GammaRay
The Awful Preacher
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Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek
Posts: 574
Alexandros Papadiamantis
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« on: June 24, 2009, 10:25:48 AM » |
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It's the first I'm asking from someone to pray for me (besides Saints).
So, I've been getting more and more into knowing God (theology and such), but this only made things worse. Instead of using that knowledge to have peace of mind, I started "preaching" (in very bad and awful ways) about Orthodoxy and how correct it is. I can barely type this text, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
Despite I knew that God exists (valid proof), I couldn't feel Him! I was right there, praying with the rosary, crossing myself, listening to Christian music, reading the Gospels, but everything felt so...empty. As if I was just moving my hands or I was doing some sort of homework for my religion classes; not anything spiritual. I even stopped writing poems/songs about Him.
I think I'm never going to be a Christian. It all seems so hard for me. How could God ask from me to do such hard things, while I live in the world of sin? I don't think I can carry this faith.
I've been a self-proclaimed Christian for more than two years, but it feels like I never was one. I feel so alone.
Please, pray for an arrogant and lost kid like me. My prayers don't seem to work out.
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Though I've walked the valley of the shadow of the death, I've fallen not. Not completely. Not yet.
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Heorhij
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« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2009, 10:30:05 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
GammaRay, you know, I am very much like you. I keep having pretty bad experiences with theology - exactly because whenever I find something close to my heart there, and share it with people, I immediately get very sarcastic responses, and have to acknowledge that the people who make these responses are RIGHT. I am the worst kind of "preacher" one could imagine. I should never even try preaching because I only shoot myself in the foot, make the message look ridiculous.
Praying for you.
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Love never fails.
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Michał Kalina
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« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2009, 10:30:48 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
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jnorm888
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« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2009, 10:37:35 AM » |
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It's the first I'm asking from someone to pray for me (besides Saints).
So, I've been getting more and more into knowing God (theology and such), but this only made things worse. Instead of using that knowledge to have peace of mind, I started "preaching" (in very bad and awful ways) about Orthodoxy and how correct it is. I can barely type this text, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
Despite I knew that God exists (valid proof), I couldn't feel Him! I was right there, praying with the rosary, crossing myself, listening to Christian music, reading the Gospels, but everything felt so...empty. As if I was just moving my hands or I was doing some sort of homework for my religion classes; not anything spiritual. I even stopped writing poems/songs about Him.
I think I'm never going to be a Christian. It all seems so hard for me. How could God ask from me to do such hard things, while I live in the world of sin? I don't think I can carry this faith.
I've been a self-proclaimed Christian for more than two years, but it feels like I never was one. I feel so alone.
Please, pray for an arrogant and lost kid like me. My prayers don't seem to work out.
Mother Teresa went through this dry spell for 40 to 50 years. I forgot what it's called, but you are not alone in having dry spells. Perseverence is key, and it might feel like Hell on the inside, but in the end, it should give you an interior strength and discipline you never had before.........but nobody likes dry spells, but we have to persevere when they come our way. It is ok to take things one step at a time, go at your own pace........you don't have to be a super christian.....just go at your own pace........at your own rate. JNORM888 |
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« Last Edit: June 24, 2009, 10:44:38 AM by jnorm888 »
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"loving one's enemies does not mean loving wickedness, ungodliness, adultery, or theft. Rather, it means loving the theif, the ungodly, and the adulterer." Clement of Alexandria 195 A.D. http://ancientchristiandefender.blogspot.com/ |
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jlerms
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Posts: 826
O sweet Jesus, cleanse my soul.
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« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2009, 10:57:06 AM » |
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Lord have mercy and help us believe!
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scamandrius
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« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2009, 11:01:55 AM » |
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Lord have mercy on you Gammaray! I hope I'm not presuming too much about your backround, but perhaps reading this may help you a little with your struggle: http://orthodoxinfo.com/inquirers/safely-home-to-heaven.aspxAlso remember that God calls us to be faithful, not to be perfect. |
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I seek the truth by which no man was ever harmed--Marcus Aurelius
Those who do not read history are doomed to get their facts from Hollywood--Anonymous
What earthly joy remains untouched by grief?--St. John Damascene
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Michael L
Priest Michael
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« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2009, 11:11:30 AM » |
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I think that what you might be experiencing what the Roman Catholic mystic John of the Cross called the Dark Night of the Soul. He wrote poetry and theological commentary on this topic titled Dark Night of the Soul<img src=" http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=mmasupremacyc-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000FCK1SY" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important;" />. It might be worth reading. According to the wikipedia(take it for what its worth): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_SoulThe "dark night" might clinically or secularly be described as the letting go of one's ego as it holds back the psyche, thus making room for some form of transformation, perhaps in one's way of defining oneself or one's relationship to God. This interim period can be frightening, hence the perceived "darkness."
