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Author Topic: Orthodox Joke  (Read 4899 times) Average Rating: 0
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« on: June 19, 2009, 01:42:39 PM »

This was on another forum, and I thought it worth sharing here...

An Orthodox man gets on the train and takes his seat.
After a while, he notices an Orthodox Cross on the man next to him.
After a while longer he asks, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing you're wearing an Orthodox Cross. Are you an Orthodox Christian?"
The passenger answers, "Yes, I am."
The man says, "Oh! I am too! Are you Greek or Russian Orthodox?"
"I'm Russian Orthodox." The man says,
"Ohhh, so am I! Are you Old Calendar Russian Orthodox or New Calendar Russian Orthodox?" "
I'm Old Calendar Russian Orthodox." The man says,
"Alleluia! I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox or Old Calendar Pro-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox?"
"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Russian Orthodox." The man says,
"Ooooh! Well, I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Russian Orthodox, or Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist Old Ritualist Russian Orthodox?"
"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Russian Orthodox." The man says,
"Well, glory to God! I am too! Are you Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Old-Man Trinity Icon-using Russian Orthodox, or Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist non-Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox?"
"I'm Old Calendar Anti-Ecumenist New Ritualist Old-Man Trinity icon-using Russian Orthodox."
So the man says, "Aaaaaaa, you damned heretic! May you burn in hell forever!"

 laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh
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« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2009, 01:53:26 PM »

There are a lot of variations on this joke. I've heard it with Baptists.  But, what makes it funnier if you made one of the Russian Orthodox about to commit suicide by jumping off of a bridge.  The other comes around and tries to talk him out of it and they start conversing.  They agree on so much except when they come to an end.  So the man who comes along says to the other "Die heretic scum" and pushes him off.  Still funny though.
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« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2009, 01:53:55 PM »


LOL!
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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2009, 02:05:40 PM »

Are you Old Calendar Russian Orthodox or New Calendar Russian Orthodox?"

What can be counted as New Calendar Russian Orthodox? Some OCA parishes?

I've heard this joke with another question: is your priest bearded or not? Cheesy
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« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2009, 02:07:05 PM »

This reminds me a bit of a sad encounter I had once on a bus. I was sitting beside a woman who was wearing one of those silver rings engraved with Church Slavonic words. Deciding to be friendly, I asked the woman if she was an Orthodox Christian. She frowned and looked upset. She said, "No! I'm Jewish!". Of course, I then felt idiotic for intruding, and so I apologized and told her I merely noticed she was wearing one of those rings I see lots of Russian Orthodox people wearing, and that I was Orthodox myself. Then she offered that, while she is Jewish, she attends a United Church! This threw me for another loop, and then she proceeded to elaborate that she had been attracted to Russian Orthodoxy, had even joined the Church, but found it to be a "monoethnic" religion and she felt rejected as a person of Jewish ancestory, so she started attending the United Church, where she feels far more welcome and that thankfully, it is not "mono-ethnic". Her story really, really saddened me.
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« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2009, 07:19:30 PM »

This reminds me a bit of a sad encounter I had once on a bus. I was sitting beside a woman who was wearing one of those silver rings engraved with Church Slavonic words. Deciding to be friendly, I asked the woman if she was an Orthodox Christian. She frowned and looked upset. She said, "No! I'm Jewish!". Of course, I then felt idiotic for intruding, and so I apologized and told her I merely noticed she was wearing one of those rings I see lots of Russian Orthodox people wearing, and that I was Orthodox myself. Then she offered that, while she is Jewish, she attends a United Church! This threw me for another loop, and then she proceeded to elaborate that she had been attracted to Russian Orthodoxy, had even joined the Church, but found it to be a "monoethnic" religion and she felt rejected as a person of Jewish ancestory, so she started attending the United Church, where she feels far more welcome and that thankfully, it is not "mono-ethnic". Her story really, really saddened me.
That is sad, and it reminds me, some Byzantine Catholic Churches used to be like that, very ethnical. The Melkites were the most open, and I hear the same goes for the Antiochian Orthodox? Either way, it's sad.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2009, 07:22:35 PM by ChristusDominus » Logged

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« Reply #6 on: June 19, 2009, 07:46:10 PM »

Most of you have probably heard it, but here it is again for the new posters:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

CHANGE!?!
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« Reply #7 on: June 19, 2009, 07:47:25 PM »

Most of you have probably heard it, but here it is again for the new posters:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

CHANGE!?!
Oh my, I don't get it. This one is clearly over my head Undecided
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« Reply #8 on: June 19, 2009, 07:48:51 PM »

Oh my, I don't get it. This one is clearly over my head Undecided

Jokes aren't funny when you have to explain them.
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« Reply #9 on: June 19, 2009, 07:52:01 PM »

Oh my, I don't get it. This one is clearly over my head Undecided

Jokes aren't funny when you have to explain them.
I'll drink to that.
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« Reply #10 on: June 19, 2009, 10:20:32 PM »

Another version:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Light Bulb???
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« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2009, 12:25:04 AM »

Oh my, I don't get it. This one is clearly over my head Undecided

Jokes aren't funny when you have to explain them.
Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.
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« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2009, 02:56:49 PM »

Another version:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Orthodox Christians together?
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« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2009, 03:24:45 PM »

Another version:

How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Light Bulb???

