Well, NP, I surely respect your tenacity
As an Antiochian Orthodox Christian who converted, I have never felt totally alienated by the Arab community as a whole. I generally feel alienated by both cradles and converts who are unspiritual. For example, the pious Arab families are very glad that Americans love their Church, and they get very, very excited when Americans embrace their culture. You have not lived until you have seen the expression on the face of an Arab woman who has just been told of her cooking, 'I've never had Arabic food before... and it's great!' At that point, you are a 'cousin.'
I have experienced converts who are just as arrogantly ethno-centric as the worst of any Arabs or Greeks. I've been looked down upon because I was 'too integrated.'
From what I have observed thus far, the unspiritual, whatever-ethnocentric communities in the Antiochian Archdiocese are a shrinking portion of the community, mostly because they tend not to attract converts beyond the 'founders' and their kids drop the community (if not their Faith) after achieving adulthood. Therefore, as one who tends to see things on the very-long-range, I think that those ethno-centrics will be wiped clean off the ecclesiastical map in a generation. We have seen it happen before.
For me, the turning point in relations with heavily ethnic communities comes with participation in their rituals. For example, attending wakes, and offering congratulations and gifts for family events. For example, a very ethnic American community will quickly embrace the Arab family that comes to the 4th of July picnic and stays for the fireworks after eating the burgers and hotdogs. Again, I have seen it happen. By the end of the evening, they are no longer 'strangers.'
However, the success of this hinges on the character of the receiving group. If they are unspiritual and selfish, they will eventually find reason to discriminate later. If they are spiritual, they will be extremely grateful for their new friends who validate their worth by showing interest in their Church and their culture.
When I am discriminated against, I am glad because it saves me having to hang out with bad people who will eventually defraud or abuse me. Why get emotionally-invested in people like that?
In summary, I think that our 'liturgical flavors' ought to be based on what works in a particular situation. One of the great fears behind the lack of unity is the fear of change, some of it good, but some of it bad. Right now, the Antiochian Archdiocese is in a real battle over control precisely because of how change effects the local level.