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Author Topic: Chuck Norris  (Read 11235 times) Average Rating: 0
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PeterTheAleut
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« on: November 22, 2008, 08:02:23 PM »

Split from the "What does everyone look like" thread... http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,10042.0.html

- Cleveland, GM


Okay, time for a completely off-topic question.  What does the "Chuck Norris" tag have to do with this thread? Huh
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« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2008, 09:32:19 PM »

Okay, time for a completely off-topic question.  What does the "Chuck Norris" tag have to do with this thread? Huh

What?  Huh
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« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2008, 12:11:13 AM »

Okay, time for a completely off-topic question.  What does the "Chuck Norris" tag have to do with this thread? Huh

What?  Huh

Chuck Norris never gets confused.  Those who try to confuse Chuck Norris will die of brain overload.
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« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2008, 12:27:46 AM »

Okay, time for a completely off-topic question.  What does the "Chuck Norris" tag have to do with this thread? Huh

Questioning Chuck Norris' presence may end with a roundhouse to your head... Watch it, he may be hiding inside your keyboard!
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« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2008, 04:26:37 AM »

Okay, time for a completely off-topic question.  What does the "Chuck Norris" tag have to do with this thread? Huh

What?  Huh

Chuck Norris never gets confused.  Those who try to confuse Chuck Norris will die of brain overload.
Chuck Norris doesn't wake up to an alarm clock.  Time just stops until he wakes up.

(Any more of this, and we're going to force username! to open up a thread just for Chuck Norris jokes, which may in fact not be a bad thing. Wink)
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« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2008, 06:24:51 AM »

Yowzers, Nacho! You have a Chuck Norris chest! It's staring me into docility... Tongue

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« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2008, 06:27:57 AM »

Okay, time for a completely off-topic question.  What does the "Chuck Norris" tag have to do with this thread? Huh

What?  Huh

Chuck Norris never gets confused.  Those who try to confuse Chuck Norris will die of brain overload.

After he stabs their vital brain arteries with his mighty beard!
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« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2008, 01:01:05 PM »

Be very afraid of his Honda Ridgeline....
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« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2008, 01:03:11 PM »

As it says under my avatar..........

Don Draper made Chuck Norris cry repeatedly!
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« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2008, 03:06:14 PM »

Quote
Don Draper made Chuck Norris cry repeatedly!

Lies!
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« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2008, 03:51:50 PM »

As it says under my avatar..........

Don Draper made Chuck Norris cry repeatedly! 

This can't be true, because then we would (finally) have the cure for cancer...
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« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2008, 04:10:15 PM »

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands......they can no longer be called the Virgin Islands.
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« Reply #12 on: November 23, 2008, 05:04:40 PM »

Chuck Norris once auditioned for the circus by stuffing a dozen Volkswagens into a clown.
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« Reply #13 on: November 23, 2008, 06:35:34 PM »

Chuck Norris once caused a total eclipse by blocking the sun with his awesome awesomeness:



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« Reply #14 on: November 23, 2008, 06:40:45 PM »

Once, on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a lamb back to life by giving it a beard rub.  Then, he killed it with a roundhouse kick to show that Chuck giveth and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
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« Reply #15 on: November 23, 2008, 06:44:17 PM »

Chuck Norris takes a rattle snake poison chaser with his vodka. It's delicious.
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« Reply #16 on: November 23, 2008, 09:22:53 PM »

Ah, I love a good Chuck roast.

Chuck Norris once made the mistake of claiming to be bigger than Jesus. Yoko Ono sued him for trademark infringement.
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« Reply #17 on: November 23, 2008, 10:38:15 PM »

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
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« Reply #18 on: November 24, 2008, 12:57:52 AM »

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

And behind that fist is another beard with a roundhouse kick to someone's head.
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« Reply #19 on: November 24, 2008, 12:59:00 AM »

Don't mess with Texas...
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« Reply #20 on: November 24, 2008, 01:29:07 AM »

Steel is made of Chuck Norris' bones.
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« Reply #21 on: November 24, 2008, 01:34:58 AM »

Only Bruce Lee (God Rest His Soul), if he were alive, can stop Chuck Norris since the student can never beat the master....
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« Reply #22 on: November 24, 2008, 01:41:51 AM »

Only Bruce Lee (God Rest His Soul), if he were alive, can stop Chuck Norris since the student can never beat the master....
Yeah, I saw a documentary on Bruce Lee that mentioned that his moves actually had to be shown in slow motion for them to even be visible on screen.
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« Reply #23 on: November 24, 2008, 01:43:41 AM »

Chuck Norris never gets thirsty.  Water seems to be attracted to his mouth.
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« Reply #24 on: November 24, 2008, 01:45:04 AM »

Yeah, I saw a documentary on Bruce Lee that mentioned that his moves actually had to be shown in slow motion for them to even be visible on screen.

Was it the one where Bruce Lee delivered 8 kicks to Muhammad Ali in 1 second?

