At least you're growing out of the teen and young adult "I'm invincible!" (and therefore reckless) stage.
I went through a period of time when I was in my twenties and scared to pieces over all the stuff the protestant church was telling me about the rapture, that I would actually sit up at night . .. waiting. I found over a period of time that that fear was pulling me away from my God instead of keeping me 'ready' for Him.
I've also seen time and time again, His mercy in the lives of those who are preparing to 'go home'. Painful broken relationships heal, issues with self suddenly aren't issues any longer. . . In His love, He prepares us. I've seen this happen even in deaths that were sudden and unexpected.
I know personally for me that when I die, no matter what happens, He will be with me as there is no place where He is not. He died and rose again to be with me always. So, if I'm looking down some demon's throat - He will be there with me. . .or if I'm rising with the Angels and singing His praises to Him, He will be there with me. If He tells me to go to Hell, then that's where I'm going to go, and I'm going to trust Him to do what needs to be done for HIS Glory. I know that I deserve Hell, but through His mercy - I have Him with me - ALWAYS. Then I think of the three boys in the furnace - because they were untouched and with Him.
You see - Achronos, this fear that you have is the beginning - the very very beginning of learning to trust Him in ALL things. No matter what happens. . .no matter how it happens. The Lord Jesus Christ is your 'red and / or blue' pill, and the thing is, it doesn't matter if you choose the red or the blue. . .because He IS.
You'll get there.
In the mean time, remember that you are just beginning this incredibly valuable lesson. . .and a baby born premature often dies. Let Him teach you, don't force it into a premature birth. Let the fruit ripen in it's due season - and know that in the economy, you'll get the added benefit of honing patience.
This wasn't an overnight lesson for me. . . .but a "decades long. . .just now beginning to see the fruit of it through out my life every moment of my life with a lot of dots that are just now coming together" . . ..lesson. (Say THAT three times fast!!)