88Devin12
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« on: May 03, 2009, 12:58:15 AM » |
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This last week i've been feeling more and more fallen than I have in a while. I went from depressed to simply numb and indifferent. Today I am no longer depressed, but still numb, and indifferent... This is because of various things that have gone on in my life... But i've also found this week that I've ceased praying and stopped listening to Orthodox music. I've begun listening (once again) to Rock music because i've felt it really often reflects how I feel... Just to give you an idea of how i'm feeling, if you want to offer any advice... Linkin Park - Crawling
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming/confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling/I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Korn - Coming Undone
Keep holdin' on when
My brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have
Come again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me
That's right
Deliver it to my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate
Wait
I'm coming undone
Irate
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong so delicate
Choke, choke again
I thought, my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me I feel it is bad that this is really how I'm feeling... I attended Church tonight and feel the war inside of me. One part wanted me to give into the music, the prayers and start the healing process, and there was the other part that wants me to continue in my current state and continue to be uncaring and numb. I am not losing my faith and I do feel like I am. But I'm losing my self-control, I'm losing my patience in myself, I'm losing my patience with others, I'm giving into so many feelings and thoughts, I'm becoming angry with myself and others... I know I'm going to get back up again... But I need prayers because I don't want to continue for much longer like this... I am going to speak to my Priest soon, but I will still need prayers... Hopefully I can muster the strength to pray myself and hopefully I can begin healing at Church tomorrow. Again, I still need your prayers... Thank you so much! |
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SolEX01
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« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2009, 01:10:28 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy.
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Rosehip
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« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2009, 01:20:05 AM » |
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You're in my unworthy prayers, Devin.
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+ Our dear sister Martha (Rosehip) passed away on Dec 20, 2010. May her memory be eternal! +
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Douglas
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« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2009, 02:15:24 AM » |
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Devin
My wife and I will remember you in our poor prayers. Lord, have mercy on your servant, Devin.
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Douglas no longer posts on the forum.
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Salpy
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Stratopedarches
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« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2009, 02:21:48 AM » |
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Lord have mercy.
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St. Hripsimeh pray for us!
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Entscheidungsproblem
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« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2009, 02:29:21 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
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As a result of a thousand million years of evolution, the universe is becoming conscious of itself, able to understand something of its past history and its possible future.
-- Sir Julian Sorell Huxley FRS |
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Riddikulus
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« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2009, 03:55:18 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy.
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I believe in One God, maker of heaven and earth and of all things visible and invisible.
Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution.
Theodosius Dobzhansky, Russian Orthodox Christian (1900-1975)
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Fr. George
formerly "Cleveland"
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Domestikos tou thematos
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May the Lord bless you and keep you always!
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« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2009, 06:56:50 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy.
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"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the one who can't read them." Mark Twain
---------------------
Ordained on 17 & 18-Oct 2009. Please forgive me if earlier posts are poorly worded or incorrect in any way.
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stashko
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« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2009, 08:02:24 AM » |
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Again and Again We Pray ,That the Lord Heals You ,Body And Soul ....Amen
Lord Have Mercy!,Amen Amen
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 ГОСПОДЕ ГОСПОДЕ ,ПОГЛЕДАЈ СА НЕБА ,ДОЂИ И ПОСЕТИ ТВОЈ ВИНОГРАД ТВОЈА ДЕСНИЦА ПОСАДИЛА АМИН АМИН. |
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Heorhij
Hoplitarches
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Jurisdiction: GOA, for now, but my heart belongs to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church
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« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2009, 09:07:19 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
I am sure there is nothing wrong with listening to the music you like, Devin.
As for praying or inability to pray, as you perhaps know, I experience that every once in a while, too. But then suddenly the wish to pray returns.
You will be fine. Maybe see a doctor, a general practicioner or a psychologist, and talk about your depression. It's so common nowadays, and a few milligrams of some serotonin uptake inhibitor can actualy do wonders. (I know it from my own very positive experience - I take Zoloft every day for 2-4 months, then break for a few months, then again... - and it does help me tremendously.)
I'll pray for you.
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Love never fails.
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88Devin12
Warned
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« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2009, 09:12:29 AM » |
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Thank you, it wasn't just a random onset of depression, some things happened in my life to cause it. I had mild or moderate depression when I was younger but I've since gotten rid of that. Now I'm only depressed because of events, and usually those can be few and far between.
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Órëlaurëa
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« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2009, 10:06:14 AM » |
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Lord have mercy on thy servant Luke and grant him healing of mind and body.
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Michał Kalina
proud Podlachian Belarusian parajournalistic engineer in spe
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Hypatos
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OC.net's trickster
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« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2009, 12:43:43 PM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
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formerly known as mikeDespite being a Polish citizen I am not a Pole.  Long live Belarus! "It's my constitutional right!" |
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ozgeorge
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« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2009, 03:05:08 PM » |
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Lord have mercy.
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« Last Edit: May 03, 2009, 03:05:24 PM by ozgeorge »
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If you're living a happy life as a Christian, you're doing something wrong.
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Alveus Lacuna
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« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2009, 03:24:06 PM » |
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Lord, have mercy!