In the Christian tradition, one who has developed a strong prayer life and consistent devotion to God suddenly finds traditional prayer extremely difficult and unrewarding for an extended period of time during this "dark night." The individual may feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them or that his or her prayer life has collapsed. In the most pronounced cases, belief is lost in the very existence of God and/or validity of religion, rendering the individual an atheist, even if they continue with the outward expressions of faith.
Rather than resulting in devastation, however, the dark night is perceived by mystics and others to be a blessing in disguise, whereby the individual is stripped (in the dark night of the senses) of the spiritual ecstasy associated with acts of virtue. Although the individual may for a time seem to outwardly decline in their practices of virtue, they in reality become more virtuous, as they are being virtuous less for the spiritual rewards (ecstasies in the cases of the first night) obtained and more out of a true love for God. It is this purgatory, a purgation of the soul, that brings purity and union with God. |
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SolEX01
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« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2009, 11:11:54 AM » |
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Lord have Mercy.
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ialmisry
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« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2009, 11:20:32 AM » |
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Lord have mercy!
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Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
A hasty quarrel kindles fire,
and urgent strife sheds blood.
If you blow on a spark, it will glow;
if you spit on it, it will be put out;
and both come out of your mouth
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Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)
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« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2009, 11:33:24 AM » |
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I am inclined to agree with Sinner Servant. I will add one more thing: I found it most helpful to pray the Lord's Prayer, with emphasis on "Thy Will be done." In any case, I join all others in praying for the Lord to have mercy.
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Michal: "SC, love you in this thread."
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Pravoslavbob
Section Moderator
Archon
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St. Sisoes the Great
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« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2009, 12:05:19 PM » |
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Lord, have mercy.
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Religion is a disease, and Orthodoxy is its cure.
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GammaRay
The Awful Preacher
High Elder
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Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek
Posts: 574
Alexandros Papadiamantis
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« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2009, 04:09:05 PM » |
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Scamandrius, that article was excellent and very accurate on Greeks. Indeed, I do lead a "secular-like" life, sometimes get a bit of drunk, having premarital relationships, more often calling names and acting like a spoiled child in public. But it's true, I always 'repent in a more child-like way'. I also checked The Dark Night of The Soul on-line a little. As for my background, I was raised as a "passive Orthodox" (i.e.: I never looked in it for real), left everything at my early 10 and came back two years ago (but only recently realized how true Orthodoxy is). I'm typical Greek 16-year-old kid who acts exactly like Heorhij said; a "preacher" full of sarcasm who destroys the Church's image. Thanks, everyone. Even those common and simple "Lord have mercy!" posts were much helpful. I can't find any way to thank you enough. I should find a father soon and start attending Church on Sundays.  |
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Though I've walked the valley of the shadow of the death, I've fallen not. Not completely. Not yet.
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stashko
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« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2009, 05:25:12 PM » |
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Lord Have Mercy!,,May God The Lifegiving Holy Spirit Guide Your Path....Amen Amen
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 ГОСПОДЕ ГОСПОДЕ ,ПОГЛЕДАЈ СА НЕБА ,ДОЂИ И ПОСЕТИ ТВОЈ ВИНОГРАД ТВОЈА ДЕСНИЦА ПОСАДИЛА АМИН АМИН. |
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Fr. George
formerly "Cleveland"
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May the Lord bless you and keep you always!
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« Reply #13 on: June 24, 2009, 05:34:48 PM » |
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Lord, have mercy.
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"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the one who can't read them." Mark Twain
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Ordained on 17 & 18-Oct 2009. Please forgive me if earlier posts are poorly worded or incorrect in any way.
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Riddikulus
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« Reply #14 on: June 24, 2009, 09:19:34 PM » |
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Lord, have mercy.
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I believe in One God, maker of heaven and earth and of all things visible and invisible.
Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution.
Theodosius Dobzhansky, Russian Orthodox Christian (1900-1975)
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Alveus Lacuna
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« Reply #15 on: June 24, 2009, 09:28:58 PM » |
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Lord, have mercy. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief!" |
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eleni-sinner
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Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox
Posts: 9
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« Reply #16 on: June 25, 2009, 05:16:35 AM » |
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It's the first I'm asking from someone to pray for me (besides Saints).
