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sprtslvr1973
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"Behold I stand at the Door and Knock" Rev. 3:20


« on: April 10, 2014, 08:57:01 PM »

With the exception of a few nibbles, my financial situation has been effectively destitute for the last couple of years. I may be guilty of entitlement, but my life is passing me by and I have no life to spend what so ever. I live in a room in a house of a friend nice enough to let me stay here free, though I do help out with chores as I can.

Through all this my frustration and depression as directed me to blasphemy and despair. Anger with God, being denied the one thing I want, to stand on my own two feet and have a life. I do not want wealth by any means, in fact I'd rather not have more than I need. But I constantly beg just for enough, and it's like he enjoys tormenting my soul.
I know I should not speak this way less than two weeks before Pascha, but it is killing me spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Very few things give me joy these days.
« Last Edit: April 10, 2014, 08:58:12 PM by sprtslvr1973 » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2014, 10:00:13 PM »

Lord have Mercy....

I pray things can slowly improve.
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« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2014, 10:18:14 PM »

Through all this my frustration and depression as directed me to blasphemy and despair. Anger with God, being denied the one thing I want, to stand on my own two feet and have a life. I do not want wealth by any means, in fact I'd rather not have more than I need. But I constantly beg just for enough, and it's like he enjoys tormenting my soul.
I know I should not speak this way less than two weeks before Pascha, but it is killing me spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Very few things give me joy these days.

I hesitate to offer you more than my solidarity as someone who had and has his share of crosses and an assurance of remembrance in my weak prayers.  Really, if you haven't talked to your priest/confessor about these things, I would ask you to consider doing so, at least so that he can pray for you as well.  Depending on the nature of your problems, you might also benefit from talking to some sort of professional counselor, I can't say for sure.   

But, in my very personal and utterly unofficial opinion, I would say it's "OK" to "sometimes hate God", to feel frustrated, depressed, despondent, etc.  Life is not always good, fair, or comprehensible, and it's natural not to feel happy and joyful in such circumstances.  But feel comfortable feeling that way in God's presence.  Be yourself as you are now, but be that way in God's presence.  He can take a beating, so to speak, he can handle whatever we can throw at him.  But the moment we allow the frustration and the hate to turn us away from God, both God and we lose.       
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« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2014, 10:19:39 PM »

I don't really have an EO answer for you....

But these things can help -

Work
Stay out of debt as much as possible
Learn how to fix old stuff
Use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without
Learn general repairs
Thrift stores
Only have a good mpg car
Shop around for good insurance prices
Shop at scratch & dent stores for food

Also be sure to seek out ways to reduce your costs.  If internet is costing you, use a library or hotspot.  Seek out cheap housing... Consider moving to a cheaper area if you are in an expensive one.  Be a good steward to the blessings god has given you.  YES every dollar matters.  Every single one.  No starbucks, donuts, out to eat, treats, movies (many are free on youtube)... Keep in mind all purchases matter.  Research them.  Consider what they will cost you in the future.

God Bless
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« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2014, 10:25:00 PM »

Through all this my frustration and depression as directed me to blasphemy and despair. Anger with God, being denied the one thing I want, to stand on my own two feet and have a life. I do not want wealth by any means, in fact I'd rather not have more than I need. But I constantly beg just for enough, and it's like he enjoys tormenting my soul.
I know I should not speak this way less than two weeks before Pascha, but it is killing me spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Very few things give me joy these days.

I hesitate to offer you more than my solidarity as someone who had and has his share of crosses and an assurance of remembrance in my weak prayers.  Really, if you haven't talked to your priest/confessor about these things, I would ask you to consider doing so, at least so that he can pray for you as well.  Depending on the nature of your problems, you might also benefit from talking to some sort of professional counselor, I can't say for sure.   

But, in my very personal and utterly unofficial opinion, I would say it's "OK" to "sometimes hate God", to feel frustrated, depressed, despondent, etc.  Life is not always good, fair, or comprehensible, and it's natural not to feel happy and joyful in such circumstances.  But feel comfortable feeling that way in God's presence.  Be yourself as you are now, but be that way in God's presence.  He can take a beating, so to speak, he can handle whatever we can throw at him.  But the moment we allow the frustration and the hate to turn us away from God, both God and we lose.       

