I dont know what he wants me to do. I started the Police Academy but had to drop out... I just got out the military now I am thinking about going back in, but because I was in the Infantry I am risking going back to iraq and leaving my family and my significant other behind for a while.. I dont know what he wants.
Have you asked Him?
You mentioned a significant other and family, so not everything has been pulled out from under you. I haven't been so lucky: I've been in "family court" for over 7 years, and spent three weeks in Cook County Jail this summer of contempt of a court that is beneath contempt (it was interesting in that during my stay the Federal Authorities served the county about impeding legal action over the jail conditions: I got to see the scrample immediately after the Attorney General's letter was served. It was also interesting the awe the inmates held me for being a teacher. I 've never in 10 years seen such respect for the teaching profession). But I don't want to whine: I only bring it up in that while there I went on a hunger strike, never eating the three weeks there (though by the looks of it, many of the meals didn't make this too big a sacrifice
). Much to my surprise, and the other inmates astonishment and disbelief, I honestly never felt hungry (I did drink, btw). I took it as a sign that I was to stick to my guns. It helped (actually, it was one of the things that made me confront the judge: I was out of the country with my children a week before, and could have relatively easily not come back) that my 11 year old, for his standardized test essay in school wrote an essay on his role model, as it turns out me, in which he talked about his father never giving up his perserverance to make all things right, which is the reason why he has to go to court so often (mom has dragged them to court, to the lawyers, etc.).
So you are not alone in thinking you are alone: did not Elijah complain of the same thing when he fled after defeating the prophets of Baal ? You don't want to drink your cup? Christ didn't either, but had to. So you might be going through a period of carrying your cross, but that doesn't mean you have to like it (that itself is a grace).
It might be trite, but I would suggest reading the Psalms (though consult your priest/spiritual advisor). There is many dark clouds covering the silver lining of those verses.
Oh, and I would take Thomas up on the PM offer. You could PM too, but I know nothing of the military.