(HUMOR!) A typical Russian-Ukrainian misunderstanding

[Heorhij]

From a Russian humorist listserv.

Российско-украинская граница. На пограничном посту русский и украинский пограничники .

Украинский
погранец :"Оцe, дивлюся я на вашу кацапську заставу, ну як були ви,
кацапи, замазyри, так и зосталися. Напльовано, нахаркано, усe загадженe и
зас**нe. Нe тe шо ось, у менe. И прибрано, и чистeнько, i
сонeчко над нами сильнiше свiтить i грiє ."

Российский
погранец :"Все это х**ня. Зато мы народ радушный, добрый - не то шо вы.
Он у нас на границе над дорогой транспарант - "ДОБРО ПОЖАЛОВАТЬ !!!" А
у вас, транспарант, и шо написано

- (читает вслух ) - "НЕХ*Й ШАСТАТЬ ".
Украинский погранец выбегает из будки, смотрит на свой транспарант, читает... со смеху отвечает :

"От жeж ти... нeграмотнe, там же на нашiй рiднiй, солов'їний мовi написано - "НЕХАЙ ЩАСТИТЬ !!!"(перевод. (ВСЕГО ДОБРОГО)

[LizaSymonenko]

 

[prodromas]

LOL ethnic stereotypes.

[msmirnov]

 

[Heorhij]

LOL ethnic stereotypes.

And linguistic subtleties. The sign on the Ukrainian side of the border that the Russian border patrol agent read, may mean, depending on the pronounciation of vowels and of the consonants "sh/shch," either "we don't want you here" (in an extremely rude, obscene form), or "welcome." 

This is, of course, a joke, but in real life, the wrong pronounciation of vowels in Slavic languages can distort a message so badly that it becomes a subject of total ridicule. Alyaksander Lukashenka, the President of Belarus, became famous overnight when he, in a Russian-language radio program, said, "я постоянно перетряхиваю свой аппарат и знаю, кто врет, а кто не врет." It means, "I am constantly checking (or "auditing") my staff and I know who lies, and who does not lie." Yet, because of his heavy Belarussian accent, this sentence sounded like, "я постоянно перетрахиваю свой аппарат и знаю, кто врот, а кто не врот," i.e., "I always have sex with each member of my staff and I know who is into oral sex and who is not." 

[Michał Kalina]

There is one funny Belarurian-Russian joke like this one.

Belarusian imigrant from the USA comes back to motherland. He/she stayed in a hotel and is asking the receptionist about the breakfast:
-Добры дзень, ці будзе снеданне?
Russian-speaking receptionist in Minsk's hotel cannot understand him/her:
-Снеданне?
-Каб рана паесці?
-А! Завтрак, будзе.
-Заўтра?? A сёння

Russian завтрак (breakfast) sounds almost the same as Belarusian заўтра (tomorrow).

[Heorhij]

There is one funny Belarurian-Russian joke like this one.

Belarusian imigrant from the USA comes back to motherland. He/she stayed in a hotel and is asking the receptionist about the breakfast:
-Добры дзень, ці будзе снеданне?
Russian-speaking receptionist in Minsk's hotel cannot understand him/her:
-Снеданне?
-Каб рана паесці?
-А! Завтрак, будзе.
-Заўтра?? A сёння

Russian завтрак (breakfast) sounds almost the same as Belarusian заўтра (tomorrow).

Here's one similar (from real life), Ukrainian-Russian.

The famous Marenych trio sings the song, "Тиша навкруги," and there are these words there:

"Ти скажи мені,
Любиш ти, чи ні..."

("You tell me, do you love me, or not...")

My Moscow friend, an ethnic Russian who is interested in Ukrainian language and culture, after listening to this song says to me:

"Юр, а Юр, ну вот я все понял. Она ему говорит, что вот, ты меня, мол, любишь - так вот тогда чини. Только вот я не понял, ЧТО же он должен чинить?"

("Look, I understand, she tells him that because he loves her, he has to fix something up (or to repair something); the only thing I don't understand is, just what is it that he has to fix up?)

(The Ukrainian "чи ні" - "or not" - sounds almost precisely like the Russian "чини" - "you repair," or "you fix something.")

[rakovsky]

There is one funny Belarurian-Russian joke like this one.

