Author Topic: Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit  (Read 1690 times)

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Offline SolEX01

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Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit
« on: February 25, 2009, 04:49:16 AM »
Yahoo! Dating posted the following page about knowing when one is ready to commit by asking one's mate (and oneself) the following 8 questions:

Source

1. How do you believe we should spend our money and on what?
2. What are your thoughts about starting a family?
3. If I get sick, how will you take care of me?
4. Do you envision us growing old together?
5. Do you ever think about your ex?
6. Has your mate ever told you they scared a former mate in any way?
7. Is your mate good at problem solving?
8. How does my mate deal with a "screwup?

Offline Heorhij

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Re: Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2009, 08:20:14 AM »
Way-way-way too rational to my taste. It does not even mention love, affection, feelings of longing, fear of separation, change in the world view ("nothing makes sense anymore without that person"). When I met my future wife, I knew for sure that I am ready to commit, without ever thinking about any of the listed Yahoo items. Same thing her. She says, half-jokingly, half-seriously, that "the moment of truth" came to her when the two of us went to a river beach and she noticed that I have long and very straight legs. (Because all other things - that I am intelligent and kind and in love with her - she had noticed before; the legs was the only thing that finally made up her mind.)

What a strange "left-brain" kind of world the "civilized" West is living in...
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Offline Fr. George

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Re: Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2009, 09:21:50 AM »
I wouldn't trust Yahoo! Dating for advice; how long has Yahoo! Dating been married?  Been in a relationship?
"If you are going to serve the Lord, be prepared for times when you will be put to the test. Be sincere and determined. Keep calm when trouble comes. Stay with the Lord; never abandon Him and you will be prosperous at the end of your days. Accept whatever happens to you. Even if you suffer humiliation, be patient. Gold is tested by fire and human character is tested in the furnace of humiliation. Trust the Lord and He will help you. Walk straight in His ways and put your hope in Him. " Sir 2:1-6

Offline GabrieltheCelt

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Re: Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2009, 12:18:48 PM »
^^I wouldn't either.  But a few of those questions listed will probably be addressed by your priest or any good premarital counseling session.  Such as

 Q1.  The money issue.  All of us who are or were married knows that this will come up.  I think it's important that a little time be spent addressing it.

Q2.  Family.  If one partner really wants a big family while the other really just wants a dog, wouldn't it be irresponsible to proceed with the marriage without first addressing this?

Q3.  Care.  I once broke up with a girl because on two occasions she neglected to offer me any of the food she had prepared and was eating in front of me.  And we had been dating for four months.  I surmised that if she was this selfish when we were dating, how would she behave in marriage?

Q5.  Seems like a valid issue but you should be able to answer that yourself after observing a person for a while.

Q7 & 8.  Very valid questions.  Does your potential husband/wife shy away from the difficult issues of life?  Do they tend to manipulate you into 'rescuing' them every time?  This probably belies a deeper issue that will surface after marriage.  Are you prepared emotionally, physically and financially to deal with it?  What happens when you 'screw up'?  Does your potential mate deal with it in a mature manner?  Or do they become unreasonably angry, emotionally upset,...  How a person deals with difficult problems and situations really is telling.

  I didn't read the source, but the questions listed failed to mention 'religion'.  This is a HUGE issue for most folks.  And though it touched on family and problem solving, it failed to mention In-Laws.  Another big issue.  Lastly, studies show that along with money, sex is a big issue in a marriage.  Sex isn't simply tied to the procreation aspect; there's also a physical and emotional aspect. 

 Again, though, I wouldn't base my decision solely on these questions.  Nor would I trust only my interpretation of them.  As an Orthodox Christian, you must seek the counsel of your spiritual father as well.   

 
« Last Edit: February 25, 2009, 12:31:56 PM by GabrieltheCelt »
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Offline SolEX01

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Re: Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2009, 02:00:03 AM »
I wouldn't trust Yahoo! Dating for advice; how long has Yahoo! Dating been married?  Been in a relationship?

Why not?  Aren't the questions in the article fair ones to ask if one's observations are clouded by whatever reasons?

Offline Starlight

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Re: Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2009, 02:04:17 AM »
how long has Yahoo! Dating been married?  Been in a relationship?

Cool!

Offline Fr. George

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Re: Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2009, 07:42:12 AM »
I wouldn't trust Yahoo! Dating for advice; how long has Yahoo! Dating been married?  Been in a relationship?

Why not?  Aren't the questions in the article fair ones to ask if one's observations are clouded by whatever reasons?

It's not about whether the questions are right or wrong; the questions have to be asked in the right way, at the right time, by the right person.
"If you are going to serve the Lord, be prepared for times when you will be put to the test. Be sincere and determined. Keep calm when trouble comes. Stay with the Lord; never abandon Him and you will be prosperous at the end of your days. Accept whatever happens to you. Even if you suffer humiliation, be patient. Gold is tested by fire and human character is tested in the furnace of humiliation. Trust the Lord and He will help you. Walk straight in His ways and put your hope in Him. " Sir 2:1-6

Offline Ian Lazarus

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Re: Dating 101: How to Tell When You're Ready to Commit
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2009, 09:13:11 AM »
Make sure it's God pleasing and you love eachother.

Otherwise she'll take half!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73VBuAqx_rw
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