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Author Topic: Do we always have to say nice things?  (Read 1232 times) Average Rating: 0
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SolEX01
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« on: April 06, 2009, 07:26:52 PM »

There's the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
I didn't know this forum was only about saying *nice* things. Anyway, may the holy, glorious, all-laudable Apostle Paul pray for us all!

Speaking the truth with tact is different than just saying a random nice thing whether one means it or not.

Exercising tact has been a very difficult thing for me especially on the Internet where body language and social cues are non existant.  For that reason, I don't have Facebook, MySpace or Twitter.  If I tell someone something that I thought was nice only to have that person react negatively, then I feel that I've done wrong.
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PeterTheAleut
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« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2009, 07:58:22 PM »

There's the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
I didn't know this forum was only about saying *nice* things. Anyway, may the holy, glorious, all-laudable Apostle Paul pray for us all!

Speaking the truth with tact is different than just saying a random nice thing whether one means it or not.

Exercising tact has been a very difficult thing for me especially on the Internet where body language and social cues are non existant.  For that reason, I don't have Facebook, MySpace or Twitter.  If I tell someone something that I thought was nice only to have that person react negatively, then I feel that I've done wrong.
Well, whether we say nice things or we don't, it does help to at least think before submitting a post rather than before you have to submit a public apology for offending someone.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2009, 07:58:48 PM by PeterTheAleut » Logged
SolEX01
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« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2009, 09:04:19 PM »

Well, whether we say nice things or we don't, it does help to at least think before submitting a post rather than before you have to submit a public apology for offending someone.

I think long and hard before submitting a post.  Most of the time, I cancel my own posts before they see the light of day.  On those rare occasions, what needs to be said has to be said or else, a pink elephant can exist within the thread.

Case in point, the recent interactions with Simkins.  In a span of a week or two, I canceled over 10 posts before they saw the light of day and all 10 points would have been extremely mean, irrelevant and/or offensive.  The more subtle threads throw me for a loop....
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Myrrh23
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« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2009, 12:13:20 AM »

Maybe you should review your post through the eyes of a potential convert, SolEX. Smiley Check to see if a post's content has edges that might feel too razor sharp, or lacks for gentleness. If it concerns something you're vehemently against, such as..I dunno..abortion, check to see if a post has points that are judgmental of a person's situation or past, but be firm on beliefs that the Church has already established by offering counter-questions or similes. Maybe throw in a couple of smiley faces or winks to take the edge of words. Also, even though this world is not our home, generally stay away from an "Us vs Them" kind of reaction; it's better to see people as fellow seekers who are stumbling along the path as you are. Let God be the One to judge who is a goat and who is a sheep. If you think a person's problem runs deep, use language like "perhaps" or "could it be yada yada yada?" Again, use a smiley face to show that you're not jabbing a finger at the screen. 

Also, can you explain what you personally feel is
Quote
extremely mean, irrelevant and/or offensive.
? Not to put you on the spot; just trying to gauge your level of personal judgment concerning these areas.

If all else fails, maybe you could pick up a few pointers from OzG. He's usually pretty perceptive about certain things. Smiley Hope I guided you a little! I could add more, but it's 12:17AM here and my brain is kicking dirt at me for staying up so late! Cheesy
« Last Edit: April 07, 2009, 12:23:13 AM by Myrrh23 » Logged

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SolEX01
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« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2009, 12:27:56 AM »

Maybe you should review your post through the eyes of a potential convert, SolEX. Smiley

Hmmm, I was always taught to envision your audience when giving a presentation.  I was never a convert and I couldn't even fathom being in the shoes of someone wishing to enter the mysteries of the Orthodox Church.  I usually do not post in Convert topics unless I feel I can provide some perspective, albeit cradle, to someone. 

On a bulletin board, I try to imagine the other posters even though I have no idea what he/she looks like.  Context can only go so far.  I've done better in the last couple of months and there's always hard work ahead.   Wink

Check to see if a post's content has edges that might feel too razor sharp, or lacks for gentleness. If it concerns something you're vehemently against, such as..I dunno..abortion, check to see if a post has points that are judgmental of a person's situation or past, but be firm on beliefs that the Church has already established by offering counter-questions or similes. Maybe throw in a couple of smiley faces to take the edge of words.

I use smiley's liberally.  You have made good points.   Grin

Also, can you explain what you personally feel is
Quote
extremely mean, irrelevant and/or offensive.
? Not to put you on the spot; just trying to gauge your level of personal judgment concerning these areas.

I have a thick skin; Anything that gets me upset immediately is usually mean, irrelevant and/or offensive.   Wink  Let me be the first to compliment you on not posting controversial material.   Smiley

If all else fails, maybe you could pick up a few pointers from OzG. He's usually pretty perceptive about certain things. Smiley Hope I guided you a little!

You really helped.  Thanks for taking the time to write the message.   Smiley
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« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2009, 02:06:06 AM »

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
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« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2009, 07:26:42 AM »

I don't know... I heard this expression, "if you don't have enything nice to say..." a lot of times, and, living here in the South of the USA, I see how a certain type of culture "enforces" these "manners," etc. My own upbringing and culture were quite different though, I am used to say things I believe in, nice or not. Perhaps both extremes are bad...
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Myrrh23
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« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2009, 01:11:48 AM »

Since my brain was mush at the time, I forgot to add that you can also hit up PtA, Heorhij, or any of the Fathers for special advice on your rhetoric. Smiley
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SolEX01
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« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2009, 01:29:45 AM »

Since my brain was mush at the time, I forgot to add that you can also hit up PtA, Heorhij, or any of the Fathers for special advice on your rhetoric. Smiley

Thanks.   Wink

I've always considered myself the master of circular logic.  Only my college roommate / best friend could devise more circular arguments.  The fun part about circular logic is there is no beginning or end although finding the middle ruins the fun.   Roll Eyes
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Marc Hanna
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« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2009, 11:51:55 AM »

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
But you catch the most with a dead squirrel.
   -Woody from Cheers.  Grin
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Myrrh23
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« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2009, 07:17:02 PM »

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

"Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." (James 1:19) Smiley
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We all have a Black Dog and a White Dog inside of us. The One you feed the most eventually eats the Other.

All are tempted, but it is the courageous person who clings to God during the storm. For the Ego is a prison, but Christ is the Liberator
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