I know you quoted and all, but do you believe that it is "OK" when God shapes and molds us?

In Jereiah 18, comparing us to pot in God's hand (the potter) we may not understand some things he has us go through... The trials, tribulations, struggles, etc. - shouldn't we accept it as his divine plan for us?

Through faith should we accept our struggles as God's way of shaping us and not "hate" him for it - but rather take it as he knows what's best?
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« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2014, 10:53:56 PM »

I know you quoted and all, but do you believe that it is "OK" when God shapes and molds us?

In Jereiah 18, comparing us to pot in God's hand (the potter) we may not understand some things he has us go through... The trials, tribulations, struggles, etc. - shouldn't we accept it as his divine plan for us?

Through faith should we accept our struggles as God's way of shaping us and not "hate" him for it - but rather take it as he knows what's best?

Sure, it's more than OK when God shapes and molds us.  But not everyone experiences that molding and shaping as joy.  Just telling them to "believe" and "trust" and "have faith" isn't necessarily going to be of any help if they've been trying to do all that and they're still having trouble. 

A potter molds a lump of clay into a vessel on a wheel.  Whether the lump of clay has a fault which spoils it, or the potter messes up, or some outside force intervenes and messes things up...none of this matters to the clay, it is spoiled.  If the clay decides to leave the potter and fall off the wheel, all it does is crash to the ground unable to rouse itself, becoming hardened, brittle, and eventually returning to the dust, and the potter is left without a vessel.  But if the clay stays on the wheel, it doesn't matter how spoiled it feels, how bitter, how frustrated, how angry, and so on, because the potter can handle whatever the clay dishes out to him while he works to refashion the clay, and when he's done, the clay is transformed and the potter enriched.  But the bare minimum for this to happen is for the clay to stay on the wheel.  The clay doesn't have to like anyone or anything, but it must stay on the wheel.     
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« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2014, 11:53:09 PM »

I know you quoted and all, but do you believe that it is "OK" when God shapes and molds us?

In Jereiah 18, comparing us to pot in God's hand (the potter) we may not understand some things he has us go through... The trials, tribulations, struggles, etc. - shouldn't we accept it as his divine plan for us?

Through faith should we accept our struggles as God's way of shaping us and not "hate" him for it - but rather take it as he knows what's best?

Sure, it's more than OK when God shapes and molds us.  But not everyone experiences that molding and shaping as joy.  Just telling them to "believe" and "trust" and "have faith" isn't necessarily going to be of any help if they've been trying to do all that and they're still having trouble. 

A potter molds a lump of clay into a vessel on a wheel.  Whether the lump of clay has a fault which spoils it, or the potter messes up, or some outside force intervenes and messes things up...none of this matters to the clay, it is spoiled.  If the clay decides to leave the potter and fall off the wheel, all it does is crash to the ground unable to rouse itself, becoming hardened, brittle, and eventually returning to the dust, and the potter is left without a vessel.  But if the clay stays on the wheel, it doesn't matter how spoiled it feels, how bitter, how frustrated, how angry, and so on, because the potter can handle whatever the clay dishes out to him while he works to refashion the clay, and when he's done, the clay is transformed and the potter enriched.  But the bare minimum for this to happen is for the clay to stay on the wheel.  The clay doesn't have to like anyone or anything, but it must stay on the wheel.     

This right here....is why Mor is a wise man.
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« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2014, 12:17:23 AM »

I don't really have an EO answer for you....

But these things can help -

Work
Stay out of debt as much as possible
Learn how to fix old stuff
Use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without
Learn general repairs
Thrift stores
Only have a good mpg car
Shop around for good insurance prices
Shop at scratch & dent stores for food

Also be sure to seek out ways to reduce your costs.  If internet is costing you, use a library or hotspot.  Seek out cheap housing... Consider moving to a cheaper area if you are in an expensive one.  Be a good steward to the blessings god has given you.  YES every dollar matters.  Every single one.  No starbucks, donuts, out to eat, treats, movies (many are free on youtube)... Keep in mind all purchases matter.  Research them.  Consider what they will cost you in the future.

God Bless
Pretty good recommendations at a practical level.
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« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2014, 12:38:00 AM »

Time to re-read and ponder Job.

