It's the first I'm asking from someone to pray for me (besides Saints).
So, I've been getting more and more into knowing God (theology and such), but this only made things worse. Instead of using that knowledge to have peace of mind, I started "preaching" (in very bad and awful ways) about Orthodoxy and how correct it is. I can barely type this text, I feel so embarrassed and ashamed.
Despite I knew that God exists (valid proof), I couldn't feel Him! I was right there, praying with the rosary, crossing myself, listening to Christian music, reading the Gospels, but everything felt so...empty. As if I was just moving my hands or I was doing some sort of homework for my religion classes; not anything spiritual. I even stopped writing poems/songs about Him.
I think I'm never going to be a Christian. It all seems so hard for me. How could God ask from me to do such hard things, while I live in the world of sin? I don't think I can carry this faith.
I've been a self-proclaimed Christian for more than two years, but it feels like I never was one. I feel so alone.
Please, pray for an arrogant and lost kid like me. My prayers don't seem to work out.