no more evident sign that anyone is a saint and of the number of the elect, than to see him leading a good life and at the same time a prey to desolation, suffering, and trials. - Saint Aloysius Gonzaga

Offline Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2009, 10:20:32 PM »
Another version:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Light Bulb???

Offline ChristusDominus

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2009, 12:25:04 AM »
Oh my, I don't get it. This one is clearly over my head :-\

Jokes aren't funny when you have to explain them.
Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.
There is no more evident sign that anyone is a saint and of the number of the elect, than to see him leading a good life and at the same time a prey to desolation, suffering, and trials. - Saint Aloysius Gonzaga

Offline mike

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2009, 02:56:49 PM »
Another version:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Orthodox Christians together?

Offline Heorhij

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2009, 03:24:45 PM »
Another version:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Light Bulb???

CHANGE?????????? EES OUTRAGE.
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Offline Alveus Lacuna

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #14 on: June 20, 2009, 04:03:25 PM »
Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.

That would have hurt more if it hadn't taken you over three hours to get the joke.

Offline ChristusDominus

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #15 on: June 20, 2009, 05:41:58 PM »
Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.

That would have hurt more if it hadn't taken you over three hours to get the joke.
I still don't get it
There is no more evident sign that anyone is a saint and of the number of the elect, than to see him leading a good life and at the same time a prey to desolation, suffering, and trials. - Saint Aloysius Gonzaga

Offline HandmaidenofGod

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #16 on: June 20, 2009, 10:38:07 PM »
Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.

That would have hurt more if it hadn't taken you over three hours to get the joke.
I still don't get it

May I gently suggest both of you drop it and let it go?

You're ruining the funniness of my thread!!!  ;D

Hugs & Kisses,

Maureen
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11

Offline ChristusDominus

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #17 on: June 21, 2009, 12:48:27 AM »

May I gently suggest both of you drop it and let it go?

You're ruining the funniness of my thread!!!  ;D

Hugs & Kisses,

Maureen
Anything for you, sweety :-*
« Last Edit: June 21, 2009, 12:50:03 AM by ChristusDominus »
There is no more evident sign that anyone is a saint and of the number of the elect, than to see him leading a good life and at the same time a prey to desolation, suffering, and trials. - Saint Aloysius Gonzaga

Offline GammaRay

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #18 on: June 22, 2009, 01:44:27 PM »
Hey, I saw this joke (but with Baptists, not Orthodox) some days ago and I wanted to post it here! :-[
Seriously...

Anyway, it's freakin' awesome! ;D :P
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Offline sodr2

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #19 on: July 16, 2009, 02:22:37 AM »
What do you call an Orthodox doctor?


AN ORTHODONTIST!!!

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Offline sodr2

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #20 on: July 16, 2009, 02:25:56 AM »
BTW I'm confused how you guys consider the heretic jokes to be funny???
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Offline Αριστοκλής

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #21 on: July 16, 2009, 02:42:58 AM »
Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.

That would have hurt more if it hadn't taken you over three hours to get the joke.
I still don't get it

You're Catholic!...what do you expect?  :-*
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Offline Orthodoc

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #22 on: July 16, 2009, 12:32:44 PM »


Best orthodox joke I heard goes like this -

A (Russian, Greek, etc  Orthodox [take your pick]) sailor was washed ashore on a deserted island for thirty years before being rescued.  During that time he built an entire (ethnic choice) village including stores and everything he needed to survive.  When they came to rescue him they asked for a tour of the village.  When they finished the tour, one of the people said to him -"But there's one thing I don't understand, since it's only you, why did you build two Orthodox churches?"  The sailor looked at him confused and answered -"That's easy ....one is the church I go to and the other is the church I don't!"

Orthodoc

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Offline Etsi

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #23 on: July 16, 2009, 02:24:52 PM »
I learned from elsewhere that some Orthodox don't consider the original joke funny.  I've heard that joke with Orthodox, Baptists, Reformed, and Jewish people interchanged.  Why wouldn't an Orthodox person see a point or the "joke" in it?

Offline LizaSymonenko

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #24 on: July 16, 2009, 02:43:27 PM »

Well...besides pointing out all differences amongst "us" Orthodox, in the end the main difference is in the depiction of the Holy Trinity (which in fact should not be drawn with a human nature given to God the Father).

One more point of contention might be that the so called wonderful Orthodox person who is inquiring as to the other, in fact damns the other to hell.  Not quite an Orthodox thing to do.  Don't judge, etc.

So, while it has many points of "ill" humor, none-the-less, it does bring out all our differences in a colorful fashion.

I actually found the "irony" amusing, not so much the joke.

The fact that the questioner is "so" Orthodox, and so worried about the specifics of his Orthodoxy and the other individual's; yet, in the end, he himself does not act at all like a true Orthodox should.

That's just my take.

Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
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Offline Etsi

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Re: Orthodox Joke
« Reply #25 on: July 16, 2009, 02:55:31 PM »

Well...besides pointing out all differences amongst "us" Orthodox, in the end the main difference is in the depiction of the Holy Trinity (which in fact should not be drawn with a human nature given to God the Father).

One more point of contention might be that the so called wonderful Orthodox person who is inquiring as to the other, in fact damns the other to hell.  Not quite an Orthodox thing to do.  Don't judge, etc.

So, while it has many points of "ill" humor, none-the-less, it does bring out all our differences in a colorful fashion.

I actually found the "irony" amusing, not so much the joke.

The fact that the questioner is "so" Orthodox, and so worried about the specifics of his Orthodoxy and the other individual's; yet, in the end, he himself does not act at all like a true Orthodox should.

That's just my take.



Regardless of what branch of faith you put in there, the ending ill humour (with the Baptist, it was a man about to commit suicide and the the questioner tells the other to go ahead and jump) is not accurately depicting the faith...but the point is (I found it to have more of a point than as a "joke") that we tend to pick each other apart, even our own.