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Author Topic: My Father tried to commit suicide this weekend  (Read 5658 times) Average Rating: 0
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« on: April 13, 2009, 09:59:17 AM »

Yesterday, on what was Easter for Catholics, my father suddenly left mass and my mom followed after. I remained in mass, as I figured that my father and mother were having another one of their fights. During the liturgy I heard sirens, assuming it had nothing to do with my family. Well, my parents live very near our church and after mass when I arrived at their home for easter dinner there was a fire truck, an ambulence, and several police cars outside of my parents home. Apparently my father had tried to take a bunch of pills but my mother and brother had wrestled him down and dug most of them out of his mouth. Luckily he didn't know what of pills he was shoving down his throat so it was mostly anti-biotics and he should be fine physically. He was arrested by the police but then released to my brothers custody.
The context of this event makes it all the more distressing. My father has an amazing life. He has kids who are all either educated or becoming educated, all trying to live the faith. One of his sons is an amazing husband and father of three kids. None of his children have gotten themselves into any real trouble. His wife is devoted and loving. His job is great and pays well. We have a wonderful parish and there is just so much going right for him. However, he has spent the last five years being negative about everything going on in his life.
He complains abou his kids, his wife, his job, etc, not normal complaining but acting as if his life was aweful. And yet none of us could see any justification in all of this. Because of this negativity, he has put my mom through living hell for the past few years. He continually curses at her, calls her ugly (which is funny because every one talks about how beautiful she is), calls her aweful names that no one should ever call a woman, yet she has stood by him the whole time. But he has been breaking her down into nothing over and over. That being said, I think that my dad doing this has left completely destroyed. Before doing it he told her he hated her, amongst other things and she believes that he would rather die than be with her. She is destoryed and outside of a miracle I am not sure that she will come out of this.
Please pray for my family. I just don't know how this can be fixed. 
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« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2009, 10:03:36 AM »

Lord have mercy!

I am truly sorry for this having happened, especially on your holiday.

I know that it is often overblown, but is is possible your father is having a mid life crisis?  Do you know of any unresolved issues, perhaps from his growing up?

It therapy a possibility?
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« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2009, 10:06:46 AM »

Lord have mercy.

This is really sad, and I'm so sorry to hear it.
Whatever happens, I hope your Dad gets some professional help- this sounds like a mental health problem that has been going on for some time.
And I think your Mom will need her own counselling too.
And consider yourself hugged.
George
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« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2009, 10:08:27 AM »

Lord have mercy!

I am truly sorry for this having happened, especially on your holiday.

I know that it is often overblown, but is is possible your father is having a mid life crisis?  Do you know of any unresolved issues, perhaps from his growing up?

It therapy a possibility?
Thank you for your prayers.
I do believe that it may be related to a mid life crisis as his strange behavior began when he was 45. For example, he began buying a new car every three to six months around that time.
As for unresovled issue, the poor guy, he mother and father were divorced and his father had very little to do with his life.
And yes, I am thinking he will be going into therapy, and I hope that in therapy that he will be ablt to admitt that its not just his environment but that he has issues he needs to work on.
With God's grace, all things are possible.
Thank you again for your prayers dear brother.
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« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2009, 10:19:57 AM »

Lord, have mercy!

This is very serious. Obviously, your father needs very careful medical help. I guess you need to do everything in your power to make sure that he gets this help ASAP.

My dad committed suicide in March 1996, when I was already in the USA. I did not directly watch him immediately prior to the tragic event; later, retrospectively, I heard from those people who were around him that he suddenly became very quiet and withdrawn, stopped eating (became thin like a pencil), and stopped recognizing his colleagues at work (just blankly stared at them and seemed to miss everything they were telling him). My mom tried to contact a psychiatrist, but my dad locked himself in his room and refused to go out, and he also refused to pick up the telephone. It lasted for approximately three months, and then he found a German trophy 1945 handgun in his drawer (which his father gave him as present when he was 16), and fired one lethal shot straight in his heart.

One thing that might help: probably your dad needs a thorough physical exam. My dad never complained on any physical illness, but during the autopsy they found huge areas of ischemia in his heart; it could have been this "silent ischemia," which does not manifest as acute pain but, rather, manifests as the unexplained feeling of sadness. It is not difficult to diagnose with the help of rather trivial electrocardiography, the only problem is just to persuade a person to take this simple test...

Anyway, my unworhy prayer for your father and you.
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« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2009, 10:20:29 AM »

May the Lord have mercy on you all.
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« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2009, 10:23:16 AM »

Lord have mercy!

I am truly sorry for this having happened, especially on your holiday.

I know that it is often overblown, but is is possible your father is having a mid life crisis?  Do you know of any unresolved issues, perhaps from his growing up?

