Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers!
Last night after my evening prayers, I retired to my room and read a little more from the Ladder of Divine Ascent
. Soon afterwords I went to bed but noticed I was feeling really anxious about nothing in particular. I began saying the Jesus prayer and soon fell asleep. This morning when I woke up, I could not for the life of me, shake this overwhelming
feeling of sadness and anxiety. I crossed myself and wanted to lift weights for awhile thinking an endorphin rush would help. Before I even got to my basement where my gym is, I became confused and spacey (moreso than usual
) and forgot what I was doing! A few moments later, the sense of sadness became worse and I began sobbing uncontrollably. I was calling everyone I trust, including my priest, but no one was available. I felt as though I had no one to turn to. I'm a lot better now (after some anti-depressants) and I have a check-up next week that I'm looking forward to. I know that most of this is a chemical embalance because I've been diagnosed with depression, but I can't help but feel that maybe I was being attacked by demons as I have resolved to become a better Christian. I apologize for my initial prayer request; I was really scared and spacey (I had to retype it several times) and probably gave y'all the idea that I was suicidal. I was not, but I hope I never go through anything like that again!! Anyway, thanks again for your kind words and prayers!