So, I've been getting more and more into knowing God (theology and such), but this only made things worse. Instead of using that knowledge to have peace of mind, I started "preaching" (in very bad and awful ways) about Orthodoxy and how correct it is. I can barely type this text, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
Despite I knew that God exists (valid proof), I couldn't feel Him! I was right there, praying with the rosary, crossing myself, listening to Christian music, reading the Gospels, but everything felt so...empty. As if I was just moving my hands or I was doing some sort of homework for my religion classes; not anything spiritual. I even stopped writing poems/songs about Him.
I think I'm never going to be a Christian. It all seems so hard for me. How could God ask from me to do such hard things, while I live in the world of sin? I don't think I can carry this faith.
I've been a self-proclaimed Christian for more than two years, but it feels like I never was one. I feel so alone.
Please, pray for an arrogant and lost kid like me. My prayers don't seem to work out.
Hi Gamma/ In this world we are all sinners! Not one of us is worthy to ever ask anything of God. We humbly ask for the prayers of the Saints and the people around us to strengthen us in Faith and Love toward others like you and me. Its like this....I remember reading a few days ago... If there was no sin in the world,then the devil wouldn't have anything to do,it went something like that! For you to ask for a prayer shows that your faith in God is not lost. It only shows what all of us at some stage feel like....the devil and his demons work night and day...they give NO ONE any rest. Please dont worry about being lost, because our God Lord Jesus Christ never loses anyone that think of Him. Your prayers do work....It is the Evil one's INTENTIONS to make you think that they are not working! Keep me in mind in your prayers...I will pray for you too. I came to the thread to ask for a prayer as well. Take care, ICXN I too am a sinner eleni |
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prodromas
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« Reply #17 on: June 25, 2009, 08:33:38 AM » |
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Lord Have Mercy Although I would agree with scamandrius, Christ did actually ask us to be perfect like our Father in heaven but this perfection is not to be seen as sinlessness but as showing Love like a martyr that forgives his excecutioner or like the father of the prodigal son forgave his son. This takes time it is not instantaneous. |
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The sins I don't commit are largely due to the weakness of my limbs.
1915-1923 Հայոց Ցեղասպանութիւն ,never again,
ܩܛܠܐ ܕܥܡܐ ܐܬܘܪܝܐ 1920-1914, never again,
השואה 1933-1945, never again,
(1914-1923) Ελληνική Γενοκτονία, never again
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Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)
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« Reply #18 on: June 25, 2009, 12:02:50 PM » |
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Lord Have Mercy Although I would agree with scamandrius, Christ did actually ask us to be perfect like our Father in heaven but this perfection is not to be seen as sinlessness but as showing Love like a martyr that forgives his excecutioner or like the father of the prodigal son forgave his son. This takes time it is not instantaneous. In the counseling field there is one cardinal rule; meet the clients where they are. Sometimes, we must hold back talking about where the client should be and just get him going in the right direction, one step at a time. |
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Michal: "SC, love you in this thread."
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prodromas
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« Reply #19 on: June 25, 2009, 12:48:55 PM » |
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Lord Have Mercy Although I would agree with scamandrius, Christ did actually ask us to be perfect like our Father in heaven but this perfection is not to be seen as sinlessness but as showing Love like a martyr that forgives his excecutioner or like the father of the prodigal son forgave his son. This takes time it is not instantaneous. In the counseling field there is one cardinal rule; meet the clients where they are. Sometimes, we must hold back talking about where the client should be and just get him going in the right direction, one step at a time. Yeah sorry I know that my post might not reflect that sentiment, but that is what I meant by not being instantaneous. |
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The sins I don't commit are largely due to the weakness of my limbs.
1915-1923 Հայոց Ցեղասպանութիւն ,never again,
ܩܛܠܐ ܕܥܡܐ ܐܬܘܪܝܐ 1920-1914, never again,
השואה 1933-1945, never again,
(1914-1923) Ελληνική Γενοκτονία, never again
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PeterTheAleut
The Right Blowhard Peter the Furtive of Yetts O'Muckhart
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Protospatharios
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EXTERMINATE!
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« Reply #20 on: June 27, 2009, 11:14:09 PM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
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sohma_hatori
Earthbending Novice
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The Blind Bandit
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« Reply #21 on: June 28, 2009, 10:34:54 PM » |
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Lord have Mercy!
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""Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.""
— Iroh- Avatar:The Last Airbender
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ignatius
Baptacathadox
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My Son Aidan... :-)
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« Reply #22 on: June 28, 2009, 11:07:27 PM » |
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I am personally very familiar with this issue. Lord have Mercy on us all.
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St Basil the Great (330-379 A.D.): “I think then that the one goal of all who are really and truly serving the Lord ought to be to bring back to union the churches who have at different times and in diverse manners divided from one another.”
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