It therapy a possibility?
Thank you for your prayers.
I do believe that it may be related to a mid life crisis as his strange behavior began when he was 45. For example, he began buying a new car every three to six months around that time.
As for unresovled issue, the poor guy, he mother and father were divorced and his father had very little to do with his life.
That will do it. Is it possible your grandfather died around the same time your father was 45, or perhaps disappeared around that age?
My father never got over his father dying when my father was 12, and he more or less convinced himself that he would die at the same age.  And he did it.
Quote
And yes, I am thinking he will be going into therapy, and I hope that in therapy that he will be ablt to admitt that its not just his environment but that he has issues he needs to work on.
With God's grace, all things are possible.
Thank you again for your prayers dear brother.
No problem.  It is good therapy is on the agenda. And prayer.
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« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2009, 10:32:56 AM »

Lord, have mercy.
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« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2009, 10:34:34 AM »

Lord, have mercy!
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« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2009, 10:36:17 AM »

Unfortunately I have some experience with this within my own family.

Here is the good news first. It is really hard to actually kill yourself. It takes planning and some degree of determination. Taking non-lethal pills is a cry for help, so you now have an opportunity to intervine. I suggest you do that with great seriousness or else this episode can become a dress rehersal for him.

The bad news is that he is suffering and you need to find out why. I am not a doctor, I just play one on the internet:)  but if he is at least in his fifties you may want to have his testosterone level checked. Sometimes in men that age the male hormone decreases and they become sullen and have many of the behaviours you just described. He also ( obviously) needs a psychiatric evaluation. Sometimes a week or two in the hospital is needed for an in depth analysis and finding just the perfect meds. Don't let social stigma stop you from looking into it.

Good luck..

Prayers
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« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2009, 10:38:33 AM »

May Christ, Who is the Physician of our souls, bodies AND minds, visit and lift your father up from his infirmities.

Lord, have mercy.

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« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2009, 10:44:52 AM »

Lord have mercy!

I have nothing to offer you that you have not heard in prior posts. Both your father and your mother need professional counseling, and probably also everyone in your family (including you!) needs to talk to someone to help integrate this experience productively into your lives.

But, you know you can come here. We're a poor substitute for what you need, but we'll do all we can.
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« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2009, 11:39:41 AM »

Lord, have mercy.  Would you mind giving a name for us to put on "for the living" lists at our individual parishes?
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« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2009, 12:26:03 PM »

Lord have mercy! My heart aches for you and your family, Papist! I hope your father can get professional help as soon as possible. Life is very complicated and difficult. Love and prayers.
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« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2009, 12:28:04 PM »

Lord, have mercy!


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« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2009, 12:29:13 PM »

Lord, have mercy.

No idea what to say...
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« Reply #16 on: April 13, 2009, 12:51:12 PM »

господи помилуј!!!  I hope you and all of your family are doing alright!!!  God bless and protect you! 
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« Reply #17 on: April 13, 2009, 01:42:06 PM »

Lord, have mercy!
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« Reply #18 on: April 13, 2009, 01:42:51 PM »

Lord have mercy. Prayers ascending.

My suggestion.... in addition to good psychological therapy, good spiritual therapy is recommended as well.

I used to suffer from bouts of depression and panic/anxiety attacks. Not only did I seek the help of a good psychologist, but I also coupled this with weekly doses of spiritual therapy from my priest (the church as a spiritual hospital). This balance between the two was most beneficial. Also, I struggled (it was difficult some days) to maintain a regular prayer life, fast and receive the mysteries/sacraments (confession/Holy Communion) on a weekly basis.

I know that I would not have come through this as completely or as quickly with just mental health therapy alone.

Again, I highly recommend a combination of the two for your father.

Again, my prayers for your father, yourself and family.
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« Reply #19 on: April 13, 2009, 02:02:26 PM »

Lord, have mercy.
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« Reply #20 on: April 13, 2009, 04:25:17 PM »

Gospode Pomiluji ! Imena Tvoga Radi....Amin Amin
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« Reply #21 on: April 13, 2009, 04:31:17 PM »

Lord, have mercy!

My prayers are with you, Papist.  May the Great Physician heal all wounds!
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« Reply #22 on: April 13, 2009, 05:54:47 PM »

Lord, have mercy!
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« Reply #23 on: April 13, 2009, 06:17:00 PM »

Lord, have mercy!

I'm so sorry to hear this.
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« Reply #24 on: April 13, 2009, 07:28:59 PM »

Prayers ascend for your family.
May God send all of you His Peace.

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« Reply #25 on: April 13, 2009, 08:22:56 PM »

Lord, Have Mercy.

God Protect you and your family, and bring you all aout of the darkness of this moment.
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« Reply #26 on: April 13, 2009, 08:23:45 PM »

Lord have mercy!
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« Reply #27 on: April 13, 2009, 11:10:12 PM »

Lord have mercy!
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« Reply #28 on: April 13, 2009, 11:21:59 PM »

Prayers, sorry to hear about this, Lord Have Mercy
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« Reply #29 on: April 13, 2009, 11:50:53 PM »

My father has an amazing life.

This description fit me 6 years ago, at least to those who looked at my exterior being.  A year later I nearly had a nervous breakdown, was so depressed I prayed to God every night to not let me awaken in the morning.  I was deeply angry inside, very lost in a deep dark place.  No one, and I mean no one, knew how the inside of me was shredded.

