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Author Topic: A LOVING TRIBUTE FOR THE ELDERLY  (Read 2004 times) Average Rating: 0
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« on: July 03, 2009, 10:49:58 PM »

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia .
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour But,
By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says,
' For fast relief.'


THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.


Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!!!






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Holy Father Patrick, pray for us


« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2009, 10:56:23 PM »

Source please.   Grin
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Salpy
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St. Hripsimeh pray for us!


« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2009, 11:20:42 PM »

Yes, Fr. Ambrose is right.  It would be nice if you could copy and paste a link to the website you got that from.  Thanks.   Smiley
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« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2009, 11:49:00 PM »

"Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out."

LoL!  I loved this!
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As a result of a thousand million years of evolution, the universe is becoming conscious of itself, able to understand something of its past history and its possible future.
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« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2009, 10:54:23 AM »

When Little Red Riding Hood entered the little cottage, she could scarcely recognize her Grandmother.

"Grandmother!  Your voice sounds so odd.  Is something the matter?" she asked.

"Oh, I just have touch of a cold," squeaked the wolf adding a cough at the end to prove the point.

"But Grandmother!  What big ears you have," said Little Red Riding Hood as she edged closer to the bed.

"Ha! tell me something I don't know" replied the wolf.

"But Grandmother!  What big teeth you have," said Little Red Riding Hood her voice quivering slightly.

"That's 'cause your mother sent me to that dentist, and these new teeth don't fit!" roared the wolf and he leapt out of the bed and pushing the little girl towards the door said "That's enough missy, go home, and stop being mean to your poor old granny".


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« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2009, 11:43:25 AM »

Dear Salpy,

It's a viral message circulating via e-mail, I don't know the original source.

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« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2009, 03:30:15 AM »

A grandmother, after overhearing one of her granddaughter saying to her sister: "I'm glad I have the perfect nose, unlike my granny who looks like a witch"  walked into the room and said:

"I looked as you do and you'll look as I look"

A woman when taking her elderly mother shopping for the Christmas presents at the mall.

--- Are you sure you don't want a wheel chair so we can go faster? (with a stressed voice, almost yelling)

--- Sure! Thank you sweetheart! In a soft tone, with a gentle smile.

While being driven on the wheel chair, the elderly mother smiles, gets deep in his memories, and thinks to herself:

I remember the first time we went shopping, just you and me, you didn't want me to carry you on my arms, and I had to take you by the hand, and slow down to your pace, we were in a hurry, I had to be home on time, to cook food for the three of us, and then get ready for work, but you insisted in walking, and I let you, because you were so little, and I love you so very much.

You don't tell me so, but I see you get angry, I can feel the tension, you don't want to take me by the arm and walk at my own pace, so we can talk, and look at each other from time to time, and share a gentle smile, or a silent "I love you" with our eyes. Why are you so cold and indifferent? Can't you see I'm too old? Do you love me? Why are you storming into the shopping mall, when you have nothing to do today? What's the hurry? Can't you stand me?

After a while, the daughter looks to her mother, and says:

"Are you alright mother? Hey, don't fall asleep, you're spacing out. Oh, what's the matter? I see your eyes wattery, oh come on, don't start with one of your dramas, don't be a kill joy, lets sing a christmas carol, Jingle bells, jingle bells, come on mom, join me, sing along."

--- Jingle bells, jingle bells, While thinking "when I saw you sad, I used to give you hughs, and kisses, ask what's wrong, and saying again and again how much I love you, come on give me a hugh, say you love me, and mean it, kiss me, and let me do the same, come on, just once, let me be truly close to you".














 

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