Belarusian imigrant from the USA comes back to motherland. He/she stayed in a hotel and is asking the receptionist about the breakfast:
-Добры дзень, ці будзе снеданне?
Russian-speaking receptionist in Minsk's hotel cannot understand him/her:
-Снеданне?
-Каб рана паесці?
-А! Завтрак, будзе.
-Заўтра?? A сёння

Russian завтрак (breakfast) sounds almost the same as Belarusian заўтра (tomorrow).

This is really funny. Unfortunately It does not work because everybody knows Russian there.

[rakovsky]

There is one funny Belarurian-Russian joke like this one.

Belarusian imigrant from the USA comes back to motherland. He/she stayed in a hotel and is asking the receptionist about the breakfast:
-Добры дзень, ці будзе снеданне?
Russian-speaking receptionist in Minsk's hotel cannot understand him/her:
-Снеданне?
-Каб рана паесці?
-А! Завтрак, будзе.
-Заўтра?? A сёння

Russian завтрак (breakfast) sounds almost the same as Belarusian заўтра (tomorrow).

Here's one similar (from real life), Ukrainian-Russian.

The famous Marenych trio sings the song, "Тиша навкруги," and there are these words there:

"Ти скажи мені,
Любиш ти, чи ні..."

("You tell me, do you love me, or not...")

My Moscow friend, an ethnic Russian who is interested in Ukrainian language and culture, after listening to this song says to me:

"Юр, а Юр, ну вот я все понял. Она ему говорит, что вот, ты меня, мол, любишь - так вот тогда чини. Только вот я не понял, ЧТО же он должен чинить?"

("Look, I understand, she tells him that because he loves her, he has to fix something up (or to repair something); the only thing I don't understand is, just what is it that he has to fix up?)

(The Ukrainian "чи ні" - "or not" - sounds almost precisely like the Russian "чини" - "you repair," or "you fix something.")

And why not
Любишь ти, або ни?

[Orest]

(The Ukrainian "чи ні" - "or not" - sounds almost precisely like the Russian "чини" - "you repair," or "you fix something.")


And why not
Любишь ти, або ни?

1) Because it doesn't rhyme.
2) Because we don't say that.

[rakovsky]

(The Ukrainian "чи ні" - "or not" - sounds almost precisely like the Russian "чини" - "you repair," or "you fix something.")


And why not
Любишь ти, або ни?

1) Because it doesn't rhyme.
2) Because we don't say that.

I mean why isnt it grammatically right? "Abo" means "or", and what you want to say is "Do you love me or not?"

[Heorhij]

(The Ukrainian "чи ні" - "or not" - sounds almost precisely like the Russian "чини" - "you repair," or "you fix something.")


And why not
Любишь ти, або ни?

1) Because it doesn't rhyme.
2) Because we don't say that.

I mean why isnt it grammatically right? "Abo" means "or", and what you want to say is "Do you love me or not?"

Yes, it is grammatically correct. It's just that in the song, the word for "or" is "chy" - a synonym for "abo."

[LizaSymonenko]

Любишь ти, або ни?

When read in Ukrainian it sounds like:

ти = the и sounds like the i in "hit".
and we don't say ни, we would say нi, which sounds similar to "knee".

Therefore, it does not rhyme - hit and knee (in Ukrainian).

In Russian the и makes a sound like "ee", so in Russian it would rhyme.

[Fr.Andrei]

This supposedly happened in a New York Russian Orthodox Church.A small girl,Ukrainian-speaking,approached the Chalice.The priest in Russian asked,"Tvojo imja?"(your name).In Ukrainian,the girl answered,"Ja zabula"(I forgot).The priest,non-Ukrainian,thought that she was giving her name,so he communed her,saying,"Pricastajetsja Raba Bozija Jazabula......"

[Carl Kraeff (Second Chance)]

This supposedly happened in a New York Russian Orthodox Church.A small girl,Ukrainian-speaking,approached the Chalice.The priest in Russian asked,"Tvojo imja?"(your name).In Ukrainian,the girl answered,"Ja zabula"(I forgot).The priest,non-Ukrainian,thought that she was giving her name,so he communed her,saying,"Pricastajetsja Raba Bozija Jazabula......"

Father bless and welcome to the forum! Great joke.

[deusveritasest]

Yet, because of his heavy Belarussian accent, this sentence sounded like, "я постоянно перетрахиваю свой аппарат и знаю, кто врот, а кто не врот," i.e., "I always have sex with each member of my staff and I know who is into oral sex and who is not." 

 

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