Your post has prompted me to do so.
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« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2014, 01:38:24 AM »

Maybe sometimes you hate God; but remember - there is no time that He hates you.
Read through and ponder Ps 22...

kyrie eleison
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« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2014, 03:08:49 AM »

I don't know.  I am in kind of a similar situation.  I don't hate God, I just don't really want to deal with Him right now.  I go to liturgy every week but I don't pray any other time.  I've asked for years in prayer for God to let me know what to do with my life, go back to school, another career, some other thing, and it's been at least ten years with no answer.  I've never had any desire to do anything specific career wise and with no answer from God either I don't know what to do.  I have stress every day because of it.  I'm not self sufficient and I'm worried about it all the time.  Maybe hating God is better than trying to ignore Him most of the time though, I don't know. 
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« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2014, 03:59:50 AM »

That wants to teach u gratitude, servility , humility and especially HARD WORK. Life is a race, you got to keep on moving, work harder and harder.

If u follow the theological answer God wants u to be more humble, gratitude, grow your zeal, etc. To see how your life is without his Providence(blah.blah.blah) . The devil himself might have asked this from God, or because of something you did or did not, or was test and failed he is allowed to play with you and God lays off a little(or more) far from you, but not abandoning you. Smiley hahahahaha
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« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2014, 04:00:46 AM »

but looking at your post number now "666" I think u will be rich soon Cheesy , 666 is the symbol of money and wealth
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« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2014, 04:04:19 AM »

Or because you made theology without God, or spoke of what you did not learn from Him, so he figured he should teach you . Avis to all amateurs from OC.net. This is your future  laugh  Kiss
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« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2014, 04:06:24 AM »

Perhaps I could tell you your problem and your solution (even theologically) but I'll need more details.
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« Reply #15 on: April 11, 2014, 04:11:16 AM »

Time to re-read and ponder Job.

Your post has prompted me to do so.

Job is dead.
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« Reply #16 on: April 11, 2014, 04:13:36 AM »

Maybe sometimes you hate God; but remember - there is no time that He hates you.
Read through and ponder Ps 22...

kyrie eleison

Not what this verses say, the bible speaks of God hating (at least the sin)

Psalm 5:5,
The boastful shall not stand before Thine eyes; Thou dost hate all who do iniquity.
Psalm 11:5
The Lord tests the righteous and the wicked, and the one who loves violence His soul hates.
Lev. 20:23
Moreover, you shall not follow the customs of the nation which I shall drive out before you, for they did all these things, and therefore I have abhorred them.
Prov. 6:16-19
There are six things which the Lord hates, yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, feet that run rapidly to evil, A false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers."
Hosea 9:15
All their evil is at Gilgal; indeed, I came to hate them there! Because of the wickedness of their deeds I will drive them out of My house! I will love them no more; All their princes are rebels.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2014, 04:24:10 AM by Skydive » Logged

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« Reply #17 on: April 11, 2014, 06:10:26 AM »

Dear sprtslvr1973,

I hate God sometimes as well. I am stuck with my parents due to neurodevelopmental problems making me extremely sensitive to light, noise, and other persons. I have no money, nor friends who could take me in. You are in a position of blessedness compared to me. I am in a position of blessedness compared to many others.

Though you may seem to have no purpose, be assured that there are people in Africa and Asia whose purposelessness seems more manifest... yet they are secret Kirishitan or Tewahedo. They survive - barely - and praise God in song and dance. Though encompassed around by disease, war, and famine, they complain direct to God and don't have the internet to vent through.

The ancient Israelites often hated God. We are just as faithless as they were. Nothing changes.

When we learn from the Romanian hermits and monks what true faith is, we will be blessed:

Forest rangers: "From where do you come?"
Monks: "Wherefrom God's mercy brought us!"
Rangers: "What do you need?"
Monks: "Whatever God's mercy brings us!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4V8woyTxBbo

They have already died to this world, and have ceased to care about their position in life. Ironically, they are probably in a poorer material state than anyone, for they own nothing. If God has constantly disappointed you in the "one thing" you want, perhaps something else would be more for His glory? It's all about Him. All is mercy.