Thanks be to God, chest pains drove me to a doctor who proclaimed me physically healthy and then sat me down where he gently said, "You need to see a counselor and a doctor to put you on anti-depressants."

It is four years later and after a lot of counseling, a lot of confession, a lot of praying, and a caring husband I am doing marvelously

Papist, I say all this to give you and your family hope.  Your Dad is very sad inside.  IMHO it is coming out in anger.  Thanks be to God he is now in a situation where he can get some help, as well as the family.  Please do not give up on him.  It will be hard but it will be a blessing. 

Athanasia

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« Reply #30 on: April 13, 2009, 11:58:08 PM »

Thank you all for your prayers, advice, and kind words. Things are tough... My father wouldn't stay in the hospital so he's home and I am staying at my parents' house to make sure he's ok. He's very expectedly sensative. Every time something doesn't work out as he wants he says he going to kill himself. Its been a battle but I will get him into counseling wether he wants it or not... Well, we'll find a way to convince him.
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« Reply #31 on: April 14, 2009, 12:19:13 AM »

Dear brother, I can't say anything better than what others have already said.  But please know that I am praying for you and your family.  Lord, have mercy!  Hugs for you, brother!
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« Reply #32 on: April 14, 2009, 01:18:52 AM »

Lord, have mercy and hugs to you, papist. I hope that your father gets the help that he so desperately needs.
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« Reply #33 on: April 14, 2009, 01:29:32 AM »

Lord Have Mercy.

I am deeply sorry for your situation.
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« Reply #34 on: April 14, 2009, 08:29:13 AM »

Oh, and for those who are praying for my father, his name is Ralph. Also, not to be selfish but I am headed to urgent care myself. I have been very ill this weekend and the pain and dehydration are taking a serious toll on my body.
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« Reply #35 on: April 14, 2009, 08:47:30 AM »

Lord have mercy on your servant.
Papist, I'm the last person you would probably take instruction from, but you need to rest.
You will be no good to anyone if you fall apart as well.
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« Reply #36 on: April 14, 2009, 09:29:40 AM »

Lord, have mercy.
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« Reply #37 on: April 14, 2009, 11:05:30 AM »

Papist,

My friend, I am so deeply sorry that your father and your family are suffering so greatly.  I, too, have had some experience with depression, and it is a terribly difficult hole to climb out of.  Please, do try to rest so that you have strength for the fight.  Consider yourself hugged! 

Lord Jesus Christ, the great Physician, grant rest, healing, comfort, strength, and mercy to your servant Ralph and to Papist and his family!!!
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« Reply #38 on: April 14, 2009, 11:12:42 AM »

Dear Papist, only just saw this today.  I'm so sorry for your family's distress.  May God bless all of you and restore all of you to peace, health and happiness.
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« Reply #39 on: April 14, 2009, 11:33:25 AM »

Lord Have mercy on your father, as well as those most affected by his behavior your mother and your family.  I pray that you will  find professional and spiritual help that will ease their distress and bring  blessed peace upon your father's home.

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« Reply #40 on: April 14, 2009, 12:00:17 PM »

Dear Papist, you are all in my thoughts and prayers! May God help you during these difficult times! Please, as the others have said, try to get your rest and take care of yourself, though I am sure it is so difficult! Try to get some good nutrition too so you can feel stronger.

Lord have mercy and compassion upon Your servant Ralph, Papist, his mother and all their family, and help them!
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« Reply #41 on: April 14, 2009, 02:47:28 PM »

Yes, Papist, you should get some rest indeed.  Praying for you, your father, and your family this Holy Week with our many Kyrie Elaison's.

God bless.
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Vain existence can never exist, for \\\"unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain.\\\" (Psalm 127)

If the faith is unchanged and rock solid, then the gates of Hades never prevailed in the end.
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« Reply #42 on: April 14, 2009, 02:49:48 PM »

Kyrie Eleison.

May your father find peace, Papist. My stepfather committed suicide in our house when I was 10 years old. There were plenty of signs, but we were too naive to notice them. He was very good at putting on a good face to everyone, including his own family (and likely to himself).

One good thing about this is that your father, by his action, has made you aware of the urgency of the situation. He needs help! Definitely counseling is needed. But don't forget to pray constantly, and to have others to do the same. This is the foundation. Entrust him and your family to Our Lady's mantle! Her powerful intercession could work the miracle you (and we all) desire. And don't forget St. Joseph! His intercession could be very beneficial to your dad. And when you pray, ask Our Lord for the virtue of hope. You and your mother need it as much as your father does.

Be assured of my own prayers, brother. And next week (when I return to Boston) I will have the Oblates of the Virgin Mary offer daily Masses for your family.



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May the Lord bless you and keep you always!


« Reply #43 on: April 14, 2009, 03:01:11 PM »

Lord, have mercy!
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"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the one who can't read them." Mark Twain
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Ordained on 17 & 18-Oct 2009. Please forgive me if earlier posts are poorly worded or incorrect in any way.
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Lord, have mercy on the Christians in Mosul!


« Reply #44 on: April 14, 2009, 03:07:03 PM »

Lord, have mercy!
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