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ytterbiumanalyst
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« Reply #15 on: May 03, 2009, 05:34:08 PM » |
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Lord have mercy.
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"It is remarkable that what we call the world...in what professes to be true...will allow in one man no blemishes, and in another no virtue."--Charles Dickens
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stashko
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« Reply #16 on: May 03, 2009, 05:37:47 PM » |
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Again,Again,And Again,,God Grant Thee Healing Body , Mind And Soul..Amen Amen Amen,,
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ГОСПОДЕ ГОСПОДЕ ,ПОГЛЕДАЈ СА НЕБА ,ДОЂИ И ПОСЕТИ ТВОЈ ВИНОГРАД ТВОЈА ДЕСНИЦА ПОСАДИЛА АМИН АМИН. |
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ms.hoorah
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« Reply #17 on: May 03, 2009, 07:47:06 PM » |
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Devin,
Wisdom shared from a very loving priest:
Do not revisit painful or disturbing memories.
Forgive all and especially yourself. God has "moved on" from these events and so must you.
Phillippians 4:8 Dwell on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and holy (paraphrased)
Immerse yourself in charitable works for Him.
Praying for you.
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88Devin12
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« Reply #18 on: May 04, 2009, 09:36:47 AM » |
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Thanks for the prayers! I felt better yesterday during and after Church... But I have just gone back since Church... I've continued to do and think things just to spite God.
One example of this, was that I had earned first place among architecture students for our last project (which was judged by our clients) and now I have to go down to a reception they are having (which is over an hour drive away).
Last night I cursed the fact that I have to go, and I cursed the fact that God gave me these talents because it inconveniences me when I do well. All I want to do is go through college, graduate, get my degree and eventually be a normal, everyday architect... Nothing special...
I don't deserve the honor that was given to me, nor did I really ask for it. Sure this may make me ungrateful... But why should they have to give me this honor, and then I have to sacrifice MORE of my time to, again, do something for THEM? The other students are finished with architecture, are sick of it and burned out for the semester? Why do I have to still be doing it when I too am sick of it at the moment?
Why should I continue to do almost everything God wants me to do when I'll humbly ask for one simple thing and yet have it CONSTANTLY shot down and crushed?
Yes, I do hate being in this state, I want to be back where I was during Lent... But I'm simply fed up with being crushed because some things never work out for me...
Please pray for me... Lets hope my meeting/talk on Wednesday with my Priest arrives soon...
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EofK
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« Reply #19 on: May 04, 2009, 09:46:11 AM » |
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Lord, have mercy.
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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. -- Douglas Adams
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ms.hoorah
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« Reply #20 on: May 04, 2009, 03:31:34 PM » |
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As you gain decades of experiences, you will witness thousands of times that God answered prayers that would accomplish His goals. We are not given knowledge all the individual, detailed, strategic, long range goals of God. Therefore, we can't understand why God isn't answering our holy prayers requests. Many pray to be delivered from pain but painful things can bring people to Him. Please also consider that our loving Father may have a BETTER plan or timing for your request.
Praying for His will to be done in all our lives.
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philalethe00
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Photios Kontoglou, Apostle of Orthodox Culture
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« Reply #21 on: May 04, 2009, 03:47:34 PM » |
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As you gain decades of experiences, you will witness thousands of times that God answered prayers that would accomplish His goals. We are not given knowledge all the individual, detailed, strategic, long range goals of God. Therefore, we can't understand why God isn't answering our holy prayers requests. Many pray to be delivered from pain but painful things can bring people to Him. Please also consider that our loving Father may have a BETTER plan or timing for your request.
Praying for His will to be done in all our lives.
So correct... But it's true, and I find it in me sometimes, that we don't want ourselves to lower our pride a little bit... The existential "problems" often stem from this, I would say. This old pal, Freud, did not get it at all, thus.  Greetings, brother...  |
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« Last Edit: May 04, 2009, 03:47:53 PM by philalethe00 »
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"Look down from heaven, O Lord, upon those who bow their heads unto You, for they do not bow to flesh and blood, but to You, the awesome God".(D. Liturgy, St. John Chrysostom)
"When the world laughs, the saints, in crying, draw the Divine compassion onto humans."(Paul Evdokimov)
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88Devin12
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« Reply #22 on: May 07, 2009, 08:56:20 AM » |
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Just wanted to thank everyone for your prayers, words of advice and support. I spoke to my Priest last night and things are much better now. The problems have been (or are being) solved. I finally feel able to pray and focus on God again.
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Douglas
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« Reply #23 on: May 07, 2009, 10:04:42 AM » |
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This is good news, Devin. Glory to Jesus Christ. |
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Heorhij
Hoplitarches
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« Reply #24 on: May 07, 2009, 11:28:46 AM » |
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Glory to God! Devin, thank you for the update.
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Love never fails.
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ozgeorge
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« Reply #25 on: May 07, 2009, 11:33:56 AM » |
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I raise my eyes to the mountains, from whence cometh my help?
My help is in the Lord Who made Heaven and Earth.
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If you're living a happy life as a Christian, you're doing something wrong.
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