In all circumstances, address yourself and say "my joy, Christ is risen!"
« Last Edit: April 11, 2014, 06:12:03 AM by Heorot » Logged

Куди я від Духа Твого піду, і куди я втечу від Твого лиця? Якщо я на небо зійду, то Ти там, або постелюся в шеолі ось Ти! Понесуся на крилах зірниці, спочину я на кінці моря, то рука Твоя й там попровадить мене, і мене буде тримати правиця Твоя!
sprtslvr1973
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« Reply #18 on: April 11, 2014, 06:45:58 AM »

I don't really have an EO answer for you....

But these things can help -

Work
Stay out of debt as much as possible
Learn how to fix old stuff
Use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without
Learn general repairs
Thrift stores
Only have a good mpg car
Shop around for good insurance prices
Shop at scratch & dent stores for food

Also be sure to seek out ways to reduce your costs.  If internet is costing you, use a library or hotspot.  Seek out cheap housing... Consider moving to a cheaper area if you are in an expensive one.  Be a good steward to the blessings god has given you.  YES every dollar matters.  Every single one.  No starbucks, donuts, out to eat, treats, movies (many are free on youtube)... Keep in mind all purchases matter.  Research them.  Consider what they will cost you in the future.

God Bless

Thank you, but I may have forgotten to mention something. I am constantly looking for more work. Being out of work has been a problem.
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sprtslvr1973
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« Reply #19 on: April 11, 2014, 06:47:45 AM »

Time to re-read and ponder Job.

Your post has prompted me to do so.

Great idea, thanks. I will
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sprtslvr1973
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« Reply #20 on: April 11, 2014, 06:54:40 AM »

Dear sprtslvr1973,

I hate God sometimes as well. I am stuck with my parents due to neurodevelopmental problems making me extremely sensitive to light, noise, and other persons. I have no money, nor friends who could take me in. You are in a position of blessedness compared to me. I am in a position of blessedness compared to many others.

Though you may seem to have no purpose, be assured that there are people in Africa and Asia whose purposelessness seems more manifest... yet they are secret Kirishitan or Tewahedo. They survive - barely - and praise God in song and dance. Though encompassed around by disease, war, and famine, they complain direct to God and don't have the internet to vent through.

The ancient Israelites often hated God. We are just as faithless as they were. Nothing changes.

When we learn from the Romanian hermits and monks what true faith is, we will be blessed:

Forest rangers: "From where do you come?"
Monks: "Wherefrom God's mercy brought us!"
Rangers: "What do you need?"
Monks: "Whatever God's mercy brings us!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4V8woyTxBbo

They have already died to this world, and have ceased to care about their position in life. Ironically, they are probably in a poorer material state than anyone, for they own nothing. If God has constantly disappointed you in the "one thing" you want, perhaps something else would be more for His glory? It's all about Him. All is mercy.

In all circumstances, address yourself and say "my joy, Christ is risen!"

Thank you and God bless.
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« Reply #21 on: April 11, 2014, 12:08:04 PM »

I really can't understand Skydive's point. Surely, Job is dead, but his life teaches us the value of
faith and trust in God.
And you can't just 'pick and choose' individual points from Scripture, for instance, the Psalms; especially when Our Lord God Himself gave us the two great Commandments to follow; as well as the entire Sermon on the Mount as the Christian Torah. All of the Gospel is based on God's love for us.
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« Reply #22 on: April 11, 2014, 01:05:20 PM »

It is not only healthy to struggle with God, but Christianity comes from Judaism which had such a struggle at its center. I don't see how an individual can avoid occasional anger at God thinking about all the harsh conditions humanity has endured (high infant mortality, short lifespans, mass epidemics, war, natural disaster, etc.). I have often wondered why God doesn't just come out and answer our prayers. Perhaps because then it wouldn't be faith?
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« Reply #23 on: April 11, 2014, 01:30:45 PM »

It is not only healthy to struggle with God, but Christianity comes from Judaism which had such a struggle at its center. I don't see how an individual can avoid occasional anger at God thinking about all the harsh conditions humanity has endured (high infant mortality, short lifespans, mass epidemics, war, natural disaster, etc.). I have often wondered why God doesn't just come out and answer our prayers. Perhaps because then it wouldn't be faith?

It's healthier to struggle with myself.  It's just easier to blame God.
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