CHANGEHuhHuhHuh? EES OUTRAGE.
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« Reply #14 on: June 20, 2009, 04:03:25 PM »

Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.

That would have hurt more if it hadn't taken you over three hours to get the joke.
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« Reply #15 on: June 20, 2009, 05:41:58 PM »

Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.

That would have hurt more if it hadn't taken you over three hours to get the joke.
I still don't get it
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« Reply #16 on: June 20, 2009, 10:38:07 PM »

Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.

That would have hurt more if it hadn't taken you over three hours to get the joke.
I still don't get it

May I gently suggest both of you drop it and let it go?

You're ruining the funniness of my thread!!!  Grin

Hugs & Kisses,

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« Reply #17 on: June 21, 2009, 12:48:27 AM »


May I gently suggest both of you drop it and let it go?

You're ruining the funniness of my thread!!!  Grin

Hugs & Kisses,

Maureen
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« Reply #18 on: June 22, 2009, 01:44:27 PM »

Hey, I saw this joke (but with Baptists, not Orthodox) some days ago and I wanted to post it here! Embarrassed
Seriously...

Anyway, it's freakin' awesome! Grin Tongue
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« Reply #19 on: July 16, 2009, 02:22:37 AM »

What do you call an Orthodox doctor?


AN ORTHODONTIST!!!

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« Reply #20 on: July 16, 2009, 02:25:56 AM »

BTW I'm confused how you guys consider the heretic jokes to be funny???
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« Reply #21 on: July 16, 2009, 02:42:58 AM »

Especially when they aren't funny to begin with.

That would have hurt more if it hadn't taken you over three hours to get the joke.
I still don't get it

You're Catholic!...what do you expect?  Kiss
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« Reply #22 on: July 16, 2009, 12:32:44 PM »



Best orthodox joke I heard goes like this -

A (Russian, Greek, etc  Orthodox [take your pick]) sailor was washed ashore on a deserted island for thirty years before being rescued.  During that time he built an entire (ethnic choice) village including stores and everything he needed to survive.  When they came to rescue him they asked for a tour of the village.  When they finished the tour, one of the people said to him -"But there's one thing I don't understand, since it's only you, why did you build two Orthodox churches?"  The sailor looked at him confused and answered -"That's easy ....one is the church I go to and the other is the church I don't!"

Orthodoc

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« Reply #23 on: July 16, 2009, 02:24:52 PM »

I learned from elsewhere that some Orthodox don't consider the original joke funny.  I've heard that joke with Orthodox, Baptists, Reformed, and Jewish people interchanged.  Why wouldn't an Orthodox person see a point or the "joke" in it?
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« Reply #24 on: July 16, 2009, 02:43:27 PM »


Well...besides pointing out all differences amongst "us" Orthodox, in the end the main difference is in the depiction of the Holy Trinity (which in fact should not be drawn with a human nature given to God the Father).

One more point of contention might be that the so called wonderful Orthodox person who is inquiring as to the other, in fact damns the other to hell.  Not quite an Orthodox thing to do.  Don't judge, etc.

So, while it has many points of "ill" humor, none-the-less, it does bring out all our differences in a colorful fashion.

I actually found the "irony" amusing, not so much the joke.

The fact that the questioner is "so" Orthodox, and so worried about the specifics of his Orthodoxy and the other individual's; yet, in the end, he himself does not act at all like a true Orthodox should.

That's just my take.

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« Reply #25 on: July 16, 2009, 02:55:31 PM »


Well...besides pointing out all differences amongst "us" Orthodox, in the end the main difference is in the depiction of the Holy Trinity (which in fact should not be drawn with a human nature given to God the Father).

One more point of contention might be that the so called wonderful Orthodox person who is inquiring as to the other, in fact damns the other to hell.  Not quite an Orthodox thing to do.  Don't judge, etc.

So, while it has many points of "ill" humor, none-the-less, it does bring out all our differences in a colorful fashion.

I actually found the "irony" amusing, not so much the joke.

The fact that the questioner is "so" Orthodox, and so worried about the specifics of his Orthodoxy and the other individual's; yet, in the end, he himself does not act at all like a true Orthodox should.

That's just my take.



Regardless of what branch of faith you put in there, the ending ill humour (with the Baptist, it was a man about to commit suicide and the the questioner tells the other to go ahead and jump) is not accurately depicting the faith...but the point is (I found it to have more of a point than as a "joke") that we tend to pick each other apart, even our own.
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