Chuck Norris is about power.  Bruce Lee was about finesse and power.
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« Reply #25 on: November 24, 2008, 08:57:51 AM »

The real reason the Chinese built the Great Wall? Chuck Norris smiled at them.
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« Reply #26 on: November 24, 2008, 09:04:38 AM »

Bruce Lee also invented Jeet Kune Do while he was lying in a hospital bed with a broken back.   Tongue

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« Reply #27 on: November 24, 2008, 10:53:37 AM »

A few interesting facts about Chuck Norris:

1. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

2.Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

3. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

4. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

5. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

7. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

8. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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« Reply #28 on: November 24, 2008, 07:03:44 PM »

8. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
I pity the fool who happens to be in that door.  (Oh, sorry.  Wrong dude. Tongue)
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« Reply #29 on: November 24, 2008, 08:04:16 PM »

Mr. T. lost to Rocky Balboa.  He wouldn't fare much better against Chuck Norris.
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« Reply #30 on: November 24, 2008, 08:45:03 PM »

Mr. T. lost to Rocky Balboa.  He wouldn't fare much better against Chuck Norris.

Are you kidding?  "Wouldn't fare much better" is the understatement of the century!  He'd be KO'd before he'd even enter the ring!  Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you from 99% of the world's circumference away; he could just kick the 1%, but goes the long way just to taunt and humiliate you.
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« Reply #31 on: November 24, 2008, 08:47:42 PM »

So, Chuck Norris has 24,750 mile long legs which can curve around the Earth and roundhouse kick anyone from anywhere.  Haven't we idolized Chuck Norris enough?   Huh  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #32 on: November 24, 2008, 09:01:19 PM »

So, Chuck Norris has 24,750 mile long legs which can curve around the Earth and roundhouse kick anyone from anywhere.  Haven't we idolized Chuck Norris enough?   Huh  Roll Eyes

Women all over the world claim that Chuck Norris'....whoops!, this is the Public Forum! Lips Sealed
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« Reply #33 on: November 24, 2008, 09:21:39 PM »

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters-

except by "knit" I mean "kick" and by "sweaters" I mean "babies".
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« Reply #34 on: November 24, 2008, 09:28:23 PM »

So, Chuck Norris has 24,750 mile long legs which can curve around the Earth and roundhouse kick anyone from anywhere. 

We don't know how long his legs are; every time someone attempts to measure them, they get roundhoused in the face.
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« Reply #35 on: November 24, 2008, 09:42:49 PM »

Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.
Chuck Norris invented the corndog.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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« Reply #36 on: November 24, 2008, 09:57:11 PM »

Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.
Chuck Norris invented the corndog.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris walked into a Chicago Restaurant and demanded a food be accredited to him. Hence, the round house steak. Tongue
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« Reply #37 on: November 24, 2008, 10:04:06 PM »

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
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« Reply #38 on: November 24, 2008, 10:37:45 PM »

Chuck Norris defeated Hancock when Hancock shattered into millions of pieces.
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« Reply #39 on: November 25, 2008, 02:13:53 AM »

Chuck Norris is not trimming his beard.  He's sharpening his Samari sword.
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« Reply #40 on: November 25, 2008, 05:06:02 AM »

Chuck Norris uses a trimmer to keep his beard looking good, eats Vegemite** with a soup spoon, and smokes Camels. Real ones.

**Don't know what Vegemite is? The Aussie members on this board can enlighten you.
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« Reply #41 on: November 25, 2008, 08:21:20 AM »

Chuck Norris uses a trimmer to keep his beard looking good, eats Vegemite** with a soup spoon, and smokes Camels. Real ones.

**Don't know what Vegemite is? The Aussie members on this board can enlighten you.

Best spread ever!!  Grin  Not actually enjoyed by many aussies but I thoroughly enjoy it! Its a yeast based spread first invented when someone decided to eat the reminents at the bottom of beer making vats and decided it tasted good (true story)
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« Reply #42 on: November 25, 2008, 10:34:23 AM »

Chuck Norris uses a trimmer to keep his beard looking good, eats Vegemite** with a soup spoon, and smokes Camels. Real ones.

**Don't know what Vegemite is? The Aussie members on this board can enlighten you.

Best spread ever!!  Grin  Not actually enjoyed by many aussies but I thoroughly enjoy it! Its a yeast based spread first invented when someone decided to eat the reminents at the bottom of beer making vats and decided it tasted good (true story)
I have tried this stuff.  WARNING!!!  To all non-aussies - this stuff is like getting kicked in the mouth by Chuck Norris!!!  It aweful!!! (as in terrible, not "full of awe," which would be someone in the presence of Chuck Norris)
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« Reply #43 on: November 25, 2008, 04:22:13 PM »

Quote
Don Draper made Chuck Norris cry repeatedly!

Lies!
Heresy!!!
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« Reply #44 on: November 25, 2008, 04:40:39 PM »

This reminds me of the SNL sketch about a man whose colleagues kept talking up until they were worshipping him as god. 
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